許多時候,我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情,我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是,可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步,調整心情。
「去哪?」96Please respect copyright.PENANAc2t9nzeVe0
96Please respect copyright.PENANAGQEHehNDyw
「急事。」96Please respect copyright.PENANAN16zz9gQxJ
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「你不吃晚餐?」96Please respect copyright.PENANAjFalMY3cMG
96Please respect copyright.PENANA59PPJ0A2Bt
我沒應答,逕自出門。96Please respect copyright.PENANAj5kTtemxtq
96Please respect copyright.PENANAe2q1MQfCt5
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手,不協調感令我忐忑不安。96Please respect copyright.PENANAKM7B7e57JA
96Please respect copyright.PENANA5B6ak0ECDe
難以言喻的鬱悶。96Please respect copyright.PENANAghmu1XP2uK
96Please respect copyright.PENANAdxQqpnpxaE
長嘆。96Please respect copyright.PENANAm3wdaBXYxL
96Please respect copyright.PENANAaovm27fFaZ
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。96Please respect copyright.PENANAHjwV9YLWBh
96Please respect copyright.PENANATkBn4KnC7m
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品,熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按,然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉,過目即忘。96Please respect copyright.PENANAczjcoZD550
96Please respect copyright.PENANAKRIqWZ2e13
「不需要贈品?」她驀地抬眼,與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎?96Please respect copyright.PENANAcQIX5zk68c
96Please respect copyright.PENANAlnCD1k0R2G
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口,連忙接過香菸和肉乾。96Please respect copyright.PENANAW4vx2ehnHt
96Please respect copyright.PENANAccRNWf3DB4
她假笑,沒再搭理我,拿起抹布四處抹。96Please respect copyright.PENANAlLyPz2aIcy
96Please respect copyright.PENANA1B6R9ymucz
我走出光線充足的便利店,重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。96Please respect copyright.PENANAZiIpqrlou3
96Please respect copyright.PENANAiVrrntO0st
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑,另一種不安。96Please respect copyright.PENANAsw3MvhZrGm
96Please respect copyright.PENANA29N3J0Ylkd
櫥窗五光十色,路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序,不約而同在紅色燈號前止住,然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇,一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣,不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。96Please respect copyright.PENANAr8UfYG9B0J
96Please respect copyright.PENANAJoKYFR3t30
心血來潮,我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。96Please respect copyright.PENANABy2N4UaEV8
96Please respect copyright.PENANALccniM63cA
污水,雜物,廚餘,鼠餌,坑渠。96Please respect copyright.PENANAJ2Qyac05qL
96Please respect copyright.PENANAOmcVcrekfs
髒,亂,腐,毒,臭。96Please respect copyright.PENANAOyzPfZ9cR3
96Please respect copyright.PENANAtAhluq6duI
為何要到這種地方來?不是捷徑,不知盡頭何處,不懷目的……96Please respect copyright.PENANAiNtojRWe9A
96Please respect copyright.PENANAm7dFrD8bs5
小巷盡處是另一小巷,盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路,走又走。不停前行,像是正在找出口;絕不回頭,像是不打算找到真正出口。96Please respect copyright.PENANAHR5gROE6xj
96Please respect copyright.PENANAqVLq9s4ywT
厭煩日常走過的路,不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去,其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇,實質一切已成定局。那是大街,這是小巷。大街在明,小巷在暗。大街繁華,小巷冷清。96Please respect copyright.PENANAEFZIWJ4mJ6
96Please respect copyright.PENANARSkLVw2NS0
註定的。96Please respect copyright.PENANAY4BGs1ID8V
96Please respect copyright.PENANAyUfmPqdMOP
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼?我不相信,亦不願輕言不相信。96Please respect copyright.PENANATwYEtCLzC5
96Please respect copyright.PENANAfbJCISCn4p
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。96Please respect copyright.PENANALnJygbhkU5
96Please respect copyright.PENANAFnf8JPE2dS
停步。猶疑。96Please respect copyright.PENANAAx4LybdUiE
96Please respect copyright.PENANAIMDJc4OBCK
惻隱?慈悲?然後呢?根本沒有然後,因為我自顧不暇。96Please respect copyright.PENANAtV3BADqs3G
96Please respect copyright.PENANAqgNDYMLTUz
轉身。96Please respect copyright.PENANA47YMh8Mgk6
96Please respect copyright.PENANAjfWJP172ze
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。96Please respect copyright.PENANA3pBXUjSL4x
96Please respect copyright.PENANA4MPQ43OPG1
我回身走去。96Please respect copyright.PENANA6UKo4TFOoY
96Please respect copyright.PENANAOkzRlLzI8u
惻隱?慈悲?不,好奇罷。96Please respect copyright.PENANAi5pL6EJEfv
96Please respect copyright.PENANAX6YPvbjCbE
把小狗抱入懷內。96Please respect copyright.PENANAgxNxedyfjh
96Please respect copyright.PENANA7LaXFoq3SW
「暖和沒?」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。96Please respect copyright.PENANAIsaXGq17jD
96Please respect copyright.PENANA8cw0pirECs
陣風從後疾過,寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。96Please respect copyright.PENANAH2vXLADeec
96Please respect copyright.PENANA0BNzqAFQZc
海風?海濱公園步道?96Please respect copyright.PENANAdpKz7GqLXb
96Please respect copyright.PENANARkxkVuRyZv
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答,但我需要溜達原因。96Please respect copyright.PENANA3BzHBgnCQ9
96Please respect copyright.PENANAvJ9OMZeb2n
多拐兩個彎,我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來,恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄,純淨,圓滿。96Please respect copyright.PENANAL1nKoEHVN5
96Please respect copyright.PENANAFceo8jPP9h
「看!這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。96Please respect copyright.PENANA6RfSXT2yC5
96Please respect copyright.PENANAhHLNhN0yLk
汪——牠回答,但沒有依指示抬頭。96Please respect copyright.PENANAKa8gocYD89
96Please respect copyright.PENANAU8Z5itaIOq
「找個好地方坐坐吧!」為免小狗中途跑掉,我微微拉下外套拉鏈,把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗,甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部,方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹:「乖。」96Please respect copyright.PENANAb74rx0Fgmh
96Please respect copyright.PENANAbsbvgOxWkR
銀月清冷,步道冷清,寧靜。心跳規律,呼吸有序,乏味。回憶很多,未知更多,迷惘。96Please respect copyright.PENANAn7Ptx4rA6v
96Please respect copyright.PENANA5hACa8cVdH
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller,跌了幾跤,膝蓋流血。明明怕血,明明怕痛,偏偏為保面子而強說無事,硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片,痛得要命,不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月,九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下,拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢,報答牠聽我發牢騷。96Please respect copyright.PENANAg2eR6GYiN0
96Please respect copyright.PENANAEUeSBnoZdU
「留醫期間,我生氣朋友們不來探望我,打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後,我忙於學校課業,忘記致電他們,然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們,已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸,一吸一呼,虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了,無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過,不是說忘記就可以忘記。」96Please respect copyright.PENANAR4YPgcIciu
96Please respect copyright.PENANAgKpfKQ2fcG
記憶零碎,思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多,無奈腦袋運轉不來,沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。96Please respect copyright.PENANA5FAsdDwoWc
96Please respect copyright.PENANAyBJ3dWPCEX
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味,舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊,甚至舔到小小鼻頭。96Please respect copyright.PENANAbVb8knO99S
96Please respect copyright.PENANAezVRt5dGtv
我笑,笑牠傻氣可愛。96Please respect copyright.PENANAxZ3qnCrjJn
96Please respect copyright.PENANABkZK7YCkEa
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。96Please respect copyright.PENANAklrh41XwX0
96Please respect copyright.PENANAhc0yBO9faA
鬱悶何來?96Please respect copyright.PENANAL5U0zqIbib
96Please respect copyright.PENANAHWeEmN3gT5
學業壓力?愛情煩惱?家庭不和?96Please respect copyright.PENANAH8TJcVSes9
96Please respect copyright.PENANAh7u3RSJETc
也許統統都是,也許統統不是。96Please respect copyright.PENANAxvNIYNwDEN
96Please respect copyright.PENANAkxTP2GHK6i
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。96Please respect copyright.PENANAyqiEX35Y4p
96Please respect copyright.PENANAjbGDlarIfO
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。96Please respect copyright.PENANAqDecMhh7xc
96Please respect copyright.PENANAnakngV2lPJ
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。96Please respect copyright.PENANAomtb7r5IrQ
96Please respect copyright.PENANAIM5i377qVj
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼,我彈走菸屁股,將牠從懷裡抽出,來個深深擁抱。96Please respect copyright.PENANAKMzkVnaTjd
96Please respect copyright.PENANAjP5Dgyt1UR
然後呢?根本沒有然後。96Please respect copyright.PENANAT05APrEa99
96Please respect copyright.PENANACULBw1itoy
我輕輕放下小狗,動身邁步離開。96Please respect copyright.PENANANaiUECRZhN
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正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾,自然而然不會跟上來。
註:此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
ns 172.70.130.149da2