It Was Fifteen Years Ago Today…
Warnings: None really, crying! Dean, memories of character death, comfort/hurt fic.
Pairing: Dean x Reader.
Word Count: 174110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwF6zw2WYEo
———————————————————————————————Dean’s POV:
Dean awoke from yet another nightmare with a shout. Even though it happened almost 15 years ago. Even though so much has happened and so much has changed for the Winchesters. Even after all they’ve learned, and all they know now. The night the yellow-eyed demon possesses his father and held him to that nasty cabin wall. Literally ripping him apart from the inside out haunted him.
The overwhelming pain, the feeling, and the sound of his flesh ripping away from his body. The iron taste of blood made him want to vomit. The little soldier in him that said, “take it like a man, don’t show fear,” slammed straight up against the scared little boy in him that wanted to beg his father to stop. Wanted to cry for someone’s comfort, anything that would make the pain go away.
He laid there on his pillow, tears streaming down his face, trying to slow his racing heart, and catch his breath the best that he could. He hoped that Sammy hadn’t heard him. He couldn’t let any weakness show in front of Sammy, he couldn’t let him know about the demons that still haunt him.
Nightmares were just a part of the job, but on nights like tonight it seemed like it was a little unfair, and the bed always seemed colder than it usually did.
He didn’t like to feel weak, he didn’t like to feel alone. Even though those are the things that he’d come accustomed to feeling all of his life, weak and alone. Stumbling through this world of monsters, just most of the time fighting to keep his brother and himself alive. Somehow, sometimes even failing at that.
The distant sound of a door shutting just across the hall from him told him he wasn’t the only one awake. Y/N was awake too. The thought of her got his heart pounding in a whole new way. He’d always had feelings for her. Ever since they took her in after her family was murdered by a demon in Salt Lake City.
Dean just couldn’t leave her there alone. She had no family, her parents were gone, and he knew all too well what it was like to be alone.
Not that she didn’t carry her own weight, she did that and then some. More than not she was the one who would patch him up when he’d come in beat up and bruised. She made sure he and Sam had a damn home-cooked meal every now and again. She just put a more homey touch to the place that they never had before, it was a comfort to him to have her here. Even if she was a good bit younger than him.
It was no secret to Dean even though she’d never said out loud how she felt about him. He saw her, watching him, but never getting close enough to give herself away. Still, he was a hunter, and it was his job to be perceptive, he saw things that most people wouldn’t pay attention to. It’s how he stayed alive this long, and when he did die, it’s how he survived hell.
Tonight even the thoughts of Y/N swirling around in his mind couldn’t stop his body from shaking, and tears from rolling down his face. It was 15 years ago today that his dad died. That wasn’t a nightmare he could wake up from, that was a reality.
He had spent his whole life trying to be strong, and he was tired of covering up the fact that he was struggling.
Your POV:
You lay awake like you did most nights listening to the sounds that usually filled the bunker on cold nights. The little sounds that used to freak you out, that you’d now come accustomed to.
With all the warding and the Winchester brothers sleeping just rooms away from you, you quickly learned there was nothing to fear. Dean was right across the hall from you for Chuck’s sakes. Nothing in its right mind, living or dead, would come in here and you knew that.
Still on nights like this, when you find it hard to sleep, memories of the past seemed to haunt you, making it hard for your mind to relax and go to sleep.
That’s when you heard him. Muffled yelling coming from Dean’s room across the hallway. Another nightmare.
You’d been in love with Dean since the night that he carried you out of the house that was once your home. After your family was murder, and you would have been to if it wasn’t for Dean.
It was hard not to go in there and check on him when you heard him having another nightmare, and here lately it seemed to be happening more and more, especially over the last week.
Dean didn’t like to feel like you or anyone else was looking at him like he was weak, so you would just get out of bed as quietly as possible, and sit with your back against his door until you heard him stop crying, and you were sure that he’d gone back to sleep.
Which is just what you did tonight, leaning your back up against the cold wood door of Dean’s bedroom it took everything in you not to come through that door and wrap your arms around him. Give him the love and comfort that he craved, even if he was too stubborn to admit it.
After about 15 minutes Dean seemed to have calmed down, and you got up and made your way back to your bed. Pulling the covers around yourself you look at the phone and see that it’s just past two in the morning. You knew you needed to sleep, but your brain seemed to think otherwise.
You decided you’d bake Dean one of his favorite pies in the morning to help him feel a little better.
Laying there alone in the dark, cold room you were just about to doze off when you heard the door to your room open ever so slightly. Turning you see Dean sneaking into your room, and closing the door behind him like a little kid, trying to make sure he wasn’t caught sneaking into your room. To his surprise, you were staring at him when he turned around to you.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up,” he said, looking down at his feet, not moving away from the door in order to make a quick exit in case this didn’t go how he wanted it to.
“S'ok Dean, I was up,” you said, sitting up a little and pulling the cover back giving him an open invitation to join you.
Slowly he started to make his way toward you, crawling into bed with you like a little child that had woken up from a nightmare and was looking for his mother. It concerned you. You’d never seen Dean look this weak, this venerable.
When he finally made his way into the bed you threw the covers over you both. You lay there facing him, but he didn’t say a word, just reached for you, wanting to be close to someone. A feeling you understood all too well.
That lonely feeling, cold feeling. Like no one in the world cares or understands what you are going through. You’d also be lying if you didn’t want to pinch yourself to see if you were really dreaming or not.
All those nights you dreamt of Dean wanting to be close to you this way. Now here he was, leaning in for you to lay wrapped in his arms, and him in yours, pulling you as close to him as possible.
His tight black shirt he wore along with his black boxers the only thing that separated the two of you, apart from your muscle shirt and boy shorts.
You don’t know how long the two of you lay there, just holding onto each other. You play with his hair, not saying a word. Every once in a while you would feel a tear slip down his face, and land on your shoulder.
You never called him out on it, you just laid there and tried to give him the comfort he needed, hoping it would be enough. Your heart ached for him. You loved this man, more than you were willing to admit, and seeing him like this only made you fall harder for him. The fact that he was willing to trust you enough to let this side of him show meant the world to you, even if he never said a word.
“Today marks 15 years dad’s been gone,” he finally said, in a voice so low and gruff that you barely heard him. Instinctively you pulled him in closer to you, nuzzling into him as close as you possibly could.
“I’m so sorry Dean,” you tell him, still playing with his soft short hair.
You wished there was some way you could comfort him, some way you could take all this pain away from him. It had been rooted so deep, for so long that you didn’t see a way to make it any better quickly. So you just laid there together. Holding onto each other like if one of you let go of the other they’d disappear, like a dream or a nightmare really, leaving you both alone again.
Two broken people, just trying their best to survive in this sick, cold world that most people would never even know existed.
You wanted to tell him you loved him, but not tonight, you wanted to tell him you needed him, but not tonight, you wanted to kiss him until he forgot about all of the pain for a little while, but not tonight.
Tonight he just needed your touch, so that’s what you’d give him. In the morning when you wake up, Dean will probably be long gone. Either on another case or just avoiding you because he showed some little sign of weakness.
Right now though, the warm feeling of his body pressed to yours and his strong arms wrapped around you would be enough. Tonight he made a big step and came to you when he needed help. So even if tomorrow he’s gone, you have tonight, and that will do for now.
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