Four shots turned into ten. We were all plastered to say the least.
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The crowd was cheering on a football game going on and we started cheering too. This old man next to us would buy the whole bar a shot every time his team scored.
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After a while I stopped drinking because I noticed Summer stumbling and slurring her words. She was beyond drunk. We moved around the place sitting in different areas throughout the night and before the bar closed I went over to the bartender to close our tab.
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"Can I pay out?"
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"Sure did you want to use the card left over here?"
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"No, I'll use mine."
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"It's going to be $576.89." The total wasn't shocking considering we were downtown and the drinks were overpriced. I knew Gio, once he got drunk he'd offer people shots and by the end of the night he ends up forgetting to pay his tab.
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Once I went to turn around I crashed into a small figure who turned out to be Summer. "I'm so sorry." She wiped my shirt with her hands trying to dry up the red spill.
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"It's okay."
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"No it's cranberry it's going to stain if you don't wash it off before it settles."
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"Hey." I stabilize her rockiness by putting my hands on both shoulders and she looks up at me with droopy eyes. "It's okay, promise."
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She held her gaze on mine for a while, her eyes low and glossy and her skin dewy. Her appearance revealed her drunkenness before her words did. She had a strap hanging down her shoulder that she kept fixing all night but after 3 drinks it stayed there, untouched and seemed to bother her less. She was more carefree than her usual self, more relaxed and less stressed. I liked this version of her and wished I could see it more.
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"I have a gift for you actually at my house." She broke our silence.
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"You do?"
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"I mean it's nothing special but I figured you wouldn't be receiving many gifts so.." she trailed off.
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"I'll love it whatever it is." I said cutting her tangent off. She silently chuckled and combed some hair behind her ear.
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"Sorry when I drink I talk a lot."
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"Really? I didn't take you as someone who liked to talk."
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"Around the right people."
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"So am I included in that circle of people?"
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"Not quite." She said teasingly and I put my hand on my heart sarcastically to show my sadness.
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Gwen and Giovani came stumbling through meeting us where we stood. They got comfortable with each other quite quickly. Their body language showed she took a liking to him and that the feeling was mutual.
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"Summer baby let's go to your place." Gwen slipped her hand into Summers and gave her puppy dog eyes. She had bleach blonde hair and curls that fell down her shoulders that bounced when she talked. She was a very animated, outgoing and blunt lady. Very opposite to Summers calm and introverted demeanor.
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"Right now? All of us?"
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"Yes! We can continue drinking over there. I would say let's go to mine but you know I live a half hour outside the city."
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"I don't know if that's a good idea." She dragged her words furrowing her eyebrows while looking deeply into her friends eyes. Almost as if she was trying to silently relay a message to her.
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"Oh C'mon." Gwen nudged Summer and with her drunken state, her stability was shaky so she stumbled into me.
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"Okay fine, if I regret this it's your fault." She gave in. Gwen cheered excitedly almost bursting my eardrums in the process. I looked at Gio but his eyes were stuck on Gwen.
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Very irresponsibly, we drove to Summer's rather than ubering. Luckily she lived almost down the road from the city so we made it safely. We parked out front and followed her inside her apartment complex. It was a pretty nice place in the city, a suburban area that was a 10-15 minute walk to any store. Once we got in, she flimsily unlocked her door and stumbled in as we followed behind her.
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Her apartment was a perfect replica of her personality. It was quiet, neat, home-y and warm. It smelled like vanilla and incense and had warm orange tones across the living room. It reminded me of when I was in her office, the orange couch. Her infamous pink mug was sitting on the kitchen counter with a coffee ring beside it.
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"Sorry it's kind of messy, I wasn't really expecting company." She shuffles around the room swiftly picking things up.
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"Please, if you think this is a mess you should see my kitchen." Gwen scoffed plopping herself onto the couch.
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"Make yourselves at home, I'll bring some wine."
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Gio goes to put his shoes on the rack next to the entrance and I do the same. Before placing my shoes down on the shelf I noticed unfamiliar male house shoes placed next to her collection. I brush it off, keeping it in the back of my head to ask her about later.
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"Sorry white wine drinkers, I only have red."
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"Whatever has alcohol in it." Gio smiles and takes the glass out of Summer's hand. She laughed while pouring another glass. We sat down around the brown coffee table and talked for a bit. Well, by talked I mean Gio and Gwen did most of the talking while I ogled at Summer and she sat quietly listening.
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Even in her messy drunkenness she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. Her eyes were drifting across the room at the little things she noticed she didn't clean up. I could see her thinking hard about whether it was worth getting up to clean it. She didn't give in though, instead she tapped her wine glass drinking it slower than the rest of us, leaning into the couch with droopy eyes.
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We talked for roughly an hour maybe two. I was bad at telling time when I was drunk but it felt like a long time. Gio and Gwen were past drunk. They'd been completely out of it and hadn't noticed Summer falling asleep across from them because of how engulfed they were in their own conversation. I moved from my seat to sit next her and tapped her on the shoulder to wake her up.
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"Sorry, did I fall asleep?"
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"It's okay. Do you want us to leave?"
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"Yeah, it's getting pretty late." A small disappointed breath escaped my lips. She got up and collected the glasses from the table and I assisted her with washing them.
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"Do I still get my gift?" I placed the wine glasses on the drying rack.
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"Ah, how could I forget!"
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She walked down the small hallway to the door in the middle, before walking in she turned back to me and waved me over.
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We walked into what looked like her bedroom. Everything was neat and in place except for her desk where there were papers stacked inches high and a desk light tilted over her open laptop. I stood at the entrance of her bedroom by the door, cautious not to pry into her personal things and watched her dig under her bed until she pulled out a small green box with a white bow.
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"Here." She placed the gift in my hands and bit her lip anxiously keeping her eyes on the box.
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"Thank you."
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"Open it."
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I look at her once more before opening the box. A brown leather journal laid on top with my name engraved on the bottom right corner. A black pen was attached to the cover as well, it looked fancy and dated. I held on to the journal tightly and glanced at her waiting for me to say something.
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"It's great."
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"Are you sure? It took forever to find someone to engrave it without damaging the cover."
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"I love it, I promise." A thought came to me but I tried to shake it off. I tried to seem enthusiastic with my response but it seemed like she could see right through me.
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"What's wrong? If you don't want it, that's okay I promise."
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"It's not that-"
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"What is it?" She began touching her face while swaying to keep her balance with her big brown eyes just burning into me waiting for my reply.
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"I don't want to make you uncomfortable."
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"You aren't."
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"What I want to say might ruin things."
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Her gaze shifted between me and my hands before responding quietly.
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"Say it."
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I stepped back a half step to put some space between us just in case I had to leave after I spoke. I didn't know how she'd take it or how she'd react but I knew that I needed her to know how I felt. It'd been eating me alive for the past few weeks, not knowing if I'd see her again or get a chance to tell her.
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"I can't take this journal because it'll remind me of you and it's already hard enough trying not to think about you every single day. I'm really trying not to ruin things between us because I can't imagine not being able to see you again because of something I did."
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She didn't speak for some time nor did she look up from my hands gripping on to the journal she gave me.
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"What about Frankie? Do you think about me when you're with her?" She whispered.
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"There's never been a moment since we met where I haven't thought of you." I whispered back
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I watched her carefully trying to retrieve a message from her body language since she didn't speak for another minute after. At that moment, I felt like a dog searching for crumbs from under the table, desperate for more than what I was given. She didn't react at all instead she had a blank stare maybe shock or something else.
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"Tell me you want me to leave and I'll go. Tell me I've overstepped and you won't hear from me again. Tell me you don't feel the same way and I'll accept it and leave you alone. Just tell me something."
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"I can't."
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"You can't what?"
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"I can't tell you those things because that's not how I feel."
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"Tell me how you feel." I felt we'd switched rolls and I was playing therapist. She shook her head back and forth shutting down. I stepped forward towards her closing some space between us but let my arms fall beside me being careful not to touch her.
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"This is wrong." she shook her head turning her back towards me and walked over to her bed. She sat down after releasing a frustrated sigh and looked back at me with watered eyes. I approached her cautiously, not sure what to think or say. "Tell me what you're thinking because I can't read you right now" I broke the silence.
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"I can't tell you I want you to leave because I want you to stay, I can't tell you that you've overstepped because you haven't and I can't tell you I don't feel the same way because I do." We stood there, eyes on each other, with that familiar feeling of longing and tension rising between us.
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I lifted my free hand to her face running it down to the nape of her neck and slightly tightened my grip. Her eyes glossy and low, moved from my eyes to my lips with a look of hunger. I leaned into her tilting her head back gently by her hair and watched her lips part in expectation. I let my lips hover over hers as she attempted to close the gap, but I didn't let her. I pulled away releasing my hand from her neck.
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"I'm afraid if I kiss you again, I'll lose you forever."
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"You won't"
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She brushed her hands through my hair moving it off of my face and crashed her lips on mine.
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