我是季妍，出版界筆耕多年的小小插畫家一枚。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6g0I7ZfIp
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDumxEzb2rH
我熱愛我的工作，作畫迅速從不拖稿的我，筆耕之餘還在家裡開了繪畫教室騙騙小朋友，幾年下來，事業小成的我有了幾個足以讓我膨脹的稱號---出版界稱我“季快手”，學生叫我季老師…485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9O4EdIeyZZ
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnaoWRxAofo
但，這些，都不及我另一個稱號來得“響亮”。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡykBjs4et8E
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9rLRjxBxul
這個稱號是婆婆取的，她叫我~~“無~蛋~雞”~~~485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIvZdWhqOcG
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf4TTtFis5l
是的，你沒聽錯，因為在她眼中，我就是隻生不出蛋的老母雞。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPJmpoSgDk
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEDFBCUlz3z
也許是怕我日子太無聊了吧，老天爺給了我一個全世界最棒的老公，卻又買一送一的附贈了個機車婆婆，結婚三年來，生不出半顆蛋的我早已被她嫌到十八層地獄，偏偏她老人家想盡辦法就是無法把我從“楊昕然老婆”的位置踢下來，因為她兒子超疼老婆…485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVQG7rXlOAc
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuS9xXRF4W5
呵~~~你看她煩不煩哪！485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFMwIJJkG0r
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCj6d7gUgp2
媳婦的肚子沒動靜，兒子又越來越“老”（明明才32歲），眼看楊家就要斷子絕孫了，婆婆的焦慮越來越嚴重，於是她開始檢討我敷不出蛋的可能原因……485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0sgpCVfTlo
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPCPHvtgyg
吃冰、吹冷氣……好，我改。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlspGMcmk1x
熬夜……對，我的錯。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlLSpsBseq
使用便宜水彩顏料……便宜？一盒幾千485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyUnWDQF2BK
的“林布蘭特”？485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2WvYXGAML
呼吸的空氣有毒……好吧，我可以不呼485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8lrtS4mpzJ
吸了……485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzw8paZeHj3
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMUuGNhu5yO
總而言之，親愛的婆婆把所有生不出孩子的原因都歸到我身上，偏偏怪東怪西就是不怪她兒子…有一次她親愛的兒子終於看不下去了…485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpnrDRGsxjT
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPstuXaymY9
「搞不好是我的精子有問題啊」，楊昕然先生說。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡARtoLrRchi
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJxe13syOX3
「胡說，我們楊家的精子怎麼會有問題」，婆婆嚴厲否認。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhqGFnAyr34
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Kg2jgcM7L
噢，對了，說到精子，我老公是窩在手機堆裡寫APP程式的程式設計師。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYbCxq1qnD
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUSPKc9UfhD
所以他的精子“絕對”沒問題。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdcnage4am
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3AvCbCHpwO
唉~寶貝兒子沒有錯，生不出蛋的媳婦趕不走，婆婆的日子簡直沒法過了。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2iBz0gvFgs
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6NT2V6HzYg
怎麼辦？485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhoqIOAq55c
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxmfmyCaAt2
能怎麼辦？…只好叫媳婦多多“努力”囉！485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOP9o51t8Xv
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgeb5gmi8HF
於是，親愛的婆婆天天督促我，天天督促我，電台賣的成藥我當飯吃、全臺灣的乩童都成了婆婆的FB好友，對婆婆來說，乩童的話就是聖旨，乩童叫我做什麼我都得照做……為此我吞了香灰、喝了符水、嚐遍了你想像不到的噁心東西…485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqrsvQaffk6
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOwYOEajDfg
但，這麼“乖巧”的我，那天還是爆發了…485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIUgzHmoSpm
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVNkuG1DelE
因為婆婆叫我去跪“她娘家”的祖先！485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡufLJM4Kw32
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLyEvvii9Q
「為什麼我得去跪妳媽的（ps:這不是髒話）祖先」？…我心頭一驚。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIsEh1rO7ye
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpezaRTCJdT
「大師說妳祖先得罪我娘家祖先，所以祖先不要妳的種」，婆婆舒適的窩在客廳沙發上削著我剛買回來的西洋梨，「除非你向我娘家祖先下跪道歉，不然」…485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcV4508i3a
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpxv3UIvkXd
「下跪道歉」？485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwLbrVmwi43
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsOGiuNMzt
「沒錯」，婆婆繼續削梨子，「所以明天妳跟我回」…485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSL4uThYU2z
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvbPz37PvV
「~！…、☆○＞□＾」…485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLUCvwTVBA
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqm1AGDSxiM
不知是不是方才喝的水果啤酒太上頭了，明明早已對婆婆的刻薄言語“免疫”的我，竟然被區區幾句話惹火了，於是，當婆婆終於消滅了難纏的梨子皮，準備享受她的勞動成果…的前一秒，我突然伸手搶走她的梨子…485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNwy272ktnw
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWeq7jbEDZh
「接下來還有什麼」？我紅著眼問。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHwgINzf9J1
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqmFODR5Q41
「蛤」？這是我嫁入楊家以來第一次對婆婆發飆，可能是不習慣這樣的我吧，婆婆完全愣住了。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcOoKot82Ky
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「我說…接下來妳還要怎麼“玩”我」？485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2siCblawHk
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfW0PrSm0p
「什麼“玩”妳」？婆婆盯著被我搶走的梨子，一臉的莫名，「我還不是為妳好」…485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNJ3VbuFhS
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqn31QPzM1
「為我好」？我氣笑了，「原來逼我喝符水吃香灰吃到拉肚子是為我好」…我咬牙切齒的用梨子指著婆婆…的鼻子，「摸摸良心吧！如果今天安然生不出來妳會這樣對她嗎」？485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6WrdCaZ65u
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc8TKCoaQyk
PS:楊安然---昕然的妹妹，某私立大學夜間部學生，楊家的寶貝，也是婆婆絕不能踩的大地雷…485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8LYOUZ1q8v
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZxZqyCQbrv
但此刻氣瘋的我竟然踩下去了！485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgFFV6k1NP
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNgjvMRVQJ
「妳…妳這隻無蛋雞」！婆婆果不其然的…炸了，她憤然站起，把我手中的梨子搶去狠砸在地，「妳敢詛咒我女兒跟妳一樣沒蛋！妳…妳給我滾出去」！485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTLJAGSWOM9
　　485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6GshDwUl9L
「為什麼我要滾」？我叉腰繼續做死，「這裡是我家耶」！485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLUbdZKyte
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAMQdHCKYNC
是的，這間位於碧潭河畔三房一廳的小屋是我和老公浪漫的家，我的婆家“遠”在五十公尺外，但我忘了婆婆是老公最親愛的老媽，更忘了婆婆是個多麼愛演的老太太。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2SPjJSY7oX
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HUezeREVQ
「妳…」…罵著罵著，婆婆竟然一屁股坐在地上嚎啕大哭起來~「嗚嗚~~我是造了什麼孽啊！年輕的時候為楊家做牛做馬，好不容易當了婆婆，還要被媳婦糟蹋」…485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUsTKb4ySCw
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcFTANx7jtX
「媽」…唉…又來了…485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFc1zChsooO
　　485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlK3NbRYi7T
我無奈的揉揉眉心，一邊讚嘆婆婆的“演技”，只是……這裡只有我和婆婆，她能演給誰看？485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2TtMd4n8ky
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ7Qf8lgHbB
咦…不對……485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ICd6bRiu6
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我看了看電視上方的大圓鐘…485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3YbZF9zUp
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呵…果然…老公接安然放學快到家了。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx4YkiUFaxZ
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICvm3S6rek
「我的命怎麼這麼苦啊…嗚嗚嗚」…485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhu7wBONqt4
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSA0VAiNW0
我無奈的看著眼前演得興起的婆婆，孝順的兒女快回來了，而苦命的母親還坐在地板上哭天搶地，可想而知，幾分鐘後這個家會有多“熱鬧”。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBTn6Vosdi
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZFDMGLudEf
「唉」…我忍不住歎氣…唉…又是這樣…485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmcHSAaoXc
　　485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcI1T0bHvjy
我很清楚如何避免即將到來的衝突…485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6Tie71lqV
　　485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeFlWmhIEc7
不就是答應去跟“她媽的”祖先下跪道歉嗎？485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjH3aXqiNn1
　　485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyq2H7E741y
下跪，簡單，但接下來呢？485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUuwBCHHxw
　　485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGsId7DiOS
只要我變不出孩子，婆婆永遠有新的花招等著我…485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsl67ZmDb4W
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我已經陪婆婆玩兩年了，這樣的日子我還得熬多久？485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd8bPD6pcVt
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZxKLkm6yTb
　　　　我 受 夠 了！！！485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpNlxaAlOp0
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo73KQgMleo
「妳慢慢哭吧」，婆婆的哭聲幾乎穿透了天際，但我已經不在乎了…在一片空白的思緒中，我恍惚的握住了大門門把…「我~~不幹了」！485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx4L612cVG6
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFQ5zpqAtLN
“ 砰”！！~~的一聲…婆婆的哭嚎聲被留在了門後。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvm9bSKtQB3
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0bO2kAew1
我走出門外，迎接我的是愁煞人的秋雨，十月的碧潭剛迎來入秋第一道寒流，冰冷的雨絲一根根扎入我毫無防護的雙臂，我知道我該回頭，但我無路可退。485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyUF3WE79ji
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPyOCJOJMzY
退不得，那就跑吧！485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1nbfr9XeMO
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBofKffDdP
於是我開始拼命奔跑、拼命奔跑……485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPFS9cSxCmc
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsIAguQg8gL
萬萬想不到，這一跑，竟跑出了我的第一個孩子，還有那短暫卻一生難忘的姐妹情誼……485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMMLmNtWq2V
485Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUIrrlWowJh
這是一個很短、很短的故事，如果您允許的話，請容我用旁觀者的角度，向您娓娓道來吧。