許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tsCyGDoJ8
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoBsgAeK1tS
「急事。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ82cseUmOm9
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9K67Qlua8x
「你不吃晚餐？」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl9P5a1tAoU
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSrPfNcs2ew
我沒應答，逕自出門。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85ZxVFXu4d
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqvwIWsHHbP
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0CztwjZK6B
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgFcMDkILGw
難以言喻的鬱悶。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTvwlOxlCcp
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBGauuOkzl
長嘆。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwwJcSTYAl
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8wOYV1Ltp
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz2GMaT4OrD
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7yGhGTftGu
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFK1fuzJDY5
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtv3By5w5g6
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD4jkEtbuu8
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoPl3ltsAuu
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66hVsAoGdH
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6TXLVfsNX
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpnmmQNHPJA
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAByqTtyIm4
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrAZ9g7Hv4B
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlm4LifbPdc
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbRvCuDMNkY
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZvJUa00Vat
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNUD0D7jJsn
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw1kV0GYPIG
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnAbUcKsILr
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEbqMXns5I
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHLiWyJQMMC
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtOu7dN5xpG
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ak8HcWz2T
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYUo64BkbmR
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0kfr5Vslsz
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9YN4s0sAQr
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALwilYaPdz
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzcGioBwnU9
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrUvOn13zgf
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvKcAovhevF
註定的。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvKUysZNBMD
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZKegVlzAzj
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1O6VKlFTJK
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJa2lCMXsF3
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkT87OvQVNJ
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8CJw5CEoA
停步。猶疑。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrDjAFiNQHb
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9UmwY4x3Yy
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZYFUxcY7e
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42G5AGLVhp
轉身。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoiNhef2EJt
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Btvolq3s4
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuwW87SZ8Q1
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP7NlkT2oso
我回身走去。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJBFQyb2lm4
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMkgXac6ABw
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdv5G8PZLh
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1mvu51BQT
把小狗抱入懷內。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcYG04vEfrm
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnaEY9gjK0r
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKeS5crsUPV
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSwfznG1G1
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGocwApOlcK
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC4rFJpialm
海風？海濱公園步道？257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPo9vPONOuI
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6AppIM91Qg
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeoRo7WQcVU
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7JZsdfZ1i2
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfv0tHZVpgb
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpEVqE2vZeE
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Tc0QkuaLT
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3yLwJqSHdV
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBDZ0hmKbvu
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbZ46aK7PM
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNdCecZJ2qf
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLEcvGejtc
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6zgxPKMEQT
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn1woaNaGlE
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tDuSoLXw6
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMCIwKrn7Tv
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMLwkDNLz3
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGalXfi0Khs
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS26E3V5QDA
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnJGlcjQJ3f
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS53nI2TeU7
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMrShHrciTa
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4hOtvC4PD7
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqu69li9jQX
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡerOqQS5Bj4
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2jdaeqP0cG
鬱悶何來？257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOsUxmJ0GTV
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56AtcDGS1D
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQ21qSV22R
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXb2IvwgZK
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIH61LU1kBi
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvIDBZjvQDW
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhpnrkC5NDY
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKt6uJcWCMv
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAkYZMtkqts
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvkRDoR0jRi
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSfW92bVBfH
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUTDpBjX0Iw
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbW5VPI6SVA
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgOrvZbPLM
然後呢？根本沒有然後。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFyE0dKdDp4
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfm1nGrCkfn
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5POfvSKOe7
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcnvtCKhF1T
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
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