x
One week earlier
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As I pierced my fork through a salad leaf, I heard Mary address Fae.
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"Long time no see Fae. How has everything been for you?" she asked her, returning to her own salad. I looked up to find Fae smiling slightly as she replied.
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"Not too bad, I've just been dealing with some things that's all," she looked at me as she said the last part.
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"Oh I hope it's nothing serious," Mary spoke again, looking at her sympathetically.
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Fae looked at me with an eyebrow slightly arched. I looked away from her, not wanting to say anything, hoping that she got the hint that I didn't want her to elaborate.
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"No nothing serious." I looked back at her to find a small smile gracing her lips and mentally thanked her for not bringing up my dilema. But before my gratitude could sink in, Ashley asked the question that I had been dreading. Because I knew that that question would provoke a topic that I didn't want to get into.
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"Are you alright now Victoria?" she asked as I had began to eat my pasta. Immediately, I felt my throat constrict as I tried to fight back tears.
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No I'm not okay, was what I wanted to say but I knew that would cause them to ask more questions.
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"Yeah I'm fine."
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I tried to look away as I felt the first tear fall onto my cheek. But as I wiped it away, Fae's words caused more to fall.
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"So I heard that you have feelings for Mike. Is that true?"
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It didn't surprise me that she knew. But the fact that she brought it up so bluntly as if it was nothing, irritated me. But more than irritating me, it reminded me of the confusion which had clouded my brain.
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"I don't know," I replied.
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And it was true. I didn't know if I really had feelings for him or if it was an illusion based on what had happened between the two of us.
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"So are you going to pick him?" she asked.
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I finally looked at her and saw that she looked annoyed. Why would she be annoyed? This had nothing to do with her.
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"Why does it matter to you?"
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"Why wouldn't it? Unlike you I care about Alex and I don't want to see him get hurt."
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Did it really look like I didn't care about him?
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"Well if you care about him so much why don't you just go and be with him?" I shouted at her. She was really starting to get on my nerves. She was supposed to be one of my closest friends. And now she was turning her back on me as if I was the reason why all this had happened.
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"You know what, maybe I will," she shouted back, equally angry.
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"Both of you need to stop this," Mary stepped in. She and Ashley had been so quiet that I almost forgot that they were in the room too.
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"You're supposed to be friends. Stop fighting over a guy."
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It was at Ashley's words that it finally hit me. There was something going on between Fae and Alex. They had both denied it before but right now, it looked a lot like it was a lie.
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"I'm leaving," I said, standing from my seat.
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"Victoria please stay," Mary gently asked. But I shook my head. I couldn't stay any longer after coming to that realisation.
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~~♡~~♡~~♡~~
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I walked into my bedroom with tears running down my face after the dinner. I thought that they were going to help me but in the end, nothing had been resolved.
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Was this ever going to end?
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As I wiped away a tear, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I reluctantly took it out and answered the call, wiping away more tears.
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"Victoria?" I heard a masculine voice. It sounded familiar but I couldn't name who it was.
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"Yeah, who's this?"
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"It's Jeff, Alex and Mike's dad."
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"Oh," I said, taken aback. "Is something wrong?" I asked worriedly.
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"Oh no," he chuckled slightly before his tone became very serious.
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"Can we talk? There's something I want to say to you."
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I removed the phone from my ear to check the time before returning it.
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"You want to talk at this time?" I asked, hoping that he would say no as it was really late.
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"Well if you don't mind. But tomorrow would be good too."
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Thinking that this would be a better thing to do rather than to stay in my room crying, I agreed to meet him within fifteen minutes. I hung up and slowly got dressed, walking to my car when I finished. As I drove there, I tried my best to figure out what it was that he wanted to say to me but nothing came to mind.
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Ever since I found out the relationship between Alex and his dad, it had been hard for me to communicate with him. But the only thing that made it easier was the fact that he treated me like his own daughter─unlike his wife.
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As soon as the thought of Marian came into my mind, I felt a scowl fill my facial features. How could a person be so cruel? Especially to her own sons?
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Before I knew it, I was entering the familiar parking lot of the Matthews' restaurant. I parked close to the entrance and got out. I opened the door when I was close enough and entered the warm building.
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"Hello Victoria," he said, walking closer to me and engulfing me in a warm hug. I hugged him back momentarily before backing away.
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"Hi Jeff. Why are you here so late?"
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"Oh I had a long day today."
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I nodded my head to his answer before following him to the kitchen.
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"Why don't you have a seat," he said, gesturing to some stools tucked under a table. I nodded my head and did as I was told. I watched him as he picked up two cups and began to make some warm drinks. When he finished, he sat down across from me and passed me a drink.
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"Thank you," I said appreciatively, wrapping my hands around the cup and feeling the warmth travel up my arm.
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"No problem."
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We both took a sip of our drinks before I asked what I had been wanting to ask since I entered.
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"So what was it that you wanted to tell me?" He looked confused at first before his face changed into realisation as he appeared to remember why he had called me.
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"Is everything going well for you Victoria?" Now it was my turn to be confused.
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"What do you mean?" I asked slightly defensively.
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"It's just, you know, with everything going on with you and my sons, I haven't been able to ask."
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"Oh. Everything is okay," I replied curtly.
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"Are you sure? Because it sounds like you're trying to hide something from─"
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"Is that why you called? To interrogate me?" I asked slightly irritated.
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"Relax Victoria, that's not why," he said, holding up his hands as if he was surrendering, "I just wanted to see if there was anything I could help with."
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"Oh there's nothing," I said, looking away in shame for making assumptions.
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"You don't need to be ashamed Victoria. I know it must've seemed like I was just going to ask you questions. But I really just wanted to know what's going on between you and my sons. All of you, you're not the same anymore."
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"What do you mean?"
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A small smile appeared on his face as he looked behind me, almost as if he was imagining something─or rather, someone.
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"I remember the day that Alex brought you to meet us. You both looked so happy and in love. I remember telling Marian that that was a love that would definitely last."
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"Obviously, you were wrong," I interrupted, taking a sip of my drink.
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"No I wasn't Victoria. I don't know how you feel about Alex now, but I know that he still loves you. And maybe you think that just because I'm his father, I'm trying to convince you to get back together with him. But that's not true. All I want is for the two of you to be happy; and also for Mike to be happy too. But I don't think all three of you could be happy, if this problem continues."
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I looked at him with a blank face as his words sank in. I honestly had nothing to say in return because I hadn't had the chance to sit back and really think of what it was that I really wanted.
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"Do you know what you want Victoria? How you want all of this to end?" he asked solemnly.
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I continued to look at him as I felt tears pricking at my eyes. I didn't know how to reply to his question because I felt like my heart was split between Alex and Mike. But it was not an equal split; one side was bigger than the other. I just didn't know who the bigger piece belonged to.
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After sensing that I wasn't going to answer, he sighed and got up to put away his cup.
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"How about this Victoria," he said, sitting back down again, "imagine getting married to Mike. Can you imagine feeling the same way you did with Alex?"
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I looked at him as I tried to imagine it. Imagining the wedding day was easy but when I tried to pinpoint my feelings, I noticed that I didn't feel the same magnitude of excitement and happiness as I did when I had gotten married to Alex.
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"Are you imagining a life together?"
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I tried and tried, but nothing could come to mind. All I could think of was a wedding day; even the day right after, was hard for me to imagine.
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What did this mean?
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I heard Jeff chuckle and looked up, my brows drawn in confusion.
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"I see you're having a hard time." I nodded my head as his smile got smaller.
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"I can't tell you what that means Victoria, and I don't want to tell you who you should go for. But I do want to say that you should go with who your heart wants; don't do anything just because someone says you should."
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~~♡~~♡~~♡~~
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Present
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Alex looked at me in confusion.
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"What do you mean you're not signing them. We already agreed─"
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"No, you agreed. I never said that I wanted a divorce," I broke off his sentence, slightly frustrated.
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"You don't know what you're doing. This is what's best for you," he told me, looking behind me at the papers, a longing expression covering his face.
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"Says who?" I asked. He didn't reply. Instead, he reached behind me and picked up the papers, attempting to hand them to me. I took them out of his hands and threw them away.
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"Alex I don't want a divorce."
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He looked at me again and with a serious tone asked, "do you even know what you want?"
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His question brought back the memory of me sitting with his dad the week before─he had asked me the same question. I didn't know how to answer then, but I did now.
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"I want you."
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