在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGdTW88XGe3
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5BvwnaAQtx
當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRF2CSdOWnc
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡev05PVrMQP
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYBouB2MLmb
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ0scbwPEYn
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3XMd409s1I
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHtmsQs5rT7
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoNn6s86l1l
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTtk7Oljq63
「你條裙有血！」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuuAVzN2BmT
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNkkbrWoE9J
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrcvZWbNtUr
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42JzHsubZw
「大個女啦。」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH2HwSUWmRW
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzhIig8M0c
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJuIYTZsHU
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJEhKe0geK
「去廁所清理吓。」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRyX4rIozlV
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMEtxnOX1iU
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8XOV4f3AW
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfXeD2nkzv
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkEDKNlcTdP
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKxnw2b6D5
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7T93KNenJp
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmtVddXEV1
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbr2GSHnCzU
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgsoByPQOfx
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqNwY2vT7aL
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsB4hA9hFxu
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtMFrnAu1U
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEzHSfIspQK
但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngcAutKwqX
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDwdX8OWJA
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFXppBKVe48
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMunXatM4NF
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6zBsYb9uF3
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvP8TpJi08
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZiIYT0dfU
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQS2ExkJfc
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1yq1aF9cLY
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡigpP0YUjp3
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekiRkdMRe7
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmwVLKV5AI
只聽見他說：296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGz3YEa8CvP
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkw0dhH9d9w
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRp5v5ZdJSz
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeISwujVCRu
林蓁心下一沉。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQNx09lGcvz
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqStXmNLhEQ
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZBpEV4D2aE
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDakYWCCAvt
她又想，會不會是他口硬？296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeaZGVG4hax
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8I1snObE6
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡajVB8mf0xl
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0mMpSeOVcg
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOd1gBfSEnG
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi2iJbx0mZk
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvnY2G6WPz
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9NwVbv9Jx
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2wl35yLHX
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4FfyKkr9LA
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQqHaYhvx7
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACFebhne6n
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡos88M80lR7
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG3h54v5ekX
/296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrr5cTS2d3M
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhcSkOYn8Y
翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlS7hvioslR
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡre1ChL5ESq
她去見了周立沖。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxu3bVwpeu
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGtkaIu5Lg6
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5fx7GgSfVz
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqvFB6arNoC
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjp5R6Hwpso
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1A6ws5mXHS
「無所謂。」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCcVsLsCQpt
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUNnuKX5PqW
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYMxQq2wKHl
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEoWpIQI1xw
家裡沒有飯吃。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEU5yBK7clv
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzPQByVVVi
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2uDrmiKBKl
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPMpKDadq4v
「你煮咩我都食。」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA1t4twQFGA
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡorovmBSx7u
「傻瓜。」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHZrRV028J
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdUw13cLHdG
他摸摸她的頭。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGNcibJMRW
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy9eXR1lyGP
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ31gJk9GsTp
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuEL5rfBBri
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx5GX6XaEYx
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtquscVnQtV
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb6sTVkkyk3
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqnQj60o2y
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJYqwNM9OC
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡocLlLm4cEm
「不如食咗我先。」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhrMLFQbu9n
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Uu30WihgM
「唔要你，成身臭汗。」296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPkSMXKf7u
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr72NU22ru7
可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVP0KGOyf7W
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjtQNt0PMc5
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8XDwfayW0s
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8nwhT2GNi
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3LkbxepQ3E
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKA5Fps0lK2
不過，幸好，現在他在。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqGH8LYdmqn
296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDUux3vMCy
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。296Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCBQlR4noU
