許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfG9IldMfKW
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ18QRTbblwg
「急事。」294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRcGMP0rIES
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzmXI6JUEor
「你不吃晚餐？」294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLuhbHOBsE
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2hgpLCH243
我沒應答，逕自出門。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHGBJJb6Pqi
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4oBlsU8zsi
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJB2Tor5RWK
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Fi8cfZMHU
難以言喻的鬱悶。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1NtYOuQbka
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1RU2d9T6N
長嘆。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwVXobfKKI
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYu3trV4890
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56hXzR66V5
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6irfGCHH5
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYFMJTd3ht
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQJ4YHIuP3
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIgHfAVG7lr
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSP8NS0TTaq
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEGaCHF5Jy0
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgYAFwS2Is
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLM6lJTj7eG
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6h6ygmgcW
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPCH4hiL1HY
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPY7TLG5pQk
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjJUjsx1qb
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMuyDGx8t70
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVTrB8iWCkm
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOoCP2z1m87
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbbKBYL24LL
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxFps1QCta9
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBM71VgAo45
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7EPm6Zx3Co
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfH9w5kdCg
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIjkQi53g3H
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqQLKrThel
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfeM4TJj07
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8R8JNqu6M
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNca7CvXfl0
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDQ0cacuaV
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnOatqkvvV
註定的。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9eKDkSXoy1
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQqSZ98MYM
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa8sqV7AY60
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxbxV6LxyDf
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTlN2k52sa
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB4ie9YJdpE
停步。猶疑。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFk7J0iPuo
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbxdKnT4uX4
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTfwLbbRBp
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpvEli2V8b
轉身。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5o87r7tjfg
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEYybpBLtg
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDdHpIhcNjZ
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0UQYP2OLC
我回身走去。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGCSEInWpX7
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9XVMiBvIAc
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6cputp2raD
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4iMLqmIEgu
把小狗抱入懷內。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQrZ34UdMw
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgvd7EWDCkz
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYKTbeAKBQP
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhOeRme2wZ5
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUsun6cHng
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMdpdYV9Je
海風？海濱公園步道？294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw1Vv2w2hQA
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqyQoK7Peq1
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfuPKW4z0p
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIzcaXbfUZG
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejZMSD5Q1p
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Rn8xd5DIf
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkhQxjVTwGH
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVVcfaXQzBz
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJPO1uUI12n
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzqmvesBQK
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj9k6KHaKRJ
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpyDSN4ElZw
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡub0WVaOmKz
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLSS1YGWCUm
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6qLilQyjmN
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3mZNscrGGh
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhoUnBNAxgI
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpCKR5QpNME
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1ZOYHa65j
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmLXrUZAxkC
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2BrCA0QsjA
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ937u1opN1l
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8cuFrLoTk
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXCpIWTTdN
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5l9t38yHRH
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡobSK38NU9E
鬱悶何來？294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrx7MWv5oC
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYrDnik0MZ
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡunqD7NZmhD
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDrC6BS6hx
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYhzeKkJ3nZ
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLukWSXjnUE
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWqkyJHtfe4
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXGzFZbEMhQ
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67ipTvR81I
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPo7ygfvyi
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAt3ougogvP
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOOhgCx6mXM
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFVDYJ5OHQ
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0GCgmQoEgj
然後呢？根本沒有然後。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDadMgaGoDV
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8wuotOFk3q
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3lY4NWlrok
294Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbw2wQhINR
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.238da2
