我是季妍，出版界筆耕多年的小小插畫家一枚。512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaW3xWDAOHa
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVdUmSnr94z
我熱愛我的工作，作畫迅速從不拖稿的我，筆耕之餘還在家裡開了繪畫教室騙騙小朋友，幾年下來，事業小成的我有了幾個足以讓我膨脹的稱號---出版界稱我“季快手”，學生叫我季老師…512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCE2QbddgmD
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但，這些，都不及我另一個稱號來得“響亮”。512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzldn2NeaKV
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHD2Jpuydsh
這個稱號是婆婆取的，她叫我~~“無~蛋~雞”~~~512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlDsgYpf59
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ73mGNzGpfa
是的，你沒聽錯，因為在她眼中，我就是隻生不出蛋的老母雞。512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1hyXv1McMV
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQk62E2xF5w
也許是怕我日子太無聊了吧，老天爺給了我一個全世界最棒的老公，卻又買一送一的附贈了個機車婆婆，結婚三年來，生不出半顆蛋的我早已被她嫌到十八層地獄，偏偏她老人家想盡辦法就是無法把我從“楊昕然老婆”的位置踢下來，因為她兒子超疼老婆…512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYGto26LitW
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWvfesAiMVZ
呵~~~你看她煩不煩哪！512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7qOFPxOggd
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqXyEpolsI
媳婦的肚子沒動靜，兒子又越來越“老”（明明才32歲），眼看楊家就要斷子絕孫了，婆婆的焦慮越來越嚴重，於是她開始檢討我敷不出蛋的可能原因……512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSOuwl7rYZ
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfMMoNgMPEI
吃冰、吹冷氣……好，我改。512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBzMepFArb
熬夜……對，我的錯。512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDGgYR1pK7z
使用便宜水彩顏料……便宜？一盒幾千512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu3MkikHZia
的“林布蘭特”？512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIFVIBvfd0o
呼吸的空氣有毒……好吧，我可以不呼512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuF1fhisC7i
吸了……512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjxXzQq3kL9
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjYx6U8dVP1
總而言之，親愛的婆婆把所有生不出孩子的原因都歸到我身上，偏偏怪東怪西就是不怪她兒子…有一次她親愛的兒子終於看不下去了…512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr5FKKBmUkT
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZrzKJr6b6D
「搞不好是我的精子有問題啊」，楊昕然先生說。512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkENJe89Ycn
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPsnlGEjHpC
「胡說，我們楊家的精子怎麼會有問題」，婆婆嚴厲否認。512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvXfVr2CHt
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTGXkApxYdo
噢，對了，說到精子，我老公是窩在手機堆裡寫APP程式的程式設計師。512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIXs6nUVHWl
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所以他的精子“絕對”沒問題。512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT62wVH40Qf
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvaDdCHajEr
唉~寶貝兒子沒有錯，生不出蛋的媳婦趕不走，婆婆的日子簡直沒法過了。512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpJ0cZ487HU
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怎麼辦？512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7fmrVQm19U
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDRlmXHglbo
能怎麼辦？…只好叫媳婦多多“努力”囉！512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ40nojh7Sof
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3SYm8zBqP4
於是，親愛的婆婆天天督促我，天天督促我，電台賣的成藥我當飯吃、全臺灣的乩童都成了婆婆的FB好友，對婆婆來說，乩童的話就是聖旨，乩童叫我做什麼我都得照做……為此我吞了香灰、喝了符水、嚐遍了你想像不到的噁心東西…512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFIAl1Jaoa4
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTz6VxSp6aH
但，這麼“乖巧”的我，那天還是爆發了…512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7O6nwpRn6b
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因為婆婆叫我去跪“她娘家”的祖先！512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH9LBzBAitz
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYaZaSI6FK
「為什麼我得去跪妳媽的（ps:這不是髒話）祖先」？…我心頭一驚。512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFmTQBEyOF
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxmLlm9YDK
「大師說妳祖先得罪我娘家祖先，所以祖先不要妳的種」，婆婆舒適的窩在客廳沙發上削著我剛買回來的西洋梨，「除非你向我娘家祖先下跪道歉，不然」…512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4r37t1qL05
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「下跪道歉」？512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkfJe6JcFEw
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA89pUIn7Rj
「沒錯」，婆婆繼續削梨子，「所以明天妳跟我回」…512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8igYN1fAt
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyzLYsbrP9u
「~！…、☆○＞□＾」…512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHEAHcRDHl
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAOBSHTeahh
不知是不是方才喝的水果啤酒太上頭了，明明早已對婆婆的刻薄言語“免疫”的我，竟然被區區幾句話惹火了，於是，當婆婆終於消滅了難纏的梨子皮，準備享受她的勞動成果…的前一秒，我突然伸手搶走她的梨子…512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡre8IGselry
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ58NU9YPZSK
「接下來還有什麼」？我紅著眼問。512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡemPjDyfiRg
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsNsS5cP2C1
「蛤」？這是我嫁入楊家以來第一次對婆婆發飆，可能是不習慣這樣的我吧，婆婆完全愣住了。512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFusJath5ku
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「我說…接下來妳還要怎麼“玩”我」？512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWl7Zezp7Wb
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3DgdtIcbmC
「什麼“玩”妳」？婆婆盯著被我搶走的梨子，一臉的莫名，「我還不是為妳好」…512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ES8p7bixz
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbnwit1TQ4v
「為我好」？我氣笑了，「原來逼我喝符水吃香灰吃到拉肚子是為我好」…我咬牙切齒的用梨子指著婆婆…的鼻子，「摸摸良心吧！如果今天安然生不出來妳會這樣對她嗎」？512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUtaOKpoE0Y
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKfnO9zByM
PS:楊安然---昕然的妹妹，某私立大學夜間部學生，楊家的寶貝，也是婆婆絕不能踩的大地雷…512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeT0K2qIl3M
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrarjyjUrFz
但此刻氣瘋的我竟然踩下去了！512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG3TkG4DYOd
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxUFESE6tFA
「妳…妳這隻無蛋雞」！婆婆果不其然的…炸了，她憤然站起，把我手中的梨子搶去狠砸在地，「妳敢詛咒我女兒跟妳一樣沒蛋！妳…妳給我滾出去」！512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCUBAMbb8mk
　　512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5svw5ZAE7I
「為什麼我要滾」？我叉腰繼續做死，「這裡是我家耶」！512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMnCxqpRwgV
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJPnHDWpkJl
是的，這間位於碧潭河畔三房一廳的小屋是我和老公浪漫的家，我的婆家“遠”在五十公尺外，但我忘了婆婆是老公最親愛的老媽，更忘了婆婆是個多麼愛演的老太太。512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWdFYqrxAY
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJb4sKRoUer
「妳…」…罵著罵著，婆婆竟然一屁股坐在地上嚎啕大哭起來~「嗚嗚~~我是造了什麼孽啊！年輕的時候為楊家做牛做馬，好不容易當了婆婆，還要被媳婦糟蹋」…512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XvgswWsLe
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIc0jyVkOzO
「媽」…唉…又來了…512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIRifONq2o
　　512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUP03bBgJ8n
我無奈的揉揉眉心，一邊讚嘆婆婆的“演技”，只是……這裡只有我和婆婆，她能演給誰看？512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvs6qn0AA5
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咦…不對……512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66XpE084tN
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我看了看電視上方的大圓鐘…512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL00Yj63t2V
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呵…果然…老公接安然放學快到家了。512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqByIAgIYO
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNBJL59XdP
「我的命怎麼這麼苦啊…嗚嗚嗚」…512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyLLdKrU7G4
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Ms1LVCPiW
我無奈的看著眼前演得興起的婆婆，孝順的兒女快回來了，而苦命的母親還坐在地板上哭天搶地，可想而知，幾分鐘後這個家會有多“熱鬧”。512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡto6x36DE1N
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVpIi7OfRHx
「唉」…我忍不住歎氣…唉…又是這樣…512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCrZGJPRGse
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我很清楚如何避免即將到來的衝突…512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnj00xkbmWt
　　512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1tcPSohld3
不就是答應去跟“她媽的”祖先下跪道歉嗎？512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRe1csDOtM
　　512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNsFHC9xcV
下跪，簡單，但接下來呢？512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6BJHBhp4hI
　　512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdT5Vf8MF6E
只要我變不出孩子，婆婆永遠有新的花招等著我…512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWC7HmZ2zDd
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我已經陪婆婆玩兩年了，這樣的日子我還得熬多久？512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNasfTinqfl
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8cuB9o4cu0
　　　　我 受 夠 了！！！512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM16Yg4jc2V
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXtTPvp9Rq9
「妳慢慢哭吧」，婆婆的哭聲幾乎穿透了天際，但我已經不在乎了…在一片空白的思緒中，我恍惚的握住了大門門把…「我~~不幹了」！512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCA0egzGcvj
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPXRcHxm5t
“ 砰”！！~~的一聲…婆婆的哭嚎聲被留在了門後。512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJejxRfSsQ
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxtZf3aPk3X
我走出門外，迎接我的是愁煞人的秋雨，十月的碧潭剛迎來入秋第一道寒流，冰冷的雨絲一根根扎入我毫無防護的雙臂，我知道我該回頭，但我無路可退。512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQmPeWsjNI
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgLsgcFNTU8
退不得，那就跑吧！512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm7ebhcDa7Z
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZWI3uOO2d
於是我開始拼命奔跑、拼命奔跑……512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMG5Yr9sHDN
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwh2zG3qRKP
萬萬想不到，這一跑，竟跑出了我的第一個孩子，還有那短暫卻一生難忘的姐妹情誼……512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7IPqtYFE8F
512Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfoxapGOfDa
這是一個很短、很短的故事，如果您允許的話，請容我用旁觀者的角度，向您娓娓道來吧。