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Action
Crime
On Break
Fighting the Dark
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Writer Hopeful Writer 123
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  • G: General Audiences
  • PG: Parental Guidance Suggested
  • PG-13: Parents Strongly Cautioned
  • R: Restricted
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Fighting the Dark
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#1
Slipping into the dark
Hopeful Writer 123
Oct 21, 2015
3
2
132
3 Mins Read
Comments ( 2 )

Aretice N. Treader - This was a pretty interesting first chapter! I didn't quite expect the story to head in this direction (judging by the description), but I think I'll like it.
There were a few things I'd fix, however. First, a bit of housekeeping (aka grammar). For the most part, your grammar is great. There were only a few things, such as lack of capitalization (i.e. i instead of I, the first letters of a few sentences, tv instead of TV [the general capitalization, anyway]). Now, for the actual writing style, I didn't have a problem with it except for one thing. Don't get me wrong; it's easy to follow and does a pretty good job of communicating the characters' feelings, but the way the paragraphs are broken up (basically every line) is a bit distracting and can cut off the reader's attention.
Overall, however, I liked the chapter. Keep it up! :)
3 years agoreply

Hopeful Writer 123 - Thanks, I always love feed back, I will make sure to work on that 
3 years agoreply

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