許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcbsAhZKW8Z
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQMcV46uie
「急事。」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3HsEAGTWAT
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡynD6d1UWcf
「你不吃晚餐？」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTxuxym5CQG
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXSZnaNcoyN
我沒應答，逕自出門。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRGiqkiziz7
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxRRlQavOXl
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡio90AY4Jsv
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm4lT1OqUvw
難以言喻的鬱悶。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv5DvilHbeM
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ1aMvjwgwS
長嘆。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhMgMvZTUN
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpb0AVlHqGb
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoTGO36iflz
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6re1dIkj0
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHE18zjm40z
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvfVJhKCw7X
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyqf8fwjZG5
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfX9Vfj4MK
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡua97JQjqak
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQooMOoOPDg
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡroWaMmdqPN
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0RIBgD2mkl
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX9A1Yd9h5I
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡthbgzML1Bk
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR05kvK10wI
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvD9dvsAY11
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjn5XJHoX8
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4k5FFPG0sG
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFklsNGgQu
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6EB3xdh4xt
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJIOd3gOkJ
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB3toaIkvfG
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsPyePkAD4
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVMKEYn7Gn
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRscYWIFYM
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgWo3z2WUz
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjmAum8nRk
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡayxExOMBYt
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jQ33fAX13
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGdEhJRpE6
註定的。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDK8g4cXgBI
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhVoX6KBKi9
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFYQTz205on
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD7K0RDhPGC
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPjOtO2Mkl
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0obckIbclk
停步。猶疑。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRPPeNTLGMP
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa0cypaqQnr
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVW7KxUf2D
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxIKkBIAUaw
轉身。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6nATn2O06
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGfuey7VLj0
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHl2XXxXeE
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVHZVJIHpT
我回身走去。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm0tmaSHjQH
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQhEfizQIo
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN6ykySzwcY
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLJpYNamEA
把小狗抱入懷內。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmTCsvulGT
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡByKbWhtt1h
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjIcwAbUNit
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtDJp3zyfA9
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmuRYKazJAR
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHBKSC5Gfln
海風？海濱公園步道？272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqbeDzPdG4d
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXIaULAzPiX
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dK2JYFNeG
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3za2Xsl51k
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKv6SCwr3Nf
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfkxeIOgCTp
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5tI2qnE4id
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQUXpawml95
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp6iJNmfHRT
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZr0sGJ7dg
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdw9bAKD9fA
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5wHuGaESDs
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXwejnXf6dU
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHwAthDxmjI
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGdKnFI8qpM
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZo2YkT0JEw
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFPc2HWlw3
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGqgkkVXWLK
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1miqWFh2v
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivWFCppS39
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdfGiA13ez
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbgh2d1RQ5d
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTyjzOY7wiA
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyskEkJF2aa
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0P7Nf4rOR
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpU4VTtpTbE
鬱悶何來？272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9a0T68WKT
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOLP8AsU7Ok
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8qkXs7f72Q
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvJENm01Dxt
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVNFG5wwre
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv2fO18fNjD
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4r3RHHSNS
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCCWDOcWtEj
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTkJ7CSv9cP
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYxVLfmbXI
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyq9NhiDjkm
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyOl8zUQBI1
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqkhXOhNSf
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDqtpheqzQc
然後呢？根本沒有然後。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdTQYLLdRen
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr7RpW32Loe
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKoE71lgRFR
272Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbBy7JSuIN
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.176da2
