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Emma
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Co-Writer Bookyness*
Beta Reader SkyGuy_SoFly
Beta Reader PCS43
Full House
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  • G: General Audiences
  • PG: Parental Guidance Suggested
  • PG-13: Parents Strongly Cautioned
  • R: Restricted
PG-13
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13483 Reads
187 Likes
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Emma
49 Bookmarks
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#13
12: Laura
Bookyness
Comments ( 6 )

p - it's kinda absurd how Laura just give one of her most treasured stuff to Emma for a trivial purpose (potting a cut flower). At least the broken vase seems to help in building some tension through the story?Nicely written overall anyways, enjoying the read.
3 years agoreply

Bookyness - Thanks. Yeah, laura's a bit silly!
3 years agoreply

Jonathan J.M.T. - I really like how you have the heartfelt moments all around, with Emma's mishaps here and there, but not entirely engulfing the story. However, for this chapter, the mishap was less living and devastating-sounding when read, a bit blunt so to say. When Emma cut her hair and decapitated the teddy bear, it sounded like a crazy event, and the words sort of sounded living when read. For this one, though, I'm not sure if I can say the same. The short paragraph about the broken vase (i.e. "A few days later ... memory of my mother alive.") wasn't very satisfying as a reader. I'm not trying to sound mean or anything, just trying to provide some constructive criticism.
3 years agoreply

Bookyness - That is completely fine, I love to hear feedback - critical or non-critical - and, reading it back now, I guess I did neglect the end of this chapter a little! Thank you for pointing that out to me, I appreciate it greatly, and will try to make ammends some day!
3 years agoreply

Jonathan J.M.T. - @Beckyness, Alright! I look forward to reading more of this story, and happy writing!
3 years agoreply

Bookyness - @Jonathan Jas, Thanks!
3 years agoreply

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