I let out a deep sigh, my eyes opening to the darkness swallowing every edge of my bedroom.
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I reached for my phone first, reading over my lock screen that displayed new notifications and the time.
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10:37 am.
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Even if I felt embarrassed by last night—embarrassed by her rejection, I still checked my lock screen for her contact.
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Nothing.
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There was nothing else for her.
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I was less surprised than hopeful.
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It seems she's giving me space rather than reaching out again.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3d46pLj173
Something I'm unaccustomed to.
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I let out a deep sigh, dropping my phone on the bed as I stared up at the ceiling.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiEsBoX7L10
I'm never going to therapy again.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TR2DmQQyh
There's just no possible way.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS51nE5IrKz
Not after I tried to kiss her and she rejected me.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSvM9jdSKAX
Normally, I would try again.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5DxLpWjhfl
I wouldn't give up.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy9MKAqqPFh
This time is different—my ego is past bruised, and nearly falling the fuck apart.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQOsjP7RBXp
Any other woman in Seattle would be easier to chase.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJZqv2XPAJ
But I'm realizing Dr. Luccino isn't even meant to be chased.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2WM3AV1Sr
Maybe I should've run in the other direction instead.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPt47ZGMm1
Even from the beginning—before she knew I was her patient, she always held the upper hand.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQk1UtD3CR
And in it, she held my ego, every single fucking time.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwj3PPnnLfR
She drives me insane to the point that I have to force myself to step back.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHw5o4yerok
To sit this one out for once.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL8JKj3pzLY
Something I've never decided in my entire life.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLf55Mi9h2
I'm a winner.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjgUTvSSyDk
I know I'm a winner.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6QMtmTkdV8
But this go-around, I'm okay with forfeiting.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2aCqFH8PMo
It's better than losing the game itself.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYW606STFbM
Or maybe I already lost.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdiyXzcKbs8
Maybe her rejection was enough to consider a loss—a fuck up on my end.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoo1xv6U1BD
I'm not some girl who begs for someone.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGcLWfw1Y0
I've never felt this way or done these things.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx3esqoKKEg
I've never even chased after someone like this.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwaKNekUICg
Normally, people chase me.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJm7RVWu0O
They want me.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5tnZYcC4yL
Why doesn't Dr. Luccino want me?
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJasqCDr3kG
It's not because she's my therapist.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXRqaSniAB
I see how she looks at me sometimes.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ90Kn0BEYJU
I see how irritated Dr. Kincaid makes her by simply standing next to me.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5qYbKo7Ntp
Not all therapists would get up in the middle of the night and come pick up their patients after a night gone wrong.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZB7jmg4yF
But Dr. Luccino did.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnnTswKIv5n
She initiated a hug too... sort of
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1MiE4ANvc
I mean, I had to lean in, but she still initiated it all.
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Then it's how she talks to me—I can hear the double meanings, and I know she does too.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2njs9qDP1C
She's calculated.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7AXUUhBuS
Every action she takes, the words she speaks, even the fucking air she breathes—it's all calculated.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9bOFnwp9w2
She's not dumb, not even close to it.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmo20v7WAv
She's analytical.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjY6MbfAdXp
So why is she being like this?
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLilRhR62t2
Why did she reject me?
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6BNW3Oiubv
I quickly shook my head, burying my face under the pillow with a groan.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTVYpbhoMNe
I hate her for doing this—for making me feel this way.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbP9P8Grp38
But at the same time, I want to know where her head is at.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT17SBof9Ur
Why she's acted the way she has up to this point.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqcVjQBXbn
It's confusing.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrsXcRQtgQm
But I think I'm okay with being confused.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcs3v7kKyWY
Or maybe... I know I'll have to be.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivwsI8smd8
Dr. Luccino will probably never reveal what her true thoughts consist of.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9h8rGZZW68
I need to just step back before I genuinely go insane.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV1YPFgVTEW
I let out a deep sigh, laying up from my bed to go brush my teeth.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhhS08CJc1U
I also did my skincare, pulling on a pair of sweatpants and a matching sweatshirt to head over to Zion and Sid's.
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I didn't make my bed.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpyjpIiLHoc
Maybe it was out of spite or maybe I just didn't want to do anything associated with her.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkSTAEqE4HG
Either way, I pushed through the thoughts of her fogging up my brain—finally finding some sort of balance once I made it to Zion and Sid's.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFMN7OHfC4
It made me feel a little better being around them, focusing on other aspects of my life.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡScZXE5G2RD
Like the great best friends I have.
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We cooked breakfast together and ate in front of the TV, watching Zion's favorite show at the moment, Bob's Burgers.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZND4uIHTz
It was a nice morning, and Zion and Sid even agreed to go to the gym with me.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzKEZy4eTZv
That alone filled up my day, especially since we grabbed a smoothie after.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2BX3xpKiL5
Then we walked downtown for a couple of hours, shopping and browsing the different stores.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzpTsRruFhp
We agreed to have dinner tonight, especially since it was Saturday night and I was staying inside.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7bo9UpIQ0
Zion and Sid were making such a big effort to be here for me.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4r2kAd6SGY
Even if I kind of wanted to give this whole not drinking thing up.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtuIF0xyaBV
But I owed it to myself.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd4tCbPLaSD
And I don't know... I just don't think I even need it anymore.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9KuD59Ad97
It's weird.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZIQch28HC
Like I still have the urge.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQuo1A1wU4p
I want to drink and go out.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8XqzSyLFs
But I also have this louder thought, a deeper feeling, where I'm completely aware that I don't need that to feel better.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ95Bg2NhX07
Zion and Sid really help me feel better without realizing it.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfydqyyMH0Y
I think I just don't want to be alone, like entirely isolated, and their presence really helps soothe me.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkIqjKDRMcZ
I even ended up staying the night at their place on Saturday, sleeping on their comfortable couch.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLPNMjHEsg
We didn't end up making breakfast in the morning, instead, opting for Cookie Crisp cereal.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ZBTpPjUe4
Then Zion and Sid set up to work on schoolwork and study for the next couple of hours.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW9aDsVslnn
While I could study, I'm also really ahead on all of my assignments—thanks to all my free time last week.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFrtUahtAC
So I decided to give it a rest, heading back to my apartment so I could climb into my unmade bed.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWjgZkCTv70
But I was quickly halted by the bright sticky note on my front door, my brows immediately furrowing as I read it.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt1jZFZpBpE
This was left for you.
-Front Desk Management
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My confusion grew, glancing away from the note, and immediately noticing the bouquet by my feet.
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My heart physically stalled in my chest, bending down to fully analyze the bouquet.
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It wasn't made of flowers.
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But lollipops instead?
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMF59Ps8xAW
It was wrapped neatly in a blush pink paper, tied together by a silky white ribbon at the base.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡERSLQeaEAz
I reached for the card immediately, even if I already knew who it was from.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyAWefzLzGI
I just needed to see it.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ337HNgyGdp
I flipped the card over, my eyes trailing over it.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvKRFM9zDx
"— Dr. Luccino"
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That's it.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpe8hzTSHGd
That's all it said.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAmzUfdcPxd
Are you fucking kidding me?
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpTYSSctuxs
First, she rejects my kiss and now she's sending me a bouquet?
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTSJkXDSmyW
A very well-thought-out one, might I add.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJqIn9txQ1
She knows what she's doing.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJtmzfxTAAb
She fucking has to.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV03ZhR3dAE
It's why there's no note and she purposely used her formal name, rather than including her first and last name.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡntWMwnKtuS
It's still clinical with her.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNhF7uPXfJi
She's basically establishing that she's still my therapist—who sends me fucking bouquets.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYECEuNYNTG
I shook my head to myself, determining that I'm officially over her confusing signals.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVNJUOytcMk
Fuck skipping therapy, maybe I will show up for my session.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZ8AS4ay5p
Maybe, I'll return this bouquet right back to her, and tell her just how confusing this is.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubyOBtlBMK
That she can't send me a bouquet after rejecting me two days prior.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC57LSI8IOW
Yeah.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBIaErv0459
That's what I'll do.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaUCyxkK8NU
And then I won't stay.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN5BCyZVP8h
I'll ask for a referral and leave.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQlSdNgYIp
For good.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvaJm31PUx
I picked up the bouquet, peeling the sticky note off my door as I came to my conclusion.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtEQGkUwjAG
Naturally, I began planning the argument in my head, making sure I had every detail planned out for what I would say.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpcCdi9cDU
I didn't want to skip something and then later on think of it and wish I had said it.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOytDvXdgz5
I thought about it all night, tossing and turning as I tried my best to get a decent amount of sleep.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBlgugwjnt
The next day, I anticipated the evening more—my mind still on what I would say.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgdxVYkNviO
Or what she would say back.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzadZwhA6Pq
I was on edge all fucking day.
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Even during class when I desperately tried to focus.
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Luckily, I was tired enough from my lack of sleep the night prior, that I fell asleep right after class, taking a short nap before therapy.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlwho7NwS67
Then around three o'clock, I began getting ready, determined to look my best when I storm into her office and throw this bouquet at her.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6sipj79ORr
I pulled on low-rise True Religion jeans and a crop top that emphasized my toned stomach.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKvbJqkbGh9
I did a blowout on my hair so it was in effortless waves, spraying hair perfume over my strands and putting on a light amount of makeup.
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I made sure my lip combo looked perfect, walking out of my bathroom to slide on a pair of chunky sneakers and spray myself with perfume.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXkg7SP0E3I
Then I exited my room, grabbing my keys and the bouquet as I left my apartment.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqqH58W6plY
I was fifteen minutes late.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmB7lQJP7d
I didn't care.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIjCt34iFM
I took my time walking to my car—I didn't even mind the traffic, stopping when the light turned yellow rather than speeding up.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3L3HPrnOie
By the time, I got parked and made my way through the modern lobby, I was already thirty minutes late.
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It made a smile grow prominently on my lips, watching the floors rise as I stood in the quiet elevator with a few other people.
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Soon enough, it dinged on my level, allowing me to step off with the bouquet in my hands.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMegPG5Jp6
"Sienna" I said, for once choosing to ignore how much she had previously irritated me.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgv0pXR8t7l
She can fucking have Dr. Luccino.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6s9CwereiJ
Or should I say chase her?
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvSZTW15GO
"I'm here for my appointment," I said as I approached her with a smile.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPDMUzRkbRx
"Oh of course," Sienna smiled, glancing down to her computer, "You're a little late so your session might be cut sho—"
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAaHE2x8PQd
"Got it, thanks girl" I quickly cut her short, turning around before she could say anything else and walking toward the familiar hallway.
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That's when the nerves hit me, especially as I passed the different doors, noticing hers was left open.
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I got this.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOiAjbbPu75
I'm going to say what I want and she'll have to listen.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKwS6wVA2Af
I drew in a deep breath, approaching the open door, and walking right through.
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I didn't even bother closing it, wanting to cause somewhat of a scene.
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Dr. Luccino was seated at her desk, her dark hair cascading down to her waist and her bangs framing her face perfectly.
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Her focus was on her laptop—until she immediately glanced up, noticing my presence.
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"River" she said, smoothly standing from her office chair.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhgjO3lLiRG
My eyes dipped down, noticing the blush pink blouse she wore with black dress pants and shiny stilettos— her stare no longer on me.
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And rather the bouquet in my hand.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9XMauc2m9T
"Seriously?"
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHMjO6km07
It was the first thing I could think to say as I walked over to her, holding the bouquet up even if she already noticed it.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFDhZhWWYZp
"You're so confusing. On Friday, you rej-"
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCyBPRz1Ern
I was cut off when she took a calm step toward me, pressing her hand to my mouth in one fluid motion before I could finish.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAFMoKPnM4r
I froze at the contact, the warmth of her hand pressed against my lips, her eyes holding mine.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd55enHsuN3
It made shivers run down my spine.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRm8nmTaBP
But I had to push it away.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BVNCNbx3X
I pushed her away too, pressing my hands against her stomach.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3hl9ks0Urs
Somehow touching her only made the feeling inside of me grow worse.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJeiJiE4K4
She didn't budge at my actions.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64x2eNnE0L
Instead, she motioned her head to the door—the one I purposely left open.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxDWljPOp0
I pushed at her stomach again, leaning back from her hand and causing her to take a respectful step back.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRf1nEwUDY
Then she walked over to the door.
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I hated to admit it, but I watched her.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtiVFBToBy6
I watched every inch of her figure as she walked to that door.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFcyaMPgTM
How her blouse outlined the curve of her waist or her dress pants that emphasized her long legs.
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I had to force myself back into reality, especially once she shut the door.
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"I don't know why you're doing that" I mumbled, harshly throwing the bouquet on her desk, "I'm not staying."
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbu56cWJ11T
Dr. Luccino calmly slid her hands into her pant pockets, "I understand, River" she said, walking back toward me, "But I would appreciate discussing this before you leave my office."
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNxqWth0CQB
I shrugged, "There's nothing to discuss. You're confusing—and you know you're confusing," I said, taking a few steps toward her, "You know what you're doing, every word, every action."
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Az2kzvE4i
"I care about you, River" Dr. Luccino calmly stated, her words irritatingly sending warmth through my body, "Nothing that happened on Friday changes that."
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuU3BKbR0ri
I shook my head, my brows furrowing, "But what does that mean? What do you even want?" I asked, my face burning up.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY0T5IbydqV
"It means, that the bouquet was sent to establish that, River" Dr. Luccino explained, still not giving me anything to go off of, "That I care about you as my patient, and that's why I needed to keep my role clear on Friday."
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCumvi6YVHl
"I still don't understand—you still make zero sense," I said, hating that she was trying to choose her words carefully with me right now, "You're the one who rejected me."
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5E9b3aK3SG
"It wasn't rejection," Dr. Luccino quickly countered my statement, her brown eyes holding mine, "It was me setting boundaries between us, River"
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I furrowed my brows, blinking a few times, "So you do want me?" I asked in confusion.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLxhzeQpMn0
Dr. Luccino remained silent for a moment, her eyes tracing every inch of my face.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYmv04Bj1N1
My heart pounded in my ears, anticipating what she might say next.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmtLEW3tLgQ
I don't even know why I'm listening.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCA8PFfxGVV
Why am I willing to hear her out?
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It wasn't supposed to go this way.
17Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkx3rteORZc
"I'm your therapist, River." Dr. Luccino sighed, her voice so soft and genuine with me.
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But it wasn't what I wanted to hear.
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"Then why do all this—why are you weird about Dr. Kincaid being around me... why do you say certain things that hold a double meaning? I see the way you look at me," I breathed out, my rant weak and unsteady.
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Tears of frustration burned in my eyes, threatening to spill.
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And then, just like that, one tear broke the dam.
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Fuck.
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"Or maybe I'm just delusional—maybe I misread this" I whispered in frustration, messily wiping under my eyes.
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I wasn't even upset—I just felt so frustrated and confused that all I could do was cry.
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It wasn't about getting my way for once.
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It was about getting her to be present in a different way.
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Even if it's just sex, or merely physical between us.
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I don't do relationships anyway so I would honestly prefer that.
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It would work for me.
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"You're not delusional, River." Dr. Luccino said, her brown eyes trailing my face before she let out a measured sigh.
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I watched as she glanced away from me for a moment, almost appearing conflicting.
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A tense silence hung between us, making me feel even more embarrassed for crying right now.
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Then her gaze met mine again, taking a step closer.
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Her arms wrapped around me before I could process it, her hands stiff at my upper back—like she was still deciding if she should be doing this.
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Everything about her screamed hesitation, like she was carefully choosing how to react.
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And then, finally, her arms tightened around me, pulling me in completely.
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This time I did hug her back, wrapping my arms around her waist and pressing my cheek against her chest.
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"I thought you wanted me" I forced out, my voice lowered and inaudible, "I thought... I thought you were playing the game with me too."
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Dr. Luccino remained silent, causing my arms to tighten around her.
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I wondered what she was thinking.
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Where her head was at.
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Then I felt it.
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The softest touch of her fingers in my hair, gently caressing the back of my head as my cheek remained pressed to her chest.
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I could feel her hesitation, how stiff she was against me.
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Until she exhaled, letting herself relax.
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Her fingers continued their gentle motion, soothing me in a way that made my body relax into hers.
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"I've already told you I don't engage in this kind of game, River." Dr. Luccino calmly spoke, "Let's forget that idea. We're done with that."
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"Then what do we do?" I forced out in a whisper, inhaling her familiar sweet scent mixed with the cologne she always wore.
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"I continue helping you. I continue to be here for you" Dr. Luccino said, causing me to immediately shake my head.
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Her words made something sink inside of me.
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"No-no, I..." I trailed off, squeezing my eyes shut in frustration.
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I pulled away from her before I could realize it, breaking away from her warmth as I put distance between us.
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"I don't want you to be my therapist anymore" I said, forcing the words out before I could second-guess them, "I want a referral."
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Dr. Luccino's brow lifted slightly.
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But she didn't speak.
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A long tense moment settled around us.
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Then her lips parted—like she wanted to say something.
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Like she was battling herself on what that something would be.
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Then she softly cleared her throat, nodding almost forcefully at my previous words.
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"If that's what you need, River. I'll arrange it," she said, immediately making a scoff fall from my lips.
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It felt like I had her.
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Like she let me in for a brief moment.
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And now she's gone again.
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Back to being a therapist.
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Just not mine.
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"Okay" I mumbled coldly, walking past her before she could say anything else.
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For once, her brows were subtly furrowed as I walked past her, looking slightly confused.
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She had given me exactly what I just asked for, and still, she failed.
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I didn't care anymore.
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I walked out, rushing down the hallway and past the lobby toward the elevators.
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I didn't look over at Sienna or Reagan one time, even as they told me to have a good evening.
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I just waited for the elevator to ding open, stepping on and pressing the lobby.
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Frustrated tears blurred my vision as I watched the floors decrease on the digital screen.
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As soon as I made it to the lobby, I reached for my phone and quickly unlocked it.
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I scrolled far down my call log, past Zion and Sid's contacts that had been recently dialed.
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Even past Dr. Luccino's missed call from Friday night that made me feel fucking worse.
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I clicked her name on the screen instead, pressing the phone to my ear as I sniffled a few times.
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She answered on the first ring.
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Her voice flooding into my ear.
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"Rivvy?" Kai said, a concern etched into her voice.
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I kept my head down as I walked through the lobby, more tears burning so heavily in my eyes.
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"Hey, Kai" I whispered to the best of my abilities.
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"What's going on? Is everything good?" she asked me, clearly caught off guard by the sudden phone call.
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Even I was too.
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"Yeah-yes, I was just wondering if you wanted to have dinner right now? Maybe talk about everything?" I asked her, hoping to god that she doesn't reject me too.
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"Um..." I heard her trail of in thought, making my chest tighten, "Of course, yeah, tell me where and I'll meet you."
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I glanced around as I exited the building, searching for a restaurant nearby.
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Alto's.
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It was illuminated by a soft pink fluorescent lighting, shining bright under the dull grey rain clouds above.
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"Let's do Alto's," I suddenly said.
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"Okay, I need like an hour to get ready and make it there," Kai told me, and I could hear shuffling on her end.
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I pursed my lips, "Oh well, I'm already nearby-"
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"Just go home. I'll pick you up and drive us," Kai quickly offered.
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I raised a brow at her words, "That's new" I said, wiping some of my tears away.
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"I don't always have to be passenger princess" she joked with me, making me laugh slightly.
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"Okay, Kai, I'll see you in a few," I told her, feeling somewhat relieved by her familiar presence, even if it was over the phone.
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"I'll text you when I'm on the way," Kai said, earning a nod from me.
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"Perfect, love..." I trailed off, realizing what I was about to say out of instinct.
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It made my walking halt, feeling so embarrassed by the slip-up.
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"Love you too, Rivvy" Kai suddenly said, making it just a little easier to breathe.
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"Talk soon" I whispered, earning a hum from her before we hung up-which left me to process what I had just done.
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But this could be good.
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Maybe Kai and I can make progress after a decent talk.
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I do really miss her.
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