我是季妍，出版界筆耕多年的小小插畫家一枚。552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnXtFCxbX5
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnlG5e62MpE
我熱愛我的工作，作畫迅速從不拖稿的我，筆耕之餘還在家裡開了繪畫教室騙騙小朋友，幾年下來，事業小成的我有了幾個足以讓我膨脹的稱號---出版界稱我“季快手”，學生叫我季老師…552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeVVjyhSV8J
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJXDerSUy8P
但，這些，都不及我另一個稱號來得“響亮”。552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4w3MweLQtW
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6BfFV10s8
這個稱號是婆婆取的，她叫我~~“無~蛋~雞”~~~552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07gi7iie7k
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1DqAisiicC
是的，你沒聽錯，因為在她眼中，我就是隻生不出蛋的老母雞。552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLqaiTkkQ1d
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4BsHWrSg1B
也許是怕我日子太無聊了吧，老天爺給了我一個全世界最棒的老公，卻又買一送一的附贈了個機車婆婆，結婚三年來，生不出半顆蛋的我早已被她嫌到十八層地獄，偏偏她老人家想盡辦法就是無法把我從“楊昕然老婆”的位置踢下來，因為她兒子超疼老婆…552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXKszvYjCX
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQKdqfCbM1
呵~~~你看她煩不煩哪！552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0qUKiuN9z
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOtyNHkuObm
媳婦的肚子沒動靜，兒子又越來越“老”（明明才32歲），眼看楊家就要斷子絕孫了，婆婆的焦慮越來越嚴重，於是她開始檢討我敷不出蛋的可能原因……552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxHjjy81xC
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOObIILBLm1
吃冰、吹冷氣……好，我改。552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqsETJvyui
熬夜……對，我的錯。552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqHWyVOdY3z
使用便宜水彩顏料……便宜？一盒幾千552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNk3gizmTpW
的“林布蘭特”？552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXswwOkbs3I
呼吸的空氣有毒……好吧，我可以不呼552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYcKTDhV4CO
吸了……552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQeS6OzUohw
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1QM5FjcpB
總而言之，親愛的婆婆把所有生不出孩子的原因都歸到我身上，偏偏怪東怪西就是不怪她兒子…有一次她親愛的兒子終於看不下去了…552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXGowSUgBg
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXaxsiwPByt
「搞不好是我的精子有問題啊」，楊昕然先生說。552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmJtAeV6UTy
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIgOrjcDV0r
「胡說，我們楊家的精子怎麼會有問題」，婆婆嚴厲否認。552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6fnkMP3aC
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACIeWzq7ep
噢，對了，說到精子，我老公是窩在手機堆裡寫APP程式的程式設計師。552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWPMEZ8Ygzs
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhwarpwFHSj
所以他的精子“絕對”沒問題。552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPXgQBa6HdL
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg04UGENAsT
唉~寶貝兒子沒有錯，生不出蛋的媳婦趕不走，婆婆的日子簡直沒法過了。552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTVRhjryFQu
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTVQDrSrzu
怎麼辦？552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv0rWGwDh9A
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVpXQ1edX4
能怎麼辦？…只好叫媳婦多多“努力”囉！552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdXWSoUxMJ
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3h8af15xmV
於是，親愛的婆婆天天督促我，天天督促我，電台賣的成藥我當飯吃、全臺灣的乩童都成了婆婆的FB好友，對婆婆來說，乩童的話就是聖旨，乩童叫我做什麼我都得照做……為此我吞了香灰、喝了符水、嚐遍了你想像不到的噁心東西…552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMA1pa2Pkej
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpgB2ofk4QQ
但，這麼“乖巧”的我，那天還是爆發了…552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfi0orIJ4R5
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPorp8KpXM
因為婆婆叫我去跪“她娘家”的祖先！552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPAZhdq5oXr
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhpMsb8xAIZ
「為什麼我得去跪妳媽的（ps:這不是髒話）祖先」？…我心頭一驚。552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvUmvsc87Y
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTmIOk6fKmX
「大師說妳祖先得罪我娘家祖先，所以祖先不要妳的種」，婆婆舒適的窩在客廳沙發上削著我剛買回來的西洋梨，「除非你向我娘家祖先下跪道歉，不然」…552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9SH6pBlrjb
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmifl4zqVgk
「下跪道歉」？552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHRaZO0r7Kr
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDHE76Kv09R
「沒錯」，婆婆繼續削梨子，「所以明天妳跟我回」…552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpDQupzCXxq
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRlbdx45GxO
「~！…、☆○＞□＾」…552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxNzbUjXSr7
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4sv3xmXPd
不知是不是方才喝的水果啤酒太上頭了，明明早已對婆婆的刻薄言語“免疫”的我，竟然被區區幾句話惹火了，於是，當婆婆終於消滅了難纏的梨子皮，準備享受她的勞動成果…的前一秒，我突然伸手搶走她的梨子…552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5QrA59ATL
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡidfNtSIgq1
「接下來還有什麼」？我紅著眼問。552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQROJvs4d6e
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6dGMfNxzG
「蛤」？這是我嫁入楊家以來第一次對婆婆發飆，可能是不習慣這樣的我吧，婆婆完全愣住了。552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd3Luv51C8C
　　552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2cH9eOpmB5
「我說…接下來妳還要怎麼“玩”我」？552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExLQgL4N2k
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxPXWFyuIL
「什麼“玩”妳」？婆婆盯著被我搶走的梨子，一臉的莫名，「我還不是為妳好」…552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFDnyc6vwr
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1lHIAA059
「為我好」？我氣笑了，「原來逼我喝符水吃香灰吃到拉肚子是為我好」…我咬牙切齒的用梨子指著婆婆…的鼻子，「摸摸良心吧！如果今天安然生不出來妳會這樣對她嗎」？552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGpNO039YPt
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ74NzjGwd3b
PS:楊安然---昕然的妹妹，某私立大學夜間部學生，楊家的寶貝，也是婆婆絕不能踩的大地雷…552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLyfEWpdiPX
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQgxlht9kV
但此刻氣瘋的我竟然踩下去了！552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcT2hOqU77a
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡukT5dtpdCz
「妳…妳這隻無蛋雞」！婆婆果不其然的…炸了，她憤然站起，把我手中的梨子搶去狠砸在地，「妳敢詛咒我女兒跟妳一樣沒蛋！妳…妳給我滾出去」！552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnJ39iNwnf7
　　552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ95t67kGqji
「為什麼我要滾」？我叉腰繼續做死，「這裡是我家耶」！552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPX9aJot1j8
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQ974gLY6Q
是的，這間位於碧潭河畔三房一廳的小屋是我和老公浪漫的家，我的婆家“遠”在五十公尺外，但我忘了婆婆是老公最親愛的老媽，更忘了婆婆是個多麼愛演的老太太。552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSvNbd7QqHJ
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjpjvCi2Bp
「妳…」…罵著罵著，婆婆竟然一屁股坐在地上嚎啕大哭起來~「嗚嗚~~我是造了什麼孽啊！年輕的時候為楊家做牛做馬，好不容易當了婆婆，還要被媳婦糟蹋」…552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡULKlmlqCY8
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHKgBmAQYV
「媽」…唉…又來了…552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLRsovlQmQE
　　552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡauWalnuPKK
我無奈的揉揉眉心，一邊讚嘆婆婆的“演技”，只是……這裡只有我和婆婆，她能演給誰看？552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDn8lSyANwe
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz7PiGX6VuR
咦…不對……552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7Z7xol80Z
　　552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Ff0UOtCoG
我看了看電視上方的大圓鐘…552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1bXLdJ27M
　　552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVwO3jl6zsC
呵…果然…老公接安然放學快到家了。552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ32Nj5gwqxJ
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNpKfSYvrXT
「我的命怎麼這麼苦啊…嗚嗚嗚」…552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFkEuJDLrJ
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuePKg4M3Ea
我無奈的看著眼前演得興起的婆婆，孝順的兒女快回來了，而苦命的母親還坐在地板上哭天搶地，可想而知，幾分鐘後這個家會有多“熱鬧”。552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Hs2xJcu03
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnlN3FqgOvO
「唉」…我忍不住歎氣…唉…又是這樣…552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfHSR6jkCno
　　552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAMvdtG5o4R
我很清楚如何避免即將到來的衝突…552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFRlfqjMdj0
　　552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZUytugy9IM
不就是答應去跟“她媽的”祖先下跪道歉嗎？552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVUEbFr7BY
　　552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSeuKX7nEl8
下跪，簡單，但接下來呢？552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEFatyLPfUY
　　552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjh7C4WISo
只要我變不出孩子，婆婆永遠有新的花招等著我…552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDvcxuW4cXZ
　　552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzitJQkdSdb
我已經陪婆婆玩兩年了，這樣的日子我還得熬多久？552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMIMR6KCWKU
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRdbQHcBAfF
　　　　我 受 夠 了！！！552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1vWX69Qs0R
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv2chvm2wgk
「妳慢慢哭吧」，婆婆的哭聲幾乎穿透了天際，但我已經不在乎了…在一片空白的思緒中，我恍惚的握住了大門門把…「我~~不幹了」！552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60Mirx9HCe
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5UAAOXqLuq
“ 砰”！！~~的一聲…婆婆的哭嚎聲被留在了門後。552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeZfwLM6jOu
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJlmQsU8S0
我走出門外，迎接我的是愁煞人的秋雨，十月的碧潭剛迎來入秋第一道寒流，冰冷的雨絲一根根扎入我毫無防護的雙臂，我知道我該回頭，但我無路可退。552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzUSA8IXeoV
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaxg9bkTf3G
退不得，那就跑吧！552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh34ArNlQkd
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXOeoDmEF2
於是我開始拼命奔跑、拼命奔跑……552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4ALTn2NzJ
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqapXtdFDGt
萬萬想不到，這一跑，竟跑出了我的第一個孩子，還有那短暫卻一生難忘的姐妹情誼……552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4f7rv302bi
552Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLP0kc6lWW
這是一個很短、很短的故事，如果您允許的話，請容我用旁觀者的角度，向您娓娓道來吧。