在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgLXIoSOS2R
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsCEkrzoPE2
當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmW1E1GoXC2
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9bgms8jMPo
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnlIP1ZAJ84
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZkmop1airR
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSvrU5EuI3S
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT3xJitPZ8W
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORqimTdMBZ
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSWjPmprI7
「你條裙有血！」384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrwfxyGzR9N
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqbix0H4Ik9
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYYJpdO6mF
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NBlbPHtaQ
「大個女啦。」384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnpeQpD1wPr
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqtqONQ6jV4
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkw6annGAUJ
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbKal48MbIn
「去廁所清理吓。」384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJH4zoPZD02
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGCf4H4oOL
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7z5ndEZmcE
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9K5850eRJ
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡst7i90PkhB
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDP5oREsCab
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwIYMJetlT
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡID7asDUlWq
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQmJfYp6Eo
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCvouyPNgT
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8XeqolIIm
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKjywhlqw1
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQCNrgO3J2
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoPJuTI8d9k
但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY7MbH4U5ms
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubMWzph0on
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzduxHXBNc
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXMlc1oVThB
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3uQsegvT5
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCL3vbTVAF
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy67aL7yN9R
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHjZcppEB7
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy7PBTkf2WC
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFeEXPDBNcg
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3v2hzFGYjt
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnuehdmVsRe
只聽見他說：384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTCABCaVUtP
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8EZVIS7OFr
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUtbesGVp7
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsvZJRUq0iV
林蓁心下一沉。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacVYhJyz31
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWLBsW7v1L
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4DBP9IPhGn
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJGy7mTCYpa
她又想，會不會是他口硬？384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYpkNZsKxdA
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZgZIDFHRcR
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAqhwWgivNP
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKQ78Wger6
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3S5a1YAtWr
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsNC2hGhNfI
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFcYn3eznEV
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5w1g6TGsUJ
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDzGheKRljr
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbUIMI84kj
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjEsk5ft4NT
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg0PG9vFZsd
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ftNvFkxCd
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXAOuAhra65
/384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYo49l0LTgE
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3RXqxXNZ7u
翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxONvPxN9e5
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFelSmAJIxI
她去見了周立沖。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoukTGbOIQw
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUnIsnnpyI
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQHxqssKuc
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIv6c2kUyMm
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiEzXTaVCoT
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIkr1GOBUNd
「無所謂。」384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhE9nuUCM4B
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCt2zH47PV1
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ98FQBv5hsk
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3TYEfHFetl
家裡沒有飯吃。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu70iRIZvGH
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtcAjOFoC0
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV1XOYNTkzg
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCiUKWCPXL
「你煮咩我都食。」384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLxI75nQ1C
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNDrVLbpzQc
「傻瓜。」384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdB9A1Uq5Z
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP3bMfOuFXo
他摸摸她的頭。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3yqVNSWD1h
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfTAEBfDi4v
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjv8b1AQad3
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJQMORB9t7
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFkoJ7enNR9
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYeS8ADPzYV
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYTCxIkSXs
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAlBA9rztBZ
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIFBDqtVPAm
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOxY6SqtYB
「不如食咗我先。」384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgdwW2ePgfR
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsvCuwCeq8
「唔要你，成身臭汗。」384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh8TSvbBPGB
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR2wUVcu0Fn
可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlWJfPudzE3
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWPPI914KP
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIiC9jjnQlT
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzsFcouXAu
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3slkcHFOb
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJDJomQgLI
不過，幸好，現在他在。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5mPTMcLpV8
384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZvoOv3YYPz
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。384Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUrFoCoXmD0
