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‘How long had you known about your feelings for Charlie?’ Sofia asked.
‘Is this the kind of thing you should be getting me to talk about?’ Austin questioned as he crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, his eyes never leaving Sofia’s face. ‘Aren’t you supposed to be focusing on my mother and my mind after what happened? The majority of what you’ve had me speak about has had nothing to do with any of that.’
‘You may think that but to me, every thing you are telling me is useful information.’ Sofia explained. ‘I am trying to get a better understanding of you, your life and your relationship with your mother… and Charlie.’
‘And Charlie.’ Austin closed his eyes as he rested his chin on his chest.
‘Everything you are telling me is helping me come to that understanding Austin.’ Sofia said softly. ‘So that you cannot be misjudged again. So you finally get to speak your truth. If you don’t want to answer my question the-’
‘I don’t know how long I’ve had those kinds of feelings for Charlie.’ Austin interrupted her. ‘It was something that just grew over time. And as my feelings grew, it became increasingly difficult to be able to hide it, to act normal around him. I didn’t want to act awkward around him, he would have immediately known something was wrong, so instead I coped by testing him and flirting with him. I thought of it as letting my true feelings out just a little bit at a time. I tried not to take it too far; I didn’t want to make it too obvious that I liked him in that way.’
‘But that day you’d had enough of hiding it?’
‘From Charlie, yes. Neither of us had come out yet and when we did it was only to Charlie’s dad. He was the only person who knew about us. It was just easier that way.’
‘Is there a particular reason why you didn’t tell your mother?’ Sofia questioned. ‘Surely she would be glad to hear that her only child was in a happy and healthy relationship.’
‘You clearly still don’t understand my mother. She would only be satisfied if I was in a relationship with some rich, famous girl. Hell, she would still have preferred me dating any girl over Charlie. I think that’s part of the reason why I wasn’t attracted to them what so ever. Now that is something I figured out years ago.’ Austin quietly chuckled to himself. ‘It really is true what they say about kids doing the opposite of what their parents tell them to do.’
‘No one can tell you who you can be attracted to. Its part of who you are. I can never understand parents that who don’t accept their own children and try to change them. Just let them be who they are.’ Sofia took in a deep breath.
‘You sound like you’re speaking from experience.’ Sofia looked up sharply at him. ‘Sorry if that wasn’t an appropriate thing to say. It might have come off a tad bit intrusive.’
‘It’s only fair that I tell you some private things since you’re sat here essentially telling me your entire life story and spilling your deepest, darkest secrets.’ Sofia slid her notes to the side once more. ‘I have a sister who is younger than me by 3 years. She came out as bisexual to our parents when she was 16. Being highly religious neither of them accepted her and kicked her out the house. She ended up staying with me and my flatmates. Every time I tried to talk to her about how she felt, she always joked that she was only half gay so our parents only hated 50% of her. It hurt me every single time she said it. They were our parents. They were supposed to love their children unconditionally. Instead they disowned her and eventually stopped talking to me because according to them I was encouraging her ungodly ways.’
‘At least she had you to support her. It would have been way worse for her if she had no one.’
‘She was my sister and I loved her. I still do.’ Sofia added quickly. ‘For a while, we were the only family each other had.’
‘See, I was fully gay so my mother would have hated the whole 100% of me.’ Austin stopped as he realised what he had just said. ‘I… I’ve only ever said that out loud to Charlie before.’
‘Well then, I’m proud of you for saying it. I feel like people need to hear that sometimes.’
‘You kinda remind me of Charlie’s dad, Don. With your attitude towards this. He too is crazy supportive. Would take in any person who had been kicked out of their home. Even if they were a complete stranger.’
‘You said he was the only person who knew about your relationship. Was that because you knew he would be accepting?’
‘Well…’ Austin's voice drifted off.
He sat silently, staring at the wall directly to his left. The boring beige wall was completely bare apart from a large crack, creeping its way up from the floor. Small cracks spread off from it, reminding him of branches of a tree stretching out into the air, growing as fast and as strong as they could before someone came along and chopped them down. Stopped them from thriving. I wonder how long it’ll be before someone stops the crack from spreading Austin thought to himself. They’ll probably never truly fix it. Instead, it will be simply covered up. Hidden from view. People will pretend it never existed. Was that what I was doing? Pretending. Covering up my true self instead of doing the only logical thing. Being who I am. Thriving like the tree, not letting my mother cut me down.
‘Austin?’ Sofia’s voice brought him back to reality. The reality where he had hidden who he was. ‘Are you alright?’
‘Yeah, yeah. Just reflecting on previous life choices. Where were we?’
‘You were talking about telling Don.’ Sofia kindly reminded him.
‘Right, right. I knew coming out to Don would be fine. He would love Charlie no matter what. And I know for a fact he approved of our friendship. He recognised the benefits of it for both of us so the chances of him disapproving of our romantic relationship was very low. I think deep down Charlie knew that too. But on the surface he was terrified that his dad would react like my mother, which was completely crazy because his dad was a big softy and my mother was a heartless homophobic witch.’
‘So, you got him to come out to his dad?’
‘No. He came out to his dad when he was good and ready. I wasn’t going to pressure him to come out if he wasn’t comfortable in doing so. The only thing I did get him to do was talk to his dad alone. Originally Charlie wanted me there for support but I refused. I thought it would mean more for both Charlie and Don if it was just them. And I was right. Don actually thanked me for it when I went in afterwards. He gave me a big hug and whispered his thanks into my ear.’
‘Did Charlie tell his dad about your relationship at that time?’ Sofia asked as she sneaked a glance at her watch.
Austin too wondered how long they had been in that room. At that point it felt like hours but it was surely closer to 1. And most of all he wondered how long until he could leave. That is if he was allowed to.
‘Yeah. Though I’m pretty sure he knew about us beforehand. Don was rather smart when he wanted to be and Charlie and I were incredibly close. More so than regular friends. Like I said earlier it was just easier that way. Telling him I mean. Meant one less person that we had to hide from. That… That got quite tiring after a while.’ Austin nodded his head as he sat up straighter. ‘It was different after we got together. Harder. All we wanted to do was to be with each other.’
‘Was Charlie alright with having to hide your relationship from everyone? I know some people would have known about your friendship with him so I can see how this would be more difficult.’
‘It definitely was. If someone was in the room, opposite sides of the sofa. But the minute we were safely alone.’ Austin smirked mischievously. ‘He understood that we needed to be careful not to be seen. For the same reason we had to hide that we knew each other. More for his safety than anything. That’s what mattered to me after all.’
‘The most important question though.’ Sofia said, pen poised for action. ‘Were you happy?’
‘I was dating my best friend. Of course I was. Well… At least for a while I was happy. But then I woke up. Our financial situation at the time was dire to say the least. Mother’s spending was out of control. If felt like everyday she was coming home, arms laden with shopping bags from designer stores. The pile of envelopes containing overdue credit card bills that sat on the console table in the hall rivalled the empire state building in height. The solution?’
‘Book more jobs?’
‘Book more jobs.’ Austin nodded in agreement. ‘Back-to-back jobs that had me travelling all over the place. It was gruelling work. I had barely any free time which meant that every rare moment I got with Charlie was more precious. And unfortunately for me the majority of my free time was at night. Red wasn’t allowed to stay over and I definitely wasn’t permitted to sleep at his. But I wasn’t going to let that stop me. So instead, I completely exhausted myself one week by taking the time to figure out how to get around the cameras that filmed almost every inch of the house. Emphasis on the almost.’ Austin let his shoulders relax as he reclined in his chair. ‘I discovered every blind spot, every dark corner that the cameras struggled to pick up on, every weak spot in the fence. I worked out the best route so that I could sneak out. Still wasn’t quite perfect though. The first few times were incredibly difficult. And stressful.’
‘Did you ever get caught on your night escapades?’
‘Oh yeah.’ Austin grinned. ‘At least it was a time when my acting skills could come in handy.’173Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPgK789PRQf
