*小札記一篇64Please respect copyright.PENANAdzYf0zzUF7
*無邏輯純抒發64Please respect copyright.PENANAItUWDZCGEl
.64Please respect copyright.PENANACmfXgiom67
早上七點,熟悉的鬧鐘鈴聲從耳邊響起,把在深深睡夢之中的我喚醒。我不耐煩的關掉了床頭的鬧鐘,茫然地睜開了雙眼。64Please respect copyright.PENANALPw1FjXa1X
.64Please respect copyright.PENANAlDARJHUQri
我迷迷糊糊的看著熟悉的房間,熟悉的陳設,熟悉的小抱枕。這不是夢,我已經從夢中醒來了—從噩夢中醒來了。天色今天似乎比平常要亮了些,似是在提醒著我,該要開始新一日了。64Please respect copyright.PENANA6pxGIUCffH
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我不願起來面對現實的種種,卻又不想流連在那夢魘之中。64Please respect copyright.PENANAIEiUCI7LKW
.64Please respect copyright.PENANAopibTsVuIF
冷空氣從窗戶的小峰鑽入屋中,儘管屋内已經開上了暖氣,我依然覺得寒冷無比。許是因為我平常就怕冷,也或許是因為我是發自内心的如墜冰窖。64Please respect copyright.PENANAliP6N0TTgb
.64Please respect copyright.PENANAwDGIOEWHmi
我嘆了嘆,看了看手機的時間,還是從那稍微溫暖一些的被窩中爬了起來梳洗更衣,用了早餐準備上學。64Please respect copyright.PENANAD8fKTS9x0l
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甫一推開家門,冷冽的寒風隨即作為一整天的開幕禮物般,極其「溫柔」的描摹過我的臉龐。本來因為疲憊而迷亂的思緒被攝氏一兩度的風吹得清醒了些,我卻覺得自己内心深處,還是一片凌亂。64Please respect copyright.PENANALPscx99lNW
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像是打了重重結的針線,不停相互糾纏在一起。明明針線輕得不能再輕,卻讓我一陣心煩—大概是因為針雖然輕,被針尖扎到還是會疼痛不已的緣故吧。64Please respect copyright.PENANAOhc1uxrJS1
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壓倒駱駝的最後一根稻草,永遠可以輕得不能再輕啊。64Please respect copyright.PENANA8bcnQ0ugiI
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何況我並非駱駝,我只是一個人,一個承受力甚低,一個脆弱得不堪的人罷了;一個被針扎了,還是會疼痛甚至會流淚的一個人罷了。64Please respect copyright.PENANAmAxEwHFGIR
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被心事纏繞著的我走著走著,已經到了日常上學要去的車站,我登上了校車。倦意並沒有隨著風飄遠,我連上了耳機,播放著平常喜歡的歌曲,閉上眼睛扶著額頭,把頭倚到了那透明的車窗上。64Please respect copyright.PENANA8AFwjJsS4F
.64Please respect copyright.PENANA9Fd5pJyDS1
尤記得自己曾經也告誡過自己,心情差的時候千萬不能聽悲傷的歌。只是我打開手機裏面的mp3檔,恍惚每一首歌背後都藏著一個足以讓人落淚的故事啊。我管不了那麽多,隨便打開了一首就聽了起來。64Please respect copyright.PENANAzGU9v0IoWu
.64Please respect copyright.PENANAQGWvmiZWui
眼角似乎泛起了一陣濕意。大概是因為還沒人睡醒的生理淚水吧,我想。我不敢睜開眼睛,怕一睜眼淚水就會跟著滾落下來。64Please respect copyright.PENANAqmQN9f535V
.64Please respect copyright.PENANAlon47pOfMS
我把雙眸緊閉,眼淚卻因此更快的滑落臉頰。我擦乾了那一滴淚,繼續任由自己躺在一片無邊的黑暗之中。64Please respect copyright.PENANAKaOVaGeLZk
.64Please respect copyright.PENANAshZVgsdZlu
我好像身處在第二個世界,這裏沒有一絲光線,沒有一分顔色,有的只是無邊的漆黑。像是靜謐的黑夜,卻要比黑夜更靜上幾分,更讓人安寧幾分。64Please respect copyright.PENANARzEtgS27jI
.64Please respect copyright.PENANARXTr14uEt6
這裏沒有任何一個人,只有我一個人。我明明無比害怕獨自一人,卻又突然喜歡上了這種獨處的感覺—興許只因在乎的人也不在身旁吧。.64Please respect copyright.PENANA5ppiplMXml
.64Please respect copyright.PENANAcPv5FjKgSY
車停了下來,我終於睜開了眼,熟悉的學校矗立在自己眼前。我深呼吸,下了車走進了校舍,找到了自己的儲物櫃,放下了厚重的書。64Please respect copyright.PENANAZ0mqNIouUs
.64Please respect copyright.PENANAckmC6BpQRI
我瞥向貼在儲物櫃門上的時間表,輕輕一愣—今天要上戲劇啊。説來也是好笑,本來自認對戲劇一無所知,演戲一竅不通的自己,陰差陽錯被學校分配進了這課,卻被老師覺得天賦頗高。64Please respect copyright.PENANAIYV8Xs5u0H
.64Please respect copyright.PENANAwtqRvWzBOa
看回老師給我們的錄像,看著自己演出的一場場戲劇,劇内的台詞都是滿滿的笑點,觀衆也很享受我們的演出。64Please respect copyright.PENANAVPkvFe4jbw
.64Please respect copyright.PENANAvJ8lUAecr4
初次聽到這話的一時間,我竟不知該笑還是該哭。我哪有什麽天賦,有的只是日復一日,年復一年的經驗罷了。64Please respect copyright.PENANAdOKFDPwOZf
.64Please respect copyright.PENANAF7sddZSpg5
戲中的我,笑得正燦爛;看著戲的我,卻在努力憋著淚。64Please respect copyright.PENANAtkh4udM6Pt
.64Please respect copyright.PENANA9sHsGbrPf3
「卸下臉譜,卻傷痕道道。*」這句歌詞我本來聽只覺得虐心,當自己算是半個演員以後,方知道那有多疼。64Please respect copyright.PENANAKqwrEHJCgt
.64Please respect copyright.PENANAuYRlWx38MM
能夠藏起自己的負面情緒,去演一場場喜劇的自己,看起來演技的確挺不錯的。64Please respect copyright.PENANAGEW2AkqErA
.64Please respect copyright.PENANA5Wq9F6nOhC
只是哪一天,我才能不用因為演戲,而是由衷的笑,真心的笑,笑得開懷,笑得燦爛呢?我不敢想,也不願想。64Please respect copyright.PENANAJZmc7JCbPp
.64Please respect copyright.PENANABNQgrhQmwe
這一天下來,我表面上是一如往常的樂觀開朗,是一如既往的懂事勤奮。64Please respect copyright.PENANARCjGBal87m
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.64Please respect copyright.PENANAuIIIgS3uGn
總算道別了最後一個同學的我,拖著無力的步伐離開了校園。緊綳著的神經一下子全部放鬆,掛著的笑容總算得以卸下。疲倦感一下子朝我的全身上下襲來,我半躺在了校車的皮質座椅上,艱難的張開了雙眼,毫無焦距的看著窗外的景色。64Please respect copyright.PENANAMagpvVYEYM
.64Please respect copyright.PENANASTkTBd5GQy
累,是我唯一的感覺。64Please respect copyright.PENANAGk4EaDZECi
.64Please respect copyright.PENANA1qms01RDf0
無奈,絕望,痛苦,無力,焦慮,鬱結……一切的感受都被暫時抛諸腦後,我只覺得累,被壓垮一般的累。其他知覺都暫時失去的我,只想立刻沉沉睡去。64Please respect copyright.PENANADEzB4LreWN
.64Please respect copyright.PENANABx0Jv4P9nS
只是沉重的頭顱沒有誰的肩膀去安放,長篇大論的心事也沒有人誰能夠訴之於口。我下意識地看向身旁,只是除了玻璃上的倒影中,自己那迷惘的眼神之外,我什麽都看不到,也什麽都觸不到。64Please respect copyright.PENANAV8Va7a7Tf7
.64Please respect copyright.PENANAQbDS2PzHPk
總是在故作堅強,卻忘了自己其實甚是脆弱;64Please respect copyright.PENANA0wqwufWDtc
總是在演作樂觀,卻忘了自己其實無比悲觀。64Please respect copyright.PENANAx5IwGuH7gh
.64Please respect copyright.PENANAslhDDJuoVK
孑然一身的感覺,即便早已習慣,原來也真的不是那麽好受的。64Please respect copyright.PENANAcxEq9nB3lY
尤其是,早已習慣性的去依賴一個人以後的孤獨,真的很難熬。64Please respect copyright.PENANAfNDHXwHyQ8
.64Please respect copyright.PENANAOVZMKMG6aD
我知道我本不值得任何人的感情,不值得任何人待我好,不值得任何人爲我付出,卻還是癡癡地把別人的好當作理所應當。64Please respect copyright.PENANAsf7cHase54
.64Please respect copyright.PENANAhfLGueL80V
.64Please respect copyright.PENANAH9GDeEXe6N
我真的,什麽都不會啊。64Please respect copyright.PENANAVWxfAkWsSf
.64Please respect copyright.PENANA2AjTrhrJVX
親情和友情,我好不容易找回來以後,卻又一次次的險些失去。我根本不懂待人好,卻只是在一次次的傷害在乎自己的人,又一次次的傷害自己在乎的人。自以為已經推心置腹,卻一次次的傷透了人。64Please respect copyright.PENANA0Q77pklSTc
.64Please respect copyright.PENANAuDUgmowRAM
我真的,好想回去那個真正的家啊。64Please respect copyright.PENANAfWaEDXlHTi
.64Please respect copyright.PENANAljp5SgcDv9
那裏有著我最親的親人,最好的朋友。有著我的過往,有著我的足印;有著我的感情,有著我的信仰。64Please respect copyright.PENANAw4ECk3hfjB
.64Please respect copyright.PENANAH8w34rbrD5
曾經的那座城市,如今已經飽受摧殘。我嘴上說著自己支持著人們的信仰和念想,卻是無能為力。64Please respect copyright.PENANAfb5sMQOKgT
.64Please respect copyright.PENANALllBhKj6rh
就在某一刻,我突然發現口口聲聲説要守護的一切,曾經說要永遠堅持的事情,其實我都守護不住,也堅持不下去。感情如是,信仰如是。64Please respect copyright.PENANAUr1Fq2ZHAb
.64Please respect copyright.PENANAqALCXoQN3R
我會什麽?除了逃避,我還會什麽?我什麽都不會,我就是個廢物,不可回收的那種罷了。64Please respect copyright.PENANACAsMec1Jsn
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或許我是該惜福。64Please respect copyright.PENANALH5R8R1mgj
.64Please respect copyright.PENANAW4w8LS3iIP
我能夠安穩的在外地度日,能夠進了一所很不錯的學校。讀書的成績自問不差,寫文的成就也算是不錯,音樂方面的天賦也勉強有些。64Please respect copyright.PENANAZvzdItDuFy
.64Please respect copyright.PENANAHCkSV8npYr
甚至説,至少我四肢健全,神智清晰,家人健在;至少……我還活著,平平安安地活著,開開心心的活著—至少別人都是這樣想的。64Please respect copyright.PENANA36BFNXwtKO
.64Please respect copyright.PENANANo5KViO30X
可是,這一切好像都比不上我心裏那份要回家的念想了。64Please respect copyright.PENANAwj2o5z4bJf
.64Please respect copyright.PENANAvgxCuNRdyh
「身在福中不知福」這句話,形容我怕不是再適合不過:只會把這一切當作理所當然,只會無視這些別人努力為自己努力編織出來的美好,只會一味的忽視著好的一切,沉溺在自己的悲傷黑暗之中,甚至埋怨著別人。64Please respect copyright.PENANAzn5iPfzmmN
.64Please respect copyright.PENANAGxan1OdN3i
我真的,好恨我自己啊。64Please respect copyright.PENANAQHMaGotebk
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恨自己的無能為力,恨自己的不懂珍惜,恨自己的虛偽做作,恨自己的一切。64Please respect copyright.PENANA9DVWhqEZbY
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恨自己從上到下,從外到内的一切。64Please respect copyright.PENANA1I1LTUOOao
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究竟到哪一天,我才能正視我自己?才能肯定一下我自己?才能喜歡一下我自己?不,大概也不可能了,這輩子都不可能了。64Please respect copyright.PENANA0TduEEHtVy
.64Please respect copyright.PENANArNpsrLSKXG
那,這輩子還有多長呢?要熬的日子還有多長呢?要演的歲月還有多久呢?64Please respect copyright.PENANAkj0JxJCyV8
.64Please respect copyright.PENANAhBzjnoBKDz
一個十幾歲的初中少女説這句話,似乎總是會被成年人説是年少無知,説是不知世途險惡就自暴自棄的不良示例。64Please respect copyright.PENANANNd3kSIROR
.64Please respect copyright.PENANARsEuFADJcJ
只是,若不知世間人心險惡,便覺生命煎熬難耐,又意味著什麽呢?64Please respect copyright.PENANAcZT5cFEj9E
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我不知,更不欲知。64Please respect copyright.PENANA5Oy3LEfvQz
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我只知,我確實的累了,累透了,大概是該睡了。64Please respect copyright.PENANAfuuCG3TkdE
.64Please respect copyright.PENANAlsDRlamLZt
希望一夜過去,陪伴我的不再是可怕的噩夢;64Please respect copyright.PENANAqu6nFrq71k
希望一朝起來,迎接我的會是你溫柔的眼眸。64Please respect copyright.PENANAZ2NTkTN9Df
.64Please respect copyright.PENANAJ3u16nbuMg
哪怕這都不過是奢望,我也始終的渴望著。