I scrunched my eyes closed, nestling my face under the cover as I tried to verge deeper into my sleep.
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My eyes were heavy, my head aching, and a pressure behind my eyes pulsating.
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I inhaled the sweet floral scent around me, processing its unfamiliarity.
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My eyes slowly opened, earning a groan from me as I guided the soft furry cover away from my face.
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That's when last night came back to me.
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The club with Kai and the two women we met.
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How I ran out of the club.
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The phone call with Dr. Luccino.
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She picked me up.
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I felt knots tie in my stomach, recalling the hug we shared.
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If it could even be considered a hug.
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In my head, it was longer, but in reality, it was maybe a few seconds.
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I remember how she kept her hands at my upper back the entire time, letting me lean in rather than herself.
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The knots in my stomach grew loose, fading away as I tried to determine if I was feeding into my own delusions.
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I reached for my phone on the nightstand, tugging the blanket closer as I looked over my lock screen notifications.
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Nothing from Kai or Dr. Luccino.
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That's at least what I checked for first.
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Zion did text about cooking lessons at twelve and—"Fuck," I suddenly whispered, noticing the time at the top of my phone screen.
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11:28 am
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I quickly laid up from my bed.
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And immediately regretted it when a painful throb shot through my skull.
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It made me groan, reaching for my head as I tried my best to stumble out of bed.
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I veered over into my closet, grabbing random things around me as I rushed to look somewhat decent.
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Pink sweatpants, a smooth brown long-sleeve top, and a pair of Uggs was the best outfit I could pull together—nearly running over to my bathroom for a quick shower.
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I tied my hair up and only washed my body in the shower, stepping out to dry off and do my hair which still looked decent from last night.
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It was still wavy so I pulled it into a high ponytail, not bothering to slick down any hairs to frame my face given the time crunch.
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I quickly did my skincare routine and brushed my teeth, sliding my towel off after and pulling on the outfit I picked out.
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After that, I grabbed my phone from my bed, which I realized wasn't made.
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Fuck my life.
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And my conscience.
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I sighed, quickly reaching for the sheets and pulling them up as neatly as possible without tucking them.
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Then I pulled the comforter up, folding the furry grey blanket neatly to lay over top.
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I quickly picked my phone back up, rushing out of my bedroom to grab my keys.
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As I exited my apartment, I unlocked my phone, typing a message to Zion that I would be five minutes late.
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Luckily, the time on my phone currently read 11:51 am.
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Zion and Sid's place is only a fifteen-minute drive so I think a five-minute buffer is good enough.
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I glanced away from the elevator display screen when my phone began buzzing.
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A tired sigh fell from my lips, assuming it was Zion calling to lecture me about being late.
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It was Dr. Luccino instead.
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The mental wellbeing check.
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Fuck, I forgot.
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Tingles ran down my spine as I read her contact name on my lock screen.
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Doc
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It looked good lit up on my screen, suddenly wanting her to call me more often now.
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Knots tied in my stomach as I answered the call, not wanting it to ring through fully.
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I pressed the cold phone against my ear as the elevator dinged open on the parking garage level.
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"I meant to text you," was the first thing I said, hoping to skip a lecture, "I just woke up late and I'm supposed to be doing this cooking class with my friends... luckily I'm not that late but I had to rush to get ready and then I forgot to text, but I tried to remember," I forced out in one breath, speed walking to my car.
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"It's okay, River—breathe for a moment," I heard her familiar voice on the other end of the line, smooth and perfectly calm.
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I unconsciously let out a soft exhale at her words, slowing my steps down as I walked toward my car.
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It was weird, but her words genuinely made time stall around me.
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Or maybe I let it stall.
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"Well, on the bright side, I'm doing pretty good this morning doc," I decided to say, my voice much more leveled as I unlocked my car.
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"Good," she determined, "You're calling me doc again so that checks out."
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I smiled slightly at her observation, "Did you miss it?" I decided to ask her, my tone flirty with her as I opened my car door.
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"It was an observation, not a longing, River" she quickly corrected me, weirdly making my smile grow as I slid into the driver's seat.
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"Look at you noticing the small things, doc" I said, focusing on the fact that she even made the observation.
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I heard her let out a soft sigh on the other end, making my already amused smile grow even more.
"Monday is still scheduled. I'll see you at five, River" Dr. Luccino said, changing the topic with ease.
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"Monday at five... it's a date doc" I murmured, pursing my lips tightly together as I desperately tried to hold back my giggles.
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"Have a good day, River" was all she said, earning a soft hum from me before we ended the call.
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Then I was suddenly focused back on the task at hand.
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More specifically, that I'm running late.
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I put my car into drive, pulling out of the parking spot to maneuver out of the parking garage.
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Traffic was as expected for a Saturday at noon.
By the time I made it to Zion and Sid's, I was a little over fifteen minutes, rushing into their apartment with my usual smile.
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"Look who decided to show up," Zion said, his tone light and joking.
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"Don't let him guilt you—we planned for you to be late," Sid quickly said before I could apologize.
I dramatically parted my lips, "Oh wow," I said as if I were fake offended.
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Zion shrugged, "We always plan for fifteen minutes after our scheduled time," he said, his smile growing when my lips parted wider in offense, "But you were the one who was over fifteen minutes late so technically our methods work."
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I jokingly rolled my eyes, "Yeah, whatever," I said, not wanting to admit he was right.
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They're smart for setting the time back.
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"Come on, everything's set up," Sid said, motioning us over to the kitchen.
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I smiled happily, walking with Zion over to the kitchen where a bunch of stuff was laid out on the kitchen island.
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"Okay so we're going to make lunch and prep for dinner tonight," Sid explained, motioning to the different stuff.
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I raised a brow, "Damn you guys really aren't playing with me," I said with a growing smile, "I'm about to be Chef River" I joked, posing with my hand on my hip.
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Sid smiled, "I'll make that your contact if you pass today," she offered, causing Zion to shake his head in amusement.
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"Oh deal," I immediately said, glancing over to the counter, "Where do I start?"
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Sid picked up the pack of raw steaks, "Let's go ahead and start making the marinade for these," she said as Zion handed me my phone from the counter.
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"Hurricane Kai," he said with a smile, making my stomach drop as I glanced down at my phone displaying her call.
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I completely fucking forgot about her and this new situation.
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What I needed to do.
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Or should do.
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"Is everything okay, Rivs?" Sid asked me, grabbing the Worcestershire sauce.
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I nodded.
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Very slowly.
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"Yeah... sort of?" I said almost in question, watching the call ring through as Zion held my phone.
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"What happened?" Zion asked me with furrowed brows, setting my phone down on the counter and placing his attention directly on me.
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"Well..." I trailed off, letting out a deep sigh, "She kinda showed up at my apartment and talked me into going out—but without drinking," I said, immediately making both Sid and Zion's brows raise, "And then she pressured me into shots and I started drinking and yeah..." I trailed off again, feeling so ashamed of how last night went.
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Sid slowly lowered the bottle in her hand, "That's so messed up, what," she whispered, a frown growing on her lips.
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I nodded silently, glancing down when I felt a heaviness burn in my chest at all the hazy memories.
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"I really wish I didn't break my streak" I admitted, letting out a deep sigh as I avoided either of their stares.
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That's when I felt Zion's arm wrap around my neck, pulling me in for a side hug.
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"I'm sorry that happened Rivs" he said, his voice lowered with genuineness.
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It was the tone he would use whenever I fell short and gave myself a hard time.
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Like back in high school when I genuinely wanted my mother's approval but always struggled to get it.
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Especially since math was so difficult for me.
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My mother only focused on the B I got in one class rather than the others I got straight A's in.
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Zion was always there for me—since we were children.
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Even if he came from a happy home he always listened to me.
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Kai was just different.
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When we met in our freshman year of college, I felt like I had met someone who truly understood what I went through.
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It felt like she was my other half.
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I wrapped my arms around Zion's torso, leaning into the hug, "It's okay," I sighed, feeling Sid lean into me and join our hug.
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"Is there anything we can do?" Sid asked as she settled in our group hug.
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I shook my head, "No it's okay" assured her, glancing over to my phone, "Dr. Luccino suggested that I take a step back from Kai for a little while so I just need to figure out what to say."
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"Oh, then we can help?" Sid quickly offered as Zion nodded.
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"Yeah, we could help with the paragraph or something," he offered.
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I pursed my lips, "You think I should text her instead of talking in person?" I asked hesitantly, unsure how I should go about this.
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"Maybe for now? I don't know it might be a little too fresh to discuss in person," Sid tried to explain, pulling away slightly to meet my stare, "Maybe just give it a little time before agreeing to discuss it in person."
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Zion nodded as he leaned away from the hug, "Giving it time won't hurt," he agreed with her.
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I picked up my phone from the counter, "Okay," I whispered, unlocking my phone and navigating over to my messages.
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Kai had texted me three times.
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Kai: good morningg888:)
Kai: the girl from last night made me breakfast
Kai: i normally don't stay but these pancakes OMG
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I let out a deep sigh, my thumbs hesitating against the screen.
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Sid suddenly guided my phone out of my hands,
"How about I type up the message and you read over it?" she offered, holding my phone as her stare remained on me.
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I nodded, glancing over to Zion, "You can read it too," I determined, earning a nod from him.
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"I got you," he said as Sid began typing on my phone, "Sid's really good at paragraphs so I think it'll be good."
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I nodded again, glancing back over to Sid who was focused on my phone.
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My nervousness grew as I watched her put the paragraph together for me, noticeably deep in thought.
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After the longest four minutes of my life, she was finally done—handing my phone back to me with the paragraph ready to read.
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Zion stood behind me, reading the prepared text over my shoulder with me.
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"good morning!! im really happy you stayed for breakfast and your morning is going good. after everything last night, i'm putting some space between us. you didn't respect my boundaries when it came to drinking and i ended up breaking my streak, which was really important to me. a real friend wouldn't have done that to me and i hope you can understand that. this is a really hard choice for me, but i trusted you to support me and you didn't. once im ready to talk more about this, we can have the conversation in person <3"
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"It's very... to the point," I hesitantly said, glancing up from my phone, "Do you think it's too harsh?"
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"Or truthful," Zion said, leaning away from me,
"What's typed is what happened and how it made you feel."
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Sid nodded, "You need to hold her accountable for that at the very least," she told me as I glanced down to my phone again.
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"I just don't want her to be mad at me," I admitted, reading over the text again.
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"You're the one who should be mad, Rivs," Zion quickly twisted my words, making me realize how stupid they probably sounded.
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I just love Kai so much and she's always here for me.
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More importantly, she knows how to be here for me.
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She understands me.
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"Send the text and just throw the phone," Sid jokingly told me, making me smile slightly.
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"I'm not throwing my phone," I laughed slightly, reading through the text again, "But..." I trailed off, my thumb hovering over the send button.
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That I clicked.
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Fuck.
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"I sent it," I whispered, watching it deliver, "I fucking sent it."
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"Ayyy I'm so proud of you," Zion said with a wide smile as Sid nodded.
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"And you got us—don't even worry about her for right now," Sid assured me, but all I could do was stare at the delivered message waiting for her to read it.
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Her read receipts are on SO—
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"Oh my god she read it," I said, feeling my heart race against my chest, anticipating what she might say.
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But she didn't start typing.
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The air was tense for the longest seconds of my life, waiting for the typing bubble to appear.
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Instead, my phone began buzzing with a call.
"Don't answer it," Zion immediately said, standing to the left of me.
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"Stay strong, Rivs." Sid whispered as she stood on the right.
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It was like the devil and the angel were on my shoulders, except both were angels.
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I let out a stressful sigh, nodding a few times as I declined the call.
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That's when the typing bubbles appeared, indicating Kai was about to text something instead.
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Kai: i'm sorry, i didn't mean to make you feel that way
Kai: i just wanted us to have fun
Kai: rivvy i swear
Kai: we should at least talk about this
Kiai: we never fight: (
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Sid shook her head as she read the messages along with Zion, "I don't know why she thinks there's anything to talk about. You already said you're putting space," she pointed out.
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"I wouldn't answer, but hey, that's just my opinion," Zion said, shrugging to himself.
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I nodded, "No you're right, I shouldn't answer," I said, watching as the typing bubbles appeared again before another text buzzed through.
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Kai: this is all because of the therapist isn't it?
Kai: she's just fueling you and you're being pushed to do stuff you wouldn't initiate in the first place.
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I scoffed at her message, wanting to type back a response so badly.
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What she's not about to do is blame a licensed professional.
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She's also making it seem like I have no backbone—like I couldn't have made this decision without Dr. Luccino.
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It proves the point she made last night.
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Kai needs to realize she can lose me.
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I let her get too comfortable.
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I let her disrespect my boundaries.
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"What she just said makes no sense?" Sid suddenly said with furrowed brows, reading the message Kai just sent, "If your therapist was fueling you, then technically you'd make this decision yourself. Fueling indicates the thought was there to begin with."
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"Don't answer. It's not worth it," Zion quickly determined, guiding the phone away from me without a choice this time, "She's trying to get you to respond. She'll do anything for a reaction."
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I nodded a few times.
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Even if my face burned up at her words, irritating me to a deeper degree.
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I don't know why she has to bring Dr. Luccino into it.
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"Let's just focus on making lunch and prepping for dinner," Sid determined as Zion put my phone on
Do Not Disturb and locked it.
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"It's all good, Rivs." Zion said as I let out a deep breath, trying to let the irritation roll off my shoulders, "You sent the paragraph and told her where you stand."
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I nodded a few times, "Yeah," I said, trying to focus on anything other than what Kai just said.
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How she can blame what happened on anyone but herself?
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Or even me?
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I should've decided to stay inside and not let her pressure me.
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All Dr. Luccino did was point out what was wrong with the situation.
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"Let's just get back to marinating the steak-focusing on something else really helps," Sid said, picking the Worcestershire sauce back up.
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I nodded in agreement, determining that if I kept thinking about Kai then I would have an urge to text her back arguing the point she made.
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"Here," Zion said, handing me the Dijon mustard and soy sauce before walking over to the spice rack on the other counter.
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I focused on the steak Sid unpackaged, listening intently as she and Zion explained how they marinated it.
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I pushed Kai far from my head, focusing on cooking instead.
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I also knew Dr. Luccino would be proud that I sent that message and took a step back.
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I couldn't wait to tell her on Monday.
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