Mai uses her plié to come into relevé, her toes in grande pointe. She feels the sheen of sweat on her neck, even as she holds it high, trying to embody the grace of a swan.992Please respect copyright.PENANAOUeELB3StJ
992Please respect copyright.PENANAh9uv2nflRp
Her execution is perfect, her expression is perfect. She shows no outward signs of her toes screaming in pain, even as she feels the telltale wet warmth in her shoes.992Please respect copyright.PENANAd7zNxL6itc
992Please respect copyright.PENANACiqhiHxhlb
Her face remains serene.992Please respect copyright.PENANAFekgwcS2MY
992Please respect copyright.PENANA2GeJ63X2eX
A memory comes to her mind—Megumi-chan as a baby curled in Dad’s arms. She was born too early. She was sick. Her heart wasn’t strong enough. She wasn’t expected to live past a couple of years, even with all the 23rd century medical technology.992Please respect copyright.PENANAuzobdb4mTL
992Please respect copyright.PENANAqVdu1R84QG
Mai feels her expression falter and quickly snaps it back into place, coming into the present and leaving behind a past she can’t change. When she dances, she has utter control over every part of her body. It’s the only time her life feels like it’s truly her own.992Please respect copyright.PENANAFO7TTsuSov
992Please respect copyright.PENANA54Hflsz26l
The audience is packed. Flashes burst from the auditorium before her life dramatically dying stars. Fourteen years and five auditions. All the sacrifices she’s made, and all the hours she’s put in. Mai didn’t go to prom or Homecoming or any other normal high school event. And it was all in preparation for today.992Please respect copyright.PENANATdAJx0f9Gh
992Please respect copyright.PENANAbrLq2u6xKW
This should have been her beginning.992Please respect copyright.PENANAo6f2Rt4Yg6
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Megumi realizes she’s wrinkling the program between her fingers and quickly tries to smooth it out, running her finger along Mai’s name.992Please respect copyright.PENANAr5EDZNBG7X
992Please respect copyright.PENANAOG4hjXGqMg
She tries not to fidget, even though her mind wandered off at least an hour ago. She’s in Hawaii, hiking up the side of a volcano, the blackened lava rocks warm beneath her sneakers. The air is choked with steam and the odor of sulfur.992Please respect copyright.PENANAHdrDm4Osb1
992Please respect copyright.PENANAvD8lQypTCX
From there, she makes her way down a white beach sand. The soft, wed sand sinks under her feet. Warm and gentle waves lap across her skin, leaving behind patterns of salt and sand. She can feel the warmth of the sea breeze that makes the palm trees dance, and she can taste the tang of the air.992Please respect copyright.PENANAUJ3yTu76i5
992Please respect copyright.PENANAwhw9pU6sOT
Her guidebooks are at home, filled with annotations of everything she can’t leave Hawaii without seeing. Megumi wishes she brought one of them along, but immediately feels guilty. She should be watching Mai right now. Mai’s dream is ending because of Megumi.992Please respect copyright.PENANA26rIkbRNwP
992Please respect copyright.PENANAmHryLCqXMd
A sharp ache in her chest makes her flinch. She rubs at it surreptitiously at her chest. When she’s certain her parents are focused completely on Mai, she pulls a pill out of her pocket—hiding it in her palm—and slides it into her mouth.992Please respect copyright.PENANAaQxddpdWmK
992Please respect copyright.PENANAbY2gAZQq3K
Mom’s gaze snaps to her immediately. She starts leaning in toward Megumi.992Please respect copyright.PENANAgeX5TZHZNG
992Please respect copyright.PENANAnkz0EqB7uy
“I’m fine,” Megumi says, a little too sharply. She softens her voice. “Let’s just watch Mai, okay?”992Please respect copyright.PENANADSz5eWyfiv
992Please respect copyright.PENANACW1GQlEDXV
Her mom takes her hand but turns forward to watch the performance again.992Please respect copyright.PENANAhBatZWb7GZ
992Please respect copyright.PENANAYObND0XrBJ
Megumi watches too, keeping her eyes on her sister rather than on the other dancers. Although Megumi can’t even do the same hike twice, Mai is the type who can do the same step one thousand times over until she knows it perfectly, even if that means breaking her toes in the process.992Please respect copyright.PENANASKw3mUeUrf
992Please respect copyright.PENANAloh19A8CLJ
Megumi knows the heart is just an organ, and she knows living heart donations are common in this century, but Megumi can’t help but wonder. She wonders if the piece of heart she’s being gifted will change her in any way or if she’ll still be one hundred percent Megumi.992Please respect copyright.PENANAYM0LJuBNbo
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After the performance, Mai sits on a bench in the dressing room, staring at the ballet slippers encasing her feet. She can’t bring herself to take them off just yet. She wants to wait at least until the other dancers are gone.992Please respect copyright.PENANAJVQlnOQNFf
992Please respect copyright.PENANAXi709OAaJ6
Once the last of the voices fades away, she begins to unlace her slippers slowly and ceremoniously, letting them fall off her feet—her feet that are so calloused and bruised and broken that it’s a wonder they’re each still in one piece. She cleans the blood off carefully, loving her mangled feet for persevering through the torture she’s subjected them to. They are her pride and her prize, proof of the work she’s done.992Please respect copyright.PENANA0Y5uKBeVHO
992Please respect copyright.PENANApHRUPbks7J
Her heart aches, the pain so real she wonders for a second if something might be wrong with her heart too. But, no. Her heart just knows it’s about to be broken—split in half and taken from her.992Please respect copyright.PENANABOPrQUNiCD
992Please respect copyright.PENANAL4uqKtDmRy
Mai isn’t upset about that. How can she be? Megumi-chan’s life is far more important than anything else.992Please respect copyright.PENANAXlFAAw4q0h
992Please respect copyright.PENANAnJpVmQbMun
Still, she selfishly wishes a miracle would happen—Megumi-chan’s heart would magically heal or an even better donor match would drop out of the sky. But Mai knows she’s the best option. Their parents are too old. It can only be a sibling, and Mai and Megumi-chan match almost perfectly.992Please respect copyright.PENANAmuOwcpeoTy
992Please respect copyright.PENANA1rbGLRGu86
She wonders what it might have been like to live in a time when living heart donations weren’t possible.992Please respect copyright.PENANAIBaKTb2zoZ
992Please respect copyright.PENANAscLJdG78Jc
“There you are,” Laurel says, sitting on the bench beside her. “That was fantastic, Mai. I could really only see room for improvement in a couple of places.”992Please respect copyright.PENANArptxzxuFSq
992Please respect copyright.PENANAntYiimfdIk
Laurel goes on, and Mai lets her, barely hearing her words. Mai wants to say something about Laurel being the best dance coach ever, but thinks Laurel would find it weirdly sentimental. Mai hasn’t told anyone she won’t be able to dance anymore because she can’t let go of the selfish hope that something will save her and release her from this obligation.992Please respect copyright.PENANAwSgsSaovzp
992Please respect copyright.PENANADEAlMbvTcb
And then she feels guilty for thinking of Megumi-chan as an obligation.992Please respect copyright.PENANAXWdPcvOU9D
992Please respect copyright.PENANAB0zh3eEk4D
When Laurel leaves, Mai pulls her knees to her chest until she feels turned inside out.992Please respect copyright.PENANANVUrSh7aGu
992Please respect copyright.PENANAOqq21V5G8g
Her life until now has been a dream, and she’s being woken up.992Please respect copyright.PENANAc0X98FTM9M
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“Are you scared?” Megumi asks Mai.992Please respect copyright.PENANAy0Gt8Ct4zh
992Please respect copyright.PENANA80SqajZ4Ts
“No,” Mai says from the other bed. “Are you?”992Please respect copyright.PENANAcep4nupu7j
992Please respect copyright.PENANA12gVwrIava
“Of course not,” Megumi lies.992Please respect copyright.PENANAHx49uogKc5
992Please respect copyright.PENANAsjfg6PPGf0
She hears the steady beat of Mai’s heart monitor. Megumi’s own monitor beeps a little erratically as her weak heat tries to find a steady rhythm. She wonders what Mai is thinking right now—what she must be feeling.992Please respect copyright.PENANAwbJGanSY9Q
992Please respect copyright.PENANAzq7PvlXTyS
“Half a heart isn’t enough to support an athletic lifestyle,” Dr. Aguerra said seriously when he proposed the surgery to the family. “Mai, no one can coerce or pressure you into making this decision. If you agree to do it, you’ll undergo a psych evaluation to make sure this is your choice and your choice alone.”992Please respect copyright.PENANAZn34ozI2Nj
992Please respect copyright.PENANAtLI5tc2ajr
Megumi was so tired at the time she could barely keep her eyes open. She let them fall shut because she didn’t want to see Mai’s expression as Mai said yes.992Please respect copyright.PENANA1FdhChCWOR
992Please respect copyright.PENANAmez88Q44lC
“I’ll do it,” Mai said. “I don’t need to think about it.”992Please respect copyright.PENANAo6bK8LWuJ6
992Please respect copyright.PENANAlbont275eN
When they were kids, the two of them would go on adventures. It’s something Mai outgrew quickly, but Megumi still hasn’t. They found a treehouse in the woods behind their house once. Seeing it was abandoned, they decided it was theirs. Megumi would go there and wait for Mai to come home from dance practice.992Please respect copyright.PENANAwF0SIpPUiG
992Please respect copyright.PENANA0w8DdnEjdu
She was there one day, waiting for Mai, when the rotting wood collapsed beneath her, pitching her out of the treehouse. Mai arrived just in time to catch Megumi, breaking her arm in the process. She didn’t complain about it once, even when it meant she couldn’t dance for three weeks.992Please respect copyright.PENANAFMPaYvNTQO
992Please respect copyright.PENANAvOmlfmOnDb
Megumi swallows the guilt and the fear that she’s being selfish.992Please respect copyright.PENANAndqzmNCa9n
992Please respect copyright.PENANALmyW10309p
Her weak heart manages to catch up to Mai’s heart—the one they’ll soon be sharing.992Please respect copyright.PENANAglH9sEolyG
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Mai has a moment of panic before the anesthesia is administered. She doesn’t think she can’t do this. It’s a nightmare, spilling into her lungs and suffocating her. She can’t stop dancing. She doesn’t know how to be a full person if she isn’t a dancer.992Please respect copyright.PENANAinctOhb6FR
992Please respect copyright.PENANAyGptNtvoiG
But then she looks at the black hair spilling over the side of the bed beside her. Megumi-chan is already under, maybe dream of everything she’ll do when she wakes up with a new heart. After all, half a functioning heart is better than a full non-functioning heart.992Please respect copyright.PENANAl32mj8J9FM
992Please respect copyright.PENANAbAWgLGT2ud
Mai tries to take her sister’s hand, but she can’t reach it.992Please respect copyright.PENANAhl51OkAFlL
992Please respect copyright.PENANAVtbjJBJxru
She closes her eyes and opens them a moment later. At least it feels like a moment later. The soreness in her chest says otherwise. She feels in pieces. Her mind is still foggy from the anesthesia but the mental capacity that is still working tries to make sense of the changes she has to make to her life now.992Please respect copyright.PENANAUZ7kK2U0gF
992Please respect copyright.PENANAXIWpReHu29
Mai feels incomplete already, like she needs to undergo some sort of mental rehab to teach her to be a normal person without being a dancer. She is empty and devoid of purpose, wondering how people adapt to situations that turn their lives around completely.992Please respect copyright.PENANAS3SWCYnf7p
992Please respect copyright.PENANAishlDRtj0F
She supposes they do it out of necessity. Mai has made this choice, and although she doesn’t doubt it’s the right one, she has no idea how to come to terms with it.992Please respect copyright.PENANAx1xvSuXsM3
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The light is too bright when Megumi wakes up. Her eyes mist over, and she has to blink out the tears and let them adjust before taking stock of her surroundings. Oxygen is being fed to her through a mask. Needles thread her arms so she can barely move without tugging at one or another. She lifts her hand to her chest, feeling the uneven skin under her hospital gown. She hears the beep of a heart rate monitor—but just one.992Please respect copyright.PENANA102uivs4Gs
992Please respect copyright.PENANAPDo9QBh5UV
Turning her head as much as she can, Megumi sees Mom right outside the open door. Mom’s face is buried in her hands, shoulders shaking.992Please respect copyright.PENANAj1CJMJMf6a
992Please respect copyright.PENANAW6ZcdTpcxy
Megumi is a bit more alert, her blood going cold. Did something go wrong with Mai?992Please respect copyright.PENANATDkE6sNNxf
992Please respect copyright.PENANA8e7QzIIzGM
But she turns her head to the other side, and her sister is on her bed—at Megumi’s side as always. Mai is flipping through magazine sand eating chocolate pudding, but she exclaims when she sees Megumi awake.992Please respect copyright.PENANAtCJmFVOjeV
992Please respect copyright.PENANAfFnbNVZBxS
“Are you okay? How do you feel?”992Please respect copyright.PENANAAUrmWIO2TE
992Please respect copyright.PENANAdJ2ExlYSis
Megumi motions tiredly to the oxygen mask on her face. She feels lightheaded and tired, but her new heart feels strong. Even having just half of it feels so much better than her old heart.992Please respect copyright.PENANAiZbv9yGqaj
992Please respect copyright.PENANAYxENJEPGWv
That’s when she realizes there are two heart monitors after all. It’s just that both of them are beeping perfectly in sync.992Please respect copyright.PENANAwRcGRkSscr
992Please respect copyright.PENANABL5vQNLI4q
Dr. Aguerra comes in and checks on Megumi, finally taking off the oxygen mask.992Please respect copyright.PENANAjggTiQjKIC
992Please respect copyright.PENANAtBapjPmcEc
“We just need to run a few tests,” he says. “We’ll take Mai out first. You just wait here and relax until we come and get you.”992Please respect copyright.PENANAIh7Ohup5Yc
992Please respect copyright.PENANAL0JuiVYTFX
He turns on the TV and hands her the remote after helping her sit up. Megumi thought she just wanted to sleep, but once she’s seated, she feels more awake.992Please respect copyright.PENANA21jGiFCzqK
992Please respect copyright.PENANAT3cgBoURcz
As they wheel Mai out, Megumi catches sight of her backpack on a chair in the corner of the room. The lace from Mai’s favorite ballet shoes hangs outside the zipper. Swallowing the ache, Megumi turns her gaze back to the TV. She isn’t really paying attention, though. She’s enjoying the feel of her new heart and thinking about everything she loves…and admittedly everything she hates too. To her relief, her new heart responds as it should. She’d still the same person.992Please respect copyright.PENANAyJ9O1Tx6W5
992Please respect copyright.PENANAgg1JXjeBMR
But then she stops on a channel showing a dance competition. Megumi, who couldn’t even watch her sister’s biggest performance without fidgeting, finds herself riveted by the strangers dancing onscreen. Her pulse quickens, and she lets the remote rest on her lap.992Please respect copyright.PENANArHHey7Jjnw
992Please respect copyright.PENANAdGr37a56V9
For some reason she doesn’t quite understand, a tear squeezes out of her eye.