許多時候,我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情,我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是,可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步,調整心情。
「去哪?」292Please respect copyright.PENANA5E99G7l9TK
292Please respect copyright.PENANAwY7g2LJ7SG
「急事。」292Please respect copyright.PENANAOAEU1Jk0Zy
292Please respect copyright.PENANACdKpD3DfC4
「你不吃晚餐?」292Please respect copyright.PENANAfFssssiLwU
292Please respect copyright.PENANAzKjrtbWFuo
我沒應答,逕自出門。292Please respect copyright.PENANAtKn1nY8dyt
292Please respect copyright.PENANAnhBhFILaDn
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手,不協調感令我忐忑不安。292Please respect copyright.PENANAlu1017fqw1
292Please respect copyright.PENANAEAQlCzqGof
難以言喻的鬱悶。292Please respect copyright.PENANAhQg9Uh88xA
292Please respect copyright.PENANAXS83NKPsku
長嘆。292Please respect copyright.PENANAX6Sn61NRiN
292Please respect copyright.PENANAvurTzu8tVx
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。292Please respect copyright.PENANAq6WBm35yx0
292Please respect copyright.PENANAddZ2qvZxt9
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品,熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按,然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉,過目即忘。292Please respect copyright.PENANAvWEuM99WaY
292Please respect copyright.PENANAMaMx31SIWU
「不需要贈品?」她驀地抬眼,與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎?292Please respect copyright.PENANA3nSKSJiikl
292Please respect copyright.PENANA69aoddHyDb
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口,連忙接過香菸和肉乾。292Please respect copyright.PENANACy5tBCtefO
292Please respect copyright.PENANAywcEr1AVX4
她假笑,沒再搭理我,拿起抹布四處抹。292Please respect copyright.PENANAM1z1dHPEBi
292Please respect copyright.PENANAtRAdO0xxIH
我走出光線充足的便利店,重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。292Please respect copyright.PENANAGk2qGDjTbe
292Please respect copyright.PENANA3BT8JE1hIq
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑,另一種不安。292Please respect copyright.PENANAQvya90w1QO
292Please respect copyright.PENANAOVpgLpEUZs
櫥窗五光十色,路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序,不約而同在紅色燈號前止住,然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇,一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣,不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。292Please respect copyright.PENANAFsqDJeTgBz
292Please respect copyright.PENANALI1vBQOTDv
心血來潮,我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。292Please respect copyright.PENANAk3S62GZXDb
292Please respect copyright.PENANAHgWmRTIhxl
污水,雜物,廚餘,鼠餌,坑渠。292Please respect copyright.PENANAejViRMlWVP
292Please respect copyright.PENANAebMqOqQbLY
髒,亂,腐,毒,臭。292Please respect copyright.PENANAHi23YuLGFl
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為何要到這種地方來?不是捷徑,不知盡頭何處,不懷目的……292Please respect copyright.PENANARKBfNNK7B6
292Please respect copyright.PENANAXCcgdD3Fc5
小巷盡處是另一小巷,盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路,走又走。不停前行,像是正在找出口;絕不回頭,像是不打算找到真正出口。292Please respect copyright.PENANAd5DtfAesd6
292Please respect copyright.PENANAVkJ0TEQQVC
厭煩日常走過的路,不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去,其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇,實質一切已成定局。那是大街,這是小巷。大街在明,小巷在暗。大街繁華,小巷冷清。292Please respect copyright.PENANAKVCkt4hMmx
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註定的。292Please respect copyright.PENANA4lPaImrZkA
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冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼?我不相信,亦不願輕言不相信。292Please respect copyright.PENANAobUbN6RCMj
292Please respect copyright.PENANAHd2SpMaQw6
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。292Please respect copyright.PENANATT1BJ8LboS
292Please respect copyright.PENANAKYnQf5pNBa
停步。猶疑。292Please respect copyright.PENANA7ZLeDqb3vJ
292Please respect copyright.PENANAeaJJjN9CVJ
惻隱?慈悲?然後呢?根本沒有然後,因為我自顧不暇。292Please respect copyright.PENANA0T3W9YSWfh
292Please respect copyright.PENANAHfEF5FPQd3
轉身。292Please respect copyright.PENANAIoZ4xxjedY
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汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。292Please respect copyright.PENANAAYCwZsKUJp
292Please respect copyright.PENANAqx7txgz9Lq
我回身走去。292Please respect copyright.PENANAROuYAxkMhM
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惻隱?慈悲?不,好奇罷。292Please respect copyright.PENANAwoosaBLGSx
292Please respect copyright.PENANA0an3xtajGJ
把小狗抱入懷內。292Please respect copyright.PENANAhM6xBDm2Yf
292Please respect copyright.PENANALWV38m6dQ3
「暖和沒?」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。292Please respect copyright.PENANAEQbJJiTzHE
292Please respect copyright.PENANAJkT7LJW4Mj
陣風從後疾過,寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。292Please respect copyright.PENANAyZDeKn6GlT
292Please respect copyright.PENANAoVG2DKKKp4
海風?海濱公園步道?292Please respect copyright.PENANAHcPeLtU2aH
292Please respect copyright.PENANAAopHlE3TSC
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答,但我需要溜達原因。292Please respect copyright.PENANAlgkJTags0U
292Please respect copyright.PENANA3EMHxjioCz
多拐兩個彎,我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來,恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄,純淨,圓滿。292Please respect copyright.PENANAiWJi3jQ8Gq
292Please respect copyright.PENANARfokc8QgWY
「看!這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。292Please respect copyright.PENANASaEosJjm4W
292Please respect copyright.PENANAtTfzpiNiON
汪——牠回答,但沒有依指示抬頭。292Please respect copyright.PENANA9nnACA0R8W
292Please respect copyright.PENANA170krGJT7z
「找個好地方坐坐吧!」為免小狗中途跑掉,我微微拉下外套拉鏈,把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗,甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部,方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹:「乖。」292Please respect copyright.PENANAHQFKUHRGti
292Please respect copyright.PENANAjZnMOglw6I
銀月清冷,步道冷清,寧靜。心跳規律,呼吸有序,乏味。回憶很多,未知更多,迷惘。292Please respect copyright.PENANAuS0G0l7PEJ
292Please respect copyright.PENANANK11tG6a5b
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller,跌了幾跤,膝蓋流血。明明怕血,明明怕痛,偏偏為保面子而強說無事,硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片,痛得要命,不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月,九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下,拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢,報答牠聽我發牢騷。292Please respect copyright.PENANAiQNNR5LBvq
292Please respect copyright.PENANAllpzTGqr8a
「留醫期間,我生氣朋友們不來探望我,打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後,我忙於學校課業,忘記致電他們,然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們,已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸,一吸一呼,虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了,無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過,不是說忘記就可以忘記。」292Please respect copyright.PENANA7mC1rp8mQx
292Please respect copyright.PENANAIFm2UCrHWr
記憶零碎,思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多,無奈腦袋運轉不來,沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。292Please respect copyright.PENANABiGBWi98TA
292Please respect copyright.PENANAIPXr8vTCDJ
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味,舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊,甚至舔到小小鼻頭。292Please respect copyright.PENANAK36Et4SnLJ
292Please respect copyright.PENANA8DQHdVyTkJ
我笑,笑牠傻氣可愛。292Please respect copyright.PENANAKG79q05vpB
292Please respect copyright.PENANAKPqCjL5LXQ
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。292Please respect copyright.PENANAQdG0Gp4h8V
292Please respect copyright.PENANA1xckVYYwBr
鬱悶何來?292Please respect copyright.PENANA6gYXdn9Zld
292Please respect copyright.PENANAlYH6IAEOwU
學業壓力?愛情煩惱?家庭不和?292Please respect copyright.PENANA7c03w9qN5y
292Please respect copyright.PENANA9YoR9a4Yjn
也許統統都是,也許統統不是。292Please respect copyright.PENANAlqsbcJGUf4
292Please respect copyright.PENANACq0StHqKMY
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。292Please respect copyright.PENANAiCElP3rYoo
292Please respect copyright.PENANA59bmhbtELe
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。292Please respect copyright.PENANAtupZ518q8F
292Please respect copyright.PENANAnFLfi34lP0
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。292Please respect copyright.PENANAETk1ZmmJeu
292Please respect copyright.PENANA7lbOC9eptT
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼,我彈走菸屁股,將牠從懷裡抽出,來個深深擁抱。292Please respect copyright.PENANAFa4XauSzn3
292Please respect copyright.PENANA3dv0BDeZ5S
然後呢?根本沒有然後。292Please respect copyright.PENANAFFGZK9yPKC
292Please respect copyright.PENANAtAipxbugdg
我輕輕放下小狗,動身邁步離開。292Please respect copyright.PENANAM8NV7xkaoE
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正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾,自然而然不會跟上來。
註:此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
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