"Why the hell is this so hard?" I mutter to myself.602Please respect copyright.PENANAogunsIUsnN
602Please respect copyright.PENANAHQbm13k6RU
602Please respect copyright.PENANAcy2Mt8c0GP
Remember how I missed two of Evetta's birthdays? Well, I've decided to buy her two presents — one for each birthday that I missed.602Please respect copyright.PENANANhRfDeDKKZ
602Please respect copyright.PENANAv0c83mOXJK
602Please respect copyright.PENANAAM9dK0j1vP
I already got a violin bow for her. It isn't some grand, expensive, £2000 bow from 1752, but it's from me; I'm pretty sure that she's the sentimental type.602Please respect copyright.PENANAaq0KJkJSdR
602Please respect copyright.PENANAXzT1t6Gtvs
602Please respect copyright.PENANAVcImvoaL33
Now, I'm looking for a black doll, and none of them seem perfect. Every single one that I've seen — which is actually only a total of two dolls — have processed hair. For some reason, I feel like she would want a doll with natural hair.602Please respect copyright.PENANA2jgVVNGk0Q
602Please respect copyright.PENANAKdJTy007IU
602Please respect copyright.PENANARoc8LfC1oh
I'm about to give up and just get her a bracelet or something, when I see it through the window of a store. It's called "little Jamaica", and a black rag doll with what looks like twists on her head is smiling through the window.602Please respect copyright.PENANAM8hLz6TxqV
602Please respect copyright.PENANAixyv7lii8h
602Please respect copyright.PENANAol9EtxOvji
I walk into the store, which smells like lavender, and am immediately greeting by a middle aged woman with locks. Her face looks halfway between black and Chinese; full lips, dark skin, sharp cheekbones, tiny nose and slanted eyes.602Please respect copyright.PENANAu1IwxumtNP
602Please respect copyright.PENANA9hszT2ABwx
602Please respect copyright.PENANAuGAuJPGjNz
"Good afternoon sir," she says in a warm voice, but with an accent that sounds identical to Evetta's.602Please respect copyright.PENANAMDb0ffWDH5
602Please respect copyright.PENANAVdPvdXEN4f
602Please respect copyright.PENANAP7S521qHEU
"How may I help you today?"602Please respect copyright.PENANAelcqBKxA5C
602Please respect copyright.PENANA4D2n6bflEh
602Please respect copyright.PENANAY9Y1hupJt0
I look at the window, and see the doll.602Please respect copyright.PENANAoB3fMOA7MK
602Please respect copyright.PENANAu8qFVzweLx
602Please respect copyright.PENANArdg8eKL5AR
"I want that doll; the one by the window. Upon inspection, I realise that it has "Jamaica" written across the front. She looks like she's crying, and she's facing me. 602Please respect copyright.PENANAQng4uq5VgU
602Please respect copyright.PENANANqRoGuaa8g
602Please respect copyright.PENANANqwk0pBdUF
I think I might be losing my mind. Maybe it's more than just amnesia. What if there's temporary brain damage? What if I'm going to completely lose my mind, and have to live the rest of my life in an asylum?602Please respect copyright.PENANAgtCpfZ9sNo
602Please respect copyright.PENANAv1mjG9cd3Q
602Please respect copyright.PENANAGJPVy2UMKO
Before I have a full blown panic attack, the woman speaks again.602Please respect copyright.PENANA8FQz4kOVv6
602Please respect copyright.PENANAjiwj3tc3BA
602Please respect copyright.PENANAhoPqVpPFSq
"The doll has too faces; one side is smiling, and the other is crying," she says, seeing my confused expression, and following my gaze to the doll.602Please respect copyright.PENANADeHVipqrbd
602Please respect copyright.PENANA59E7dOMbWS
602Please respect copyright.PENANAFd0U2YYohs
I walk over to it, pick it up, and flip it. Sure enough, it has a face stitched on the other side — the smiling face that I originally saw.602Please respect copyright.PENANAMFYCaCIigY
602Please respect copyright.PENANAxUpz17JxPy
602Please respect copyright.PENANAorMnq4eXau
Thank god. I'm not mad. Yet.602Please respect copyright.PENANA5jxAEUUyci
602Please respect copyright.PENANAqlPtMzIPwy
602Please respect copyright.PENANANLJqzcsJV9
This is so... special. I love it, and I know that Evetta will love it, too. 602Please respect copyright.PENANAUp8MADcrcd
602Please respect copyright.PENANALwuykG4xlV
602Please respect copyright.PENANA3kg399i5D2
I pay for it and walk out, feeling rather proud of myself.602Please respect copyright.PENANAd6AS38S5Kp
602Please respect copyright.PENANADgzlzXZLg6
602Please respect copyright.PENANAsQT8Nn2Vcj
Yes, she's gonna be so pleased.602Please respect copyright.PENANA8dW84Sk3n4
602Please respect copyright.PENANAJHNnJRSOkJ
602Please respect copyright.PENANAnFCQ6TJGgy
Of course, my day can't possibly be that easy.602Please respect copyright.PENANACXdWMPXlp2
602Please respect copyright.PENANA1Zjeajm67e
602Please respect copyright.PENANAgmCLojbYmN
As I'm walking on the sidewalk, one of the pink ear rings from the doll fall off and break on the pavement.602Please respect copyright.PENANAqV2Mlm0O7O
602Please respect copyright.PENANAQEAbuvCTKx
602Please respect copyright.PENANAR1fVSyD8I5
"Fuck," I mutter under my breath.602Please respect copyright.PENANAKujLVINiW0
602Please respect copyright.PENANAn3NkEVJkwW
602Please respect copyright.PENANAdV6bw2ZwzL
What the hell am I going to do now? I can't give it to her like this.602Please respect copyright.PENANAoR8rzyioC3
602Please respect copyright.PENANAvlLDozVsvf
602Please respect copyright.PENANAIVX2AUAzCb
Think Caleb. What else can be used as ear rings?602Please respect copyright.PENANAWDtpsWP3pv
602Please respect copyright.PENANASSptSqRlsY
602Please respect copyright.PENANAdP5Bi4gPsM
Paper clips?602Please respect copyright.PENANAXkSotmOLYm
602Please respect copyright.PENANAHcu4zTV0Un
602Please respect copyright.PENANAmfVFxOiPvz
No.602Please respect copyright.PENANAuR0oV8zSul
602Please respect copyright.PENANAGlAZYolQ9s
602Please respect copyright.PENANAqoDCbTHsRZ
Hairpins?602Please respect copyright.PENANA35wdawn6TX
602Please respect copyright.PENANAgepg1pGoaT
602Please respect copyright.PENANAy7hhcr1oZ8
Am I stupid?602Please respect copyright.PENANAS2DBaMiJso
602Please respect copyright.PENANAa9H2SphcnK
602Please respect copyright.PENANAua2Wn0tQMl
Nose rings?602Please respect copyright.PENANAPaT8jAupEr
602Please respect copyright.PENANAO6PhkrPrZm
602Please respect copyright.PENANA9zln4ZuLDu
Wait. That's not a bad idea.602Please respect copyright.PENANAZ2cn2ej0ED
602Please respect copyright.PENANAnSGEUZc8Nn
602Please respect copyright.PENANAD0wYmAhj7X
At least this isn't that hard to find. 602Please respect copyright.PENANAhf7XDe7xVm
602Please respect copyright.PENANAkT3D3YKiDs
602Please respect copyright.PENANAsaHiPt9y8x
After a few minutes of walking, I find myself in a shop that is stocked full with all kinds of body jewellery, and I pick up a pack of nose rings. Now that I see them, they look far thinner and flimsier than I'd imagined.602Please respect copyright.PENANARaxkfEA8A0
602Please respect copyright.PENANA6faXPdV3S8
602Please respect copyright.PENANAkfdqRZ8aIR
God, I really hope this works, I think to myself looking skeptically at the tiny golden hoops.602Please respect copyright.PENANA3ThtAQYWH8
602Please respect copyright.PENANA6pWUgnKq8H
602Please respect copyright.PENANAS36RFHabrB
602Please respect copyright.PENANA5QjeoDocXH
602Please respect copyright.PENANAtozVCTJ5cG
***602Please respect copyright.PENANA98GaV5qcRk
602Please respect copyright.PENANAhvf9a1Ipaq
602Please respect copyright.PENANAhZ8apT2a58
602Please respect copyright.PENANABw19IUw7hW
602Please respect copyright.PENANA7B5njI68wW
The nose rings actually worked, much to my surprise. You'd never be able to tell that anything ever went wrong with the doll on the first place.602Please respect copyright.PENANAIbHX9hQ9Ei
602Please respect copyright.PENANATvRz1zPlsa
602Please respect copyright.PENANA92hk0eROSi
I'm finished walking the streets for today, so I've decided to take the tube back to the area in which I live. Throughout the entire train ride, I can't keep still. My knee is bouncing like a tennis ball, and I realise that it's more than me wanting to give her a doll and a violin bow; I want to see her again; hearing her voice through a phone isn't enough. Still, I call her as soon as I get out of the station.602Please respect copyright.PENANAbnkQY6wVOv
602Please respect copyright.PENANA1VAHg4kJqZ
602Please respect copyright.PENANAzd0whkrv8M
"Hello?"602Please respect copyright.PENANAZr40Z29pQz
602Please respect copyright.PENANAfyZsWMghIW
602Please respect copyright.PENANALV8CkqL6yz
God, her voice is beautiful. It makes me feel warm, from the inside out, even though it's freezing outside — snow has just begun to fall, and now I deeply regret not bringing a winter coat — and the cold air biting against my skin seems inconsequential.602Please respect copyright.PENANAVVNxYDnxRV
602Please respect copyright.PENANApkhq6Q3UWU
602Please respect copyright.PENANA5EXfmJGLpz
"Can you come over?" I ask. 602Please respect copyright.PENANAxOLiDIw6Ht
602Please respect copyright.PENANAJnqvdSaH0d
602Please respect copyright.PENANAmFEb4PNJQW
But a better idea comes to me.602Please respect copyright.PENANAFKWAu2kmLu
602Please respect copyright.PENANALMIo6zet0q
602Please respect copyright.PENANAV1DTPkaVcU
"Are you at home?"602Please respect copyright.PENANAKZGmWT3seI
602Please respect copyright.PENANAVEakhOF6uf
602Please respect copyright.PENANA4WlzSWfZh1
"Yeah."602Please respect copyright.PENANAX7laUzHQel
602Please respect copyright.PENANAEaOFlLx4Oy
602Please respect copyright.PENANA4JC8gQ0Znv
"Um, can I come over? I mean, you'd have to give me your address, and I'd try—"602Please respect copyright.PENANAQfbY1i2GB6
602Please respect copyright.PENANAL1RJfJJa79
602Please respect copyright.PENANAYAyoL14cmC
"Caleb, it's very cold — you sound cold, as if you've forgotten you coat — and I don't want you to get lost, and die of hypothermia. I'll come over. I'll bring you over to my house one day — show you the path."602Please respect copyright.PENANA9Pg4wxZjFE
602Please respect copyright.PENANAxqadVUOm6L
602Please respect copyright.PENANAenMGiZoe49
"Fine. But please stay."602Please respect copyright.PENANAha1i85QAH6
602Please respect copyright.PENANAa4jf3nVdGm
602Please respect copyright.PENANAHTGZggFFvo
"Okay, but I have to leave early tomorrow. I have work."602Please respect copyright.PENANAJH1aF9mkYD
602Please respect copyright.PENANAxomfQ2k1Ga
602Please respect copyright.PENANAJneELHUb31
"That's fine," I say as I walk through the front door of my house. 602Please respect copyright.PENANAX213I0zgUB
602Please respect copyright.PENANAkRHVX0MOex
602Please respect copyright.PENANAGQSmz0pD40
The call ends and I make it to my room, suddenly overwhelmed with exhaustion. 602Please respect copyright.PENANA3kddl00imc
602Please respect copyright.PENANApgFfCQnRy8
602Please respect copyright.PENANAHBTEGO6tEe
However, I fix an image of her face in my head. I tell myself to stay awake for her. And I do.602Please respect copyright.PENANAdHHz7YIYdO
602Please respect copyright.PENANAHmWW5UDNUc
602Please respect copyright.PENANA8tHY0c7cvp
"Caleb," I hear from the bedroom door, and instantly perk up, exhaustion forgotten. She's shrugging off her winter coat by the threshold of the door.602Please respect copyright.PENANA2fTlm6zGkw
602Please respect copyright.PENANA3oFLytuQCG
602Please respect copyright.PENANAo5u9Wm9uuE
"Evetta. Thanks for coming."602Please respect copyright.PENANA8QRrlmhEmo
602Please respect copyright.PENANAWbf53hGaSL
602Please respect copyright.PENANA1VFm5ebXhP
"Of course, baby," she says, and when I hear the word "baby", I get that warm feeling all over again.602Please respect copyright.PENANANurCIPy77k
602Please respect copyright.PENANAPd4UEUhRt8
602Please respect copyright.PENANAvS1XaXbTra
"Um, I got you some stuff."602Please respect copyright.PENANAIWYfaike6J
602Please respect copyright.PENANA9rkfXtKZgW
602Please respect copyright.PENANAGVPte5kWCZ
"Yeah?" she inquires as she walks over to the bed and sits beside me.602Please respect copyright.PENANAdr8iYGJda8
602Please respect copyright.PENANACXd3U99v2d
602Please respect copyright.PENANAagBBkxHnWO
"I realised that while I was out, I missed two of your birthdays."602Please respect copyright.PENANAsSp6MJxDXI
602Please respect copyright.PENANApQ9JZL9t0d
602Please respect copyright.PENANA2lfQrGBK3z
"Oh, god, Caleb," she says to me, catching on, and her voice sounds so... touched.602Please respect copyright.PENANAfifbpjWlxg
602Please respect copyright.PENANASLZzNZJ8p2
602Please respect copyright.PENANALzxONSYdBj
"So I got you some stuff."602Please respect copyright.PENANAxbb6ltpw0Q
602Please respect copyright.PENANAHvkfKJh7IZ
602Please respect copyright.PENANApzbdakmBhw
Her eyes actually have tears in them. Good god, I never expected her to actually cry.602Please respect copyright.PENANAz7FN4ICh3u
602Please respect copyright.PENANAIpRhe4MVPQ
602Please respect copyright.PENANAWgmuoRgHXC
Before I can even decide which one I want to show her first — the bow or the doll — she throws her self on me and gives me a bear hug.602Please respect copyright.PENANABjlWMvdKjr
602Please respect copyright.PENANAjKYf5lrRLR
602Please respect copyright.PENANA8zcn7donhQ
"I love you. Thank you so much. You're the best."602Please respect copyright.PENANAMFp5DvcpKf
602Please respect copyright.PENANAesNYe3t5uO
602Please respect copyright.PENANAkb6tDMDhoa
"I love you too."602Please respect copyright.PENANAJUw6uhOSiW
602Please respect copyright.PENANAwofUEQTeud
602Please respect copyright.PENANAQdurehUAfD
We stay like that for a while, just holding each other, and when we finally untangle ourselves from each other, her eyes are red.602Please respect copyright.PENANAKHh6WqAnLH
602Please respect copyright.PENANACTVvKKPzIA
602Please respect copyright.PENANABfgIuNIriu
"I got you a violin bow," I say as I present it to her.602Please respect copyright.PENANA4N5jicneqy
602Please respect copyright.PENANAFm8C6Es6qI
602Please respect copyright.PENANAUpdiPsdcok
Her eyes widen and fill with tears again as she removes it from its casing and inspects it.602Please respect copyright.PENANAgaO1oTIgi0
602Please respect copyright.PENANA4OG7Ljhmlx
602Please respect copyright.PENANAnx71hZ2snn
"I mean, it's not great, but it works—"602Please respect copyright.PENANArdnpLj6SRt
602Please respect copyright.PENANAClauVc90cy
602Please respect copyright.PENANALXhNHtDy3f
"And it's from you," she says. "That means so much to me."602Please respect copyright.PENANArdpiNjzrfe
602Please respect copyright.PENANAva6Mjson0G
602Please respect copyright.PENANAW13jm0qWVW
I was right. She's sentimental.602Please respect copyright.PENANAxN5unCmaq7
602Please respect copyright.PENANApd1wLD5CPF
602Please respect copyright.PENANAyIiZbN3Jcx
"I also got you a doll. A black rag doll."602Please respect copyright.PENANAecfB3hrw8z
602Please respect copyright.PENANAjKgaUYv4nw
602Please respect copyright.PENANA890I8ZZV1O
As soon as those words leave my mouth, her eyes become filled with what can only be described as utter vulnerability.602Please respect copyright.PENANATkPKPBPXWy
602Please respect copyright.PENANAxA8M1I5egR
602Please respect copyright.PENANAlsN4GxcANL
"Really?" she asks, her voice getting high pitched.602Please respect copyright.PENANAXDuDLlRl5d
602Please respect copyright.PENANAv3qnjqYC0a
602Please respect copyright.PENANA5AOGSwX5AQ
Damn. I really didn't foresee her being this emotional.602Please respect copyright.PENANASWpk1jGelm
602Please respect copyright.PENANAEgPycrjOeK
602Please respect copyright.PENANA6Gco38rkFt
"Yes. I found it in a Jamaican store," I say as I pick it up and hand it to her.602Please respect copyright.PENANAZ3lVF3KcG9
602Please respect copyright.PENANAremvkG1w53
602Please respect copyright.PENANAuYAKyA4bPX
"Oh, fuck. This is... Caleb, I don't even know what to say," she whispers, turning the doll over, her eyes widening in surprise as she sees the other face.602Please respect copyright.PENANAw8pon8tKXb
602Please respect copyright.PENANApGYBk6v0Fq
602Please respect copyright.PENANACdHwOvMNJS
She hugs me, and kisses my cheek, before retracting and rubbing her eyes, smiling at me.602Please respect copyright.PENANA5tIWUWTw3n
602Please respect copyright.PENANAxVNrMzbBTb
602Please respect copyright.PENANAHQkgtUOXmt
"Incidentally, I brought something over here for you, too."602Please respect copyright.PENANAH4cbGFXKVA
602Please respect copyright.PENANAZq21ZL4HmL
602Please respect copyright.PENANAn2TjEavRfR
I raise my eyebrows in surprise.602Please respect copyright.PENANAHlQKoSFHMV
602Please respect copyright.PENANAQqlcG6EwRk
602Please respect copyright.PENANAVyZBtj9Kuo
She takes out a tiny black doll which is attached to a card that says "Watchover Voodoo" at the top, and has some writing on the bottom.602Please respect copyright.PENANAiDv19H4UbQ
602Please respect copyright.PENANAh9LB7Cpwgi
602Please respect copyright.PENANAOk64J92eZp
It's supposed to guide you," she says. "Now, I don't believe that some tiny doll on a piece of cardboard has magical powers, but I do believe that if you read an inspirational quote every day, you'll probably try to follow it."602Please respect copyright.PENANA5YfIsb1Mkw
602Please respect copyright.PENANAEwviaggn9C
602Please respect copyright.PENANAXl1OoOcF0m
I read the bottom, and it says:602Please respect copyright.PENANApM6taeK3mP
602Please respect copyright.PENANAwER9dSDGIa
602Please respect copyright.PENANALoqWWUoCCU
Reggae Kid602Please respect copyright.PENANAkFuPvSzKRu
Keeps you in rhythm with nature and at peace with those around you.602Please respect copyright.PENANAqWU9AkCcQu
602Please respect copyright.PENANAPV6JSAF6ZL
602Please respect copyright.PENANAVTmCHPCjIa
"You lost your rhythm and piece of mind with that accident, and by extension, the piece that you had with those around you. I can feel the unease within you every time I hear your voice, every time I see you, every time I'm near you."602Please respect copyright.PENANAIZL8bXluKf
602Please respect copyright.PENANABh0YNfYfO1
602Please respect copyright.PENANAX96rZbxHn8
I think about it; I never realised that she knew just how much all of this is affecting me.602Please respect copyright.PENANAN7xpZwIM95
602Please respect copyright.PENANALLWzZjGohS
602Please respect copyright.PENANAQ2OmryrwCd
"You need to find your peace and rhythm again."602Please respect copyright.PENANAnBImytHCrr
602Please respect copyright.PENANAGzcA6zxRkx
602Please respect copyright.PENANAqasgBw8uQW
"Thank you, Evetta," I say, taking the doll from her.602Please respect copyright.PENANAfwMV9B7k96
602Please respect copyright.PENANALeSQZvxnVl
602Please respect copyright.PENANAjlyuuOW3V3
Thank you for noticing.602Please respect copyright.PENANAAZx6hNbbTD
602Please respect copyright.PENANA7TJxQT6S3S
602Please respect copyright.PENANAMZln9m4w7o
Thank you for caring.602Please respect copyright.PENANAM7HWZE1AJ4
602Please respect copyright.PENANAM2wum0C0k0
602Please respect copyright.PENANAIWxWI0diYY
Thank you for loving me.602Please respect copyright.PENANAx5w0wUK15U
602Please respect copyright.PENANAjh7ku1i17M
602Please respect copyright.PENANAbyAQDHpE7m
And I do something that neither of us saw coming.602Please respect copyright.PENANAOWEjU7Ddeu
602Please respect copyright.PENANANIT7MrdpCR
602Please respect copyright.PENANAL2f9C1uH04
I kiss her.
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