09.271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg1GYpBkWsY
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfLDjn2JOkg
課業繁重，人際不順，升上高校之後的日子過得並不能算得上好。但我向來是報喜不報憂的性子，因此即使是夏油傑，我也沒向他吐露半點不快。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJWAhfjG0nI
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd80GL3bA2Y
又是一日放學。我一出校門就看見夏油傑站在樹蔭底下，他自然地拿走我的包，一手牽起我，帶著我走往熟悉的方向。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMonA8dfRld
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJUJzARzbRq
傑。我突然停下腳步，輕聲喊他。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ16zxbRrN6q
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTkIffsNY29
他回頭看向我，「嗯？」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWSnqv9Ag8b
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGuaW1QO8En
盯著夏油傑額上溢出的薄汗，我墊起腳尖用手帕替他擦拭。要不我以後自己走回家吧？我問。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfEcLQoGQTt
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJUlyRMtzNQ
「怎麼了？」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDHRoKtFda1
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGwbEhEAZ3l
沒什麼，我搖搖頭，「太熱了，捨不得你等。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPJWYqVnCO
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡccmqBtGQgk
暑夏已至，正是咒靈好發的時節，夏油傑的工作量肯定是只增不減。雖然我天天見他，很難察覺他具體的改變，但也不難看出最近的他正處於極度疲憊的狀態中。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVyn48BvQpS
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtDd4gpyGdP
「還好。」他言簡意賅地回應我。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlvnT3CebR
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOLh6GWlFwx
騙人，你話都變少了。我說，「連你的瀏海看起來都沒元氣了啦。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYGIzPyDWP
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxKionXIaS
「……」夏油傑看向我的眼神逐漸不善。我連忙告饒討好，語帶撒嬌，「開玩笑的、開玩笑的──原諒我嘛──」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI0fZORUqh7
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiuSVGH80M
經我這麼一插科打諢，氣氛總算有所緩和。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9WIVU5N49F
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpWfuVzTrlu
不過我真的很擔心你，我說。又是苦夏嗎？271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRNRhXYYjRN
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgyI0kGlhwu
他說對。我對他的回答毫不意外，「那挑一天來我家吧？我們一起吃冰鎮西瓜怎麼樣？」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEIWaGw09r9
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFXCyYn8EMX
夏油傑凝視我，他最後伸手輕撫我的髮絲，柔聲說好。我顯而易見地鬆了一口氣，近日的疲乏感似乎隨著他的動作一掃而空。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpj5p5l3CJ
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6C6eDWBSVa
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGQJ2QZPIV
「除了冰鎮西瓜以外，還想吃什麼？」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCV8qLL8GT2
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6KPoNTnZl
「唔，綠豆湯吧。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU1GmOKUFm3
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB96UWpk0qP
「好呀，那蕎麥麵呢？」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi2aLtp383O
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ30rxo7daNW
「也要。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhldC9EUd0N
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02ZJ70M7Gs
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVn4UzPyvEJ
圍繞在他身邊，我一路叨叨絮絮，像極一隻嘰嘰喳喳的鳥兒；而他背對夕色，看向我的眼神繾綣而溫軟。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7QNWCgCZAw
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEGUDMDcmoj
我永遠不會忘記這一刻。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjkryGAyFus
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtp9kOYkDM
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWaSHjUR7fb
從那之後我開始自己上下學──花費整整一個月的時間，我才終於習慣「沒有夏油傑在身邊」這件事情。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHVCrgF1va
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovXuhvZvVE
但還是難免想念。以前總覺得愛就是無時無刻的陪伴與關注，但在這三十個幾乎見不到他的晝夜裡，我卻突然有了新的看法。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgrzfzbKZS
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzURhdJVDlU
我開始將注意力擺放在夏油傑以外的人身上。下課時和幾個不錯的同學說說話，一起去逛喜歡的店家，假日偶爾約出去吃飯；放學走在熟悉的小徑上，我察覺到一旁的樹叢終於開了小小的花，是我喜歡的顏色。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjx1Nvv8T9
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFmrxWLC3kY
流動的風、落下的雨、搖晃的枝椏、落入耳裡的鈴鐺聲……我的世界變得多采多姿。不再是只有夏油傑，不再滿心滿眼都只有他。我知道我還是喜歡這個人，但我的生活卻因為與愛人的分離變得更美好──而我就會在這些美好的瞬間想起他。想跟他一起坐在虹龍上，看每一場東升西落；想跟他一起手牽著手，走過長長的街道。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjlMt9uNRK
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwfMHIueqT
正因為聚少離多，所以才明白與他相處的每分每秒是多麼珍貴。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9hMYiEdXh3
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwr2O0FA9EX
「分離使我意識到愛的本質。」我傳給他的簡訊上這樣寫著。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQzbPtTp19
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDRgfbNjp3g
愛是彌補彼此的缺陷，是兩個破碎靈魂的相擁。我眼看鏡子裡笑容日漸燦爛的自己，心想自己大概也擁有那種包容一切的力量了。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv182EHJNjQ
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwACvE2SEFE
「愛的本質？」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxWgHVtgHQh
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNMjtCiM1h9
「是啊。」我回應他，「我覺得愛是寬容。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpq1tiTc2uG
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJqH11kwlx
放你飛翔，做你的歸巢。在你不在身邊的時候將自己活得出色，以最好的姿態迎接你。我想這是愛吧？271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcT5TkylIpK
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYcU5BNM8Gm
「……你說的對。」半晌，他回應我。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExExTRaCFb
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdvydwxxIK1
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4rNWQFI5ku
再見到夏油傑的時候已經是過年的事情。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJK9LQJ71w
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHlE0TGXM2p
「新年快樂。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvWJ1nxY0P
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9c0X3rvvH2
站在我家門口，他身影單薄，臉上的微笑仍然好看。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFATMbv0hJj
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3xwGscweI
很難肯定是不是錯覺，但是幾月不見的夏油傑，我的男友，我的愛人──他似乎變得很陌生。這個認知讓我有些無所適從。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMEkabjvgqN
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqlcd6w4cg
我看著他，最後只能擠出一個微笑。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVl3xcbzOUc
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL6FnW29XpD
「新年快樂，傑。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkStS6HHvAH
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmh8U9bsvin
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxG1GXN3G9B
──或許關係就是這樣破滅的。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4qvbA2exR8
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxFQI9ftDJ
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡugw5Mb7Igt
10.271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6b3v6MI8mo
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7XXS0eBil7
夏油傑向來很寵我。這點無論是交往前還是交往後都是。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuUylr7U89J
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfuZzBlC6w8
以前只當是他對於鄰居妹妹的愛護之心而已，又或者是個性使然──畢竟他從小到大都是優等生，名氣響亮到街坊鄰居沒有人不知道他；說白點，「夏油傑」這三個字就是父母們拿來教育小孩的名詞。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOI74nDzm3C
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMsDxaSpkG
還記得那時才剛搬家不久，爸爸媽媽出差去了，於是家裡又只剩下我一個。這種事對我而言並不稀奇，反倒是夏油一家得知這件事情之後，便隔三差五地喊我去他們家吃飯。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkyuSLFRVZA
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtSXrnmffH8
我臉皮薄，不大好意思經常打擾他們一家，有時也會推托找些藉口婉拒夏油阿姨的好意。然而姓夏油的大抵都是貼心的性子，在察覺到我的難為情後，他們開始換各種方式明裡暗裡地照顧我。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLFDCHc7S20
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3DYmrLHBkH
而夏油傑就是那道讓我跟他們產生更多交集的橋樑。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9X4TLMxiN9
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQ3ldoBwY9
我跟他差不了多少歲，每天一起上下學，夏油傑時常拎著父母特別叮囑要交給我的便當，然後笑眯咪地找各種說詞讓我收下──我覺得其實這對他來說大概算不上什麼難事，因為他很聰明。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbn5NhTn7Pq
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7cWEMLI9Lg
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOBtJeTnh2f
隨著時間遞進，我們更熟悉一些之後，我也未曾深思這個問題。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡri4Yud6Vlj
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVq3TxlYzBP
我只知道他從最初我們認識的那時就對我很好。一直都對我很好。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg1tsik9SdH
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLarNYIJcT
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9bYqW75NB4
一推開家門就聞到濃濃的血腥氣。我拿著手機有些腳軟，腦袋空白了好幾秒之後只想到要打給夏油傑──轉念一想，他大概還在出任務也說不定，於是改成打報警電話。但就在我準備撥通的時候，夏油傑打過來了。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubDiXSpyu9
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtbJ4AzGUoz
我連忙接起，不敢大聲說話：「傑……」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9l7hdY4Hn
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSErVRFaCB5
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeHKavaUjz4
電話那端傳來的聲音聽上去有些失真。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhe1PCD0TqN
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHGhJ1PE8p
他對我說：不進來嗎？271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ9j7G5SIAy
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4hzzhU5Lu
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfzEvNXM2g
室內傳來的聲響與他說話的聲音近乎同步。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk69q9jCUSU
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpzvD5wcwDb
前方客廳的門被緩緩地、緩緩地推開。是夏油傑，他握著手機的那隻手還舉在耳邊。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jPFSvtvYf
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkcq0HZDcfi
正在聽電話那頭傳來的，急促的呼吸聲。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFv0QDQVfR
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKFWYtzvdHi
「……不進來也沒關係，反正你走不掉的。」他用一種令人毛骨悚然的溫柔語氣和話筒另一端的人說話。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOIFGJlhdm
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ35yrA7AjsZ
惟有那雙棕色的晦暗視線，自始至終都停留在我身上，從未移開。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBqaRqJ1wd
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡODHuWpvq0s
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubNp3PwgVE
就在此時此刻，我才突然驚覺，或許不僅僅只是如此。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38veiWXK3A
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy86i3oJ8Jf
我好像從未了解過他。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrx0YMl1sLd
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXgEcFM2d3B
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWI9j1H6eV
我站在玄關處與他對視。側過臉的時候，還能看見一旁鏡子映照出自己蒼白的臉孔和閃爍的目光。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojHZ6sPBdo
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡipzk6L0yue
「是你嗎？」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsmsC94exWl
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1KZWHvDXKZ
是我──他用一種跟平常無二致的語氣如此回應。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkhhWYMN3In
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHpXfEXxsXN
「……我能問問為什麼嗎？」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIQ8DtoRal
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFsHjkgNKiw
夏油傑笑了一下。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8qpoQPslY
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCitJbwrlv7
「我為什麼要跟猴子解釋理由？」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq6gAZgC84m
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBd6alnvH7H
──猴子。聽見這個尖銳而充滿冒犯的詞彙從他嘴裡出來的時候，我略感意外、又好像是意料之中地跟著笑了。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9rEteGTfT7
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC5aZ2Uwk8F
我知道夏油傑的性子並不若表面上那樣可親，他實際上是個慣於用上對下角度去看待世界的人；物以類聚，他若不傲慢，怎能跟五條悟處得來。他唯一和五條悟最大的差別便是他懂得偽裝，而且還裝得有模有樣，沒有人不被他那副溫柔的模樣給騙去。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQKcXDVUEJ
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9SOlEgNKnF
我想我也被騙了。擅自以為在他心裡，自己的存在和別人是不一樣的；以為他說過「他總是會保護我」便是一輩子的事情。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQY16GQZOoW
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1yg90UEux
我總是忘了那個「總是」，忘記自己不過是被選擇的那方，而他隨時可以將我踢出他的世界。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmFMgST0MC
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8HGpnqEAYo
都說同類相吸，而我們不是同類。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8d8b0QVFb0
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo3BnBACpN4
但我早該知道的。他那樣的人。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzT5GRuK1L0
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLGwRVT6UY
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpm1SGaZjjJ
攔在身前的手臂強而有力，夏油傑曾經與我十指交扣過的右手此刻正覆在脖頸，原先順暢的呼吸隨著他加重的力道變得困難。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ZH94ffPZU
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7GphRwo59B
「你要求的。」他說，「明明可以不用這麼死得這麼痛苦。」271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGtcdnU8nZ9
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WSTkru4Jf
溢出的眼淚模糊視野。看不清倒映在鏡裡的畫面，也說不出隻字片語，連思考都費力，更枉論掙扎。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYR6ImT44O
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9eAQ7arEKl
就這樣吧。271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1dPdyD3cs
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dUoVkX9Ar
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1hECGAWIuC
271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVQKcFEnvQh
231118 梔涼｜匿名交流單271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWWheDHjqcQ
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