I am a plant
I was born this way, well not exactly born, rather grew up out of the ground but still, you know what i mean. Iv'e had many, an existential crisis about the nature of my existence as a sentient plant and i would prefer not to write about that here.
Instead i'll start with the day a new existential crisis hit me. So there i was chatting with my fellow plant's at our home( which humans for some weird reason liked to call a "florist", what ever that means) when suddenly, one of them came over and bought me. it disgusted me that my life was a commodity that could be bought and sold. The disgusting human filth lifted me up and placed me in the back of some weirdly shaped machine. Soon it was all darkness....
when light returned i was in a completely different place, i was placed at the centre of a big desk, and then the human went into some other room. I started to panic, i didn't know what to do, i was plantnapped away from my bretherin and taken to some place else. It reminded me of a story i had heard in my youth, "Beanstalk and the giant jack" but now was not the time to reminisce. I wanted to scream for help, but i couldn't, i could only speak to fellow plants. I looked around my surroundings in desperation but i couldn't find any hope, stuck in despair all hope seemed lost. until my mysterious abductor came back with something and put it on the table near me. It was then when i saw it.
It was the most beautiful sight i had ever seen, my mysterious abductor may have been a plantnapping brute but, my oh my do these humans have good taste. In front pf me the human had placed the most beautiful thing i had seen in my life : A gorgeous, exquisite, angelic, well formed, pulchritudinous PURPLE CUPCAKE. It's well baked curves, the frosted flakes dotted around it, it's intoxicating aroma, it's divine icing. The moment i saw this purple cupcake i knew it was something i loved, something i might more than love.
then disaster struck. The disgusting, horrendous, atrocious, beastly, erroneous human sat down and started to eat my beloved cupcake. MY BELOVED CUPCAKE, my dearest, most precious purple cupcake. And finnaly i screamed, a scream so loud that every human on earth probably heard it and i yelled at the human and scolded him for eating my my dearest, most precious,gorgeous, exquisite, angelic, well formed, pulchritudinous PURPLE CUPCAKE
And that is the story of the plant who talked.
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