然後，她去替人補習，如常地，五點半到達學生的家。學生是一對姊妹，輪流上課，每人一小時。七點半，她便離開，回家煮個公仔面食。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQTcrDt8Eyi
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67i7YjFy4G
/284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFdyt7THNwl
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMrtx3NqxoJ
這一年來，林蓁偶然回家睡覺，偶然在外過夜。要說「偶然」，好像並不準確，最近她與周立沖交好，時時留在他宿舍，但有時，她也天天回家，畢竟宿舍不是她的家。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCbkmFG0KQ
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcDtdBEn3zG
一家五口，她是二妹，也是二家姐，大家姐一早移居國外，弟弟則到外國讀書，家中只得她一個。以前，她忘記過自己有家姐，這幾年，快要連有弟弟也忘記。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1VQZ3hynad
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvFlxHwYxd0
進門，燈火通明，林父在客廳看電視，背靠輪椅。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HnZI9MBod
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKjvx4Ee094
「林蓁，攞紙巾過嚟。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgBCgHgILp
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSBhdEEMcEJ
他與那個口中怒吼「你跟我姓㗎！食我嘅住我嘅，我打死你都冇人知！」的父親形象已大大不同，經歷中風，身體羸弱的他一改舊日暴戾，平靜地如一般退休老人。現在，他需要倚靠女兒的照顧。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhKnkVg7Vii
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUH8E38xKKL
因此，像什麼事都沒有發生過一樣，與女兒「正常共對」。哪怕流露出一點點愧疚，林蓁也會好過一些。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEjGeLzcwSZ
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddwFfYcUpO
她沒有刻意回憶舊事，但還是記得過往——284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4urBKoYIJ2
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZPOaavtiIq
林父最初，只會打大家姐。大家姐長得高，人又聰明，時時駁嘴。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHg1qqSLMGv
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQdB6hVBBfZ
他心情不好便會打她。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyUCKFxcwwu
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡticMuQNTxj
大家姐多數不吭一聲，直直地瞪著父親，眼睛通紅。父親最討厭她這模樣，知道她現在不說話不求饒，為著平時他說些什麼時冷靜地反駁，他抄起飯桌上的鏡子，往她的膞頭骨打下去。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMknIDFfGHL
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovlvKSN2ZQ
一下一下打下去。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCP9uOoJjx
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6zR2HMNyu
「你唔聽話吖嘛？答我呀！我生你養你打死你都無問題呀！」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYcBlxz6HYd
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGJpUtWUfJ
「我無唔聽話呀！」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWGYindrfl4
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0cTsbiQ0IH
「仲講大話！」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOpdF79qDsz
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjiKzaInMH
他捉住大家姐的頭髮，髮根吃痛，她便用腳爬到父親用力的方向，他更輕鬆地把她的頭按在地上。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIAqkRX5FvT
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5sT41rpM2
打人工具不多，或是說沒有特定工具，要麼隨手拿起便敲到身上，要麼單純用手打打打㩒㩒㩒刮刮刮。他那樣即興，像一份浪漫美意。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCcxtxgOoun
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ2yZG6ZkYu
彼時林蓁和弟弟跪坐在房內，隔著一段距離，看爸爸和家姐。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjPQqLA88l
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKvWsGAmyBx
「你哋兩個唔好似最大嗰件咁壞！如果唔係連你哋都打。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMY5cFPaSox
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUmdn6SyeZ8
小小林蓁會忍不住哭出聲來。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmcZcXa2GB
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtRyiYuzhlC
她對父親恐懼，卻又覺得是家姐首先「曳」，所以才被父親打。她會出去，將攤在地上的家姐扶起，說：284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlfYYjwGeNC
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvIAXXV3gq
「你以後都唔好激嬲阿爸啦。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCmp8xWT0n
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhCV3PMHYA
家姐只是拍開林蓁的手：「縮頭烏龜，唔使你可憐。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaEkv21tAOg
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuqij57qVlm
媽媽回家，見到屋內一片死寂，也沒提什麼，只說：「開飯啦。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwEG51amLeq
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbuZZIsZBuq
/284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBP18SQxnZo
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfpAKvkSckg
然後，林蓁把紙巾遞給父親，他抽出，用力呻鼻涕。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITAcpnjvbi
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFRmRNf2VOd
她去煮辛辣麵，不再另以碗裝住，就這樣捧著鍋吃，坐在客廳，沒有和父親看一樣的電視內容，只是看電話。新聞新聞，姜濤，譚仔，SASA特價，清潔工權利，腦袋卻無法裝載更多。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYutVI7edA6
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ47SFi8wheu
快快吃完，她去洗鍋。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7IRc8Gzrn
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEaOqlQPcj6
林蓁從不會過分霸佔一個空間，即使長期留在一個地方，如家，如周立沖的宿舍，她的物件都沒有幾多。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmZkuZtpva
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpPH7oHjaj
自小，父親便不喜歡她將玩具放出客廳，有次，她將一個小熊公仔放在沙發上，然後去廁所，出來時，便不見了小熊。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgruCNxWPJF
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKR670r4NQP
「熊仔去咗邊？」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe8hr3cFLaJ
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGLhO0losae
「我抌咗。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3xGPaiZTa
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4WrGVG1myE
「吓……」她小小聲，馬上到垃圾桶裡撿小熊，只見它對上有一堆橙皮、紙巾、洋蔥。倒是沒有哭，只不斷地用水沖涮小熊，又嗅了嗅，酸臭味仍然不走，加梘液，起泡刷。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdnQWrwHuuq
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1E1V1BL1j4
當時她已很怕父親，便不敢說什麼，只環抱小熊，在他面前行過，證明她對小熊不離不棄。從此，她不再將自己的東西，放在「不屬於自己」的地方，譬如客廳、廚房。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5OjoH64kaP
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkmFHKna09H
她在家霸佔的位置也越來越小，開始覺得多餘。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaIQbL3ba6S
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJav5VRAPIS
此刻，斟了一杯水後，林蓁在父親面前吃藥，他的眼神依然死死盯著電視螢幕。她根本不必避諱。她是幸運的。在避談精神病的城裡，她的親人要麼離開了，要麼對她不管不顧，誰管她的死活呢。一個人的能量有限，她不必花心神在隱藏自己的狀態之上。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR2rfbJLSqO
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOo6U8Xe9fo
和她一屋簷下的血親，甚至不知道她幾歲、唸什麼、將來會返咩工。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhSRAJe3PmA
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4aMeOIjLY
二人不會說話——反正她不會牽起話頭。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTThB2f8F5L
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMGZxfGaN2K
和他，不知有什麼好講。每個家庭，也是如此麼——恐怕不是，畢竟她羨慕過別人家的融洽和睦。閉上屋門，死氣沉沉，只得腳步聲來來回回拖拉。對於她現在的一切，除了煞有介事地和輔導員講之外，就沒有辦法與人道，慢慢，她的語言能力也枯萎，必要說的事以外，連組織也困難。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHXv96QKCS
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4pjfU6c2N1
有時，她會怨恨全屋人都走光，家姐一早撇下她，母親死了，細佬又走，得她一個留在家。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxYvgi4fg6
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1CSz8zlgqq
家姐離開後，父親便找林蓁出氣，依然是拳打腳踢。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjF4eORYhT
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmlteS91ZIC
但，她從來沒有「激嬲」父親。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ7ffxqTUm8
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2uhTf9u0ua
/284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvegB4wPuKY
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvKKlZd15QU
那時，小小林蓁和家姐陷入一種莫名其妙的冷戰。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIGt2uB7ha
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNK1xycc1nG
二人沒有吵架，只是，當林蓁叫家姐不要再惹父親生氣、又故作乖巧地斟水給他喝消消氣後，家姐每次見她，便沒有好臉色。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoYPR92z0TI
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1nLHrAOMN
作為二女兒，家庭的中間位置，平凡、不突出、不顯眼；林蓁擁有「希望所有人都喜歡自己」的渴望，否則，誰會關心她呢。家姐更聰明堅強，而弟弟是家中唯一男兒。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Ke1mlJkto
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8RiXgZI54w
林蓁總是溫溫和和，不吵不鬧，她一早發現自己不是可以雲淡風輕的天之驕子，也沒有勇氣離經叛道做野孩子，要得到歡心和關注，只能做好自身，微笑對人，得體應答，天真可愛，人蓄無害——她有這樣的天賦。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVuVWLURJDZ
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0aRUvx4h3e
她自覺喜歡充當人與人之間的潤滑劑，或者說是，討厭別人對立，每次如此，她不知道應該支持哪方。而且，別人若是熱鬧，又有誰看見只瑟縮的她呢。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0QX0UQBcHQ
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgKTAFon9pm
所以，每次家姐被父親打，林蓁也會看看家姐，問她痛不痛。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY8u8zO97oa
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ZlAgs35ai
「你匿埋都唔緊要，你同細佬仲細，都無辦法攔到阿爸。但點解要叫我唔好激佢？」家姐說。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEtwiBE79lA
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp2uXVLlJPd
「我驚你畀佢打得更加犀利。」林蓁說。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzp5srl58Ca
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhkYORlIYF9
「唔係我令到佢打我㗎！係佢自己發神經㗎！」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmHqdxZHsw4
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPC4zsfTRHl
「咁佢打緊你嗰陣時，向佢求饒，等佢快啲打完啦……」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFoyPAaSMOx
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKrDoJQ0QJy
「佢又打唔死我，為咗嗰少少快啲打完，求佢？你係我個妹，咁無骨氣？」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQWI7eJr0hz
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3adL2tf9of
林蓁不知為何，竟然哭了起來。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡau99MsIWXh
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRUvGZLvzJ
「你仲喊！又唔係你畀人打！你仲要斟水畀阿爸！喊喊喊，你喊咩呀？」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj8W8KCAxts
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdGZP4IWV4A
姊妹二人，一連幾日沒有說過話。起初，林蓁還厚著面皮，將自己早餐的面包及腸仔分給家姐（父親罰家姐不準食飯），但被拒絕。後來，林蓁也生氣起來，心想你不理我我也不理你，便不再主動和家姐搭話。二人其實一直也留意對方，回頭時會對視，但只有一秒，都急急移開目光。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFWPXj56yK
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjstoEIF0L
直至父親又打家姐。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFb1Qfs76l7
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKaB4xBDyMi
原因並不特別，就是家姐食飯食得慢，父親生氣，便打她。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1lK4slP4ME
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8BiRXRl6Q
家姐依然沒有說話，雖然流淚但沒有出聲。林蓁依然擁著弟弟瑟縮一角，只是，下一秒，她又想到，家姐生氣可能是因為以前她沒有出來維護家人，於是，她便鼓起勇氣，衝出來：284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3g7E1RqTP
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUWT3xjzYX8
「阿爸唔好再打啦！家姐知錯啦！」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHmEMeQRoy
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRV3DgVHCEf
「佢知錯？咁佢唔講？」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnGs4n7FZjW
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTR1mCxOpKF
「家姐真係知錯！」林蓁情不自禁地流淚起來：「你望吓！家姐喊！全面都係眼淚，佢只係唔好意思講咋嘛！」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqz56dzWId8
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdrnlBkmoxY
「喊代表知錯咩？佢唔知有悔意喎！」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNoaZ0GfGX
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF75ibH5OOW
「真㗎真㗎！」林蓁撒謊：「上次你話完佢，佢話你講得啱㗎！」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRNEpIqmIXg
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9GFv6sNHV
「我無！」家姐搖頭。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAWfTxR1gh
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDVxuFOaOPo
「你唔好口硬啦，已經好多傷啦！」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVshYEuLCaK
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6kWPBji0xJ
「既然你哋咁講，今日就算，以後再駁嘴就打。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhbwo24MKpX
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQcS3TTeY26
「多謝阿爸。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡend8cJILic
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27QX3Uzcxf
家姐推了林蓁落地。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVkaeeZVVA
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtyrpbgR8XR
「你做咩要咁講啊？做咪屈我啊？」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzEc83FPLa
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGUWNHdPNr
「我唔想阿爸再打你咋。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4F91k5YR0I
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJm50wCbtH3
「你根本唔明，我被佢打係因為曳咩？佢想無啦啦打人咋！咁啱係我。你同佢求饒？以後佢都係會打㗎！同呢啲人講對唔住做咩？」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEIXUndvOUD
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5gMvfzKA4K
以往家姐怎樣被父親打，眼睛紅紅，但始終沒有哭出聲來。她在內心與己戰鬥：喊出嚟就輸。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1FDwlxIlbp
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg6b69u4ZGk
但現在，家姐越說越委屈，竟然哭了。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmtvsmLQWA3
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3EIQ3hYDr
小小林蓁不明白，以為為家姐好。多年後，她才知道，家姐覺得林蓁擅作主張的求饒，是一種背叛。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgTiHhEpwr
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DEo4Ic1qJ
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284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUpP6fx3R6
隨即，她去洗澡，在黑暗中淋浴，覺得一切都很靜，視覺的減退一併萎縮其他感官。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRr0NGS4ys9
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZFler1NyT
不知是否吃了藥的緣故，她比以往快入睡。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZyTdI5zSv
