Naming you... was arduous. Utterly excruciating. Every name that came to mind sounded too sweet.
It gave me shudders. Too ordinary. Too tainted by centuries of stories and associations, whose sentimental ballast repulsed me and which I had no wish to be reminded of.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPXk2LvQmi8
Humans name things to bring order to chaos. They name the things they fear to get a grip on them. Demons. Diseases. Babies.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSWay6L03O4
And yet, language is always power.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyy2zyeUsPJ
Consider the shrewd negotiator at the market, the eloquent diplomat, or the sweet words of a lover who accomplishes more with a whispered "please" than with a thousand swords.
A name can lead to glory or to a lifelong curse.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSw3FTmBDsG
Barely born, and already everything depends on how deranged your guardians are.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZxycncSrl
I mean, just imagine it. A screaming bundle. Incapable of thought, incapable of making its own decisions. And then someone comes along and, with full conviction, names it "Gunhilda."
Or "Egbert." The name of a man who still has breadcrumbs from breakfast in his beard and listens with moist reverence to last week's sermon.
Or "Hildegard." Makes you wish the child had remained nameless.
And then all these saintly names for the common folk: "Hieronymus," "Benedikta," "Theophilus." As if divine grace could be summoned by a baptism certificate. Ridiculous.
I couldn't assign you to one of those name-bearing tragedies. Such names stick.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvXl0iWdise
And in the end people would have thought I was responsible for a "Milburga".21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡay7LOlO6y2
I'd rather perish in sunlight than be associated with that kind of public disgrace.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3GlYDEvru
A name can force something unformed into something tangible.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtyAOdBbqeL
And that was precisely the problem.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJSzQ7rRvE
You were unformed. You were nothing tangible. You were an anomaly.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsWQwcDrHZ
A little question mark with hunger.
I couldn't call you "the child" forever. I tried. For days.
"Stop howling, child."21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQybhbYmgsn
"Come here, child."21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfl9SgCH42
"Sleep now, child."
But eventually, one night, I found it. The scroll was brittle, eaten through by mold spores, the edges crusted with wax.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvoJNdV80o
A ragtag collection of forgotten theories, half-alchemical blood mysticism, and name etymologies from ancient houses, bound together by someone with little care.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDCIFbTpY0
I read it while you slept, and I didn't know what to do with myself.
And then my gaze fell upon it.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEDLjNa8tA8
Leonora.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFnfxwtg0vd
I frowned. A clear sound. Melodic. Aristocratic. Almost too beautiful.
In a footnote, barely legible among the faded lines of ink, it read:21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡllINeMhDAK
"Leonora, presumably from Alienor, Old Provencal. Meaning: the stranger. She who does not belong."
I paused. The stranger. Not belonging.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvVjklgQwD
I looked down at you. A bundle of blankets, with those large, dark eyes that sometimes studied me as if you weren't helpless but aware. Aware in the deepest sense.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKwGhMsiKsg
A name that doesn't promise to belong, but refuses to.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAExt9VjFX4
I smirked. "Of course you are."
Finally, a name that didn't drip with optimism from every orifice.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHSVTaLxUCm
But I kept reading. Unfortunately.
"Later folk etymologies also suggest: 'the luminous,' related to ancient Greek eleos, light, mercy."
I stared at the words.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGb9G8bThT
Light. Mercy.
My eyes rolled in irritation, and I felt offended by the implication.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoh1vVPOXqV
My mouth drooped. I pulled a face as if someone had served me poorly spiced wine.
"Of course. No name remains untainted," I muttered, exasperated.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ92nK9Ta2qV
I should have torn the parchment. But I didn't.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQcRoqdsqkg
Leonora. At least it didn't sound like some cheesy village milkmaid.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXzpHCQByru
I slowly rolled it up and placed it on my knees. Bent over your basket, sighed. Still not entirely convinced.
I read it a second time. Leonora.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxgupzuhYf4
"The luminous," I whispered and laughed softly. Of course. Of all things.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjFcuwjgUjJ
A name like the brightest candle in a godforsaken crypt.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCtQm0DcsH9
I should have discarded it. Should have kept looking until something darker, more fitting, imposed itself. But I didn't.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCy46PIABUk
Because I remembered my own thought from weeks ago:
What happens when darkness raises a sunbeam?
I leaned over your basket. "Leonora," I said, tonelessly.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2a3nR6N7RJ
"Then be the light. I'll see if you blind me someday."
You cooed. I raised an eyebrow.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKIF8jkEiUB
"Don't get too used to it. Names are masks, little one. Now sleep."
But I said it again. And again. And again. Until it no longer felt like a foreign object in my mouth.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zOuDG7g2V
But like you.21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8TcdQhsYgb
21Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmuJCD3A4kc
