The coldness nipped at my exposed skin, the wind gust making it even more unbearable.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOovaQd6caa
I could still feel the lingering effects of alcohol.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcNlOtHqT5V
Like how dizzy my head felt, almost weighed down like bricks sinking in water.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqn4Ug2WsYk
The cold air was bad, but I knew it would be worse if I was sober.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡueI8wjpBrX
I glanced over, noticing the car coming down the street.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8KFIrJJF6U
There hadn't been too many that passed, so I wasn't sure it was her.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1489cvIDZN
The call between us that suddenly ended proved that it was her.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ90zraFj6c6
I leaned away from the brick wall, watching the sleek black Bentley come to a slow halt.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxYyvPsvn1Y
The windows were so tinted that I couldn't begin to see inside.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Q1b1dA4QX
I took a few steps closer when the driver's door smoothly opened—Dr. Luccino sliding out of the car and standing to her tall height.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz8U6IXpy8b
She wore a long black coat and black silk pants spilling from underneath as if she had truly rushed out of her house.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJBCL3rygm8
Her brown hair was down, her bangs framing her face.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgdDLIudmpG
The only difference was her hair looked less put together for once, almost a subtle frizziness as if she had run her hands through it a few times.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXBaXePXVeY
It wasn't even that obvious, but I preferred this laidback look over her polished one.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzSiw0oxVe
I glanced down, noticing the furry grey throw blanket in her hand that she was currently unfolding as she approached me.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1uy0qRzlWw
"Here," was the first thing she said, lifting her arms to drape the blanket over my shoulders.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9hQbcHywvI
I immediately grabbed the edges of the blanket, tugging it closer against my body as I shivered again.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPEEPJVVwYu
The blanket smelled sweet, freshly of detergent, and another floral smell I couldn't put my finger on.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuG7cnvxTgL
I almost wondered if her house smelled like this.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZrLgscC0F
"Thank you," I said as we walked over to the passenger side of her running car.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSrHLqTXjK
Dr. Luccino nodded at my words, reaching for the door before I could expose my hands from under the blanket and open it myself.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7tHz7M8cPj
I slid down into the car—a soft heat enveloping me immediately.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRjDeAXWL8
It made goosebumps prickle across my body, especially as I got comfortable in the heated seat.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfmrcpF8efl
It seemed like she already prepared the car for me.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtOXaMkSplY
Or maybe I was looking too deeply into it.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVql3jL2M1x
Dr. Luccino gently closed my door once I was settled and buckled in, rounding the car as I inhaled the clean leather scent around me.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡownCFNLqkF
Nothing was out of place—her car was almost concerningly clean.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3gNxeNDUhh
I glanced over when the driver's door opened, noticing Dr. Luccino sliding into the seat beside me.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvKzVX0pAsZ
Tingles rushed through my body, suddenly processing this current moment.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGxbZlzRXBE
It feels like Im dreaming this.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbF8WRPrywL
"How do you feel?" was the first thing she asked me, her brown eyes locked with mine.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlcgdmnMade
"Better," I admitted, suddenly remembering everything all over again, "I'm really sorry again," I whispered, trying to push the heavy feeling away.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIFsyE3WtrM
I didn't want to cry directly in front of her.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOFw4o60tk0
My makeup was probably a mess from crying just a few minutes ago, so I feel like that's equivalent.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRjYt18ZM89
"It's okay, River," she assured me, her stare not wavering from mine as the large touchscreen radio illuminated her face perfectly, "Progress isn't linear. We'll try again."
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORMzA3E6KG
I nodded, unable to string any words together as I let out a deep sigh to help steady myself.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLqpRWdsObB
"Can you just be honest and say I disappointed you?" I asked her, my words stuck together as tears burned in my eyes.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKnvC7Lba3l
I couldn't help but glance away from her, unable to look her in the eye right now.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Lew2IMsrs
I don't know why her approval suddenly matters to me.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi2jhh7jVIC
I probably would never admit it does if I was sober sitting in that office with her.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrfY56OZtYT
But right now, sitting beside her in this car at almost three in the morning with alcohol buzzing through my system, and my guard at an all-time low, all I could say was that— I do care.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUK5aFXZtm
I fucking care what she thinks of me.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbr6eIphixw
"I'm not disappointed in you, River" Dr. Luccino shut my previous words down, "I'm confident that you can do this, but realistically, it's going to have its challenges."
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEOOGyFpsmK
I quickly wiped under my eyes before any tears could fall, staring forward at the empty road.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrWR9GV7ZnZ
"I just wish I would've tried harder," I admitted in a low whisper, realizing I could've fought more to say no.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8JU79rL92
"Give yourself grace. The circumstances were different in the moment," she briefly explained, her voice soft between us, "Naturally, you think of other ways you could've handled it because you're not in that situation anymore. You've experienced it and had a moment to reflect."
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5kmyl9tTqI
I remained silent, squeezing the blanket tighter to my body as more tears blurred my vision.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnbTNBbqznh
"Your past self didn't have the luxuries you have now. Go easier on her," Dr. Luccino added when I remained silent beside her.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp0iUJPyIoT
That's when I felt her hand on my shoulder, her touch gentle but present.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymT6DHPZ9r
It made me let out a deep breath, relaxing under her touch as I leaned back against the soft leather seat.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQsOoRn5a1
"We'll try again," she softly whispered to me, giving my shoulder a brief squeeze before pulling her hand away entirely.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdgc1XKzkzg
I let out another deep sigh, nodding a few times,
"Okay," I forced out, deciding to focus on trying again rather than how badly I fucked up.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBMDCpNonn
"You need to make peace with this in order to move forward," Dr. Luccino said, reaching for the gearshift that she firmly wrapped her hand around, shifting the car into drive, "Try to be comfortable with making mistakes here and there."
I forced a hum, "I just had higher hopes for myself," I admitted, my words broken and honest as she smoothly drove forward.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqY3VfIH4ER
I thought this was all about winning.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEDJr2RhMm
That it was just a stupid game to me with a reward at the end.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQoejAj6sY
But it meant so much more.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgubFnCAjaB
"You still did good, River" Dr. Luccino pointed out, her words filled with praise that it didn't feel like I deserved, "You didn't drink from Tuesday, up until this point. Even if it was a drink with dinner, you consciously said no and that's a big step."
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpjVFS3z50
I nodded at her last words, finding comfort in the perspective she focused on.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnkYOkDAdSH
I guess lasting a few days is still good.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3AkxiES5b4
"Small wins are big wins too," Dr. Luccino assured me, her stare focused on the road rather than me for once, "Now can you put your address in for me?"
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXXzRQNJKj
I nodded silently, reaching past the blanket wrapped around me to carefully type my address in on the large touchscreen.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmZc5lFlcFf
We were a little under fifteen minutes away, which I wasn't even close to unhappy about.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl2BCtk3G3W
I wanted the time with Dr. Luccino.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKh3Ce6gk4S
Her presence feels so soothing right now.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCTi5DOrVFy
Even as we sit in a calm silence, her focusing on the road as I subtly snuck glances of her sharp side profile.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡalWaGfGTpn
Maybe I was just drunk but I genuinely couldn't stop looking at her.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0CjxsewMaP
I tried my best not to make it obvious, but I'm sure she already picked up on me staring.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn9iNEOVGSj
She picks up on everything.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZFYY3c1oeC
Tonight, she probably chose not to say anything, letting me sit comfortably in silence as I relaxed in her passenger seat.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwlGayzNac0
The drive was smooth, almost lulling me to sleep when I briefly closed my eyes.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxp9ZbL5puB
I only allowed myself a few seconds to keep my eyes closed since I didn't want to fall asleep in her car.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡso8DqZfhzu
I physically had to blink faster, especially with how heavy my eyes suddenly felt.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj6RDUk5flT
I was almost relieved when we made it past the gates of the familiar parking garage of my building, feeling beyond ready to hit the bed.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9OXEHbGte
"Are you okay to walk up on your own?" Dr. Luccino asked, watching as I carefully opened my door.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzMhz1sUoaV
I nodded as I slid out of the seat, "Yes," I murmured, not wanting to inconvenience her even more.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvotycRBT7A
I gripped the edges of the car door when I stumbled on my feet slightly, almost forgetting I was wearing heels.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0eQHaqyw3
"No," I heard her say, turning the car off and opening her door, "I'm walking you."
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe9Gy3aw0JB
I gently closed the car door, "I'm good," I said, adjusting to my painful heels again, "You really don't have to," I told her, rubbing under my eyes before taking a few steps past the parked car.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw7SNx1vM2G
"Lead the way," was all she said, motioning her head forward as she stopped beside me.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf3dTwKUdVw
I pursed my lips, already feeling bad that she picked me up and now felt obligated to walk me upstairs.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTmMj7C2Ng
But I also knew better than to debate this with her right now, so I started walking toward the elevators as she calmly followed behind me.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHBFY6yJJ3
Dr. Luccino pressed the elevator button before I had a chance, causing one of them to instantly ding open.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtE3Sh4qyz3
I stepped on first as she followed behind me, waiting for me to scan my key fob and click my floor.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYeHfw2UBxY
It was silent as the elevator rose to my floor, each level we passed beeping softly.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ygxD8mhGp
Seconds later, the silver doors dinged open upon making it to my floor, causing me to lean away from the wall.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzyz6RTGgMq
I clutched the soft blanket tighter around me as I walked off first.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHizGjEjq0
Dr. Luccino followed behind me, keeping her hands in her pockets as we approached my door.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsRoybWZbLF
I pressed the key fob against the door knob immediately, causing it to unlock with a soft click.
"See, all good," I said, twisting the black doorknob and pushing the door open.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFDmywESxV1
"Good," was all she said, her voice lowered as I walked inside.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe8r4wcwdPD
At least until I realized the blanket was still wrapped around me.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrDfLiPxhob
I slid it off, realizing I should give it— "Keep it," Dr. Luccino said before I could hand the blanket back to her, backing away from my door, "And text me in the morning as a well-being check."
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQKiTYRREf
I nodded almost slowly, trying not to take any of this personally.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgrVcG2QxBk
But a part of me was weirdly excited to keep this blanket.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFIMYyzEf6b
It smells really good.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ51M4SWWg4a
"Another thing, River" Dr. Luccino suddenly said before fully walking away from the open doorway, "I strongly suggest taking a step back from Kai."
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡng6OYmSgpV
I furrowed my brows almost immediately, "Really?"
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRljStDeQ0
I asked her, feeling my stomach twist at her words, "I don't think she meant to cause me any damage. She just wants me to have fun with her."
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt36USDJx9G
Dr. Luccino hummed, "She didn't consider you or your wellbeing, River. Regardless of her intentions you still got hurt tonight," she calmly told me, her brown eyes holding mine.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ohuDdfvBd
It was true.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl0dfiNsi44
I hated that it was true.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOhlKV9PVaK
Even if Kai's intentions were good or bad, I still ended up getting burned.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0e0dwWn1F
I pursed my lips together, "Yeah... okay," I whispered, unsure if I could truly take space away from Kai.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJ12xbWrBP
She felt like my other half.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPEktRgGAq
She's also always there for me, and it feels like we both understand each other so deeply.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDuMq2B1Dew
"I'm not suggesting that it has to be permanent, but you're in a vulnerable state right now, especially with committing to different life changes," she explained, probably noticing how unsure I was about this, "You need people who keep you accountable."
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8LRiwgH0y
I nodded a few times, "I know-I know, it's just that Kai said she supports me." I tried to explain to her.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22soeYkNwY
"Her support wasn't shown tonight," Dr. Luccino said without hesitation, her stare precisely locked on me, "Distance creates boundaries. Kai will respect you more when she realizes she can lose you."
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcaLOpkq29J
I blinked a few times at her words, especially as I processed how much sense they made.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7oTBRUcTT
I'm not sure if Kai does think she can lose me.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBVFjQmfUbZ
I mean, I never planned to cut her off and maybe she knows that.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYuMuoPE2n
I suddenly sighed, "You're right" I whispered, even if I knew taking space from Kai would be hard.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ09PJtJyOQA
But she completely disregarded my words tonight.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1yeE9wXGbP
I deserve better.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiPVISpbbxs
"We'll touch base tomorrow," Dr. Luccino suddenly said, her eyes trailing my face, "Have a good night, River."
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTNXEKjdER
"You too," I murmured, still engrossed in my thoughts involving Kai.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIkmVP0rOYA
Until I noticed Dr. Luccino pause, her brown eyes trailing my face.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjFlxRsOzVF
Her expression was unreadable, but she was obviously thinking about something.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGJ0tq183Bu
It made me wonder what else she had to say about Kai.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtmvbuv4UAv
I furrowed my brows when she looked away from me, glancing left and right.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLm7p6uYNps
Almost as if she was making sure no one was around.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6tPkgoJi7
I barely had time to process it before she took a step toward me.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeDFDSGCFt7
It made me hold my breath, processing the closed space between us as I anticipated her next actions.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtREyJOLyd2
Dr. Luccino reached up first, wrapping her arms around my upper body.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4u1hj8eDx
She didn't pull me in closer herself.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZZI4XJsvK
Instead, she let me decide to lean in.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQKy6EQD3X
She smelled sweet, just as I recalled, without her usual cologne that followed.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETw5x2v4Ka
Her body was warm against mine, leaning into her as I hesitantly rested my cheek against her shoulder.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMB7ue8niez
I didn't want to do too much and she pull away.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjd6KVRTC5
Or decides never to hug me again.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxlnxkB1BI
I'm not sure she would anyway—it seems like hugging is against her ethics.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeyaaurQnKe
I let out a deep breath as her hands pressed against my upper back, maintaining a respectable hug with me.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Br3gadmlp
My arms remained under the blanket around me, unsure if I should lift them around her.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpAPENyaD9
I decided against it, not wanting her to reject my actions.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjy6XUSDhO
I don't think my ego could handle that one tonight.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdmSSSCeaRg
I counted the seconds between us in my head, not wanting to pull away.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDf3PZqcaOk
Once we did, we would revert to the same old restrictive dynamic.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAs0SGwbJeB
Disappointment struck through me when Dr. Luccino slowly pulled away, lowering her hands from my body and taking a respectable step back.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkiHwuTznJX
It all felt so clinical with her.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFbldzMJkz
It made me wonder how she is beyond her role as a therapist.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMyuAc3S1HA
Maybe with her friends or family.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNuC1E8zxnk
"Get some rest, River" was all she said, her brown eyes briefly holding mine before she glanced away, walking down the hallway toward the elevators.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKsP1e1WsyS
I stood there for a moment, door wide open, a heavy silence burning around me.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxXvRlHOkPo
I could still feel the warmth of her against me.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDQSOMKstA
Or maybe I'm just hallucinating it.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrlWiTLgU8Y
I blinked a few times, snapping out of my thoughts as I gently closed the door.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIlhOhOjJUg
I walked over to my bedroom, carefully sliding the furry blanket off my shoulders to lay on my bed.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrfGp5WPsE0
Suddenly, I had the urge to brush my teeth and do my nightly skincare, feeling almost electrified with energy.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA51mQakxCy
I changed out of my dress after, pulling on an oversized t-shirt that fell to my knees with nothing underneath.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPcLW9j25oC
My apartment was quiet as usual, leaving my thoughts focused on the hug we just shared as I approached my bed.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXCTXdQN5V
I halted my steps, my eyes roaming the blanket for a moment.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfUtKUPAkO5
I ran my fingertips across the soft furry material, recalling every detail of tonight.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdt4QqKvvIX
Somehow, I felt oddly content with how it all went.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡauQqJbJwL3
At least after the drinking part.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JKrv1yE2u
I reached over to my lamp—flicking it off before climbing under my thick covers.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt68bhOZMXo
I unconsciously grabbed the furry blanket and pulled it over my shoulders, nestling my face in it as I inhaled the familiar detergent and floral scent.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU8tCbHqh3S
It's all I focused on as I drifted to sleep, my thoughts centered around everything that happened tonight.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2aa4mhtNnE
I need to cut Kai off—it was a thought that made me anxious, but I knew Dr. Luccino was right.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFTCJMeqQF0
I should probably tell Zion and Sid what happened.
22Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXGOeqR4Tfv
I think being around them right now would be good for me.
ns216.73.216.176da2
