I don't know how I never noticed Archie's crush on me sooner. I'm flipping through my previous entries, looking for anything that shows that I knew... but now I can see it. I had written about his behavior, but never made the obvious conclusion.
And the whole school knew?! Was he that obvious, or was I that oblivious? Probably both. Mostly me. I was always so consumed by whatever the hell I was dissecting in my head.
Emotions, social cues – they were like abstract concepts I acknowledged existed but never quite processed.
It’s almost impossible to reconcile this Archie, the one who apparently had a "massive crush," with the Archie I knew when we were ten. I remember one time, it must have been the fifteen millionth sleepover at Carly’s house.
Carly had wandered off to do some random Carly thing, probably in the bathroom, I don't know. I was sitting cross-legged on her rug, tracing my hand over the intricate patterns of the carpet fibers. The texture was an interesting one, different from the carpet in my house.
Then, Archie just appeared, a shadow in the doorway. He was holding something reverently in both hands – a newly built Lego set. It was one of those Star Wars ships, if I remember correctly. He was beaming, a huge, beaming smile on his face.
My Aura-curiosity immediately kicked in. I got up and immediately went over. "Wow," I said, leaning in. "How did you get that stud to lock in that position? Is that a new hinge piece?" My fingers, always drawn to understanding structure, reached out.
And, I don't know what got into me but, I just... booped a piece off the build. It was a completely accidental, almost imperceptible flick, but it was enough.
His face crumbled. His eyes welled up instantly, twitching, as if trying to control from crying. The sheer, unadulterated grief over one displaced plastic brick. He snatched the build back, cradling it like a wounded bird, and then, he started.
"Carly, your stupid friend broke my Legoes!" he yelled out to his twin, voice muffled by his anger.
Carly sounded so done with everything that day. "I told you, my room is off limits today!"
"Well it's not my fault!"
"Yes it is, you were the one who went in there?"
I don't remember the rest, but there’s no way that blubbering ten-year-old, the one whose entire world shattered over a misplaced Lego piece, is the same guy who would have "spelled out" his feelings to anyone.
The same guy who now carries this quiet, almost mature concern. It just doesn't compute. But then again, neither does the idea that I'm supposed to be dead.
It makes me re-evaluate everything. All those times he’d show up at Carly’s when I was there, the way he’d always try to join our conversations, even when Carly would roll her eyes at him. I always thought he was just being an annoying little brother, or later, just being Archie. Now, it’s like someone just flipped a switch, and all those old memories are replaying, but with a different, much more unsettling soundtrack. Every awkward chuckle, every prolonged glance I misread as curiosity about my latest science project. It’s almost comical, if it wasn't so profoundly… bewildering.18Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWOfChNARYf
The irony is a bitter taste. I’m supposed to embody all these exaggerated emotions as Lexi to fool everyone, to gain their sympathy, to blend in. Yet, the one truly strong, complicated emotion I apparently inspired in my best friend’s brother – a crush, actual feelings – I completely missed.
Sucks to be me.
