我是季妍，出版界筆耕多年的小小插畫家一枚。578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnM6f9NSwWC
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRoWgtBgiCo
我熱愛我的工作，作畫迅速從不拖稿的我，筆耕之餘還在家裡開了繪畫教室騙騙小朋友，幾年下來，事業小成的我有了幾個足以讓我膨脹的稱號---出版界稱我“季快手”，學生叫我季老師…578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaEfvt4hmw5
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtWpthkNo4B
但，這些，都不及我另一個稱號來得“響亮”。578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ9pzsJ2gsP
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ2eZllAzs0
這個稱號是婆婆取的，她叫我~~“無~蛋~雞”~~~578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡggcquNeLy8
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQPY2YJU1Q
是的，你沒聽錯，因為在她眼中，我就是隻生不出蛋的老母雞。578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdmdCTfUrw
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMHRHszVqxb
也許是怕我日子太無聊了吧，老天爺給了我一個全世界最棒的老公，卻又買一送一的附贈了個機車婆婆，結婚三年來，生不出半顆蛋的我早已被她嫌到十八層地獄，偏偏她老人家想盡辦法就是無法把我從“楊昕然老婆”的位置踢下來，因為她兒子超疼老婆…578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡns76HBZtmc
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQrCLDBaeWu
呵~~~你看她煩不煩哪！578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhnfuShnKTp
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5KhBzEp4Q
媳婦的肚子沒動靜，兒子又越來越“老”（明明才32歲），眼看楊家就要斷子絕孫了，婆婆的焦慮越來越嚴重，於是她開始檢討我敷不出蛋的可能原因……578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZelOvqI05K
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC2wGeRG4lH
吃冰、吹冷氣……好，我改。578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlXL3Lf7MG
熬夜……對，我的錯。578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVuCR9o5Ys8
使用便宜水彩顏料……便宜？一盒幾千578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBd2BqPCh2l
的“林布蘭特”？578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVF0VdRRi8
呼吸的空氣有毒……好吧，我可以不呼578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlmP5hBZxj
吸了……578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlaQaxHeFip
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0D7qHj7Iq
總而言之，親愛的婆婆把所有生不出孩子的原因都歸到我身上，偏偏怪東怪西就是不怪她兒子…有一次她親愛的兒子終於看不下去了…578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5tEinhSUm
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt7vGHa1fnx
「搞不好是我的精子有問題啊」，楊昕然先生說。578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6Ex5r5whz
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvDeuGWoNWK
「胡說，我們楊家的精子怎麼會有問題」，婆婆嚴厲否認。578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwoK1XPGHud
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4j51lxoi3j
噢，對了，說到精子，我老公是窩在手機堆裡寫APP程式的程式設計師。578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg1UP2Xrbij
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6K51BFQDE
所以他的精子“絕對”沒問題。578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJu3JdmLMY
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxRb6N9IpU
唉~寶貝兒子沒有錯，生不出蛋的媳婦趕不走，婆婆的日子簡直沒法過了。578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqMbrgEGhwS
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsPnuUCYTlj
怎麼辦？578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZVu214djz
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPDsBBrLUq
能怎麼辦？…只好叫媳婦多多“努力”囉！578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvksFh5hNyE
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VgtQLTC5P
於是，親愛的婆婆天天督促我，天天督促我，電台賣的成藥我當飯吃、全臺灣的乩童都成了婆婆的FB好友，對婆婆來說，乩童的話就是聖旨，乩童叫我做什麼我都得照做……為此我吞了香灰、喝了符水、嚐遍了你想像不到的噁心東西…578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUM8zptW4wi
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoi0AGbbfDA
但，這麼“乖巧”的我，那天還是爆發了…578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9aqak6E607
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhrp1BLiUtV
因為婆婆叫我去跪“她娘家”的祖先！578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaUr9Y666bq
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡceQIrNd545
「為什麼我得去跪妳媽的（ps:這不是髒話）祖先」？…我心頭一驚。578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0URqcaiBTE
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhwzXapIOmH
「大師說妳祖先得罪我娘家祖先，所以祖先不要妳的種」，婆婆舒適的窩在客廳沙發上削著我剛買回來的西洋梨，「除非你向我娘家祖先下跪道歉，不然」…578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡduZqocQXMQ
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6Xc1Mdks8
「下跪道歉」？578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshUAZ6fc0p
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fgWULEPy9
「沒錯」，婆婆繼續削梨子，「所以明天妳跟我回」…578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkOmSBnczq3
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiTObKwGPzN
「~！…、☆○＞□＾」…578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡROznScaerz
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSVJKLOzHr
不知是不是方才喝的水果啤酒太上頭了，明明早已對婆婆的刻薄言語“免疫”的我，竟然被區區幾句話惹火了，於是，當婆婆終於消滅了難纏的梨子皮，準備享受她的勞動成果…的前一秒，我突然伸手搶走她的梨子…578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPSxbGFqkwX
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcyNqq6GbBr
「接下來還有什麼」？我紅著眼問。578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxsBlPhZB0r
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡduJVNTp25z
「蛤」？這是我嫁入楊家以來第一次對婆婆發飆，可能是不習慣這樣的我吧，婆婆完全愣住了。578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Il71Yk8MO
　　578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAkDs70Z5oo
「我說…接下來妳還要怎麼“玩”我」？578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwK3oV3gvb4
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWKDJuHKJZ
「什麼“玩”妳」？婆婆盯著被我搶走的梨子，一臉的莫名，「我還不是為妳好」…578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmorz191txF
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNGnpETPfmN
「為我好」？我氣笑了，「原來逼我喝符水吃香灰吃到拉肚子是為我好」…我咬牙切齒的用梨子指著婆婆…的鼻子，「摸摸良心吧！如果今天安然生不出來妳會這樣對她嗎」？578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkYxx0E6Bl5
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcvEEGvnsW
PS:楊安然---昕然的妹妹，某私立大學夜間部學生，楊家的寶貝，也是婆婆絕不能踩的大地雷…578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolduIfRBHZ
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYO4Pu7isY
但此刻氣瘋的我竟然踩下去了！578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXDh0S92TIa
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8q4SG8FldD
「妳…妳這隻無蛋雞」！婆婆果不其然的…炸了，她憤然站起，把我手中的梨子搶去狠砸在地，「妳敢詛咒我女兒跟妳一樣沒蛋！妳…妳給我滾出去」！578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAk1FQsrf6M
　　578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQZvv8gz6t
「為什麼我要滾」？我叉腰繼續做死，「這裡是我家耶」！578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhrMMk2hqw6
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9gZemv5BP8
是的，這間位於碧潭河畔三房一廳的小屋是我和老公浪漫的家，我的婆家“遠”在五十公尺外，但我忘了婆婆是老公最親愛的老媽，更忘了婆婆是個多麼愛演的老太太。578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28FjUfL7An
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRnGQ0Hko7q
「妳…」…罵著罵著，婆婆竟然一屁股坐在地上嚎啕大哭起來~「嗚嗚~~我是造了什麼孽啊！年輕的時候為楊家做牛做馬，好不容易當了婆婆，還要被媳婦糟蹋」…578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ELik2D2wJ
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDdgsMv9XmR
「媽」…唉…又來了…578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAwngcfZd7G
　　578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIfE52J0Z0q
我無奈的揉揉眉心，一邊讚嘆婆婆的“演技”，只是……這裡只有我和婆婆，她能演給誰看？578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2XXaBt9Btm
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO4MyjFwN6b
咦…不對……578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡADv5M5efzR
　　578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ98TuEUfbto
我看了看電視上方的大圓鐘…578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1NmOlrvdPR
　　578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBAhV9oQKkm
呵…果然…老公接安然放學快到家了。578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRKNEXzQmP
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8tvgZIWlqw
「我的命怎麼這麼苦啊…嗚嗚嗚」…578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡywj0mzQaCb
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡquHVo8Mp3T
我無奈的看著眼前演得興起的婆婆，孝順的兒女快回來了，而苦命的母親還坐在地板上哭天搶地，可想而知，幾分鐘後這個家會有多“熱鬧”。578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMXoXioCPt6
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLtlzfZOQD
「唉」…我忍不住歎氣…唉…又是這樣…578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Cke1ynGvs
　　578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRY54lTefKf
我很清楚如何避免即將到來的衝突…578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEFdb9dy6Y
　　578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbt9edQBZV
不就是答應去跟“她媽的”祖先下跪道歉嗎？578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fpNEtL21G
　　578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPPw8IyIdK
下跪，簡單，但接下來呢？578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOMtxzdXwSU
　　578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3xbk3wFu3K
只要我變不出孩子，婆婆永遠有新的花招等著我…578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZf69SrlhF
　　578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkmcrhkkb2u
我已經陪婆婆玩兩年了，這樣的日子我還得熬多久？578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡySTmUDeU1z
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlEGcCkNl0
　　　　我 受 夠 了！！！578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80AtEN3iF0
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKgGPCRy1ZX
「妳慢慢哭吧」，婆婆的哭聲幾乎穿透了天際，但我已經不在乎了…在一片空白的思緒中，我恍惚的握住了大門門把…「我~~不幹了」！578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3uOsyBLodb
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKluvXrGQJE
“ 砰”！！~~的一聲…婆婆的哭嚎聲被留在了門後。578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyckFE0lxB7
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxsVbwzJjDI
我走出門外，迎接我的是愁煞人的秋雨，十月的碧潭剛迎來入秋第一道寒流，冰冷的雨絲一根根扎入我毫無防護的雙臂，我知道我該回頭，但我無路可退。578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENyPQInZhF
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNGG6MYDKqh
退不得，那就跑吧！578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8WagBcmWa
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zOyzslsVO
於是我開始拼命奔跑、拼命奔跑……578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4MJFkYgFt
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhkDC3z8oWU
萬萬想不到，這一跑，竟跑出了我的第一個孩子，還有那短暫卻一生難忘的姐妹情誼……578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFz1LHhq8qI
578Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhsIMmbHExi
這是一個很短、很短的故事，如果您允許的話，請容我用旁觀者的角度，向您娓娓道來吧。