A/N: A somewhat tongue-in-cheek skit as you can probably tell from the title, but this was plenty of fun to write. Maybe I'll return to properly finish it one day. 654Please respect copyright.PENANAzYhmrHqd9o
-:-654Please respect copyright.PENANADfS53Jpug1
THE TYPICAL GOTHIC VICTORIAN MELODRAMA, ONLY GAYER AND LESS WHITE654Please respect copyright.PENANAYjTVKoPSWR
CHARACTERS654Please respect copyright.PENANALuFpQtRPSh
CECIL - male, twenties, biracial, well-dressed654Please respect copyright.PENANAHnkZMRCqaW
XIUYING - female, twenties, Chinese, no-nonsense; a suffragette654Please respect copyright.PENANAs74nhN8Gmr
--654Please respect copyright.PENANAnuZCrDchzG
EXT. GARDEN BENCH, NIGHT654Please respect copyright.PENANAwHLc18BpYy
Early twentieth century. CECIL sits, head in his hands, as XIUYING studies a handwritten letter with furrowed brows. She carefully folds it back up and turns to CECIL.654Please respect copyright.PENANAdsx3W7FMlm
XIUYING654Please respect copyright.PENANACl7WLwTtlg
We don’t have much time.654Please respect copyright.PENANAlxMJyPeEw6
CECIL
I’m surprised we have any time left at all! It only came in the post this morning. What the hell am I going to do?654Please respect copyright.PENANAlbkSUV0heG
XIUYING654Please respect copyright.PENANAxSpUKDhpMI
First, you need to calm down so we can consider the situation. 654Please respect copyright.PENANAirR8aNp7Ta
CECIL654Please respect copyright.PENANAn96nnFzQJH
Calm? Calm? How can you expect me to stay calm after that? My lover is blackmailing me over poetry - explicit poetry that I sent him! He expects a thousand pounds by tonight, or else I’m in for ruin and two years hard labour!654Please respect copyright.PENANAaaqRmauDPr
XIUYING654Please respect copyright.PENANATCFPwPxQCf
I understand you’re upset - 654Please respect copyright.PENANA2XBJiO56SY
CECIL654Please respect copyright.PENANAiqoOZFatv8
I damn well am! 654Please respect copyright.PENANAizziOng6C2
XIUYING654Please respect copyright.PENANA33hxGEhGzh
- but panicking will get nothing done. I am so sorry this happened, Cecil, and… I’m so sorry about Laurence.654Please respect copyright.PENANAaYixiDcbDD
CECIL, stricken anew, breaks down. 654Please respect copyright.PENANAPLl9lnwXX8
CECIL654Please respect copyright.PENANAjOTIa851Te
Dear God, I trusted him. The first person I ever trusted with my love, and he betrayed me. I didn’t know he had it in him. We were all so careful. There was no possible chance of discovery. The three of us were the only ones who knew. I don’t understand why he could do this. 654Please respect copyright.PENANAOWLsX4RIiS
XIUYING654Please respect copyright.PENANAy41D9xbuqD
(slowly)654Please respect copyright.PENANAcPUY5pV29Z
As a matter of fact, I highly doubt it was him at all.654Please respect copyright.PENANAOOWcjqc7s6
CECIL freezes and looks up at her. 654Please respect copyright.PENANA8Fq2UdqlAc
CECIL654Please respect copyright.PENANAqbxZmJqqA6
What?654Please respect copyright.PENANAyPi1HSWSne
XIUYING654Please respect copyright.PENANAktoRk9AyYd
I cannot in good conscience believe that Laurence is behind this.654Please respect copyright.PENANAf9F65nfS06
CECIL654Please respect copyright.PENANAArEMUW6fjL
Xiuying, what on earth are you talking about? This is Laurence’s handwriting. This is the very ink and paper he uses to write his plays! (He gets angry.) Do you think I haven’t considered the possibility that the love of my life couldn’t be blackmailing me like this? This is undeniably him!654Please respect copyright.PENANAaycfqNG1oc
XIUYING654Please respect copyright.PENANAb7SG3I5cF0
Yes, but if you had taken the time to read over this thoroughly, you would notice that his handwriting is wobbly.654Please respect copyright.PENANAla6cl1luuk
CECIL654Please respect copyright.PENANATVQz3ojgfM
It’s always wobbly. Messy handwriting is the staple of any artist.654Please respect copyright.PENANAhdDOaZzOEz
XIUYING654Please respect copyright.PENANA4vKSus6aXr
Messier than usual, I mean. You two may be lovers, but I’m the one who’s known him since grammar school. He only ever writes like this when he’s upset or under exceptional stress.654Please respect copyright.PENANAloezFnQ8Ft
CECIL654Please respect copyright.PENANA74wXMhtXG3
Well, maybe he was nervous, pulling the rug out from under someone who trusted him. 654Please respect copyright.PENANABg1QNBooku
XIUYING654Please respect copyright.PENANAjz2JU2trzt
That may be the case, but look at this.654Please respect copyright.PENANAeaE3UkVlOX
She points at several dark brown and rust-coloured stains at the edges of the paper. There are ink blotches everywhere, but these particular spots, upon close inspection, are distinctive. 654Please respect copyright.PENANAoekoq1FPGX
XIUYING654Please respect copyright.PENANAjNzqd0nFhn
If I’m not mistaken, that is blood.654Please respect copyright.PENANAkixSCzlwmU
CECIL654Please respect copyright.PENANArnen0ICZPA
Blood? (A pause as horrified realization creeps in.) Oh, dear God. Laurence.654Please respect copyright.PENANA7Xrk4MUZc6
XIUYING654Please respect copyright.PENANArNZDRrRvd4
(grimly)654Please respect copyright.PENANAWXvQuvVWhD
Exactly. There’s something deeper here, far worse than what’s on the surface. 654Please respect copyright.PENANAEdoopGoKao
CECIL654Please respect copyright.PENANA6GCyMVSH4z
But - but if someone is forcing Laurence to write this, then how - how can we get him back? I don’t own a thousand pounds. I couldn’t possibly pay this person off.654Please respect copyright.PENANAGHCQtWiILY
CECIL is shocked to turn and see XIUYING smiling faintly. 654Please respect copyright.PENANAdXpJ9DMUgy
XIUYING654Please respect copyright.PENANAKj5G0KB9fv
Who said anything about paying them off?654Please respect copyright.PENANANoPiAn377u
--654Please respect copyright.PENANABkw66zjUeN