Chapter 76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZsfWqzjcI
Wednesday, August 6 – The Invitation
Everything had been different since Monday. It had been like an unwritten rule that we never went to bed without sorting out what was wrong between us. But we simply didn't. I would sink into the evening in front of the television, looking for something pleasant to calm my anger at David, but also to forget for a few moments how dilapidated this society had become. David disappeared into his father's study. He seemed to burrow into it, forget about time, and be so completely in his element that, strictly speaking, he was even more interested in riding and selling horses.6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9pHHKNKZ7I
For the last two days, he hadn't come to bed until late. Whereas he usually held me in his arms, as if he could only close his eyes when he felt I was there, now he always lay with his back to me.6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPZ9zcPYbl
And it hurt me! It tore wounds so deep that I thought I would bleed to death. But as I was, I just suffered in silence. It was just a phase. He would pull himself together, realize there was no point in making such a fuss. There was nothing I could do to change it. I had to put on a brave face. It was already too late for anything else. Everything would be okay.
On Wednesday morning, David was awake before me. The side next to me was messed up, so he had been asleep, but he was no longer warm.
A dull, cold feeling gripped me, settled into my bones, and made me get up with the urge to cry. This had to stop! I'd go crazy otherwise!
I stayed sitting on the edge of the bed and looked out at the morning fog outside the window. I had forgotten to close the curtains. Maybe that was why I had slept so little.
What I wouldn't give for him to come in with a cheeky grin and tell me something about politics that I already knew. That enthusiasm in his eyes. He reminded me more and more of a boy than the man he was.
A lump settled in my throat, bringing me back to the here and now. Sighing, I stood up and listened into the hallway. Silence. Was he already in the stable? In the study? Or was he in the kitchen?
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Be that as it may. We needed to talk. The much too fat pink elephant had to get out of the room! The faster, the better!
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I hurried across the floorboards with quick steps. The wood felt pleasantly warm under my feet. I stopped in front of the study door. The lump only grew larger, and my heart was in my throat as I knocked loudly and then simply threw the door open.6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVLIIZ2TX5
... The desk chair squeaked as it pushed itself slightly off the tabletop and tried to get up, but it stopped when I took a step into the room.
The smell of dust and books hung heavy in the air. The green armchair next to the window had a thick layer of dust. The room was comfortable, but right now, for me, the elephant was sitting right there, laughing sneering at the fact that I was only acting confidently, the way I wanted.
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I took a shaky breath. "We need to talk!" Oh, how I hated those words. But nothing hits the nail on the head better.
David carefully sought my gaze. He slumped his shoulders and swallowed hard. "Do you want to leave? Is that it?" His voice sounded rough. Echoed off the walls, caught in the dust. "I... I can understand that." His voice broke, just as my heart cracked violently at that very moment. How could he think that?
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Tears welled in my eyes, and I blinked hard against them. An invisible force pulled my shoulders forward, and I had to resist the urge to simply collapse onto the dusty old Persian rug. "No. No, I don't want to go. I just want this to stop." I pointedly looked out the window. I didn't want to see his reaction. He'd probably already made his decision.6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9hl9ElweMT
"It won't stop."6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMi8HGfFTJ4
"That's not what I mean! David, this is about us! Not politics, not anything!" My tone grew sharper as a new wave of despair washed over me. I buried my trembling hands in the soft fabric of my dressing gown. "Do you want me to leave?"6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYHTy7DceQu
I'd barely asked the question when he jumped up. "Hanni, look at me!"6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQbA4MZSvRt
I couldn't. I didn't want to see the truth.6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHzQnKtZp6
"Hey, what made you think that?" The floorboards creaked under his footsteps as he stormed around the desk toward me. He gently grabbed my shoulders. I wanted to wriggle out of his grip, but I felt more powerless than ever before in my life. Like a bird in a
in the cage. "I would never want you to leave!"6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIIJZEfORS
But why did he say that then? Why did he ask if I wanted to leave then? Why was he withdrawing like that? I fought the ache in my stomach. "Then don't leave me standing on the sidelines like that." He should be honest, the secrets had to stop! No more reckless plans. He should be himself again.6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡztXWG2ChlN
"I won't leave you standing on the sidelines." He kissed me effusively on the forehead. On the cheek. He tucked my hair behind my ear. There was such significance in everything that I felt as if his life depended on me. It was overwhelming. "For me, you're always in the middle of it."6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL6780zxCbp
I shrugged my shoulders and took a step back. Gentle morning light painted soft shadows on his face, intensifying the deeply desperate expression in his eyes that went through my bones. My heart clenched. I wanted to scream because it was almost physical pain.6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1cVBhz8Il
"But I don't feel like I'm in the middle of it all. You don't tell me anything anymore, you're just here. David, you've been a completely different person for the last two days." I took a deep breath. Dust tickled my nose. I suppressed a sneeze. "That scares me! Don't you understand?"6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJaTAAoxLk
He blinked, opened his mouth, but immediately closed it again. His silence was like a circus tent. You couldn't miss it. It was just there, in this idyllic meadow, huge, colorful, and like a foreign body. He looked me straight in the eyes. As fragile as a single cotton thread. "What should I do?" A single whisper.6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4SiF1zxpAR
A shiver ran down my spine. "Just don't get involved. We'll keep a low profile."6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZo4jsdyEcj
"But I can't just stand by and do nothing!" He ran his hand through his hair. "I can't just leave the field to them!" He looked away from me.6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBsxdJ96z6
I shook my head. "Please let's wait and see. David, we don't know what we're dealing with here."6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1prPDdTaQm
He exhaled heavily. His chest rose quickly and shallowly. His gaze darted aimlessly around the room. He knew I was right.6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFtup6NApsx
I took a conciliatory step toward him. "I can understand, okay?" Seeing him like this... My heart bled. "David, it's okay. I'm with you. I'm not leaving! I just..."6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4tOnKkeWKl
"You just want me to sit here and let these... these... jerks do what they want!"6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu28grJ2NOZ
I took a breath. Don't freak out! "I didn't say that. I meant I don't want them to hurt you, to put you in danger. What would I do without you, huh?" Carefully, as if I were petting a wild animal, I reached out and stroked his cheek. He flinched at my touch, which could also have been due to my cold hands before he let himself fall into them. He closed his eyes, lowered his head, and his whole posture became more open again. Relief flooded my veins.6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqlDqqoAqRd
"You could manage without me! It's just that we've established that." A conciliatory smile spread across his lips, and there they were again, those beautiful dimples. "What do you suggest we do now?"6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxDDRn9mfM
"As I said. We wait and see, and as soon as there are signs that the situation is really getting critical, we can always decide what we want to do, but right now it's still too delicate. We still have a democracy."6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡre8H7gdFCS
"The question is, for how long." David glanced again at the computer and the papers piled up next to it on the heavy, dark desk.6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdSH3JxL6ol
He opened his mouth and was about to say something else when Pola called from downstairs. "I know you're awake. Come downstairs, I need some lunch items from the village shop after breakfast."6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMF9BXcEAGz
David sighed and shrugged. "We'll have that discussion another day." Before I could turn around, however, he pulled me closer and kissed me like he hadn't in weeks. Full of heat, love, affection... I didn't want it to be over, but then I heard Pola's footsteps on the stairs.
An hour later, after a breakfast in which Pola had given us a stiff, raised-eye silence, we were standing at Mimi's village shop.6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ZDgKxjAX3
It was pouring with rain, and the plump older woman with the warm smile was stocking the shelves while I worked through the shopping list and David kept me entertained.6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxzdLtCWRk
I had actually wanted to go alone, but David had insisted on coming with me. He looked around attentively, as if taking mental notes of all the waving flags, and we stopped briefly at the bulletin board. There was indeed a flyer there for a torchlight march commemorating German traditions. I had wanted to joke, but from David's expression, I realized that maybe this wasn't a topic worth joking about.6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrJDAyUVzbi
"Did you find everything?" Mimi asked.
