Naming you... was arduous. Utterly excruciating. Every name that came to mind sounded too sweet.
It gave me shudders. Too ordinary. Too tainted by centuries of stories and associations, whose sentimental ballast repulsed me and which I had no wish to be reminded of.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPmCJW7jsai
Humans name things to bring order to chaos. They name the things they fear to get a grip on them. Demons. Diseases. Babies.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBHE4Nx0MZD
And yet, language is always power.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwveQEr55t9
Consider the shrewd negotiator at the market, the eloquent diplomat, or the sweet words of a lover who accomplishes more with a whispered "please" than with a thousand swords.
A name can lead to glory or to a lifelong curse.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrUZGaq6NBG
Barely born, and already everything depends on how deranged your guardians are.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnkO6MpTqEk
I mean, just imagine it. A screaming bundle. Incapable of thought, incapable of making its own decisions. And then someone comes along and, with full conviction, names it "Gunhilda."
Or "Egbert." The name of a man who still has breadcrumbs from breakfast in his beard and listens with moist reverence to last week's sermon.
Or "Hildegard." Makes you wish the child had remained nameless.
And then all these saintly names for the common folk: "Hieronymus," "Benedikta," "Theophilus." As if divine grace could be summoned by a baptism certificate. Ridiculous.
I couldn't assign you to one of those name-bearing tragedies. Such names stick.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYwKnVvatCn
And in the end people would have thought I was responsible for a "Milburga".50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQcBKxu4O2y
I'd rather perish in sunlight than be associated with that kind of public disgrace.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUuOjlZw7D
A name can force something unformed into something tangible.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmg7zIDgRaw
And that was precisely the problem.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyqYhrCfso6
You were unformed. You were nothing tangible. You were an anomaly.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlLtq1kS7h2
A little question mark with hunger.
I couldn't call you "the child" forever. I tried. For days.
"Stop howling, child."50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIOvKVUBVQE
"Come here, child."50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgETKPmhqWh
"Sleep now, child."
But eventually, one night, I found it. The scroll was brittle, eaten through by mold spores, the edges crusted with wax.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtpPEPCasCq
A ragtag collection of forgotten theories, half-alchemical blood mysticism, and name etymologies from ancient houses, bound together by someone with little care.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6F5i3Nt16
I read it while you slept, and I didn't know what to do with myself.
And then my gaze fell upon it.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdTOWw0r25
Leonora.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfDTu8SdkE
I frowned. A clear sound. Melodic. Aristocratic. Almost too beautiful.
In a footnote, barely legible among the faded lines of ink, it read:50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ30C7Uf5y1U
"Leonora, presumably from Alienor, Old Provencal. Meaning: the stranger. She who does not belong."
I paused. The stranger. Not belonging.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHjUj3UB5KH
I looked down at you. A bundle of blankets, with those large, dark eyes that sometimes studied me as if you weren't helpless but aware. Aware in the deepest sense.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZRVAhosKC
A name that doesn't promise to belong, but refuses to.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy44SZiUxcm
I smirked. "Of course you are."
Finally, a name that didn't drip with optimism from every orifice.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwWTU3K8Z2r
But I kept reading. Unfortunately.
"Later folk etymologies also suggest: 'the luminous,' related to ancient Greek eleos, light, mercy."
I stared at the words.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6i8nSsLrmb
Light. Mercy.
My eyes rolled in irritation, and I felt offended by the implication.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFpcGT3hpeX
My mouth drooped. I pulled a face as if someone had served me poorly spiced wine.
"Of course. No name remains untainted," I muttered, exasperated.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3kRl0aLUT
I should have torn the parchment. But I didn't.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA18Bual3vN
Leonora. At least it didn't sound like some cheesy village milkmaid.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnaNfiJ7gg
I slowly rolled it up and placed it on my knees. Bent over your basket, sighed. Still not entirely convinced.
I read it a second time. Leonora.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLf6BiCR3ft
"The luminous," I whispered and laughed softly. Of course. Of all things.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG272Evro4q
A name like the brightest candle in a godforsaken crypt.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYKHeB6UrEe
I should have discarded it. Should have kept looking until something darker, more fitting, imposed itself. But I didn't.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkIe3aKuhrB
Because I remembered my own thought from weeks ago:
What happens when darkness raises a sunbeam?
I leaned over your basket. "Leonora," I said, tonelessly.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoBCNjp1BSe
"Then be the light. I'll see if you blind me someday."
You cooed. I raised an eyebrow.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIE7nmEjgI
"Don't get too used to it. Names are masks, little one. Now sleep."
But I said it again. And again. And again. Until it no longer felt like a foreign object in my mouth.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEbBb42KTcF
But like you.50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0DkihueGji
50Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtcWAYKJMjI
