x
"Mom, Dad, I'd like you both to meet my boyfriend. Cal, come here!" said Jane.
569Please respect copyright.PENANAYpw4jkG7Qu
Cal shuffled into the room, hands in his pockets. "Hey," he said, sullenly.
569Please respect copyright.PENANAAFVlXDbXa0
Jane's father smirked. "You don't look thrilled to be here. Hell, I don't even really want to be here!" He barked out a laugh.
569Please respect copyright.PENANA5n5jkqzlym
"Don't get the wrong idea," said Cal, cracking a smile. "It's great to meet Jane's parents. It's just... I don't really celebrate Christmas."
569Please respect copyright.PENANAPVxxhwPJOS
"Oh. Are you Jewish? Or an atheist?" said Jane's mom, smiling politely.
569Please respect copyright.PENANA8d0mYjYdbO
"Or are you a devil worshipper?" said Jane's dad, grinning. "I hear they're trying to open a temple downtown!"
569Please respect copyright.PENANAWjeZ2B15dr
"Actually, that's pretty close," said Cal. "My full name is Kalshazzak, I was actually born from the fires of Hell. I just look like a human right now." He shrugged. "Kinda a long story."
569Please respect copyright.PENANAD1s9jbUTRC
Jane's parents stared at him. Her mother looked confused, her father slightly amused.
569Please respect copyright.PENANAHgQNLcxKdr
"Is... Is that so?" said her mom.
569Please respect copyright.PENANAosLk3bbO14
"Don't worry, I'm harmless," said Cal with a wink.
569Please respect copyright.PENANAjiAaOQM0Ua
"He's telling the truth, and he even said he'll leave the room when we say grace!"
569Please respect copyright.PENANAnKqLpCzXiW
Jane took Cal by the arm. "C'mon hun, I'll introduce you to the cousins."
569Please respect copyright.PENANAXEbKjsHyje
Jane's father squinted. "Kid's got a pretty geeky sense of humor."
569Please respect copyright.PENANAoStnXKxM9H
"Hush," said Jane's mom. "She just turned thirty four, and she likes him a lot. I want grandchildren."
569Please respect copyright.PENANAtYi69T4D0X
***
569Please respect copyright.PENANA4L5qFzLZsH
The family sat at the dinner table. Aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins all circled around the table, picking apart a turkey.
569Please respect copyright.PENANAO883fTaMab
"So Cal, what do you do?" said Jane's father.
569Please respect copyright.PENANAk3bayKVeXw
"Well I have a part time gig ferrying the souls of the damned down to the underworld... Other than that I don't work too much. I don't need to eat since I'm immortal, so I don't need a ton of cash."
569Please respect copyright.PENANABPQZ8EtEqd
"I...see. But what do you do about rent?"
569Please respect copyright.PENANAjCIYsVe6U6
"Oh, I've been living with Jane," said Cal. "Rent's no problem."
569Please respect copyright.PENANAj1oYVkgR9Y
Jane's father blinked at him.
569Please respect copyright.PENANAeQjMVLK1X9
"Jane, you forgot to mention that part," her father said through his teeth.
569Please respect copyright.PENANAFxliWRkViP
"Oh! Yeah, it's just for a little while," she said. "Unless..." she giggled.
569Please respect copyright.PENANA8VyQABn0AF
"Well Cal, what do you do all day?" said Jane's mom. "Do you have any hobbies?"
569Please respect copyright.PENANAKFb9dSAutH
"I mean, sometimes I torture the neighbor's cat, other times I go out and scare old folks in the nursing home."
569Please respect copyright.PENANA9oTpCBcWuD
"Oh, and I do a lot of drugs," he added.
569Please respect copyright.PENANAMK2wLkcd4k
"Maybe it's time for dessert," said Jane's mother quickly.
569Please respect copyright.PENANAvZXUoxzIF6
***
569Please respect copyright.PENANA9GPVXgzOO0
After dessert, the family began to go their separate ways. Relatives kissed goodbye, and the sound of car doors slamming could be heard on the street below. Cal, Jane, and Jane's parents were left alone in the kitchen.
569Please respect copyright.PENANA0KupGMEycj
Jane and her mom began washing dishes, while her father leaned against the table and cracked another beer.
569Please respect copyright.PENANAHsq5KQ9Jo6
"You know Cal, I don't like you very much," he said.
569Please respect copyright.PENANAnJrxhBae6u
"Dad!" said Jane.
569Please respect copyright.PENANAHqpn9drzcI
"I dunno how you convinced our daughter to date you, but I have a feeling that I don't want to know."
569Please respect copyright.PENANAlxoXb9s9WB
"I mean, it was simple," said Cal. "We ate some mushrooms and I promised her that I would make her the eternal Queen of Hell. Immortality, you know?"
569Please respect copyright.PENANA9IW37yZMcG
"I think you'd better leave," said Jane's mom.
569Please respect copyright.PENANA3MyRI5OHda
***
569Please respect copyright.PENANAJUJhzV092R
Kalshazzak cracked his whip and struck down a rogue spirit trying to climb out of his flaming grave.
569Please respect copyright.PENANANfj42J8bjp
"You mean they really didn't believe you?" said Baropheles. He had three mouths; he spoke with the mouth to the left. The center and rightmost mouths were used for eating and... less sanitary pursuits, respectively.
569Please respect copyright.PENANAVG525iPx0l
"They thought I was just some human loser," said Kalshazzak with a shrug.
569Please respect copyright.PENANA5XvmufsVt0
"Yeah, but did you explain your situation? You should have shed your human skin mask right then and there," said Alhanael, stretching his mangy black wings. He idly kicked at a damned soul, chuckling at the agonized scream he elicited.
569Please respect copyright.PENANA4phernVpb7
"You're right, but instead I just tried being... polite." He shuddered. "I've heard that humans actually like that, but it was a big mistake. Maybe they just didn't think I was good enough for her. I haven't seen Jane in like three days, I'm going crazy!" said Kalshazzak.
569Please respect copyright.PENANAMUrAKA2c6X
"They really didn't want her to become immortal?" said Baropheles. "That seems like irresponsible parenting. What parent forces their child to die someday?"
569Please respect copyright.PENANAewk5waKeb1
"Besides the fact that they made you go to a Christmas party! That goes against... Like... Literally everything we stand for," said Alhanael.
569Please respect copyright.PENANAP3ea4lBUNX
"I know, I know. I did it for Jane," said Kalshazzak sullenly.
569Please respect copyright.PENANA2o3WZeL57K
"Damn, if it can make a demon celebrate Christmas I gotta find myself some primo human ass!" said Baropheles.
569Please respect copyright.PENANAyPZ4zC4nyN
Alhanael laughed and gave Baropheles a high five.
569Please respect copyright.PENANAyIIfn90ULt
"Fuck you guys," said Kalshazzak.
ns 172.70.126.147da2