許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqTfUIjcPp
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvsITcHC1uL
「急事。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡegZJCG2jH5
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2j6qUbhXxG
「你不吃晚餐？」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPCOHyTwBuI
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZnjxM4VbV
我沒應答，逕自出門。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkenzYRV5J9
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKCc4eC55lR
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXbPv2Vch9
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfsFxj98gvG
難以言喻的鬱悶。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAXwVc9SPx
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbv7c41dlFV
長嘆。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt9zM9hcu6M
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPUT8AxUNHL
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJGJJX8LEh9
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVUgSN2HMhI
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLN9m0CWp7
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4VxW5Gjt8G
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhewKiPufZk
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiGz0N4sYic
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS65sSmQUYe
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ002B6edqwV
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7bIZzUPb8
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ95fZm2ugLq
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyMLJZDkAuL
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUBjNVJHrW
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpMvlpMLkZN
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbeYFrlClA
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1vUU8GwJl7
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCflPVcYjl
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0BqrIYx8d3
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQh6ydb32jc
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ7IQFyDbWj
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLJsbc0F6E
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8UvZQc4wp
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1RxwPr1yf
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbgqH2w3Hb
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWds5seh0F
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKc7uUJ7PTU
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0polkaELj
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡozHnOASDVv
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9XtYO8Q14
註定的。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHiNzebv5hZ
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3NOwgBW0xu
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1FIaAg8vI5
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC4GIN00Nnw
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqzcOYU2Wvi
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Na9PWQfSI
停步。猶疑。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnbSBRbI0HO
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCfyqNWs4T3
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiybby25jV7
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ZD0EaUnC2
轉身。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡirHUogRnzQ
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNhLnispDUs
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4VzpAfURQE
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ65aEkBou8T
我回身走去。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJh8FLrZxNw
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT9P7Wu6jqX
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGWUf1gt3e
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtGasmsXGFy
把小狗抱入懷內。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvTmmPbGrKw
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96BKo5eRzN
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJyw0f4DzO7
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNVwkhW0Ucu
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGyPeHeqvE
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFmEHi1ub3X
海風？海濱公園步道？291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBtMiF1zuX
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtH1vPaw2W
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡERkhRkD7Gk
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVpoaIEaNu
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqefdc9gRGB
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQullcEhoHu
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLzuwYtT33
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOzzyN3PsG
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDq8gjgY4Nn
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCItV2BWlw0
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNxtImoRMF
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEpyC54d1pJ
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ52O4DVKVGd
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4lJoLMarSv
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqwUjJTRqIq
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8wVY9dXeYJ
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3MgGWCYun
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NvU2PZR8o
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1qvrIKgaL
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4GQziKnZR
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb7GBiFmuNL
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPIczqKpsr
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡimjqWFgA73
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIixM3meFw3
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe44biXtIwH
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTlxCjqiyB9
鬱悶何來？291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuFXtXAbh6d
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVVvGFHS9Fn
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVQvTSAjeIt
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkOxWNJmBdT
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeyfoo9p3S8
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7BI3XajqC
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LtnrCSujR
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx9FXaaYdpT
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNx2qBmJXEv
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ndZwhyOkb
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt2Zmnri7yS
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNtaLAiXggn
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYYntpqIwNK
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWGiRd2Kw8x
然後呢？根本沒有然後。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpn5FlCJrge
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRHm0t4cDKn
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMOve8DKnM
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJT8f1u7fK
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.238da2
