A few days had gone by since then.
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It was Thursday, my day off. The only thing I had to worry about was therapy. I had just arrived at my session when my phone went off. My chest jumped at the name that appeared on the screen.
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"Are you free today?" - Summer
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I froze in front of the office building.
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"Yes." I waited for a reply staring at my phone screen. The door swung open with Mrs. Davis waiting for me to enter the room. I glanced at my phone one last time before walking into the room.
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"Good afternoon, Thomas. How are you feeling today?"
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"I'm okay." I spoke while tapping my foot. I was impatiently waiting for a response from Summer but she hasn't answered yet.
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"Are you sure?" She asked again this time her eyes moved to my foot and back to me.
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"Yeah I'm good." I stopped tapping so her concern would cease and we could move to whatever topic we were going to talk about today.
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"How are you and your dad?"
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"My dad?"
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"Yes."
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It felt like an odd question. She never asked about him. "We're okay."
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"Have you spoke to him lately? I remember our last conversation about him was very brief because you mentioned that he's not home very often."
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"Yeah he's usually working but that's normal. No, I haven't talked to him."
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"When's the last time you two had a conversation?"
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"I don't know." I shuffle uncomfortably.
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"Isn't it your birthday next week?"
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"I forgot about that." I've been so distracted I forgot about my birthday. I didn't think anyone would remember but it warmed my heart a bit knowing Mrs. Davis did. "He'll be back before then I'm sure." I didn't feel confident in my own words but also my dad never forgot my birthday. Even when he was away for work he sent something over or texted.
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"There's something else coming up as well, isn't there?" She sat attentively waiting for my response.
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"The anniversary of my mom's death. It'll be a year."
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"How are you feeling about that?"
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"How should I feel about it?"
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"There's no right or wrong way to feel about it, Thomas."
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"Well why ask such a stupid question? Should I tell you I'm excited about it? Should I tell you I'm looking forward to spending my birthday without parents? Or that I'm miserable? What do expect to hear asking a question like that?" I frustratedly snapped at her. It was unintentional.
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"You're dad is still with you, he's still here-"
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"Where is he?" I cut her off mid sentence. My question was clearly rhetorical but it was a question I desperately wanted answered. I haven't seen him or talked to him in months. He was always off doing something for his company or in his office. I couldn't blame him entirely for our lack of communication considering I didn't reach out either but it was mostly due to the fact that he angered me.
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He pretended like things were the same and that we were normal. Nothing about our relationship was normal and nothing will ever be the same. It felt like he moved on too quickly. It felt like everyone around me wanted me to move on because they did but I can't. It happened and I'm still not over it. Before Mrs. Davis responded, my phone buzzed again revealing a response from Summer.
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"Are you able to meet me for lunch?"
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"I have to go." I abruptly stood up, leaving her no time to answer to my question.
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"We still have 40 minutes left." I ignored her words and left anyway. I felt a bit guilty for blowing up on her like that, I knew she didn't deserve it and my anger was displaced but I didn't have time to apologize. I needed to meet Summer. Before I forgot, I responded asking for a location to which she sent a pin at a local cafe 15 minutes from where I was.
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Once I arrived I entered the glass building which revealed a floral themed coffee shop with plants all throughout the walls. I scanned the room full of people before spotting Summer already sitting down with her laptop open and a coffee in front of her.
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"Hi." I spoke while sitting down in front of her. She chose the seat closest to the window so we had a view of the pedestrians crossing outside the city.
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"Hi Thomas, I'm glad you could make it." She flashed a warm smile and I returned one. Her hair was up away from her face in a ponytail and her glasses were falling down the bridge of her nose. She seemed really into whatever she was working on before I showed up.
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"Did you order anything yet?"
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"No, I was waiting for you actually. I've been here a while so I just got a coffee."
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"Sorry to make you wait."
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"No, no you're fine! I was doing work here then you came across my mind. Let's go ahead and order."
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I nodded my head as she got up and I followed behind her to the wooden menu attached to the wall.
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"Hi! What can I get started for you two?"
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"May I have tomato basil soup and a grilled turkey sandwich?" I watched her scrunch her nose while deep in thought trying to figure out what else to get. "I think that's all."
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"I'll get the same thing." She looked up at me with an unreadable expression before straightening her face and looking back at the lady taking our order.
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"That'll be $40.75." I tapped my card on the kiosk before Summer could get a chance to fully pull her wallet out of her purse. Once the purchase went through, we walked back to our window seats.
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"You didn't have to pay for me you know."
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"I know, but I wanted to."
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She opened her mouth to say something but shook her head and let go of the thought. "So tell me, how have you been? I see you're back with Frankie how are you two?"
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"I'm n-" I cut myself off. I had to think about what I told her because I knew I already pushed some boundaries in the past so I tried to withhold things that I felt might alter her view of me. Like Frankie and I not being together. I didn't want her to think I still had lingering feelings for her even though I didn't even understand them myself. "I've been good. She's been good too."
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"I was glad to see you two together the other day, have you two worked things out?" I just nodded as a response not wanting to speak too much in fear of my lie unraveling. "What about you? How are you?"
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"I've been good! I got a cat, Juniper. I kind of co-parent her with Jason but she mostly stays at home with me." She spoke excitedly moving her hands while speaking.
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"Jason?"
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"Yeah."
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"That's nice." I tried to hide behind a smile showing that I was happy for her even though the thought of her and Jason together made my ears ring.
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"Do you have any big plans for your birthday?" She leaned in on her palm while staring deeply into me. "How did you know it was my birthday?" I asked confused.
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"Your birthdate was written by your name in my old files."
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I looked down and took a bite of my sandwich and a let a smile wash over my face at the thought of her remembering my birthday. I looked up to see her smiling back at me before looking down at her soup.
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"No, I think I'll be at home for my birthday. Nothing special."
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"Will you be with your dad?" I shook my head.
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"He's out of town." I continued chewing.
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"I see. Maybe Frankie will plan something for you?" She had a hopeful look and I didn't want to crush her spirit and tell her I'd most likely be spending my birthday alone. "Yeah, maybe." Her eyes lingered on mine for a long while before she moved them from me. It was weird having a casual atmosphere with her after so long. It felt like having lunch with an old friend. I enjoyed her being like this rather than her professional front because I felt closer to her this way. It felt like she was more comfortable with having a conversation with me after some time passed. Maybe she felt I stopped caring.
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"I actually need some advice. My friend's sister's in the hospital and he wants me to come with him to visit her."She waited for me to continue. "The problem is, I haven't been in a hospital since..."
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"Your mom." She completed my sentence with the words I was meaning to say. I just gave her a look of confirmation showing her she was right.
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"I understand it's close to the time she passed?"
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"Yeah."
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"If you don't feel comfortable going you probably shouldn't." She phrased her sentence as if she had more to add. "But...this could be an opportunity for you to be the support you didn't have. Your friend reached out to you because he knew you'd understand his situation probably to feel less alone in what he's going through."
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"Yeah." That was all I could manage to get out. I knew it was a big deal for Gio to call me about an issue because in the past we never really talked about anything past parties or school.
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"Maybe you can think about it as having someone with you. You two can bond."
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"I guess." I shrugged. "Thank you for the free therapy."
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She chuckled lighting up the room with her smile. I sat admiring her for the entirety of the moment before she looked at to me. I held her gaze until noticing her hiding her bottom lip with her teeth holding back a shy smile. My eyes dropped down to her lips before I shifted my attention to her attire. She had on a low cut top and a skirt that reached her knees. There was a clear contrast between her dressy top and skirt to my usual sweats and compression shirt.
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"It was really good seeing you."
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