許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWwVSl78TIF
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwb8G80h97d
「急事。」293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhICW6gRAcl
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgEbwHbO50x
「你不吃晚餐？」293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNDvIa5BQX
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFipUnMln1A
我沒應答，逕自出門。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJVKw4GOxC
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJf3BsHBnKT
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwwPZPWHiu6
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIQubnBZ4x
難以言喻的鬱悶。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxgz1OIDFLc
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeCv0KvX8FI
長嘆。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdMllJBkTi
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1UXhmfcLz
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVaiKhXKpi7
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDn2uLsXXZk
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmEvSEaV9u
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcicEqKAkN
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfZTRMWonil
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwkwX6Ah2j
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ83RqWiD78c
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOe2gCbtGvo
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡae3f2QTEmf
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjTAonUsFlU
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBF76hVBOy7
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdOh09RxJGo
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv6fGyEXbk8
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4tbIRGUq4
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpVctr8nj0R
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi2BIswbByK
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw37iOTan5C
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD9nNGLywdf
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2iFLBvsfg3
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrskTSWueC0
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVTl5Cqm8sO
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD0Zhhm1wcX
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfcAqJHjcEu
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaBTgjiqAVm
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCiN77pFHMJ
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvGdiXltk8y
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlbfKGtBQDn
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡygwdeOJ4EJ
註定的。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHQZXqpj4E
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXh8fzouqLN
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1uvCHvHchU
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBk0iLOekpb
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfGAkTrPTD
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAE7RTQSgk
停步。猶疑。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEAPjsFPURX
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ696yAzBPKl
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkYtKYmjuRn
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCxL50IHgUN
轉身。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmmyxu6uHpt
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0EyxSD2gQ
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5piyoXLr3
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBDGnXuTNQ
我回身走去。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ohypgAX0K
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Ix9TuC2mP
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhQKyDDo5s
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxmfQV8OKx
把小狗抱入懷內。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS3PO8PJnWz
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqzxRh8ZYWz
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8tnMzaNCb
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Gl85sT01L
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgvQy7r5aIq
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnOX81DueI
海風？海濱公園步道？293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPC8lDor0f
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSF8ssTArUW
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBmj02XxevD
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ2MbDnyAeB
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7RLDqh8bSI
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlY17YAB5EQ
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWvjnUDSyXj
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡihr60N0Hou
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw1U13gtsP5
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSrSsak0gId
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0eCxrrwcp
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwwkZ0XHX1
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1v7Sk17RA
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCR3Asiem6O
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPoV7pGWwq
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCQovokkt7
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3HVHFAPmS
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTiMfDudchL
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsqCMs1V5Vf
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpBCcf1MrpG
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdT4q9cYTZE
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7YpMQyJPh
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc68YGV3rem
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsZmy4whyJ
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRBp8VoH4K
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlXTqO5Y7D0
鬱悶何來？293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtEvcegjNrK
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqDCt8xaJyk
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1R5jg3sa9J
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtRLTdsibkQ
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7z7ASURuHR
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJG2vI5S8om
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtajVSmgTGE
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa60auwTJjd
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8rAxLhnU1
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjfnVcD3MV
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnjVWZibZC
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejcicCLakL
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeHhJaYj7Mv
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbrX6bJiR7
然後呢？根本沒有然後。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQUvg2HX5j
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtyRvv9iQFG
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbh6nNWgPuX
293Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvgTQm3v34
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
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