TW: Suicide Mentioned/Suicide Attempt, Self Harm mention
Laughing with my friends barely watching the game, I realize something. I stand in the corner top of the bleachers my laughter dies out as I look over the edge of the fence. ‘Jump’ a voice says in my head. Looking over to my friends I gulp did they say that? No, it sounded like me. Like I said it! I’ve always talked about suicide as a joke saying I want to die like my other friends. Some of them have attempted while others have also cut. I won’t do it I can’t do it. My mother and brother are here! What would they do if they saw me their own flesh and blood on the concrete dead because she couldn’t take it anymore. I can’t do that to them. I feel tears running down my cheeks and quickly wipe them.
“Hey, are you okay?” Lane, who is beside me, asks. I just nod while him and Weston give me a weird look then go back to watching the game as well as talking to their friends. Looking back over the edge of the fence I see my best friend hanging out with her friends. I just smile I feel the urge to jump again and force myself to look back at the game as a player gets hurt so we all go silent. Still feeling eyes looking at me, it must be Lane and Weston. They know about my whole group which is called the “emo’s” UGH I wish 7th grade would end. ‘It could end right now?’ The voice says again I shake my head tell my friends I’m going over to my mom cause I’m tired and wanna go home. They just nod and say goodbye.
Man I wish this had happened I would’ve saved myself lots of dignity and privacy. I told some friends people over heard and also my friends are not trustworthy so they told people as well! Anywhere here was my entry.ns188.8.131.52da2