"Why the hell is this so hard?" I mutter to myself.411Please respect copyright.PENANAoSDPs3Mr1b
411Please respect copyright.PENANAEd9Vuvhiq6
411Please respect copyright.PENANAhdpK03Qzwc
Remember how I missed two of Evetta's birthdays? Well, I've decided to buy her two presents — one for each birthday that I missed.411Please respect copyright.PENANApfizsO5hd6
411Please respect copyright.PENANA2UqhDkesRN
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I already got a violin bow for her. It isn't some grand, expensive, £2000 bow from 1752, but it's from me; I'm pretty sure that she's the sentimental type.411Please respect copyright.PENANAYwOm45urhG
411Please respect copyright.PENANAY2mnEpjCWR
411Please respect copyright.PENANAHIgcmnOyHv
Now, I'm looking for a black doll, and none of them seem perfect. Every single one that I've seen — which is actually only a total of two dolls — have processed hair. For some reason, I feel like she would want a doll with natural hair.411Please respect copyright.PENANAWVA6kdAdYg
411Please respect copyright.PENANA2sIZM9sr9H
411Please respect copyright.PENANArl4tL8t2ac
I'm about to give up and just get her a bracelet or something, when I see it through the window of a store. It's called "little Jamaica", and a black rag doll with what looks like twists on her head is smiling through the window.411Please respect copyright.PENANA8bF1VL9MOJ
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411Please respect copyright.PENANAsxa5mL2tCi
I walk into the store, which smells like lavender, and am immediately greeting by a middle aged woman with locks. Her face looks halfway between black and Chinese; full lips, dark skin, sharp cheekbones, tiny nose and slanted eyes.411Please respect copyright.PENANAk3o8O4h2kg
411Please respect copyright.PENANArDRpMAg90g
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"Good afternoon sir," she says in a warm voice, but with an accent that sounds identical to Evetta's.411Please respect copyright.PENANAkLbqZYaBbD
411Please respect copyright.PENANAXRrntp9GrY
411Please respect copyright.PENANAkj1rY14cey
"How may I help you today?"411Please respect copyright.PENANAx8lxmMjsU9
411Please respect copyright.PENANA45iA98YMXK
411Please respect copyright.PENANAfTwnI9bIqq
I look at the window, and see the doll.411Please respect copyright.PENANAEVneRg0dYQ
411Please respect copyright.PENANAHVHcH4RYOf
411Please respect copyright.PENANASo6LDmfzuN
"I want that doll; the one by the window. Upon inspection, I realise that it has "Jamaica" written across the front. She looks like she's crying, and she's facing me. 411Please respect copyright.PENANAHVEk9i18ow
411Please respect copyright.PENANA6xKNB6v1EP
411Please respect copyright.PENANAZ9LXsiJQQP
I think I might be losing my mind. Maybe it's more than just amnesia. What if there's temporary brain damage? What if I'm going to completely lose my mind, and have to live the rest of my life in an asylum?411Please respect copyright.PENANAwImOdGuaoC
411Please respect copyright.PENANAFxmP4nJ0q9
411Please respect copyright.PENANAlOSsNmNkli
Before I have a full blown panic attack, the woman speaks again.411Please respect copyright.PENANA7eJYlFVCRa
411Please respect copyright.PENANAF6nr115DmQ
411Please respect copyright.PENANAtoVr7NWvMQ
"The doll has too faces; one side is smiling, and the other is crying," she says, seeing my confused expression, and following my gaze to the doll.411Please respect copyright.PENANAd5g6JUErJ0
411Please respect copyright.PENANAG81YRGSuDj
411Please respect copyright.PENANA23xy7Dx3Hx
I walk over to it, pick it up, and flip it. Sure enough, it has a face stitched on the other side — the smiling face that I originally saw.411Please respect copyright.PENANAzRVSdu5Yko
411Please respect copyright.PENANAc74Kmcjp09
411Please respect copyright.PENANA0ennWhwRN5
Thank god. I'm not mad. Yet.411Please respect copyright.PENANAtT34wtKwqy
411Please respect copyright.PENANA1e6vjeaqIB
411Please respect copyright.PENANApI7jvuhLGe
This is so... special. I love it, and I know that Evetta will love it, too. 411Please respect copyright.PENANA4Bd2n8lVlj
411Please respect copyright.PENANAETgWjX7Gbs
411Please respect copyright.PENANAzdngfAxJHb
I pay for it and walk out, feeling rather proud of myself.411Please respect copyright.PENANABJbV4AANXQ
411Please respect copyright.PENANA7YkBHYYbzW
411Please respect copyright.PENANALJZABUpxJt
Yes, she's gonna be so pleased.411Please respect copyright.PENANAxZhcGcDPen
411Please respect copyright.PENANA4hCg4QFbJY
411Please respect copyright.PENANAYWDAdYRHys
Of course, my day can't possibly be that easy.411Please respect copyright.PENANAUrmER5k5Pl
411Please respect copyright.PENANAWdNN2cZ6A0
411Please respect copyright.PENANAWKblFRmCKK
As I'm walking on the sidewalk, one of the pink ear rings from the doll fall off and break on the pavement.411Please respect copyright.PENANAy7lu7UEgvf
411Please respect copyright.PENANAVfgIkH1rgj
411Please respect copyright.PENANA45XlwlOkmN
"Fuck," I mutter under my breath.411Please respect copyright.PENANARWqr7TsMku
411Please respect copyright.PENANA6ieAnJKmnp
411Please respect copyright.PENANAl4MusjYsFc
What the hell am I going to do now? I can't give it to her like this.411Please respect copyright.PENANAgrd60mTVkg
411Please respect copyright.PENANAAxQNTILAkr
411Please respect copyright.PENANAardqJBvOdB
Think Caleb. What else can be used as ear rings?411Please respect copyright.PENANAitFJ5Xqlah
411Please respect copyright.PENANA5qEs62pcuv
411Please respect copyright.PENANAOhTxFKYv0o
Paper clips?411Please respect copyright.PENANA5s8YGbmn7e
411Please respect copyright.PENANAZCsmQUwvue
411Please respect copyright.PENANAYu6CjjDG3Q
No.411Please respect copyright.PENANA0HebhC1PEl
411Please respect copyright.PENANAJo1gMxziQs
411Please respect copyright.PENANAifxOpg8i5W
Hairpins?411Please respect copyright.PENANAeop3q3kW4l
411Please respect copyright.PENANAgTeioePqvi
411Please respect copyright.PENANAmZY8c26C3E
Am I stupid?411Please respect copyright.PENANA12r07lPSIr
411Please respect copyright.PENANAdZqNzQuTiX
411Please respect copyright.PENANApmXc4jUVtr
Nose rings?411Please respect copyright.PENANA1qJwQk4KAH
411Please respect copyright.PENANAr2tEZ2J9BG
411Please respect copyright.PENANAckSPuZVnaa
Wait. That's not a bad idea.411Please respect copyright.PENANAi75xJPkerx
411Please respect copyright.PENANA4vqQsaBk1X
411Please respect copyright.PENANAkOfJ57DdVT
At least this isn't that hard to find. 411Please respect copyright.PENANACIfBBTvbPx
411Please respect copyright.PENANA0lwcE5jEGI
411Please respect copyright.PENANAGtzsvDPDfV
After a few minutes of walking, I find myself in a shop that is stocked full with all kinds of body jewellery, and I pick up a pack of nose rings. Now that I see them, they look far thinner and flimsier than I'd imagined.411Please respect copyright.PENANAWIvjrVgT3V
411Please respect copyright.PENANAAHEv2VhoVC
411Please respect copyright.PENANAjXWqMktDvA
God, I really hope this works, I think to myself looking skeptically at the tiny golden hoops.411Please respect copyright.PENANAhiUbXd5WOC
411Please respect copyright.PENANAcpqO7T1LKc
411Please respect copyright.PENANArOXkdSvnCN
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411Please respect copyright.PENANAFiFpuHDy4S
***411Please respect copyright.PENANAsU1JwnuQ0m
411Please respect copyright.PENANAHu1no0V3tm
411Please respect copyright.PENANAk8aS2JF5Ku
411Please respect copyright.PENANAKnTVxACHkw
411Please respect copyright.PENANAd5kTUGb6pS
The nose rings actually worked, much to my surprise. You'd never be able to tell that anything ever went wrong with the doll on the first place.411Please respect copyright.PENANAClp3vXW8dl
411Please respect copyright.PENANAlM4IxSz9Vh
411Please respect copyright.PENANAnRkpssV3YQ
I'm finished walking the streets for today, so I've decided to take the tube back to the area in which I live. Throughout the entire train ride, I can't keep still. My knee is bouncing like a tennis ball, and I realise that it's more than me wanting to give her a doll and a violin bow; I want to see her again; hearing her voice through a phone isn't enough. Still, I call her as soon as I get out of the station.411Please respect copyright.PENANAWat0RhwgWv
411Please respect copyright.PENANAIaY7Du3D5U
411Please respect copyright.PENANAhyY2vQbtle
"Hello?"411Please respect copyright.PENANANliZ7gdn2t
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411Please respect copyright.PENANATiS6PDZmQe
God, her voice is beautiful. It makes me feel warm, from the inside out, even though it's freezing outside — snow has just begun to fall, and now I deeply regret not bringing a winter coat — and the cold air biting against my skin seems inconsequential.411Please respect copyright.PENANA3lS3Yog2Kg
411Please respect copyright.PENANA6cr1uv0ARN
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"Can you come over?" I ask. 411Please respect copyright.PENANACOXG9yAQse
411Please respect copyright.PENANAv14fTrockB
411Please respect copyright.PENANAtWCSKYEfci
But a better idea comes to me.411Please respect copyright.PENANApyiVBb6wK9
411Please respect copyright.PENANAvmsHl0yDXF
411Please respect copyright.PENANA3jfXPtA13C
"Are you at home?"411Please respect copyright.PENANA7I40BF5E9J
411Please respect copyright.PENANAoKfVo9Acal
411Please respect copyright.PENANAp0b3HPUq7i
"Yeah."411Please respect copyright.PENANAC5482waWgk
411Please respect copyright.PENANAVTh7Mcd6IV
411Please respect copyright.PENANAzpFvaOlihv
"Um, can I come over? I mean, you'd have to give me your address, and I'd try—"411Please respect copyright.PENANA3hQTVqHfru
411Please respect copyright.PENANAEGDsaRKKWb
411Please respect copyright.PENANAhoshyK49pL
"Caleb, it's very cold — you sound cold, as if you've forgotten you coat — and I don't want you to get lost, and die of hypothermia. I'll come over. I'll bring you over to my house one day — show you the path."411Please respect copyright.PENANA06gt7VASEo
411Please respect copyright.PENANAySo0CvQ5Qz
411Please respect copyright.PENANA5UsLoNp1nK
"Fine. But please stay."411Please respect copyright.PENANAAiX8AXioPo
411Please respect copyright.PENANAkD0OHGHSUi
411Please respect copyright.PENANAqHR1L4LjZb
"Okay, but I have to leave early tomorrow. I have work."411Please respect copyright.PENANANmHyLoK9nD
411Please respect copyright.PENANAOb7ViuIDF2
411Please respect copyright.PENANAYH13zvFKUB
"That's fine," I say as I walk through the front door of my house. 411Please respect copyright.PENANAeH5J6ETmIV
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The call ends and I make it to my room, suddenly overwhelmed with exhaustion. 411Please respect copyright.PENANAlBMJsydChT
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However, I fix an image of her face in my head. I tell myself to stay awake for her. And I do.411Please respect copyright.PENANAimMBLLmy9B
411Please respect copyright.PENANA3rQ0wQVhb7
411Please respect copyright.PENANA1oeuGjNe9y
"Caleb," I hear from the bedroom door, and instantly perk up, exhaustion forgotten. She's shrugging off her winter coat by the threshold of the door.411Please respect copyright.PENANA9uxdnDInch
411Please respect copyright.PENANAaTPefElPxi
411Please respect copyright.PENANAXc8qQLonIe
"Evetta. Thanks for coming."411Please respect copyright.PENANA1XWHWF13Sz
411Please respect copyright.PENANAY9kIdIWeTX
411Please respect copyright.PENANAy5xqtPhGFK
"Of course, baby," she says, and when I hear the word "baby", I get that warm feeling all over again.411Please respect copyright.PENANAI5mVsjI20v
411Please respect copyright.PENANACrHPEenDvT
411Please respect copyright.PENANA1aMQU5qJOO
"Um, I got you some stuff."411Please respect copyright.PENANAZREGDKy1Ii
411Please respect copyright.PENANAAsPGadaJTT
411Please respect copyright.PENANAwzypOPKFBH
"Yeah?" she inquires as she walks over to the bed and sits beside me.411Please respect copyright.PENANAIO0FqFuNNR
411Please respect copyright.PENANATUApZ2npvv
411Please respect copyright.PENANAyddgJrvtOq
"I realised that while I was out, I missed two of your birthdays."411Please respect copyright.PENANALEK6WQpUAU
411Please respect copyright.PENANAd6QSWRSHXV
411Please respect copyright.PENANAm1VMtHhxNe
"Oh, god, Caleb," she says to me, catching on, and her voice sounds so... touched.411Please respect copyright.PENANAcQMFRLxWHl
411Please respect copyright.PENANAgSV9GWlKG1
411Please respect copyright.PENANAaPJbdbJZOe
"So I got you some stuff."411Please respect copyright.PENANAzqXLFVK5dI
411Please respect copyright.PENANARXOu0Icd1w
411Please respect copyright.PENANAY5gpgGZvES
Her eyes actually have tears in them. Good god, I never expected her to actually cry.411Please respect copyright.PENANAXOHjrZwC1S
411Please respect copyright.PENANAGh8iaRlu7v
411Please respect copyright.PENANATNb2XTulw9
Before I can even decide which one I want to show her first — the bow or the doll — she throws her self on me and gives me a bear hug.411Please respect copyright.PENANAR2p6b7cP3w
411Please respect copyright.PENANAGSrvWUuxoB
411Please respect copyright.PENANABeeXlCRk9g
"I love you. Thank you so much. You're the best."411Please respect copyright.PENANAOsqClPgSXY
411Please respect copyright.PENANAv6fSFYoSKY
411Please respect copyright.PENANAg9Gpv5qUYy
"I love you too."411Please respect copyright.PENANAW0cZ5Aizsm
411Please respect copyright.PENANAt62siIS5WS
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We stay like that for a while, just holding each other, and when we finally untangle ourselves from each other, her eyes are red.411Please respect copyright.PENANAnAl29GfW8V
411Please respect copyright.PENANAChm3hqac0W
411Please respect copyright.PENANAj9ZG3UDw3S
"I got you a violin bow," I say as I present it to her.411Please respect copyright.PENANAGVrPVvHoJI
411Please respect copyright.PENANAXUGqjIv7Sf
411Please respect copyright.PENANA2xe1bdcq40
Her eyes widen and fill with tears again as she removes it from its casing and inspects it.411Please respect copyright.PENANAQcPSptcy4Y
411Please respect copyright.PENANAO0B2gzTUHE
411Please respect copyright.PENANARuZEqN4MgQ
"I mean, it's not great, but it works—"411Please respect copyright.PENANAd5vwMF5Y63
411Please respect copyright.PENANADwtxXyGB8G
411Please respect copyright.PENANAHBjpAFrdMY
"And it's from you," she says. "That means so much to me."411Please respect copyright.PENANA4oyL8Tszdg
411Please respect copyright.PENANAPdtUeyCBwL
411Please respect copyright.PENANAKyTUqjA7Wb
I was right. She's sentimental.411Please respect copyright.PENANAZCZ6PcO8ZZ
411Please respect copyright.PENANAd3L6ynfVT9
411Please respect copyright.PENANA73Mr5g7R6U
"I also got you a doll. A black rag doll."411Please respect copyright.PENANAZ84d4bqPYx
411Please respect copyright.PENANAEY6E0C4PG4
411Please respect copyright.PENANALrsSRbuby9
As soon as those words leave my mouth, her eyes become filled with what can only be described as utter vulnerability.411Please respect copyright.PENANAqkPaLDimg7
411Please respect copyright.PENANAicyyCA4kAk
411Please respect copyright.PENANA7el2yyhZRy
"Really?" she asks, her voice getting high pitched.411Please respect copyright.PENANATksHLCDsH8
411Please respect copyright.PENANA8TFNACEO5w
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Damn. I really didn't foresee her being this emotional.411Please respect copyright.PENANAFHF43NeFdO
411Please respect copyright.PENANArXJMm4YuMa
411Please respect copyright.PENANA1MDillFX6F
"Yes. I found it in a Jamaican store," I say as I pick it up and hand it to her.411Please respect copyright.PENANAqIRpYMUb40
411Please respect copyright.PENANAhoNBwrZISF
411Please respect copyright.PENANAsHQ3DaXfR4
"Oh, fuck. This is... Caleb, I don't even know what to say," she whispers, turning the doll over, her eyes widening in surprise as she sees the other face.411Please respect copyright.PENANArpzDRKr3fr
411Please respect copyright.PENANAQNii5fipoy
411Please respect copyright.PENANAznZhdxEfe8
She hugs me, and kisses my cheek, before retracting and rubbing her eyes, smiling at me.411Please respect copyright.PENANA5ZtCyuQiJD
411Please respect copyright.PENANAKNkL2EkifL
411Please respect copyright.PENANAvSJiCE48Di
"Incidentally, I brought something over here for you, too."411Please respect copyright.PENANA5dOte0lcDB
411Please respect copyright.PENANAEb6JZdhwrQ
411Please respect copyright.PENANAcbUwvKbbC4
I raise my eyebrows in surprise.411Please respect copyright.PENANAfQNBrgOic5
411Please respect copyright.PENANAHJeawRab9U
411Please respect copyright.PENANAVFhnw54ptE
She takes out a tiny black doll which is attached to a card that says "Watchover Voodoo" at the top, and has some writing on the bottom.411Please respect copyright.PENANAEym4vnGs6C
411Please respect copyright.PENANAL28cofNKSv
411Please respect copyright.PENANAsnSfGHT0gU
It's supposed to guide you," she says. "Now, I don't believe that some tiny doll on a piece of cardboard has magical powers, but I do believe that if you read an inspirational quote every day, you'll probably try to follow it."411Please respect copyright.PENANAtzdPbjt9zw
411Please respect copyright.PENANAb71VYMXNPe
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I read the bottom, and it says:411Please respect copyright.PENANAuNI0VAgFis
411Please respect copyright.PENANAEBI3PlRkGM
411Please respect copyright.PENANAMzgX4C62n6
Reggae Kid411Please respect copyright.PENANAMPmwvoVR1W
Keeps you in rhythm with nature and at peace with those around you.411Please respect copyright.PENANAtLUxk1RaWd
411Please respect copyright.PENANAWxgfKsikGR
411Please respect copyright.PENANAPuZm2h7vZ0
"You lost your rhythm and piece of mind with that accident, and by extension, the piece that you had with those around you. I can feel the unease within you every time I hear your voice, every time I see you, every time I'm near you."411Please respect copyright.PENANAUrDKRqfOCR
411Please respect copyright.PENANANg1qHoVyDF
411Please respect copyright.PENANALrgqBRsO96
I think about it; I never realised that she knew just how much all of this is affecting me.411Please respect copyright.PENANAerGlkJT3u7
411Please respect copyright.PENANAlYJHO1ePDN
411Please respect copyright.PENANA5Ac5kzHdHM
"You need to find your peace and rhythm again."411Please respect copyright.PENANAoOkvRsbnKt
411Please respect copyright.PENANATehEw1g31o
411Please respect copyright.PENANAj3t379IfDp
"Thank you, Evetta," I say, taking the doll from her.411Please respect copyright.PENANA0lNEgrNgiy
411Please respect copyright.PENANAF38PSQ4fE7
411Please respect copyright.PENANAGhyab4D9FJ
Thank you for noticing.411Please respect copyright.PENANAfmgkCWhZg0
411Please respect copyright.PENANArpbOHTDWS8
411Please respect copyright.PENANAiFyCAWyK9a
Thank you for caring.411Please respect copyright.PENANA7JGBDJhXP2
411Please respect copyright.PENANAG710nRQxcS
411Please respect copyright.PENANAVy2ad3p2FC
Thank you for loving me.411Please respect copyright.PENANAmGQFvC0OKs
411Please respect copyright.PENANAyZXtxT0B7L
411Please respect copyright.PENANAGIk4n1B3vz
And I do something that neither of us saw coming.411Please respect copyright.PENANAEY28r6fmJI
411Please respect copyright.PENANADrGUhd4SST
411Please respect copyright.PENANAlu0jcO2e5l
I kiss her.
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