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Days of blood
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Writer Mr.Sniper
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  • G: General Audiences
  • PG: Parental Guidance Suggested
  • PG-13: Parents Strongly Cautioned
  • R: Restricted
PG-13
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Days of blood
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#1
Mother's death
Mr.Sniper
Oct 18, 2015
1
4
169
2 Mins Read
Comments ( 4 )
Aretice N. Treader - That was a great first chapter. I love how you easily set the tone and atmosphere for the rest of the story. The description was nicely done, too, and you did a really great job with the suspense. I also really liked the line, "She could feel her heart give off dark blood…"
The only things I'd go back to fix are the grammar and the dialogue tags. If you've already established a speaker in a paragraph, there's no need to continue with dialogue tags, especially if it's repetitive like Joey (I hope it's okay that I referred to you like that) pointed out.
Besides those things, great job!
3 years agoreply

SazzyAuzzy - This is a good opening chapter.
3 years agoreply

XXjoeyXX - This is great, but a few words of advice. You use said a lot "said the woman" "said the man" maybe use different wording to help set the term. Also your summary and the use of the guillotine suggest one time period, but the way the characters speak don't really match it at times, if that makes sense. But your descriptions are like...wow just amazing
3 years agoreply

Coen Wonder - Look forward to reading the next chapter! 
3 years agoreply

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