“When am I going to get to meet your family?” Tesla asked Nane one evening as they were returning home from a restaurant that also served American food. “You know, your mom Ingrid, your brothers Mike and Tobias, your niece Angelina?”
“Yes, I know the members of my family,” Nane snapped.
Tesla glared at her. God, she was getting sick of this moodiness! It all had to do with her poor “performance” as a submissive lately, though that seemed to be the story of her life these days. Tesla was beginning to wonder if she would ever be able to please Nane if she hadn’t gotten the hang of it yet.
Voice softening, Nane said while keeping her eyes on the road, “I was actually thinking of visiting Mother tomorrow. If you can behave, you can accompany me.”
Ignoring the remark about behaving, Tesla asked, “Does she know about me?”
“She knows you’ve moved in with me.”
“But does she know we’re not just roommates?”
“No, and don’t open your mouth unless I bring it up myself.”
“Yes, Master. But I thought you had an I-don’t-give-a-shit attitude and didn’t care who knew what about you?” Tesla questioned.
“I do, for the most part, but this is my mother we’re talking about.”
“Is she prejudiced?”
Nane glanced at her sternly for a second and said, “I prefer the word uncomfortable.”
“Oh, so if it’s an acceptable kind of bigotry or hatred, it’s just being uncomfortable, right?”
“Knock it off, Tesla,” Nane said with even more force in her voice.
“No, I won’t. I have just as much right to say what’s on my mind as you do,” Tesla said, her own voice rising. “I’m sick of you picking on everything I do. This wasn’t part of the deal when I agreed to be your submissive. Doing things to make you happy is one thing, Nane, but making myself miserable while I’m at it is another, and you better—”
Nane’s hand snaked out and slapped Tesla in the face before she could finish.
Tesla gasped, her hand fluttering shakily to her stinging cheek. She’d never even seen it coming. She wasn’t able to speak at first because she was just so stunned. When she finally could, she said, “You asshole! Why’d you do that?”
Wordlessly, Nane brought the car to a jerky stop in her assigned parking spot and angrily exited the car.
“You fucking bitch!” Tesla hissed as she also exited the vehicle. “How dare you! Don’t you ever do that again or I’m out of here!”
Nane stopped and abruptly faced her. “Shut up now. People can hear you and I’m not the only one here who understands English,” she snarled dangerously.
“I don’t care who hears me!” Tesla screamed. “If you hit me again I swear I’ll kick the crap out of you, and then I’ll leave.”
Tesla thought Nane might smack her again. But instead, she simply burst out laughing. Tesla studied her, unsure what to make of the strange reaction to her words.
“Will you really, Tesla? Despite being half my size, do you really think you can just kick the crap out of me? And where are you going to go afterward?”
“Fuck you,” Tesla spat as they headed into the apartment. “Just fuck you.”
Tesla was heading into the bedroom, wanting to be alone and away from Nane when she was suddenly grabbed by her ponytail.
“You listen to me and you listen good,” Nane snarled in Tesla’s ear as she squealed in pain and tried to squirm free of the German woman’s powerful grip. “If you so much as dare step out of line again I’ll give you an Arsch kicking you’ll never forget. Verstehen?”
Tesla was too terrified to respond.
“Verstehen?” Nane said louder, pulling harder on Tesla’s hair while holding her against her.
“Y-yes,” Tesla said, tears now threatening to spill forth. Determined not to give Nane the satisfaction of knowing she’d reduced her to tears, and anxious to get as far away as she could, she ran for the door.
But Nane was quick to grab her. “Don’t even think of it.”
“Let go! We’re through. I want out now!” Tesla screamed.
Nane spun her around to face her. Holding her firmly by the shoulders, she said, “Out where? On the streets? Or would you prefer to go back to the U.S. so you can be arrested and thrown in jail for writing bad checks?”
Tesla’s body stiffened as she gazed up at Nane, who cracked a slow, devious smile of triumph.
So she had checked her out. And this was what she planned to use as a means of keeping her stuck in this submissive-turned-abusive relationship?
“Yeah, Tesla, I kind of know all about you.”
Tesla wasn’t sure what to say. The only thing she was sure of was the sinking sensation in the pit of her stomach.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Tesla wasn’t sure why. She had wanted to, but could never seem to muster up the courage to do so. Perhaps she was afraid, if only on a subconscious level she wasn’t aware of, that Nane would somehow use this information against her to get her to comply with her wishes. But Tesla wasn’t going to tell her this either. “I guess I just didn’t think you’d understand,” she said lamely.
“Understand what?”
“Understand what desperation can sometimes drive a person to do.”
“Were you really that hard up for bucks that you had to steal?”
“Yes, Nane, I was.”
“Couldn’t you ask your aunt for help? Or someone else?”
“If I could have, I would have,” Tesla said, anger once again beginning to override her fear. “Don’t worry. I won’t steal from you if that’s what you’re worried about.”
Nane suddenly looked amused, then said, “What’s yours is mine and what’s mine is yours. So you stealing from me is hardly a concern of mine. There is something else I wonder about, however.”
Tesla looked at her warily.
“Why didn’t you tell me you still have a blog?” Nane asked.
Tesla tried not to look surprised. Instead, she chose her words carefully and said, “Because half the world has a blog, and there’s nothing in it you don’t already know or won’t eventually know at some point down the road.”
Nane simply gazed at her for a moment or two, which made Tesla feel even more uncomfortable—like a child caught doing something wrong and awaiting punishment. A smile finally broke out on the now obviously twisted woman’s face and she said, “Love what you had to say about our more passionate moments.”
Tesla said nothing.
“But the bullshit rape story has to go, Tesla. Not only is it bullshit, but why draw attention to yourself like that?” Although her friend Monika had told her it wasn’t true, she continued, “You risk extradition if you bring the authorities around. Is that what you want?”
“My journal, my writing,” Tesla simply said.
Nane took a step towards her. “My home, my slave.”
“Fuck that shit!” Tesla screamed. “If you’re going to keep forcing me to do shit I don’t want to do, slapping me around and degrading me, a few years in the slammer just might be preferable after all.”
“We’ll see about that,” Nane said, smiling as if she thought the whole thing was funny rather than getting angry again like Tesla thought she would.
Tesla studied Nane. Damn! Why did this twisted bitch have to be so beautiful?
“I’m sorry,” Nane suddenly surprised her with. “Really, I’m truly and honestly sorry. I’ve been way out of line.”
Was there a catch to this sudden display of sincerity? Tesla wondered.
“I truly apologize to you. I just don’t know what gets into me at times. I’m a real Arschloch at times.”
“A what?”
“An asshole.”
Tesla wasn’t about to argue with that one, but she didn’t buy the apology. At least not yet anyway.
Nane tried to pull her towards her, but Tesla stiffened and resisted the attempt at comfort. Nane released her and said, “Really, I don’t know what gets into me at times. I know I haven’t exactly been fair to you lately and that I’ve done some things I shouldn’t have done. Oh, Tesla honey, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I don’t mean to say such hurtful things.”
Tesla eyed Nane intently. She seemed genuine enough at the moment. But what about the next time she got mad at her?
Nane gazed back at her pleadingly.
“We’re in our forties and fifties, Nane,” Tesla said.
“Yeah? So?”
“So people our ages are usually pretty set in their ways.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I’m not so sure you can curb your temper the next time you get upset because I think you’re used to dealing with it the way you’ve been dealing with it. It’s just who you are.”
“But I can change,” Nane insisted in a way that almost sounded like she was begging.
“Can you? Do you even want to?” Tesla asked.
“Of course I can and of course I want to,” Nane said with a smile.
“I hope so, Nane, because don’t ever think for a moment that I’ll just stick around and allow myself to be abused simply because I got in a little trouble back in Cali. I can deal with the charges against me there if I have to. It’s you I’m not so sure I can deal with.”
“Things will get better,” Nane said, kissing her on the nose. “You’ll see.”
Tesla really hoped so. Because the truth was she wasn’t so sure she really could deal with the problems she’d left behind in her native country. No, she wasn’t so sure at all.
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