"Why the hell is this so hard?" I mutter to myself.604Please respect copyright.PENANAHLwQZOllG2
604Please respect copyright.PENANAxYB8Stgh0N
604Please respect copyright.PENANAfuXC4YqaC2
Remember how I missed two of Evetta's birthdays? Well, I've decided to buy her two presents — one for each birthday that I missed.604Please respect copyright.PENANAKdcsLVrrZx
604Please respect copyright.PENANAEPQ2RZnd7a
604Please respect copyright.PENANALbdNQDFrhi
I already got a violin bow for her. It isn't some grand, expensive, £2000 bow from 1752, but it's from me; I'm pretty sure that she's the sentimental type.604Please respect copyright.PENANAnswo96nCQ4
604Please respect copyright.PENANABR7RltoIE1
604Please respect copyright.PENANAeM8DM6etYH
Now, I'm looking for a black doll, and none of them seem perfect. Every single one that I've seen — which is actually only a total of two dolls — have processed hair. For some reason, I feel like she would want a doll with natural hair.604Please respect copyright.PENANAToxJ9KqiWU
604Please respect copyright.PENANA5cNfEfNbYw
604Please respect copyright.PENANAoTFDj1eFIT
I'm about to give up and just get her a bracelet or something, when I see it through the window of a store. It's called "little Jamaica", and a black rag doll with what looks like twists on her head is smiling through the window.604Please respect copyright.PENANA8QL3a2rsTK
604Please respect copyright.PENANAQ4LVd8cOK2
604Please respect copyright.PENANARTDcZqHBhn
I walk into the store, which smells like lavender, and am immediately greeting by a middle aged woman with locks. Her face looks halfway between black and Chinese; full lips, dark skin, sharp cheekbones, tiny nose and slanted eyes.604Please respect copyright.PENANAbOuchKIDCI
604Please respect copyright.PENANA8vjuFDeXec
604Please respect copyright.PENANA61UATlFuTX
"Good afternoon sir," she says in a warm voice, but with an accent that sounds identical to Evetta's.604Please respect copyright.PENANAFbjP6GYTGC
604Please respect copyright.PENANAtrjmV3f9yw
604Please respect copyright.PENANA4iRejXDcRX
"How may I help you today?"604Please respect copyright.PENANAjE5EKutce3
604Please respect copyright.PENANA7pZiZNf1p8
604Please respect copyright.PENANA0gP2idrG0S
I look at the window, and see the doll.604Please respect copyright.PENANARZUaMlJVU0
604Please respect copyright.PENANAS55CKriJx9
604Please respect copyright.PENANAIl8ZDMStbu
"I want that doll; the one by the window. Upon inspection, I realise that it has "Jamaica" written across the front. She looks like she's crying, and she's facing me. 604Please respect copyright.PENANAcimDIqwasA
604Please respect copyright.PENANAthkyIHWMEZ
604Please respect copyright.PENANA911ftNaQb7
I think I might be losing my mind. Maybe it's more than just amnesia. What if there's temporary brain damage? What if I'm going to completely lose my mind, and have to live the rest of my life in an asylum?604Please respect copyright.PENANACnpDwKWIbz
604Please respect copyright.PENANAjXfBBlWRKH
604Please respect copyright.PENANAS8QNC27gIW
Before I have a full blown panic attack, the woman speaks again.604Please respect copyright.PENANAjLZiz1VQT0
604Please respect copyright.PENANA2Vsubv2D3X
604Please respect copyright.PENANAAfOcyxetxG
"The doll has too faces; one side is smiling, and the other is crying," she says, seeing my confused expression, and following my gaze to the doll.604Please respect copyright.PENANADTdTatsznf
604Please respect copyright.PENANAzCR9TDs1zv
604Please respect copyright.PENANAVBj4gwH93o
I walk over to it, pick it up, and flip it. Sure enough, it has a face stitched on the other side — the smiling face that I originally saw.604Please respect copyright.PENANA9UQqCEFF23
604Please respect copyright.PENANAgwuCNLbfoo
604Please respect copyright.PENANAw7gSxN397p
Thank god. I'm not mad. Yet.604Please respect copyright.PENANAbOL8lbVvd0
604Please respect copyright.PENANAa5JdhQUFT2
604Please respect copyright.PENANAflqND8wy4U
This is so... special. I love it, and I know that Evetta will love it, too. 604Please respect copyright.PENANAOlQP4SmjTy
604Please respect copyright.PENANA1PUk0hD7yg
604Please respect copyright.PENANAhHCXUlhpaP
I pay for it and walk out, feeling rather proud of myself.604Please respect copyright.PENANAx44ES2K97H
604Please respect copyright.PENANAg4VTtbmOON
604Please respect copyright.PENANAF29ZT4YNn3
Yes, she's gonna be so pleased.604Please respect copyright.PENANAOA2QovqRis
604Please respect copyright.PENANAXQMIiwbaAg
604Please respect copyright.PENANAiXy1vC0n61
Of course, my day can't possibly be that easy.604Please respect copyright.PENANAmaLrOs3BDI
604Please respect copyright.PENANArAwmspxeZG
604Please respect copyright.PENANAIHRp26CjBG
As I'm walking on the sidewalk, one of the pink ear rings from the doll fall off and break on the pavement.604Please respect copyright.PENANAx8SLfqe8K5
604Please respect copyright.PENANAH0U9PvJ4d1
604Please respect copyright.PENANABdWOnhbKI5
"Fuck," I mutter under my breath.604Please respect copyright.PENANAV889jJwUIr
604Please respect copyright.PENANAm409eSC4y5
604Please respect copyright.PENANAPbG7Ba8MGH
What the hell am I going to do now? I can't give it to her like this.604Please respect copyright.PENANAXmvxO8hGXb
604Please respect copyright.PENANAr0s6GpNkgV
604Please respect copyright.PENANAYxvTUu1cmi
Think Caleb. What else can be used as ear rings?604Please respect copyright.PENANAMmFiJGIqjD
604Please respect copyright.PENANA8jPBqsP2Cp
604Please respect copyright.PENANAf1fxFxli19
Paper clips?604Please respect copyright.PENANARakYZ82A5i
604Please respect copyright.PENANAoAPojMLTyy
604Please respect copyright.PENANAMMTWsjAQ1d
No.604Please respect copyright.PENANAUn6DcUwKP2
604Please respect copyright.PENANAWlT6kTUNY8
604Please respect copyright.PENANAE2zVFhzUgU
Hairpins?604Please respect copyright.PENANAPpj95Iaj7F
604Please respect copyright.PENANAwrOBXXrVdq
604Please respect copyright.PENANAWDS3zphTD5
Am I stupid?604Please respect copyright.PENANAeovyXJu8MC
604Please respect copyright.PENANA9eejuJnwdN
604Please respect copyright.PENANAsQOBYLR0Eg
Nose rings?604Please respect copyright.PENANAbQenJVWM5j
604Please respect copyright.PENANAWoLAG1GgbU
604Please respect copyright.PENANA2M12J2sATQ
Wait. That's not a bad idea.604Please respect copyright.PENANAQhT7zjvhR9
604Please respect copyright.PENANApY5TRb4jIV
604Please respect copyright.PENANAkzfhPwdDZD
At least this isn't that hard to find. 604Please respect copyright.PENANAc3o6R1lc8c
604Please respect copyright.PENANAZrjFM71Dcz
604Please respect copyright.PENANAdZzOJNY7Na
After a few minutes of walking, I find myself in a shop that is stocked full with all kinds of body jewellery, and I pick up a pack of nose rings. Now that I see them, they look far thinner and flimsier than I'd imagined.604Please respect copyright.PENANAQKrpouNfO4
604Please respect copyright.PENANAb3ZdH6Vymo
604Please respect copyright.PENANAGMC4kiwmNY
God, I really hope this works, I think to myself looking skeptically at the tiny golden hoops.604Please respect copyright.PENANAzTdM8Laukb
604Please respect copyright.PENANAAibn9bNAgE
604Please respect copyright.PENANASWAB0MRUnH
604Please respect copyright.PENANABvbbO2a7N2
604Please respect copyright.PENANAOuW8gzz8ir
***604Please respect copyright.PENANAooi5uZdeT7
604Please respect copyright.PENANAU6nQsUeHAy
604Please respect copyright.PENANAILbtXTury2
604Please respect copyright.PENANAyst83SAAVT
604Please respect copyright.PENANAC1R6VJmrtG
The nose rings actually worked, much to my surprise. You'd never be able to tell that anything ever went wrong with the doll on the first place.604Please respect copyright.PENANAmJYiiC7V3k
604Please respect copyright.PENANAiHkTPBot1y
604Please respect copyright.PENANA8x02av5hA4
I'm finished walking the streets for today, so I've decided to take the tube back to the area in which I live. Throughout the entire train ride, I can't keep still. My knee is bouncing like a tennis ball, and I realise that it's more than me wanting to give her a doll and a violin bow; I want to see her again; hearing her voice through a phone isn't enough. Still, I call her as soon as I get out of the station.604Please respect copyright.PENANAQZgXJanU90
604Please respect copyright.PENANA32gx8yevrJ
604Please respect copyright.PENANACw0OO7xUrz
"Hello?"604Please respect copyright.PENANAIwpnFj223a
604Please respect copyright.PENANA52RiV8Ziuc
604Please respect copyright.PENANAmgINTEwD3Z
God, her voice is beautiful. It makes me feel warm, from the inside out, even though it's freezing outside — snow has just begun to fall, and now I deeply regret not bringing a winter coat — and the cold air biting against my skin seems inconsequential.604Please respect copyright.PENANA6zPyVmxKgy
604Please respect copyright.PENANAxrvJu2WWlJ
604Please respect copyright.PENANAlEykLsSZmn
"Can you come over?" I ask. 604Please respect copyright.PENANANXsXnsDNn2
604Please respect copyright.PENANA1MlA0U5yXW
604Please respect copyright.PENANAFbFv96JmY7
But a better idea comes to me.604Please respect copyright.PENANAKyLVE5Asvt
604Please respect copyright.PENANAt1U76ZRl3I
604Please respect copyright.PENANADQE00bdTLZ
"Are you at home?"604Please respect copyright.PENANAOAS8VAXqb7
604Please respect copyright.PENANANZViejZgzE
604Please respect copyright.PENANAjrVZN66tjM
"Yeah."604Please respect copyright.PENANA215Eoa3tlS
604Please respect copyright.PENANAEryHgpEgn7
604Please respect copyright.PENANAGMg8TEst3m
"Um, can I come over? I mean, you'd have to give me your address, and I'd try—"604Please respect copyright.PENANAftfQTErcEu
604Please respect copyright.PENANAEBmkCkbG1D
604Please respect copyright.PENANATuDT3nnPfl
"Caleb, it's very cold — you sound cold, as if you've forgotten you coat — and I don't want you to get lost, and die of hypothermia. I'll come over. I'll bring you over to my house one day — show you the path."604Please respect copyright.PENANAVQHfNLZqhm
604Please respect copyright.PENANAZYEeWirXw2
604Please respect copyright.PENANAXOML3r63OA
"Fine. But please stay."604Please respect copyright.PENANAWtkawP9eCs
604Please respect copyright.PENANAJgLMn96aml
604Please respect copyright.PENANAnOeSotiNpB
"Okay, but I have to leave early tomorrow. I have work."604Please respect copyright.PENANAiBwSwNmGk8
604Please respect copyright.PENANAeGYhWN2P37
604Please respect copyright.PENANAxWhujTKWp9
"That's fine," I say as I walk through the front door of my house. 604Please respect copyright.PENANAr899HVCHgg
604Please respect copyright.PENANAoPAs4KslFU
604Please respect copyright.PENANAnalA1PBRXT
The call ends and I make it to my room, suddenly overwhelmed with exhaustion. 604Please respect copyright.PENANAzGz7FN3MwD
604Please respect copyright.PENANARKjFnIjlSk
604Please respect copyright.PENANApGhroFJy0Q
However, I fix an image of her face in my head. I tell myself to stay awake for her. And I do.604Please respect copyright.PENANAvcpz5VonuM
604Please respect copyright.PENANAHyx4BHvfu2
604Please respect copyright.PENANAB75FRrvYMk
"Caleb," I hear from the bedroom door, and instantly perk up, exhaustion forgotten. She's shrugging off her winter coat by the threshold of the door.604Please respect copyright.PENANA36WhK2Om58
604Please respect copyright.PENANABGwZ7nBngN
604Please respect copyright.PENANAM1p1jvAc0J
"Evetta. Thanks for coming."604Please respect copyright.PENANAix04RyiG8J
604Please respect copyright.PENANAiYU4KO8dvL
604Please respect copyright.PENANAqFG4cnWJ4b
"Of course, baby," she says, and when I hear the word "baby", I get that warm feeling all over again.604Please respect copyright.PENANAWNCCknrppo
604Please respect copyright.PENANAJwh9f1FNhe
604Please respect copyright.PENANALV2pIq8qev
"Um, I got you some stuff."604Please respect copyright.PENANA7CwuB3DSO3
604Please respect copyright.PENANAYAHtK3Vijh
604Please respect copyright.PENANAOwWjcxXm7m
"Yeah?" she inquires as she walks over to the bed and sits beside me.604Please respect copyright.PENANA0PuOotdxq0
604Please respect copyright.PENANAB3DjXjfqTl
604Please respect copyright.PENANAjYasiB1gJS
"I realised that while I was out, I missed two of your birthdays."604Please respect copyright.PENANAI7gSPsD844
604Please respect copyright.PENANAHiP2uOfZm3
604Please respect copyright.PENANAXXy7lQ7iHs
"Oh, god, Caleb," she says to me, catching on, and her voice sounds so... touched.604Please respect copyright.PENANAtM43UpO8MV
604Please respect copyright.PENANAnDsb05MQ4z
604Please respect copyright.PENANARxJpuPynyz
"So I got you some stuff."604Please respect copyright.PENANAZeUsJpTlYG
604Please respect copyright.PENANAmoOJXPQdr5
604Please respect copyright.PENANAZzAbE4s6P9
Her eyes actually have tears in them. Good god, I never expected her to actually cry.604Please respect copyright.PENANA8pgPYyDw9M
604Please respect copyright.PENANAdJHRBlHGRP
604Please respect copyright.PENANAmifnvWxJzX
Before I can even decide which one I want to show her first — the bow or the doll — she throws her self on me and gives me a bear hug.604Please respect copyright.PENANAdEksuTxsAN
604Please respect copyright.PENANAcZAEQKOwZd
604Please respect copyright.PENANAcK2MkULK7d
"I love you. Thank you so much. You're the best."604Please respect copyright.PENANA05ctq5la4m
604Please respect copyright.PENANA0hjTU6xaGA
604Please respect copyright.PENANAa6uVw49CDQ
"I love you too."604Please respect copyright.PENANAi1jM9Aw4Ed
604Please respect copyright.PENANAV4tQmFNFti
604Please respect copyright.PENANAdC6koH7WR8
We stay like that for a while, just holding each other, and when we finally untangle ourselves from each other, her eyes are red.604Please respect copyright.PENANAxi4556uGX0
604Please respect copyright.PENANAO2PnThn7m0
604Please respect copyright.PENANAo9VaCrWvBW
"I got you a violin bow," I say as I present it to her.604Please respect copyright.PENANA9ehqb94tdk
604Please respect copyright.PENANAVM8M8fTur2
604Please respect copyright.PENANAWOg0LIQ1UV
Her eyes widen and fill with tears again as she removes it from its casing and inspects it.604Please respect copyright.PENANAAaGQ5QNU2U
604Please respect copyright.PENANAD8FKjkUjpf
604Please respect copyright.PENANApHrU9U46L6
"I mean, it's not great, but it works—"604Please respect copyright.PENANAJB3iIlEoUO
604Please respect copyright.PENANAUWlB2D4eXP
604Please respect copyright.PENANAdpYo3lkIil
"And it's from you," she says. "That means so much to me."604Please respect copyright.PENANA9dYdnP29H8
604Please respect copyright.PENANAKBjjXIAPDn
604Please respect copyright.PENANAAPLDrgOlIo
I was right. She's sentimental.604Please respect copyright.PENANAQi35b33yvs
604Please respect copyright.PENANAlQfOAtljyz
604Please respect copyright.PENANAq7gp5MT2Hn
"I also got you a doll. A black rag doll."604Please respect copyright.PENANAqjUDqcmJkO
604Please respect copyright.PENANAgk9b6Jhuqh
604Please respect copyright.PENANAVUF0L1ig6y
As soon as those words leave my mouth, her eyes become filled with what can only be described as utter vulnerability.604Please respect copyright.PENANALHVWfTrIiQ
604Please respect copyright.PENANA5z9tyEa71Y
604Please respect copyright.PENANAcoAK9bnIcE
"Really?" she asks, her voice getting high pitched.604Please respect copyright.PENANAZQdK7GqTpM
604Please respect copyright.PENANA9KKFwTtERk
604Please respect copyright.PENANA0DXhRHMOnQ
Damn. I really didn't foresee her being this emotional.604Please respect copyright.PENANAJZOfg3S5io
604Please respect copyright.PENANAKslFzqqwSj
604Please respect copyright.PENANAWMGkqAKZMA
"Yes. I found it in a Jamaican store," I say as I pick it up and hand it to her.604Please respect copyright.PENANAvKriAI2B6g
604Please respect copyright.PENANAxOKIRU4tjS
604Please respect copyright.PENANAWymlAgrbbW
"Oh, fuck. This is... Caleb, I don't even know what to say," she whispers, turning the doll over, her eyes widening in surprise as she sees the other face.604Please respect copyright.PENANAbsJPZ902CS
604Please respect copyright.PENANAazdvTqpSQ9
604Please respect copyright.PENANAOdtYKtlXlG
She hugs me, and kisses my cheek, before retracting and rubbing her eyes, smiling at me.604Please respect copyright.PENANAPZpIeh3nBM
604Please respect copyright.PENANA1wK0SVdNiT
604Please respect copyright.PENANA2cnFJh8Hiu
"Incidentally, I brought something over here for you, too."604Please respect copyright.PENANAZ6ZPIbSAIc
604Please respect copyright.PENANAPHAr0tVaiE
604Please respect copyright.PENANA5pkX0zKUia
I raise my eyebrows in surprise.604Please respect copyright.PENANAcKUzg9oJ9h
604Please respect copyright.PENANAfjU0JtzqEM
604Please respect copyright.PENANAkxhSToLLGa
She takes out a tiny black doll which is attached to a card that says "Watchover Voodoo" at the top, and has some writing on the bottom.604Please respect copyright.PENANALSU4UnvE4R
604Please respect copyright.PENANAN5mLBULOVZ
604Please respect copyright.PENANAWqfyZRSrq3
It's supposed to guide you," she says. "Now, I don't believe that some tiny doll on a piece of cardboard has magical powers, but I do believe that if you read an inspirational quote every day, you'll probably try to follow it."604Please respect copyright.PENANAj4dyLxDS7V
604Please respect copyright.PENANAMh1C0vwOgu
604Please respect copyright.PENANAMRUHYZeKZ1
I read the bottom, and it says:604Please respect copyright.PENANA2yH2JaY5qE
604Please respect copyright.PENANAe5QS0tCIaj
604Please respect copyright.PENANAbLaw3Qa833
Reggae Kid604Please respect copyright.PENANAo65Rk8tFnG
Keeps you in rhythm with nature and at peace with those around you.604Please respect copyright.PENANALEq8ymE3v7
604Please respect copyright.PENANAByg3nAqYxs
604Please respect copyright.PENANA58I7sV4MZT
"You lost your rhythm and piece of mind with that accident, and by extension, the piece that you had with those around you. I can feel the unease within you every time I hear your voice, every time I see you, every time I'm near you."604Please respect copyright.PENANAsrxIua9eDb
604Please respect copyright.PENANAsWxHRNONQH
604Please respect copyright.PENANABgJd4HzJuf
I think about it; I never realised that she knew just how much all of this is affecting me.604Please respect copyright.PENANANo6dFpSsO4
604Please respect copyright.PENANAPiobB7iw2y
604Please respect copyright.PENANASj0TSXSwOC
"You need to find your peace and rhythm again."604Please respect copyright.PENANANEFB0LPdD1
604Please respect copyright.PENANAkhEImQ3rhf
604Please respect copyright.PENANAfOPszSMs78
"Thank you, Evetta," I say, taking the doll from her.604Please respect copyright.PENANASRk0k0FW9K
604Please respect copyright.PENANAYE1v8nvDMs
604Please respect copyright.PENANATlPMe2DA0F
Thank you for noticing.604Please respect copyright.PENANAsm853Ryb6r
604Please respect copyright.PENANAqLVlhj9qSj
604Please respect copyright.PENANAnKDoxppnyI
Thank you for caring.604Please respect copyright.PENANAj3IFIGTDlH
604Please respect copyright.PENANA7O7fNT071P
604Please respect copyright.PENANA4kZRQTaIPl
Thank you for loving me.604Please respect copyright.PENANAIAnrY0A8bH
604Please respect copyright.PENANA8RIVCagKnt
604Please respect copyright.PENANAKZbMHLLAwf
And I do something that neither of us saw coming.604Please respect copyright.PENANAs3Itk4B5U6
604Please respect copyright.PENANAUHBk6vMcb6
604Please respect copyright.PENANAb4ZGLYWZOI
I kiss her.
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