許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVk707f5H34
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「急事。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGwDlFC6zTu
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqUoG8hym3
「你不吃晚餐？」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQAQG0OTrbO
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我沒應答，逕自出門。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqzEdlTiaBv
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZYUPlqxj7
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDG9uhLyURc
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPoqXWwyCvH
難以言喻的鬱悶。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmO4y9MXzUS
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長嘆。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2uXKM7XeLI
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwsSqK0Pr3
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3cAoAyIojG
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8tzQaOMl4j
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7EdDO2PraX
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHEgtGCFmK
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi8nDKni3Dc
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3ESSJkQcf
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMikTYAYnhG
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她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb6zEZYwEJd
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbdr2ADehj
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdFiQtgQkPw
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZOOCtd7xV
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vTo4CIMFr
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ220G8sL5N0
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjcF7OOMell
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQcLYsazkJ
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKu6nEo2PX8
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZCgM1cuK6v
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvp6hwRdSUq
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8HjBiCqZY
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCsi3dWec1X
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiN63xj75WU
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQRcSPNBwBn
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm4QykDv195
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuNLq3oAEPF
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3q4v48anEt
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXE88V1bxUH
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj111V3UcO9
註定的。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9bwSBzTXc
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeiJs5IR7GQ
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQLIlVs5mu
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxbAHtFKRdC
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvId93FKAJQ
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjY6vwMz5Ui
停步。猶疑。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Fjg1l7CeY
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKgHChcF5zv
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAtkhM6VkzN
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJ50kEGfZ4
轉身。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnL1IeSME9I
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvtpFmu26Y
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhNEU1VNJR
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDpW31KI5X8
我回身走去。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFL9OsWT4Qa
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmXYCZrrK3
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2YClEFtmK1
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7Cjh2pWNv
把小狗抱入懷內。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFOteoHsf6s
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkU6Qa5DKvP
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8QkV4nbVmy
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdt4kFUxD17
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3r53v7dWbr
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPAQElDcMbs
海風？海濱公園步道？251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbWbEc5XsV6
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZNlD0DcYA2
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG1WUfN6ngW
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0fkdVC3Jr
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ZEwEkPxuo
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtEL9TSk9kn
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWVjFayDYnv
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuwfEzDwH8F
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8oWRYkw3l3
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ33DMWif5TR
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV8I1MChUvF
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19lMpTh5FL
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡViEvMT9uFW
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfY53iteqaH
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpY7BwhswFq
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi7B6WrJLc1
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPEpzPaXwf
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvRN2iUsAJG
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fCiAlcIrQ
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGPz8LE07n
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlX52g1Ikof
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4dAQiLpVUb
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfG5325W6sN
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUWu1yAUj9
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrMNQDhcNce
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxbb4h0ucYr
鬱悶何來？251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVWeOyvQVWy
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMoQavXjTrZ
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9gLLRinBDL
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcvfPvJGsr
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNITV5H8f6M
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9ZCRJFD4r
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHeWz0r2Jo7
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF4xvNaLJjG
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3JM36vOX3
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ18zLzfNG5K
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡej2Stbkk1Z
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbpriXMu0kW
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudo4OesMoH
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb2aW0OR0un
然後呢？根本沒有然後。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqUAj5YqNd
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn9E4kFPV6v
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsIAg3GcI2Q
251Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoK12I5Stf6
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.186da2
