Chapter Theme Music: Antura ~ Valentyn Kosterov107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiRJJDPjbV9
<08/04/2011 - 08:21 | Saffrin Middle School (GA History), Austell, GA, USA>
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The sound of pure silence, the absence of all noise, still sings. Silence has its own crests and troughs, its own waves of energy, its own music, just like the sounds of the oceans at shore. I let the alluring rocking of the silence take me, keep me safe in its embrace, swaying in opposite directions sluggishly. My mind and body were cuddled by this coffin.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJB6JKepWQx
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Teenagers my age spoke all around me, their voices melting into the background of my oceanic void. I cared not for their words, so my ears obliged me in tuning out the entire world. They sat next to and in front of me, the people that I knew. I cared not for the displays of ugly and beauty around me, so my eyes blanketed my surroundings with a filter of darkness, like blackout curtains against the sunlight. Some of them tried talking directly to me, curious still about my unchanged, empty expression in my lifeless eyes. I cared for myself, for the feelings I used to know, but I also forgot how to feel anything. So, I buried my emotions so far away, throwing aside the key and embracing this new slumber.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0hPuEwU6kq
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I ignored anything anybody said to me without so much as a huff of air or an eye movement. I wasn't ignoring anybody on purpose, but I wasn't sure how to talk anymore. I forgot who I am. I don't remember what I'm doing here, what I'm supposed to be doing, or why I'm even alive. At the same time, I didn't care to ask the question or to know the answers. I was in a dark place, a quiet space, inside somewhere I've never been to before. I felt so calm and safe inside, encased in some shell that let me rest always.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjH7yyqUlBT
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"I guess nobody is home." Banarus had been addressing me, getting all the heads at the clumped desks to turn facing me.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDzoZSMvYR4
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Some part of me still knew what was going on outside. I could still hear, see, and feel the rest of the world around me. I just didn't want to interact anymore, even on autopilot. So now, I was ignoring her. I don't care one bit if anybody thinks anything good or bad about me anymore, so there's no sense wasting a single second replying to her.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGjFrJoLBi
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Despite being back in school for the past two days, I've been in this state for much longer. Yet I still barely found my way around the middle school again, sitting nearby familiar faces. None of these people were with me when I needed them most, so I never considered them to be my real friends. Even so, some magnetic force kept attracting me back to any seating arrangement near them, in virtually every class, including this hellish one they call Georgia Studies.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxCnLZgbje
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Next to me was Zero, who stared deeply into my empty expression, curious to what sent me away. In front of me were Banarus and Kate, and Laura was sitting to the side of them, adjacent from my seat. These were about every person I knew in one way or another compared to the rest of this class. If I had any care left in me at all, I'd be furious to be in a class with an unworthy name such as this one.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSoWnZN5eQ
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"You know you have to cheer up sometime! Just dance your troubles away!" Enthusiastic as ever, Laura tried to get a response from me as well, lifting both my limp arms for me and swaying them around to make it look like I wanted to dance with glee.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTu82XIeSd1
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When she let go, my arms plopped back on top of the desk with a thud, my sad face totally unchanged. I looked up for the smallest moment, towards my arms while Laura held them, but soon enough lost interest. Nothing Laura could say would ever make me care again, so I don't know what she was expecting me to do.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwoCPwvWjdr
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With as silly as Laura was, it was more than rare for her to be unable to lift someone's mood, even if the difference was minuscule. For that reason, they all became more focused on my depressing sulk. "People have bad days I guess. You should try not to ignore everyone though Reed."107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVei8el3Cc
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"No, he's been like this since starting back up at school." Zero had to remind Banarus what she observed herself.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc0PlNckP99
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Indeed, every minute of every day, I've been responsive only to the bare minimum of surviving another day of school, writing notes without bothering to learn them, only getting up to move when I had to, only nodding to teacher's questions instead of speaking, and listening passively if I felt I had to. There wasn't any point in going any further, so I wasn't about to change that over someone's meaningless concern.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUjfGR41Qv4
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"Really? What happened?" Banarus was as curious as the others around her, but all Zero could do is raise her arms and shake her head in uncertainty.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZpW4cWdbU0
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Nobody knew anything about me. Nobody knew anything I've been through. I knew from experience that trying to convince somebody about this would be pointless. I already know how it ends. So I know, no matter how curious they are now, not one single soul in this entire school actually cares so much, that they would be okay with the truth. Their concerns are but a front, part of a selfish mask to wear every day they enter this school.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jct4D7C15
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Before anybody else could try and bother me, the teacher of this classroom, Ms. Hill, went around announcing the news of our lives while passing around the single sheets of papers. "The schedules are out, and after the end of this week, they will be permanent. Don't freak out if you see any mistakes. There will be time to work them out."107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWqXNEA5IB
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Seconds later, several papers were passed out to our table, with my eight grade student schedule hovering right under my arms. I've already been following a temporary school schedule for all the same classes anyway; this was just the chart that solidified many of the easy errors people drew on their first day back. I should have known that looking at it was a waste of time, yet my eyes drifted onto the page anyway, glancing at what all my classes would be set to.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa25S2OKInS
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Great. I'll just glide through this day like I did the last. It was a well-thought out plan, a plan of nothingness, a plan without meaning and without end. For the next ten minutes of starting some new bookwork assignment, everything proceeded according to that plan, until the first class disruption walked through that door.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQodYwoECza
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It was only Ashly. I couldn't care less where she was, but I'd rather not even have to bother my conscious with anything more. I haven't forgotten the way Ashly treated me last year. Unfortunately, every memory I've had since the purge has only gotten stronger rather than weaker. But if I can just keep floating on this ocean of nothingness, no painful memory will ever penetrate my armor again.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkURU05pTyh
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"Do you have a pass to be in here miss?" Even Ms. Hill was somewhat bothered by her presence, but she couldn't hold any awkwardness against her, since the current assignment was solo paper-style classwork and reading, building off the lecture from yesterday.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27PeRYv2p5
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"Right here." She actually presented such a pass, signed and stamped by her own class teacher, who apparently doesn't care if she visits other classrooms at random.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxTkPRh9oV
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Having to accept the pass, Ms. Hill just nodded and let Ashly hang out with her own pals today. Of course, she kept the official story as 'collaboration with the same class homework.' Anyone with half a brain would know she only wanted to sit down with us, to talk to Kate or Banarus.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFcR3Px31Ku
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I kept tuning them out, caring not for anything happening around me. It was still difficult to replace all of that chatter with the oceanic bliss I fell into earlier. A sea of my own sadness, spawning gentle, timeless waves I could float on forever.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIpZSRUtamM
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"You get to hang out here again? Awesome!" Kate seemed overjoyed as she partially hugged Ashly's arm, calling out how close the two of them were as friends.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpq872k4zu
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Giggling, Ashly replied, "Quit hogging my arm," without actually removing Kate's grasp, while her presence shifted the curiosity away from me and onto her.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmzwQYADEDj
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"You look mighty comfy in that that jacket." Zero pointed out that the cute pink fluffy unzipped jacket Ashly was wearing stood out from the crowd, whom all adjusted to the average room temperature from the heater of the building.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIIH7w5iOJV
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"I had to wear it on over here. It's pretty cold outside for a Thursday morning." Her justification was made easy, and Banarus soon enough changed the subject.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmtb5SC2oq
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"So, I saw this new show on yesterday. I forgot the name, but it has some good comedians on it. After we get through today, you should try it out." Her words were addressed only to Ashly, but the others were embedded into the moment nonetheless.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4i5jnJgru
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"Who did you say was in it? You'll have to show me on my phone, cause my TV broke again."107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8wnvAxyzZN
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"Your stuff's always breaking," Laura pointed out.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9rICt1XMe6
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If only I could tune out their mindless chatter. Small talk; it's the one type of conversation I'd slaughter with a sword if it were somehow possible. There's plenty of mind-numbing TV to watch going to sleep as it is. All they want to talk about is their TV shows and their jacket outfits...107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFIZvrzI3L
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Jacket outfits... Why would Ashly be wearing a jacket in a room temperature school? No, wait a minute. I have to back up. Despite trying to cut off all my hearing from the acquaintances, my dozens of thoughts quickly refreshed the memories of their tiny conversations, shoving what I was looking for in front. I think Ashly just said she wore it over here because she was cold, but that can't be right. I wasn't sure if I was misremembering anything I heard, but the mere possibility of what was laid before me widened my eyes awake. It felt like my entire body and mind had been in some deep state of sleep, only to now shock itself awake.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt0KO6sqtfz
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Without warning, I sprung to a stance, shoving my desk forward slightly. When my mind finally caught up to what I needed to confirm, I nearly slammed my open hands on my own desk, fixing my gaze only on Ashly. The others were staring at me in shock, as my mere gesture shut the five of them up. "I need you to run that by me again. What did you just say, Ashly?"107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPWwxiphHZ
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For more than two seconds, she couldn't let out more than a broken "Uhm," and the others bounced their eyes to each other. When she understood what I asked her, Ashly tried to answer as normally as ever. "That my TV was broken?"107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt12Dqm9pTH
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"No! Not that!" I kept my voice down just enough to not raise attention from the teacher, but I made myself firm. I had to know for certain if what I just heard was true. I may have hallucinated it. "Before that."107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDnIfNOpDC
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"That I was wearing my jacket, because it's cold outside?"107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHeBIeN2WWE
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Her words triggered some electrical reaction throughout my body, forcing me to gasp before some parts of me started to twitch or tremble at random. If what she was saying were true, then the cold must have sank in only now, since it was lukewarm when I came to school this morning. I didn't think she was telling the truth, but the mere possibility of a sudden temperature change like this shocked my mind awake at the same time.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡun8c1EFsHK
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Every memory I've ever had of her, every moment and thought I've ever expressed about Lumina came flooding back at once, overwhelming all my senses for a duration I could not contemplate. Whatever color I lost in my eyes returned in full force. My heartbeat, calmed into a tomb broke free of whatever shackles I imprisoned it with, beating with a heavy solo of anticipation. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to be overjoyed or freaked out, so I fell somewhere in between. Since my ability to act was so delayed by my difficulty believing her, I only looked more like a weirdo to everyone.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jQhqjRBe4
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"It's cold outside!" I repeated in desperation, holding my gaze despite knowing I was freaking her out. "You're absolutely sure about it?!"107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPNW2DA1eqj
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Ashly backed away somewhat, disturbed and uncertain what to do, so Banarus tried to speak for her. "Why does it matter to you so much?"107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6hTO8AryFc
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Right. I shouldn't bother asking them about it if I can just go see for myself. If it is cold outside right at this very moment, I may only have a slim window to make contact again. I must seize the opportunity. "Ms. Hill?" I walked away from my peers, finding the teacher so that I may ask for a bathroom pass. I had to reassure myself that I would be leaving this class with or without a pass, but I'd still rather try and stay undercover for this where possible. "I need to go to the restroom. Got a pass?"107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyF7v3VVOYO
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"Yes, oh, let me get it." Ms. Hill was more patient than I was.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHXpHazc3W
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My jitteriness and growing anxiety played somewhat to my advantage though. It ensured Ms. Hill would believe I wasn't lying about my intensions. As soon as I could, I took the pass and made my way out the door. The bathroom pass system is stupid, but I play along anyway. I can use this to leave my class without drawing attention to myself, but only for that specific class. I had to rely on a bit of guts and luck for the remainder of the walk, from the hallway to the side-exit linked together. If anyone catches me going this way, they will assume I'm skipping class. Of course, nobody is about to stop me from what I'm about to do now. I won't be sure what to do until my bare skin touches that outdoor air, to determine if my punishment can end once and for all.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG1hcFGW6mF
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I made sure to walk a bit further through the doors, turning aside so that I can safely hide myself away from any open windows or visible fields where others might be walking. I turned out to be alone out here, and the chilling air took my breath away. I had to wave my arm through the air several times just to convince myself that I wasn't dreaming or mistaken. It really is colder outside right now than it was only an hour ago. The culprit appeared to be glacier style clouds covering the entire sky, mixed with wind speeds that were much higher than an average day over here. The dryness of the air following the sudden storm and wind told me of only one possible outcome; a cold front.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdgY27lFoi2
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An amazing smile formed on my face, only to drop away with a full body cringe. I didn't think about it until now, but I have not actually contacted Lumina in such a long time. What if I don't remember how to do it anymore? What if I try when everything is right, only to find myself unable to call her again? The thought terrified me to no end, but I swallowed that fear, trying to ease my nerves so that I can try this again.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6F9hylcHu
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So long have I waited in vain for this moment! The cold air out here is easily below 52oN, granting me the chance to form a mildly weak connection to the only person I know most... Lumina! You have to hear me now. You have to hear my voice. You have to feel my heart. I planted my feet apart slightly, preparing myself to try something I've failed at for so long now. Trying to recall how to project psionic waves wasn't easy. It's not an exact process I actually understand. Instead, it's something I can only feel my way through, like some kind of virtual organ that became available one day. I can't think my way into this; I must feel the echoes of my own thoughts as strongly as I used to.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡriW64cJNtt
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Lumina! Lumina! Lumina... I tried everything I could to trance myself into concentrating my thoughts on two things at once, Lumina, and the physical projection process. It wasn't easy to do after all this time away from it. I had to take everything I was thinking and feeling, and shove it further into my own mind, into a deeper zone I could never access any other way. This process absorbed most of what I felt, echoing back into psionic waves, or so I presumed. I had to hold this moment of concentration for quite a while too, more than a dozen seconds without letting off. As I continued the attempt, my emotions of us became much stronger, and my thoughts about Lumina became crystal clear. Before long, I continued chanting her return, following this light from the prison which consumed me for so long. Lumina. Synchronize with me. Connect with me. "Feel me again Lumina. You can sense my presence. Please connect with me again Lumina!"107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbKAodf06V
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"Reed?"107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3x6rlb1gJH
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Following another gasp, I stopped trying to project so strongly, looking around myself, at first in fear that I've been discovered outdoors doing something I shouldn't be. When I saw nobody in my surroundings, I tested this again. "Lumina?"107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhfZWPbxXJ2
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"Reed!" She shouted, telepathically echoing into our minds.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡADZlF6jDua
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I started laughing and crying at the same time, unable to process how incredible this was. "Lumina! It is you!"107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlUbVR0L69C
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"Oh my god! It's finally cold again!" Even Lumina had not expected this sudden cold front.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOFQFaHlW2
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"Finally..."Happy as I was, I couldn't stop the other feelings from returning to me at full force. My body sank to my rear on its own, and all the tears I thought dried away were pouring out again. My breathing became unstable with the sobbing, and I was unable to hold anything back this time.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9n3c8XVa7p
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"Oh my god! Please don't cry Reed. Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong!"107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFZMjgFk5lG
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With my eyes and mouth busy with the water works, I could only use my telepathy to tell her how I was really feeling. The sadness in my chest still bubbled up into my virtual voice. "I... I waited for so long. You disappeared after that night we spent together. I was so worried about you!"107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0YVsmLxNxs
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"I'm so sorry Reed. I wasn't expecting it either." I could tell, by the sounds I was hearing from her sniffles and the disruptions in her voice that Lumina was crying with me too now. "I know how that must... No, I'm wrong. I can't even imagine how horrible your summer was, even though the heat storms won't be over yet... I missed you too Reed."107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Pea265lZf
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I could feel her here with me, crying alongside me. I managed to get a hold of myself a lot quicker though, haunted by another earthshattering possibility. "Forgive me for asking this. How do I know that you're the real Lumina?"107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80lXnM1P3l
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"Huh?"107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3TeP5qYGrl
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"I need to know that you are the real Lumina. I need to know that you aren't some hallucination or fragment memory. I need to know that I'm not losing my mind like before." It wasn't the only mental break down that I had this summer, but that embarrassing moment dug into me the most.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPl1ILGhOgq
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"Like before? What are you taking about? Of course it's really me! Who else would I be?"107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKP9qidG0F4
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Her reaction seems more genuine that I hoped for, but I still couldn't take that as a good enough sign. I need some kind of proof, proof that this is the real Lumina. "Tell me something new. Any update will do. Tell me something about your world that I couldn't possibly know until you've said it here and now."107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0AuM7ac5hX
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"Okay..." I waited patiently for her to comply, making it clear that she had to give me something if I was going to keep trusting her. "As a matter of fact, I do have some news... The queen has decided to lift the previous restriction on you revealing the Altiri secret to a potential friend you could trust, but only if you want to, and only if it's for that reason, and only among those humans who are not heathens. We had a meeting about it during the summer."107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYtH3zycgHi
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"Oh." I let myself fall silent, since it was a bit to take in. I didn't recall ever hearing about such an existing restriction in the first place. I haven't bothered to mention to Lumina yet that I've already used up that right on someone. Just thinking about it now made me so mad, so I tried to keep my focus on the more important matter.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCdDHASzPa5
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"But who cares about that? I've missed you for so long Reed! I wish I could show you just how messed up I've been about this."107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLtWa2oCKuX
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Her? The fact registered with me a split-second later. "That's right! How could I have forgotten...? I'm not the only one who suffered through all this time. I'm sorry Lumina." Lumina loves me back as well, which means she must have gone through similar sadness and insanity in my absence from her.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkgtXv0PQUR
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"You..." Lumina slowly cut herself off, confusing me on what she was trying to say. "I don't know Reed. I still had my sisters to keep me company. But I feared that you might be totally alone. Are you okay?"107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡapgCZsNfUZ
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Her question threw of me off. As she asked me, I also asked myself the same thing. All of those memories of the summer were now back and fresh again. Lumina might be here with me now, but I can't just turn off everything I went through like some kind of kill switch. It still hurts me, even right now in this moment. Despite what recovery I just made, I started tearing up again, holding nothing back for what I was to show Lumina. "After all this time, after all of that blazing heat and total silence, you're asking me if I'm okay?" I can no longer go outside during a clear sunny day, else I cringe, freak-out, and panic myself into a pathetic state. Nothing will ever wipe my memory of how horrible I've felt for the past consecutive three months, or how confused I still was regarding whether I was even sane anymore. "Well I'm far from okay Lumina. I've never been doing worse in my entire life; never!"107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXxziZea8i
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"Oh..." I heard her voice crumble as Lumina moved into the main room, slouching against a metal wall and curling into a ball, ashamed by the thought of what this put me through. "Should we talk about this when you get back to class?"107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKxJpzTaTgY
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"No," I replied. "I'll go back to class when I damn well please."107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQhZn72doc9
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"Okay, okay... What about earlier? You said something about making sure I wasn't a hallucination? Don't tell me that you—"107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPIDxu498Xt
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"I did... It was only once and for a fleeting moment, but I unfortunately lost my mind in many ways Lumina. I'm really embarrassed to even admit that it happened to me at all. Let's see. I also had at least two mental breakdowns, several more UAD attacks, and I think most of my own sanity has been shaven off too. So, if you're wondering how well I handled things, now you know."107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLGYUlAMBj2
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"I'm so sorry Reed. You suffered a lot worse than I did."107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxYL0KBqDFX
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I gave credit to the fact that Lumina probably had an easier time only because she had loving, trusting company she could confide to at any time, unlike myself. "And that's not all. I did actually tell somebody about us during the summer."107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEydHuvHRBv
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"What? You did?"107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DS7081NjO
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I wasn't surprised at her shock. Even I was amazed that I actually said anything about it to anybody. I question to this day why I was so stupid to try such a thing, expecting so much better in the outcome. "I told Maddison... We can consider her an enemy now."107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGh6c7xIbQ
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"Enemy? Oh no... Is she threatening you? If she is, we have to—"107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZg58k3sAA2
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"Relax," I interrupted. "At the very least, she's not going to pose a threat to us any time soon." I found out only yesterday how things were, when I confronted Maddison about the horrible thing she tried to do over the summer. Instead of what I was expecting however, she played absolutely dumb with me. "She claims to have amnesia regarding that night. So either she's lying to me for some reason, or I scared her so badly that her mind repressed the memory of it somehow." I didn't think Maddison would pretend not to remember. She's the one who approached me first about it anyway, asking me if I remembered what happened on that day I visited her and pissed off her step-father.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo6L9SzT0Je
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According to Maddison, her guardian banned me from ever coming near the house again, even though I was never aware of it. I mean, I didn't want to go near Maddison anyway after the way she tormented me. His anger brought up the moment to Maddison, but she told me she only remembers bits and pieces about whatever I did to piss him off. In other words, she doesn't actually recall that I told her about Lumina being an Altiri alien, and that I had contact with her.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvws1m0Y1Z
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That's not all. On that same night, I was so afraid of what was going to happen later on, I checked into the Facebook pages, waiting to see the expected embarrassing post outing me right on Maddison's wall. However, there wasn't a story to be found. I looked further into Maddison's profile, trying to be certain whether she blabbed about it or not, but I didn't find a single thing. I attributed the possibility that the commotion her step father added in caused her to forget about the Facebook post, leading her not to send it off after all. Or, she simply used direct messaging to another specific person, in which case, I wouldn't know if she ever shared that or not. Considering how nobody at my school from anywhere questioned me about any alien or UFO stories, I had to accept that Maddison never did reveal my secret to anybody.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMkl7vLzbuc
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"Whatever the reason, Maddison wasn't afraid of me in that moment. She laughed and taunted me with my own story, calling me crazy with those wild laughs of disbelief. In short, she's a stupid ass bitch."107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡquTxGjC30x
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"Well, I'm sorry Reed, but that's just how humans are with this kind of stuff."107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9nDukgh5I
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"I guess you knew all along then... I really was completely alone, for all that time." I knew that's what did me in the most. I could have lessened my pain if I at least had someone to talk to about it, anyone at all. With the Altiri stuff aside, I never had one real human friend; not one.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSR3fVCr1rg
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"I know... I put you through so much pain..." Out of the blue, Lumina started crying so strongly, her uncontrollable weep locked her into her own sadness and regret. "I'm responsible!"107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kpupBuAG0
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Her deduction made me wince in surprise, but I quickly tried to assure how wrong she was. "No! How can you think that Lumina? You're not—"107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtTfgcxLYwr
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"I am!" she retorted through her tears. "This is my fault. I can't believe all the trouble I caused."107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7zuI3satO
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"Lumina..." At the very least, I understood why she felt so guilty about the pain we've endured. Lumina knew this would happen all along. She's the one who warned me what would happen if the two of us got too attached to each other. Even now am I still hurting, delaying what I wanted to say. "You've done nothing wrong. I'm the one who fell in love with a girl I can never be with. I'm the one who wanted you to myself."107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WX7x0HFP6
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"You don't honestly believe it was all you, do you? I'm the one who sent that purge to you. Reed? I was already too attached to you before you even met me." Lumina held her head in frustration, seething her panicked exhale through her teeth while digging her nails in further, all to emphasize her shared blame in all this. "I fell in love with a fourteen year old! I must be the most messed up person I know."107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsBTmKleOhD
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"Don't ever say something like that." Even though my eyes were locked on to the stormy sky, I acted as though I were staring Lumina in the face. In all the time I've known her, I haven't forgotten about our age gap. I'm sure anybody else would be disturbed or disgusted by the situation. But I'm not like that. "There's nothing wrong with us trying to be friends at our ages. I don't care if you're eighteen or thousands of years old Lumina. What matters is how much we know each other, how intelligent we both are."107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOFD4E9ssky
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"It doesn't change how much this hurt you. I should have known you'd be devastated, but I hoped you could handle this, somehow."107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Jt9tKvTJS
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"You certainly gave me fair warnings." I realized that Lumina and I were both to blame, equally responsible to how much psychological damage we ended up inflicting on each other without meaning to. "You warned me about the summers in Georgia, about how long they would last. This cold front is also lucky; it's not common for something like this to even happen. I figure it will go away and warm up again in less than a week, giving us another few months of silence. The point is, you warned me about this, and I totally ignored all of it."107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9NyFjesbr
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"But that's—"107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYtESSA6aP1
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"I'm not finished." No Lumina. You don't get to bare this burden all by yourself this time. I now know there was nothing either of us could have done to prevent this. There was no way to stop me from having those breakdowns and hallucinations, or those anxiety attacks and UAD episodes. "You are the one who purged me. You did fall in love with me for most of that time, and somehow I was oblivious to all of it. I was just that good friend, until I wanted us to be something more. So you're not entirely responsible for this Lumina. I fell in love with you. I still am madly in love with you now." Everything swimming in my heart and mind felt so confusing, but this was the one thing I was so sure of. I love Lumina, I love her more than anything else in the universe. And that right there is the problem.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImFYFHPYLf
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I could tell Lumina wanted to respond, to say something, but she was just as confused as I was. I can only assume she was trying to get a read on me, about what I was saying and feeling, as the two contradicted each other strongly.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU74SYIjmtH
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After a brief pause, I gave her my ultimatum. "However, you and I both know that it's a problem. We both know what this will mean. All of that terrible pain I've had to endure, all of that horrible isolation that ripped me apart piece by piece; that was only one summer. The longer I live on this planet, the more summers I'll have to endure. If I ever really decided to be with you, in a real relationship..." I struggled to finish that sentence, torn between two awful choices I could never escape from.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG6kA5RBhMk
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"You'd have to repeat that hell all over again, year by year. I would too, even though you'd have it a bit worse."107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ772t68HdCp
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So she does understand. If I keep hanging out with Lumina, I'll fall apart over and over again. "Exactly... Lumina? I don't know how it's possible that I even survived this. I can't do it again. I can't handle another summer like that ever again!" The mere thought of it still traumatized me.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7pcvFZjoZ
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"I... I understand."107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡouK3gRkhkq
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I knew she wasn't going to be happy to hear me say that. "In all reality, it might just be better if we part ways, if I pretended to never know you at all. If I did go with that route, difficult as it would be, I think I might be okay during all following summers... But I'm still not sure."107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ92BFVGgIZu
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"You want to split up?" Lumina's tone became desperate and whiney. My mention of the option upset her enough to bring on additional tears, though she tried to keep them silent.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7flScoTnWy
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"I don't know yet. It's a decision I have to make on my own. On one hand, if I continue staying in love with you, to try and make this relationship work, going through the motions somehow, it would mean following up great winters with hellish summers. Long distance is already tough enough; this only adds the worst element to both our worlds... I don't think I can do it again Lumina, not like that... Not alone, by myself, sick in the head over how much I'd miss you every single day, when the summers are longer than the winters, each and every year. But on the other hand, I could just save us the trouble and forget we ever knew each other."107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcZzRzwQSVU
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"Wait Reed! Please think about what you're saying! I still don't want to split up from you like that... I love you! I love you more than anything in the world!"107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡce8V0Ncozu
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"I know Lumina. That's why it hurts too much. That's why, if we were to put a stop to this, if we cease telepathic contact for the rest of our lives, saying goodbye until the end, I'll eventually get over this... Maybe." Even I wasn't so sure. My mind was now heavy with the thought of two terrible choices. I couldn't bear the thought of leaving Lumina behind and never seeing her again at all. At the same time, I can't survive another summer like that ever again. Loving Lumina comes with a price, a love that hurts too much for me to stay together. "I wouldn't have to worry about anything anymore. I could just forget all about the Altiri, and move on with my life." I wanted to vomit just from saying that, and I had to fight back more tears from how much this idea hurt me.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Onybj6jYk
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Lumina was already crying, so she paused in between her whispering speech to breathe. "Is that... Is that what you want?"107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZruEWKtg9
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"I don't know. My human life on its own is nothing to be excited about, but maybe I can change that. Maybe I would be happier, after a long time down the road, with somebody else who I know will have the capacity to always be here for me."107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeps3qUF1T5
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My words threw a dagger through Lumina's heart figuratively. Her sadness deepened stronger than ever before; I knew I have already broken her heart just now. "You... You want to breakup forever?"107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QXWCu17KZ
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"Don't make this choice harder than it has to be Lumina. I haven't even made up my mind yet. I'm still debating which option is better for us both. I really can't endure another summer like that Lumina."107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBWUZ22KSF
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"I... I know Reed. I'm so sorry that you had to suffer through that. I promise I never wanted that to happen... But I did realize this would come up before the purge. I knew what kind of place Georgia was. I was never expecting to grow attached to you Reed, but I did. And I don't think that was ever a waste!"107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz8dCMCajyI
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"Yeah..." I don't know though. I don't know what the right thing to do is anymore. "Look Lumina. I'm going to need a moment alone. I need some time to think things through, for both of us."107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGIXSsgPX0e
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"Okay... I'll phase out then."107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTetuF0k4V
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"Lumina, wait!" It was too late. She phased the connection as soon as she announced she was going to, and I could even feel the shift of energy inside my mind, which only made me more lightheaded and thirsty. She didn't have to phase out for this. I probably upset her with this, but I can't focus on that now. I have to make this choice and think for myself too.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0bxHzxUVTy
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With temporary isolation from everyone, I took my time staring at the sky and pondering the choices I had to make. I've never thought about this possibility before, but I have to figure something out. I could have anybody else on Earth, any other human woman to love and share my life with. If I instead go to Lumina, what kind of life would that allow me to live? I'd be unable to do any physical activities with her outside of telepathy. The only way I can physically be with Lumina is if I die and get transperated over there anyway. As long as I try to be with her here, I'll never know what a physical relationship feels like. I'll never know what it's like to be kissed, to be held, or to hold hands. I'll never know what it's like to get married, have sex, or even have children. Telepathy limits us from doing anything physical in life, because I'm on one planet, and Lumina is on the other; a situation that will never-ever change.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdCWkR3z0RO
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Even if I put all of that aside, it all comes down to whether or not I can handle any more pain matched by any subsequent summer of separation. I already know the answer. I already know that I can't go through that again. There's no worse feeling in the world than getting my hopes up, only to have it all crushed into powder remains. But what about all the good moments Lumina and I could still have together? What about all the memories we've already made? We still have the chance to intertwine our lives together, overlapping our worlds into one infinite moment... Is that even worth it?107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNknGbQ6kL
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Another summer, one after the next, after the next... That's all my mind could think about for the moment. It hasn't been bothering me over the past few days, but that's only because somewhere inside, I think I totally shut down in every possible manner. I can't ever forget this feeling, like my heart has been ripped out and stomped on, as nature toyed with my emotions until I couldn't control myself anymore. I almost ran away from home. I almost went insane... Correction. I did go insane. Somewhere in the middle of that storm, I lost all sense of reason, and forgot who I was. I'm still not sure if I've managed to recover from that, but I am certain I cannot ever endure the same moment ever again... Every year... Every year for the rest of my life...107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7G9MmEEt6h
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The imagination of that life made me cringe from head to toe, shaking in the fear I've developed to the idea of summer heat. There were some good reasons why I should stay with Lumina, but there are even better reasons why I should shut this down now, before I fall apart all over again... I'm sorry Lumina, but I just can't do this anymore. We're both better off seeing other people. We're better off forgetting everything that happened, so that we can try to live more normal, plausible lives on our own. Even though it kills me, I have no choice but to say farewell to Lumina, forever.
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The end of this chapter marks the end of Part 2 in Overlap. The next chapter is the beginning of Part 3 (The After Story) in Overlap.107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4li4mXp29
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