在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBzj2JjoTtx
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhdsJJSt6BQ
當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgaTNJlADPE
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDV89H8SD7h
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPVC53Rhyd
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVlUeoRF7o
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB0yOgJGOm7
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBfEObDaU31
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ac6WPsWZC
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbRSPyEHSIW
「你條裙有血！」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFX8afoJgH
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqeQTshpD5c
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUoN36nPSeB
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv4AqVDuaJY
「大個女啦。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4I2R20hqy
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ejAvswf0n
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFwZf1Eu6F
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjLLLEheB2
「去廁所清理吓。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMw0hXov0Ur
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9axU6i68M
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaIBqD3Ojwd
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCxn9jW4DMb
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpES347JDP
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZGddGxbOkv
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRRfFtYs0EA
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxvEP9GBdq
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrDD8ygddiW
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡInDS5dp4oi
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8FIWcrsNy
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡceJIcdjyPn
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWTm33m0W2z
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNHCyjlde5
但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDVe3xWQYqr
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfsbngtbvnO
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqv8AJnrPkP
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBwrP8xxrYc
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWJI2iRLM83
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSNFctP4lF5
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJL73j1znu
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOiuQKPFcqc
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJf6TXKPOYp
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNxismC3hq
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0uhG2HAktW
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTwcazRB6D3
只聽見他說：344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyCIoh56OO6
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4H5Cs0ECP
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5b2nPD3zc
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRayRiAzJc4
林蓁心下一沉。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGRKCeKWEy6
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHW7arsO9dd
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDMN0kSnvXz
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIAqI3CcHLD
她又想，會不會是他口硬？344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8gFXL7y2Vo
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmlPqmEKEjA
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7jYLUiHQb
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJfMojXw3N
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsmZ9nwFX60
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXk8tOnd8Yz
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyCuhUmOjVy
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0pxks2oB6
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnuFHwe0CSO
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeadcF4ynZa
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3dCtTPhLvH
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqd7VmnS0AN
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLRPObWtGi
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ70V17pciO
/344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4L98GFuBcK
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEPrf9PtBvy
翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJJFV7RXr7
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYhexOjkudL
她去見了周立沖。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSc32mBBBi3
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuREm1qhzw9
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPGmQzETQOV
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvh4sB6ArG5
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAVZMCGKU3
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcwtHOfUMr
「無所謂。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2UnZZ4bbbU
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuxyapt8PRF
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsqv03JB9qn
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMf1LFhL9f
家裡沒有飯吃。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZhEOtkoTxY
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbSYEUrLjDL
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl25i54K7gN
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYKRCwNGz16
「你煮咩我都食。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPre04OV0i1
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡga3ySJlj0L
「傻瓜。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡADHzHPlfPn
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLpPDhxai6
他摸摸她的頭。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXysu5Znqnw
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFsApYI1pRm
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXhhEJvH020
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLWJyuIlTV
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnBKoXmxsMD
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmraxNRquNc
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMyMneVfpE8
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9hIiFcsNnq
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzBoCsEhpLY
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7qzkC8Y4bn
「不如食咗我先。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsvjmDGYyY
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPm1vTks7O
「唔要你，成身臭汗。」344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBWwx7bcWho
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhVc53YBYsM
可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVbvZ5WqSD
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1MwLByrkZG
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHToqaLhicD
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrxPkC3WXmY
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyhanxtJ5OF
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu2pmj8T7Br
不過，幸好，現在他在。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbRnudvQsUI
344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLM9hXRvtgt
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。344Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6LVLyScGJw
