許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcxBq7TEs7
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「急事。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWuBVimlE8
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「你不吃晚餐？」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6W4x7h6J4A
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我沒應答，逕自出門。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMCF7wEdQgI
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngobiVnEEb
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3SBchmdPj8
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP0bVVOZfUc
難以言喻的鬱悶。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFpwfGEQQgc
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長嘆。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoyAMWzUxWp
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「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ13bRxTqIMf
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDySMH1VmI
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXl9L6yj8YQ
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeCTT6XsxXb
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEx8IuhJOjD
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCghZkbtAin
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ73dTaxsOYn
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她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWgmTfJ83oR
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZ42Lk44lQ
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ55wNLqLNFx
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5JJ8NOZZT
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfsSRDWjlVU
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsUbfXhMVO
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Ic4gMFkYk
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaNUMOpvkPT
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfZ0HL91JOc
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQfE0n59X8L
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLsclDHo4R
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髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkaWNDyiIR9
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為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM0Unjin5qL
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVeAA9Bzj18
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTVSUzRYQt0
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMCxUdglj68
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQyTrqtLnf
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqVVaEOej3i
註定的。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr19yszdIK4
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYr89ecEbiX
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVh2yOuD0Tn
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8GynScNS5V
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBzzED2pMRv
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停步。猶疑。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnjzhnqWgK
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惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLL58Gwjo4x
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轉身。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡygl02GFA4D
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汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURXrd2JSTA
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我回身走去。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡznY3q6TLSZ
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惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLLpPVQYVWP
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把小狗抱入懷內。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsVBygL14wt
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDD1IRmAhC
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKIr6ZBjoJp
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRstjWPOYZH
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Tt1suFj4T
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ35PcGjq7qc
海風？海濱公園步道？255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmwgCNqa5S
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「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSfsGnWRFSs
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjN9usamWNa
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4e5x47Ubf
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡleV8jYzNAA
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbCcnyM1Dgl
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDivpHyZi9q
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMc6UeCJNxz
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0UgQOckP02
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx4M3nbAc70
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3OXgExVwbL
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3avOOizVS0
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8mRTvHZzql
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNklXukTjLf
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvJihThSz9X
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHP3Q4TKdii
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzMRYQV65i
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ22G98iW3H
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「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVuk60suNcL
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG96PSXANem
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGqmLjW0KZO
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyW0jR9unyd
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡetSXBtgbsW
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鬱悶何來？255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYlJGskXvz
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學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGKOjl2Srfa
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVKQm2nzWwq
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlbj6D16IVy
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1fqi8XKjtS
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSLqQo1p94
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有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYLoKHLwsY
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGgaV9tioHP
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2gs6jhOhmb
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJ7c88Xf18
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU8MJHS1R0L
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSnIf4CEPVx
然後呢？根本沒有然後。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbwcqyCuZU
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8C0BYdU03s
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbzR70mTmZ
255Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9XWLBir7Q
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.192da2
