Moon
"Blaire..."
I fixed my gaze to the exalted and well-dressed woman who drew near my table. She's wearing a maroon shift dress and her ash-coloured hair was in a long outward curls with one side tucked behind her ear. Napansin ko rin na may kasama siyang mga unipormadong lalaki. Naka-kulay puting polo ang mga ito at nagkalat sa loob at labas ng exclusive restaurant.
"I'm sorry for coming late. I got stucked sa mga bata." Humila ng upuan si Thaliya at mahinhin na pinadulas ang sarili niya.
"No problem. Baka nga ako pa ang dapat na mag-apologize. You're one hell of a busy woman. Baka may nasagasaan akong appointment dahil sa rendezvous na 'to."
She nodded, tipid ang ngiti. "I was supposed to have an appointment with the city mayor. Hihingiin ko sana ang coordination nila for my future projects, but..." Kinumpas niya ang kamay sa hangin at pinatunog ang dila. "Don't mind that. Marami pa namang chance. Ikaw 'tong baka hindi ko na maisingit sa susunod na araw..."
Her dignified aura was really intimidating. Para silang pinagbiyak na bunga ni Madeleine Tianco, nanay niya. Thaliya's brows were usually on fleak, her cheeks and lips were colored with rouge. Her refined gestures and way of dressing herself were an exclamation mark to her regal bearing.
"Right." I chuckled. "You're really busy. Thank you for this."
"You're welcome. Mabuti na rin na nagkita tayo. You must have a lot of important things to say." Ngumiti siya nang malawak, may bakas ng pagiging sarkastiko.
Dumating ang isang waiter para kuhain ang order namin. I was the first one to pick my meal, isang creamy ricotta spaghetti. Habang pumipili ng pagkain si Thaliya, hindi ko mapigilang panoorin siya.
I couldn't say I hate her. Wala naman siyang ginagawang masama sa 'kin. She's been pretty good at kahit sino, kayang tumestigo sa kabutihan niya. At 'yon ang nagpapahirap sa 'kin. Walang rason para magalit sa kaniya. Kaya kung anumang pait ang nararamdaman ko, walang kahit na anong makakapag-justify doon. Sa huli, ako pa rin at ang nararamdaman ko ang groundless with no great depth.
Siguro nga gano'n talaga...
May mga tao na hindi natin matanggap sa buhay natin dahil hindi natin gusto ang papel na ginagampanan nila sa k'wento.
And in my case, I didn't literally hate her, I just hated the role she's playing in my life.
"Alam mo naiinggit ako sa 'yo." She rested her chin on the palm of her hand matapos ibigay ang order sa waiter. "Para kasing ang dami mong time. Hindi tulad ko. I was fired with piles of workloads. Ang daming projects. And here you are, sobrang fresh. Halatang 'di man lang dinadapuan ng stress."
I laughed, tunog fake ata. "What are you saying? Of course, I am! Back when I was in Seoul, I had mountains of folders on my desk-"
"But that's way back in Seoul!" She relinquished her chin from her palm.
I wagged my head. "Leaving Seoul doesn't mean I am already at ease. Feeling ko nga, mas magaan ang buhay ko ro'n. Manila has been so unfriendly to me-"
"Then, bakit hindi ka na lang magstay doon?"
I was caught off guard. Mukhang wala pa siya sa sarili nang sinabi niya 'yon. Pinapanood niya lamang ang mahahabang daliri na nagtatambol sa mesa. Hindi ako nakapagsalita. Maybe she noticed that her words didn't sound right kaya bahagyang nanlaki ang mga mata niya, biglang napatuwid ng upo.
"I mean..." She shrugged. "Kung ako kasi, I'd rather be at ease. Kung wala lang akong mga responsibilities dito, baka nagmigrate na 'ko sa China."
I chuckled, slightly nodding my head. "Same. Mas masarap naman talaga ang buhay sa Seoul. I'd rather be there o kaya sa Spain. But I have responsibilities here, too. Levi, for example."
She sneered. "So you see him more as a responsibility, gano'n?"
"No!" My chest protruded. "Of course not! He isn't just a responsibility to me. Mahal ko si Levi. He's actually the reason kung ba't ako umuwi. I'd rather be here and take care of him. Kayang-kaya ko ngang talikuran ang mga responsibilities ko para sa kaniya."
Natahimik siya. Kapansin-pansin ang tabang sa mukha. She wasn't enjoying the whole thing, ako rin naman. Alam naman namin kung bakit kami nandito. Alam kong alam niya kung bakit gusto ko siyang makausap. We just both found it hard to get to the point. Hindi mahanap ang tamang transition. Kaya heto, maaskad sa panlasa ang mga nagkukubling kahulugan sa pagitan ng mga linya.
Lasang plastik.
"I understand." She smiled, sa wakas ay na-i-compose rin sa isip ang mga tamang salita. "I actually feel the same. Kahit may mga naka-schedule akong appointments, kaya ko silang i-decline para kay Levi." My forehead wrinkled. "You know, he's been a good friend to me. Kapag nagkakasakit siya at walang nag-aalaga sa kaniya, ako ang nasa tabi niya. Sobrang grateful nga si Tita dahil 'di ko siya pinabayaan habang wala ka."
I hated the sound of her words to my ears. Pakiramdam ko, unti-unting pinakukuluan ang dugo ko. And I was trying hard para hindi mapunta ang init sa ulo ko. I wasn't stupid. I know she was talking in riddles. At tulad nga ng sinabi ko, hindi ako tanga. I could read between the lines. Alam ko kung anong gusto niyang iparating. Na habang wala ako, siya ang nandiyan. Ang lahat ng pagkukulang ko, siya ang pumunan. And while she's worthy of regard and appreciation, I was worthy of blame and distaste.
"Anyway, pasensya ka na ha." She gently tapped my hand above the table. "I failed to visit him sa hospital. Ang dami kasing ginagawa 'e. Sabi ni Lola, baka ako lang daw ang hinihintay ni Levi. She's kinda sulking." Mahina siyang tumawa. "Nagkausap na ba kayo? She must have been so happy dahil sinuway mo si Mr. Altaluna para sa apo niya."
I tried hard not to pull my face. Alam niyang hindi ako ang gusto ni Madame Eliza. She was very bold when it comes to it. Kulang na lang, magpatawag siya ng press con at ipangalandakan na si Thaliya ang gusto niya para sa apo. Imposibleng matuwa 'yon dahil sinuway ko ang nag-iisang Kristoff Altaluna para sa apo niya. She actually taunted on me noong naabutan niya ako sa ospital. Imposibleng hindi alam ni Thaliya 'yon. She even had the audacity to call her Lola to my face!
Mapakla akong ngumiti. This time, I didn't bother to conceal it.
"It's... the other way around. Hindi naman ako ang gusto niya para sa apo niya."
"Oh!" She laughed. "Intindihin mo na lang. Sobrang opinionated na tao rin kasi ni Madame Eliza. Pero in fairness, huh? May sense naman ang lahat ng sinasabi niya."
She twitched her lips, halatang pinipigilan ang sarili na ngumiti nang sobra.
Umismid ako. "You think so?"
She nodded. "We can't blame her. Kung ako kasi ang nasa sit'wasyon mo, hindi ko iiwan dito si Levi. He deserved a better treatment. Ayaw na nga sa 'yo ng Lola niya, gumawa ka pa ng paraan para malungkot si Levi. Buti na lang nasa tabi niya 'ko."
Nakakahalata na 'ko. Kanina pa niya pinagduduldulan sa mukha ko ang katotohanan na siya ang nandiyan. I knew she was purposely saying it para iparamdam sa 'kin kung ga'no ako ka-walang k'wenta. Na himbes na ako, siya ang nandiyan para sa fiancee ko. She was blatantly telling me how I was gone astray sa tuwing kailangan ako ni Levi. And I shouldn't be devastated. I shouldn't let her riddles throw brickbats at me. I may not be the best Altaluna, pero tulad nga ng sinabi ni Kuya kay Madame, Altaluna pa rin ako. And we were trained not to let anyone strip us nake in shame.
Tumikhim ako. "You seemed so happy habang wala ako. Totoo nga siguro ang saying na... when the cat is away, the mouse will play."
Her expression changed like blazes. Tila namuo ang bagyo sa mga mata niya, nagmistulang ulap na madilim. I couldn't help but press my lips. Tinanggalan ko lang naman ng poise ang isang Thaliya Tianco, something I must be proud of. Muscles on her cheeks stretched tight when she clenched her jaw. I laughed.
"Kidding!" Ngumisi ako. "Anyway, thank you, ha? For looking after him while I was away. I really owe you a lot."
Mabilis siyang nakapagbawi. Matapos sumimsim sa baso ng malamig na tubig, ginantihan niya 'ko ng matamis na ngiti.
"No problem. Levi and I are really best friends. Nagseselos na nga sina Naiah dahil siya pa ang mas madalas kong kasama. Pa'no ba naman kasi? Kung saan-saan ako niyayaya ni Levi. Halos araw-araw!" Agad nagpintig ang pares ng tainga ko. Umiwas ako ng tingin at kinuyom ang panga. "Sumasama pa nga 'yon sa mga charity events ko 'e. Palaging nakabuntot. He's really enjoying my company. Para sa isang friend, sobrang sweet niya sa 'kin. Tingin ko tuloy, ako lang ang hinihintay niya para magising-"
"I am his fiancee." My breathing went rapid and shallow. "Kung mayro'n mang rason para lumaban siya at mabuhay, ako 'yon."
She has probably noticed that I was steaming up and losing my temper. She played conscience-stricken. Natutop niya ang bibig at pinalambot ang ekspresyon. I clenched my jaw. Hindi niya naman kailangang magpanggap dahil dalawa lang kaming narito. Wala rin naman akong balak siraan ang pangalan niya sa tabloid. The last thing I wanted to happen was to receive a charity aid from her.
"I'm sorry. I was just carried away. Hindi kasi biro ang pinagsamahan namin ni Levi. That was so... deep. Minsan nga, nawawala sa isip ko na may fiancee pala siya."
"Obviously." Tumango ako at ngumisi. "Kaya nga hirap na hirap kang i-clear ang issue tungkol sa inyong dalawa 'di ba? You're letting them think na may relasyon kayo. Mukhang unbothered ka pa nga."
She laughed. "Blaire, you can't blame the people-"
"Exactly! We can't blame the people."
"I never confirmed the allegation! Bakit parang sa 'kin ka nagagalit?"
"That's the point!" I jerked my finger on the table. "You never confirmed nor denied the allegation! Ano sa tingin mo ang iisipin nila? Silence means yes? Hindi mo sila mapipigilang mag-isip dahil madalas nila kayong makitang magkasama!"
Hindi ko na mapigilang pagtaasan siya ng boses. I just couldn't keep my cool habang kinuk'wento niya sa harap ko kung gaano sila naging malapit ng fiancee ko habang wala ako! Fine, magkaibigan sila. Fine, too, gusto sila ni Madame Eliza. But that was never an excuse para hayaan niya ang mga tao na mag-isip ng iba sa kanila!
Thaliya's brow embowed. "Nagseselos ka ba?"
"Bakit, dapat ba?"
She laughed heartily. "Come on! Your fiancee and I are good friends! 'Wag mo sabihing sisirain mo ang friendship na mayro'n kami dahil nagseselos ka?"
"I was never a friendship wrecker, Thaliya. Pero kung 'yon ang makakasira sa relasyon na mayro'n ako, I'm willing to be one."
"Talaga?" Kita ko ang pag-asim ng mukha niya. "Naririnig mo ba ang sarili mo, Blaire? Ikaw ang nang-iwan sa fiancee mo! You chose your damn business over him! Sino sa tingin mo ang sumisira sa relasyon niyo? Ako? You're making me think so naive of you!"
"Alam mong hindi gano'n 'yon-"
"Drop it! Palagi ka na lang may excuse! When in fact, kung ako ang nasa posisyon mo, I will trade it all for Levi! Kahit ano! Kahit ang reputasyon ko, kaya kong ipagpalit para sa lalaking mahal ko!"
I was caught on the wrong foot, open-mouthed. Mukhang pati siya, nagulat sa sinabi niya. She held the neckline of her dress at nilagok ang tubig, nawala na sa isip ang iniingatang poise. My shoulders fell in disbelief. Hindi makapaniwalang narinig ko ang pinakahuling bagay na gusto kong marinig.
I've been so afraid to hear it audibly from her mouth. Kilala ko si Thaliya. Kahit bilang lang sa daliri ang naging engk'wentro namin, hindi mahirap basahin ang personality niya. She was strong. At bilang isang Tianco, she's born willful. Hindi titigil hangga't hindi nakukuha ang gusto. And I was afraid we might have been wanting for the same thing. Lalo na kung ang bagay na 'yon, nag-iisa lang. Wala akong laban sa kaniya. She's got all the aces on her hand. At kung si Levi 'yon, dapat na sigurong manginig ang mga kalamnan ko. Hindi tulad ko, nasa kaniya ang suporta ng marami. Siya ang gusto ng lahat, maging ng pamilya ng fiancee ko. Kung mayro'n man akong pinanghahawakan, 'yon ay ang pagmamahal ni Levi.
Pero sa dami ng nangyari at sa lalim ng pinagsamahan nila, pa'no kung pati 'yon, nagbago na?
"'E 'di lumabas din ang totoo..." She averted her eyes away from me. "Mahal mo ang fiancee ko?"
Nasa baso lamang ang mga mata niya, hindi makapag-angat ng tingin.
"If only I have him, I will never do the same thing you did. Pipiliin kong manatali sa tabi niya. Hindi ko siya iiwan kung alam kong mahina siya. Hindi ako magiging kasing duwag mo."
"We compromised..."
"And that's the reason why he finds it hard to love me!" she exclaimed, bloodshot ang mga mata na dumapo sa 'kin. "Dahil nakatali siya sa 'yo! Dahil sa pangako niya sa 'yo! Dahil sa 'yo!" She pointed a finger. "Pero kung wala ka?" A drop of her tear fell, natigilan ako. "I know he will choose me! Ako ang gugustuhin niyang makasama, Blaire! Masaya siya sa 'kin! Alam kong," her voice cracked. "Kayang-kaya niya akong mahalin..."
I was loss for words. Nakatitig lamang ako sa kaniya at sa mga mata niya. Kahit pigilan niya ang pagbagsak ng luha, hindi siya nagtagumpay. Unti-unting natunaw ang galit sa puso ko. The only thing I could feel was pity. I pitied her. She really loved him to the extent of forgetting who she really was. Naiwawala niya ang sarili sa pagmamahal niya. She's Thaliya Tianco. She was high-powered and influential. Lahat ng gusto niya, kayang-kaya niyang kuhain- nang walang hirap. Pero bakit niya pinagpipilitan ang sarili niya sa ibang tao na may ibang nagmamay-ari?
"I'll fight for him this time..." She's back to her stern face. "I've been forbidding myself for a very long time. I had enough of all the restrictions. Hindi naman siguro masama kung... ipaglaban ko kung anong nararamdaman ng puso ko?" She paused, giving me time to react. But instead, I just inclined my head down and pursed my lips. "I know Madame Eliza and my family are rooting for us. Pero 'wag kang mag-alala, I won't use that against you. I know how to play fair, at sana ikaw rin."
Nag-angat ako ng tingin nang tumayo siya. Dinampot niya ang shoulder bag at huling beses akong tinapunan ng tingin.
"Show us you deserve him more than I do, ako pa mismo ang mag-o-organize ng kasal niyo."
Iniwan niya 'kong tulala sa baso, hindi na hinintay ang pagdating ng order namin. I had to admit, kinakabahan ako sa posibleng mangyari. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit kailangan ko pang patunayan sa kanila ang sarili ko. Wasn't it enough that Levi and I loved each other?
"By the way." Muli akong napalingon kay Thaliya. "Someone's freaking out sa orphanage bago ako umalis. You might wanna check your phone," aniya bago ako tuluyang iwan.
I opened my phone and she was right. Sunod-sunod ang pagtunog nito dahil sa pagsabog ng maraming messages. Naroon ang who the fuck is Evan? ni Kuya, ang mga pangungulit ni Chelzie para sa pasalubong, ang pagpapauwi sa 'kin ni Bailey dahil bored siya, at ang karamihan, galing kay Evan.
From: Evan327Please respect copyright.PENANA4yzIp9MG3t
327Please respect copyright.PENANAJ0axlUvkj0
Where are you? Sagutin mo po 'yung tawag. Bigla kang nawala.
I opened the other message and the content was the same.
From: Evan327Please respect copyright.PENANAPFedN3XF6p
327Please respect copyright.PENANAz79j3kzpk7
Blaire, reply, please. Mapapatay ako ni Jehoram.
Ngumiwi ako. Hindi ko na inisa-isa pa ang mga messages niya dahil pare-pareho lang naman ang laman. Upon scrolling down, something caught my attention.
From: Unknown327Please respect copyright.PENANAIoA7OURna1
327Please respect copyright.PENANAscUnQQBNis
Ma'am...
My heart sprang inside my chest. Parang kangaroo na hindi mapakali dahil nawawala ang anak niya sa lukbutan. Hindi ko alam kung bakit exaggerated ito na mag-react. Wala namang naka-register na pangalan, pero kung tumalon, parang kilalang-kilala niyang kung sino. Mabilis kong tinago ang phone at tumayo.
Saktong kakaluto lang ng order namin nang pumunta ako sa counter. Akala nila, magpapa-follow-up ako. Laking gulat nila nang sinabi kong magpapa-bill-out ako. Ang sabi ko pa, sila nang bahala kung anong gusto nilang gawin sa pagkain. Hindi naman nila tinanggap ang bayad dahil nakapagbigay na raw si Thaliya. I just shrugged my shoulders and paved my way out.
As expected, madilim na nang lumabas ako. Isang beses lang bumuhos ang ulan, hindi na naulit. Good thing I could still remember the right direction. Nilakad ko lamang ang daan pabalik sa orphanage.
While walking, I couldn't refrain myself from thinking. Spacing-out, that was the right term. Masyadong ginugulo ni Thaliya ang isip ko. Kahit kailan, hindi ko naisip na hahantong sa ganito ang relasyon namin ni Levi. Siguradong-sigurado na kasi kami sa isa't isa. Siguradong-sigurado sa future naming dalawa. Hindi ko naisip na may darating na Thaliya Tianco at ang inakala kong matibay na relasyon, magiging tila gusali na kulang sa pundasyon. Hindi pa rin pala kami makakatakas sa mga what-ifs. Hahabulin pa rin talaga kami ng pagdududa.
Naisip ko... Gaano ba kahalaga si Thaliya para kay Levi? Kasi kung hindi kaya ni Thaliya na sagutin ang mga alegasyon tungkol sa kanila, bakit siya, hindi niya ginawa? Kahit naman may tiwala ako sa kaniya, alam niyang masasaktan ako. No one could bear the thought of her man being linked to someone else. Ang martyr ko naman, kung gano'n.
On the other hand, my heart was bleeding for Thaliya. That was the first time I saw her shed tears. Kahit na maraming nambabastos sa kaniya sa social media, hindi ko siya nakitang umiyak sa interview. She was classy and elegant. Pinapanatili niya ang gano'ng imahe para sa sarili. Seeing her in tears was something. Talagang mahal niya si Levi at tulad nga ng sabi niya, she's willing to trade it all for him. And I was willing to trade it all for him, too. Naaawa ako sa kaniya. Pero anong magagawa ko? May kinabukasan kami ng fiancee ko na kailangan kong isalba.
May nakapagsabi sa 'kin na nasa rooftop daw si Jehoram, naghihintay. Hindi ko alam kung anong ginagawa niya ro'n at bakit kailangang hintayin pa niya 'ko. It was almost 8 in the evening. Dapat, natutulog na sila.
May masamang espiritu siguro na sumapi sa katawan ko. I just found myself standing on the roof deck's vinyl, keeping my ears open for the pleasing melody from nowhere. I stepped closer and found him, sitting on the floor. Nakatalikod siya sa 'kin at nakaharap sa buwan, marahang pinipitik ang string ng gitara.
"When the visions around you327Please respect copyright.PENANACoG5pSLIVf
327Please respect copyright.PENANABy2e5lF3Sh
Bring tears to your eyes327Please respect copyright.PENANACWLRzmVfkZ
327Please respect copyright.PENANAV9gc6DNy8t
And all that surrounds you327Please respect copyright.PENANAjnufRhnTNF
327Please respect copyright.PENANA9KNNgJjh2D
Are secrets and lies."
I didn't know if he's aware that I was there, listening to his mawkish voice. Pinikit ko ang mga mata ko, dinama ang nakakahalinang musika. At the most private part of my mind, I knew I'd always be the biggest fan of him. Hindi lang ng boses niya, kung 'di ng karakter niya.
"I'll be your strength327Please respect copyright.PENANACuPxFh2dLZ
327Please respect copyright.PENANAJXcmTfSDwK
I'll give you hope327Please respect copyright.PENANAEUmaHPe6Ns
327Please respect copyright.PENANASDrVZRRqiu
Keeping your faith when it's gone327Please respect copyright.PENANA5eE0Obz4BB
327Please respect copyright.PENANAHydpAAUr64
The one you should call327Please respect copyright.PENANAXtqF9K2wgY
327Please respect copyright.PENANA2dpwWbTano
Was standing there all along."
I opened my eyes and thanked him silently. Akala ka ba niya hindi ko napapansin? Siya ang palaging nand'yan kapag kailangan ko nang makakausap. Alam na alam talaga niya kung kailan magpapakita. Since the day I met him, he's always present during the ill-starred moments of my life. I smiled. Hindi naman pala ako sobrang malas.
"And I will take you in my arms327Please respect copyright.PENANAuLEIedGBks
327Please respect copyright.PENANAvrilDajncf
And hold you right where you belong."
Napatigil siya nang sumabay ako sa ikalawang linya. He looked at me, stunned. Malawak akong ngumiti at pinagpatuloy ang pag-awit sa mga sumunod na linya.
"Til' the day my life is through327Please respect copyright.PENANAtx4IP3KBrm
327Please respect copyright.PENANAce8s7isUwz
This I promise you..."
Smile crept across his face, muling pinatunog ang gitara at sinabayan ako.
"This I promise you..."
I laughed when we're done. Gulat pa rin ang mukha niya, hindi inaasahan na may mga pagkakataong wala rin akong hiya. Maybe my singing voice wasn't that bad? Natawa ako sa naisip. Lumapit ako at naupo sa tabi niya, pinagsiklop ang mga hibla ng buhok na kanina pa sumasayaw sa hangin.
"Hindi ka nagpaalam..."
Inangat niya ang gitara at pinasok sa loob ng padded case. Napanguso ako.
"I'm sorry. I just grabbed the chance na makausap si Thaliya. Baka kasi hindi na ulit ako makahanap ng pagkakataon."
"Si Miss Thaliya..." Pinatong niya ang gitara sa ibabaw ng hita. "Siya ba 'yung pinunta mo rito?"
Napayuko ako, nahihiyang tumango. "Sorry..."
From my peripheral, kita kong napalingon siya. "Ba't ka nagsosorry?"
"Kasi hindi ako nagpunta rito para sa mga bata?"
He laughed, biglang pinisil ang pisngi ko. "Hindi ka talaga mabait, ano?"
Ngumiwi ako at tinampal ang kamay niya. "Judgmental mo naman!"
"Ikaw kaya! Wala naman akong sinasabi, bigla-bigla kang nagsosorry diyan."
Inirapan ko siya at tumunghay sa kalangitan. Kahit umulan kaninang tanghali, maliwanag pa rin ang b'wan. 'Yun nga lang, natatakpan ang kalahating parte nito. Para siyang nakangiti sa 'min at nakikinig sa walang kabuluhang pinag-uusapan.
"Pinag-usapan niyo 'yung tungkol sa..." Napalingon kami ni Jehoram sa isa't isa. "Fiancee mo?"
My mood dropped in a swift. Bumuga ako ng hangin at binagsak ang balikat. Curious naman siyang pinapanood ang pagpapapalit-palit ng ekspresyon ko.
"Sabihin mo nga sa 'kin..." I shifted to my seat carrying the frown in my face. Humarap ako sa kaniya at pinatong ang mga kamay sa gitara. "What did you think about them?" Kumunot ang noo niya. "Inisip mo rin ba na may something sa kanila?"
He drew down his brows. "'Yung totoo?" I nodded. "Wala talaga akong pakialam sa kanila."
I glowered at him and punched his arm. "Wala kang k'wenta!"
He laughed. Umayos ako ng upo at pinagkrus ang mga braso. May mga pagkakataon talaga na nakakainis siyang kausap. Tinatanong nang maayos, pabagra ang sagot! Muli akong bumuga ng hangin, nagliparan tuloy ang maliliit na hibla ng buhok sa mukha ko. Tumawa nang mahina si Jehoram at inalis ang nakatabing na buhok. Sa inis, pinitik ko ang kamay niya.
He chortled. "Seriously, hindi naman kasi sila gano'n ka-importante sa buhay ko. Concern ako since tao sila katulad ko, pero 'pag dating sa buhay nila? Hindi talaga ako mahilig mang-usisa. Pero kung tatanungin mo ako tungkol sa point of view ng iba..." He shrugged. "It's not impossible na bigyan ng mga tao ng malisya 'yung friendship nila. Palagi kasi silang spotted na magkasama. Especially iilan lang naman ang nakakaalam na may Blaire Altaluna sa picture."
Mas lalo ata akong pinanghinaan ng loob. I exhaled. "Sabagay... Ikaw nga, hindi mo alam."
Natahimik siya. His shoulders moved when he withdrew a blast of air. Pinanood niya ang pagkislap ng mga ilaw mula sa matatayog na gusali at maliliit na bahay. Sa lalim ng iniisip niya, nahiya ang sansinukob at ang buod ng daigdig.
"Gaano na kayo katagal ni Daisy?"
He shifted his gaze to me. "Friendship namin?"
I shook my head. "Relationship niyo."
Mabilis na lumaki ang mga mata niya. "Magkaibigan lang kami!"
I mirrored the same expression. Nilakihan ko ang mga mata ko- mas malaki sa kaniya. "Sinungaling! Obvious naman, ide-deny pa! Masyadong pa-showbiz, artista ka?"
"Hindi nga kami!" Nilapag niya ang gitara sa kabilang gilid. "Magkaibigan lang kami ni Daisy. Nagkakilala kami sa church. Malapit kasi siya sa mga bata tapos nakilala niya si Annie, kaya 'yon." He snapped his fingers. "Naging magkaibigan kami."
I narrowed my eyes, nagdududa, hindi satisfied sa sinabi niya. Imposible naman! Sobrang sweet kaya nila! May paakbay-akbay pa siyang nalalaman! Pinupuntahan pa nga niya sa bahay! Tsaka kung hindi man sila... bakit hindi?
He chuckled. "Hindi p'wede maging kami."
Halos magdikit ang mga kilay ko. "Why?"
He twitched his lips, parang pinipigilan ang sarili na mapangiti. "Bro codes."
I made a face. Bro codes, narinig ko na 'yan kay Kuya at kay Levi. Daming alam ng mga lalaki.
I looked up to the shiny and gray-white dome from above. Agaw pansin 'yon, palibhasa, bilang lang sa daliri ang mga nagsulputang bit'win.
"Ang ganda ng b'wan..." Nilingon din 'yon ni Jehoram.
It was an arc-shaped moon, ang ganda ng kurba. Luna was indeed an awe-inspiring testimony that even in the pitch black, one could still smile as radiant as the crescent moon.
"Naranasan mo na bang... may magustuhang isang bagay pero..." Jehoram looked at me. "Hindi mo makuha kasi bawal?"
Sandali akong napaisip. After a while, tumango ako.
"Journalism." Napasimangot ako. Feeling ko, nabubulok na ang writing skills ko. "'Yun naman kasi talaga ang pangarap kong pasukin. Unfortunately, my parents don't like me to. Ang gusto nila, Business Administration in any major. Ako, major in Human Resources. Si Kuya, major in Marketing. Si Bailey, hindi ko pa alam. Kuya seemed happy and satisfied. Kami ni Bailey?" I glunched to myself. "Ikaw?"
He enthusiastically nodded. "Ayun oh." Ngumuso siya sa kung saan.
"Alin?" Sinundan ko ang tingin niya. My forehead creased when I saw what it was. "Yung moon?" He nodded, I couldn't help but laugh at him. "Weird!"
Natawa rin siya. "Sabi ni Tatay, susungkitin niya raw ang b'wan para kay Nanay. Paniwalang-paniwala tuloy ako no'ng bata. Akala ko, kaya talagang sungkitin ang b'wan. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, magpapatangkad ako, tapos kukunin ko 'yan."
I laughed with him. Si Mang Diego talaga... hindi na 'ko magtataka. Siya nga talaga ang tatay ni Jehoram. I wagged my head with the thought.
"Kaso no'ng medyo malaki na 'ko, may isang tao na nagsabi sa 'kin, hindi raw p'wedeng sungkitin ang b'wan. Si Father Antonio. Sabi niya, pagnanakaw raw 'yon. May iba raw nagmamay-ari- si Lord. Sabi pa niya, ginawa raw ni Lord ang b'wan at mga bit'win para magbigay ng liwanag sa gabi. Walang ibang nagmamay-ari at hindi p'wedeng angkinin."
He took a deep breathe. Nakatunghay siya sa kalangitan, nakatingin sa makinang na bagay. I had the chance to look closer to his eyes. They seemed like a ball of trap. Mapang-akit. Para kang inuudyok na lumapit at titigan ito nang husto. But once you did, you'll realize how chaotic it was inside. Magulo. Pawang sinalanta.
It was indeed a bewitching paradise and I was one of the blithe tourists. As much as I wanted to get a buzz out of his aesthetic, I just couldn't dive recklessly because as far as I knew, there were small pieces of broken crystal lurking in the fine white sand.
Delikado.
"Kaya no'ng araw na 'yon, nagdasal ako. Nagsorry ako kay Lord kasi naging selfish ako. Sabi ko, Lord, sorry ha? Hindi ko naman alam na may iba palang nagmamay-ari sa b'wan. Hindi pala p'wedeng ku'nin." He bent his head down, bumuntong hininga. "Simula no'n, nagpromise ako sa sarili ko. Kuntento na 'ko na tinatanaw lang siya mula sa malayo. Hindi ko na siya papangaraping ku'nin. Hahayaan ko lang siyang magliwanag do'n sa itaas. Kasi kapag kinuha ko siya, may magagalit. Magkakagulo. Mas gugustuhin kong panoorin na lang ang payapang pagkakahilera niya sa mga bit'win."
I couldn't help but to agree. Gano'n talaga siguro. May mga bagay sa mundo na kahit gaano natin kagusto, hindi natin p'wedeng ku'nin. Sabi nga nila, you can't get everything you want. And I think, life should really play that way. Because people won't realize what they truly need unless we'll stop giving them the things they want.
"Kaso..."
Nagkatinginan kami. At sa mga oras na 'yon, isang bagay ang napagtanto ko.
No matter how dangerous it was to dive in the deepest trench of his eye, I'd always choose to flop and see what was obscured on the ground.
"Mahal ko na talaga 'yung buwan 'e..."
***
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Proverbs 3:5 |327Please respect copyright.PENANAlSioDCV7rc
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Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.