致美好正常的過去
如何才能再次像一個正常人地存在生活
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其實作為宿主，並不是唯一死刑361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgBHSxhoDpS
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前提，是特殊情況之下361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZPMn1jiSGE
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這也是大概為什麼KDUL能趕到此地的原因吧361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTpjnlBdpqW
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大概361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7oxg8AshI
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這也是為什麼我一開始如此被幼稚騎劫理性的原因361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVdvTxYyDDT
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這也是為什麼我的人生如此「不正常」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkVKuqoKRs9
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「⋯」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFONrtIMzQp
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突然間吹來的陣風，由兩腿直上，大腿、大腿內側，臉到眼皮上，睜眼361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjR4Fi3lAEd
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「⋯⋯啊？呀？！啊？！」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhA22dTHRFP
「不、不要！拜、拜托！別捉弄人家了！」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqM6yNg52M
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想直接鑽入桶內，雖叫不可行，若把裙子扯至能遮蔽的地方，可是會遭流水沾到，在極致羞恥的時候361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQgPsF422oh
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不良日常性時候361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsHvUY6OvY
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身體總是遲遲未能反應，倒是淚會第一時間衝出，明明是不會有對手和其比得到反應速度，再說，不要論這般只是叫他們變本加厲361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNqp5o6TGbk
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「還『人家人家』，女生又不是，男生又不是，人妖就人妖啦！」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡquk4f4DeIa
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「哇～來看看娘娘腔！噁～」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZj5Q9yOAM
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「不要這樣啦！是半個女生⋯半個怪物啦！」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqXlvHDFhKN
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「你們不要這樣說水無月啦！」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2DKrDA7hDS
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「對、對呀！好壞哦！」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZyRwNUCzyY
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「嗯～可是呢，要不是待下他變怪物咬人啦！」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFIopRZgRUn
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「看呀！有尾巴和耳朵了！」
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崎品宿主是有後天性以外的可能，先天性，我就是其一，跨代遺傳，親父母經過詳細驗證後，結果仍為陰性，但舅父⋯
『不要！不要！求你了！』
『好痛喔！停下來嘛！！』
『嗚咽啊！！唔咳咿呀！』
『嗚咽⋯』
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⋯⋯簡單來說，是剛巧地，遺傳了基因缺陷361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtojIp9yk8S
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由誕生的那瞬間，身體患輕微白化病，更是出現了雙性徵⋯先天缺陷*，而原因？是因為崎品的激素，影響的不直接是我，而是母家的基因，對崎品的感染不抗拒性，先天傳了下來，我便在母體內感染，便這樣⋯來到了世上361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKuYPUwPzbu
*(5-alpha-reductase deficiency)
被當成異類般361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7vBF8PQBW
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「呀！來了、來了！」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSBmuPtHJUK
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「走啊～」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC5karv53tA
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而怪物、猛獸，若是想與人共聚，必須有所牽制，有能防止其「暴亂」的存在，有一個「主人」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuu1FKDRBLk
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構成「異類」的形象，是分別要有兩種因素 —— 「怪異」 和 「不親和性」，我的存在主要是前者，而有後者特性的，是⋯361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv2kGTeRGqz
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他361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvSSkzlXVQy
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「又被欺負了嗎？」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPYOxb5Kqk4
MUC- 311602，3月11日16時02分，是我誕生的那刻
以自己出生時間為名的他，是我人生第一個遇見的人形，也是伴隨我成長的唯一，不是「朋友」，也絕不可能是，但我承認他存在，使我真正成為「怪物」的存在361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz0qjhCx3h5
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並非和現在，即此刻，普遍所見的人形設計明顯地不一，應該是和現在日本廳長同一型號，我才不知道，只是認得同樣的白色，如水晶一樣反光的皮膚，還有如膠管一樣的頭髮361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwuUgjygIuJ
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可能是那不平常的外表，也可能是仔細觀察，便能得見腰間的鋁合金盒子，還有那冰冷的氣場361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1xNGrHjgT
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老實說，當唯一照顧、保護自己也是帶來傷害的，就特別顯得自己孤獨，因為沒有其他人去依賴，不得不望向唯一，守望同時傷害自己的他，這也是為什麼他從來並不是我的朋友，我恨他，但也無可奈何地，他不在身邊自己則是會被傷害，恨不下，愛不上，若是重來不有他的存在的話，反是好361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56ZvREWvEM
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先天性宿主，除了有人形監視外還有晶片，頸部植入一塊追蹤及有抑制系統之晶片，喲，不就放生的標準動作無誤嘛？361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHslWue95F
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⋯⋯361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUEMsfi4jNR
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怎也好呢361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHdUnd9GX79
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「⋯⋯」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp3HEoMmJOv
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「為什麼不鎖門呢？」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZn679L20nQ
「去廁所也好歹開個燈呢⋯不阻你了」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIiPgW24tmA
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—— 咔 ——361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhg7ekpQT7
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⋯361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOaVW0K9QWv
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⋯⋯361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuaUlZfuObj
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「⋯⋯就是不想讓人知道我在這呀⋯啊⋯」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLs2VNUePy
「嗚⋯」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfNyKubZggl
本來以為到中學便會情況有所好轉，但不見得
關上位於男廁和女廁之間的大門，位於午膳時間的走廊不算多人，但任憑一對好奇、厭惡，有眼色的視線落在身上，便如同把自己摳打著361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5bSMAFDibv
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最好便把自己弄到和標誌上的人同一個模樣361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL6p9lH2Pt7
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傷殘
「同學，請問——」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfZ5z9cjRl
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「啊？！」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ToA8rUBDH
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—— 啪噹 ——361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4OQI4OZalQ
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害怕視線交流，也害怕交流本身361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9WUrlVmcBW
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但儘管這樣，自己也希望「正常」起來，和那孩子一樣，和這孩子一樣，和⋯361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQxX9da3nu7
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她一樣361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTlZEXUSGUP
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乖巧、友善、親人，她是我的相反361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHc7PBtYf2K
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在我的眼中，她根本是另一個世界的人361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdac2IAHlSK
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「對不起！」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzO2Dwk2lrv
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拾起地上的餐具，裏面為紅色，外面則是黑色的便當盒，低著頭，跪在地上，不行，不能，我討厭這樣，拜托離開我吧，請——361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDBwYAdSou
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「來」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHjzjHvuiIc
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「⋯謝謝」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXsa19xDzqR
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我討厭這樣的自己，特別是在她面前，在襯衫胸袋上有紅字黃底襟章的她前，作為風紀股長的她前361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡepPl9a8SDU
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怎麼説呢，或許在初中的我，存在只會被她確定361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOPhbZCNh9M
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雖然實際上的欺凌少了，但取而代之，是絕對的冷漠，情況不可以叫好轉，說到底，我並不是那種凡事沒問題，可接受的人，嘛，好歹是個頑固的，自己不相信自己是，好歹⋯361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlNQzRUGrI
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我並不是沒遇過更壞的事361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJS5LSvnUOr
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「那個，水無月？」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsjSLodH7m
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「怎麼了？」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4meBNIeP2
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正因這樣，我不希望在唯一前，做出會被否定的行為，例如表現得像個孩子，表現失禮⋯被發現是「廁所飯」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhtfr2P8KK
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各種361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡix8yhN9xsY
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所以說，活得正常，對於自己來說的話，難道是奢侈的嗎？361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvCVUn7jSQ
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「⋯我回來了」
快樂是一種⋯只能回顧的味道，因為太容易習慣，就好像不到零下一度就總是以為暑假一定是三十度，熱時寧願凍，冷時寧願天氣熱，會習慣、忘記、太輕易被其他情緒蓋過、混於一起，是説在開心的時候不會察覺自己在笑的道理361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhgWuQhhav3
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且只能回味361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6x2YO0ZNb1
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「回來了嗎，島見？」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡain6GJGkCr
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「嗯，回來了，媽媽⋯」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSohHpGuPGN
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放下背包是確實地放下了負累，仍然是前所未有的感覺，當然，回味的時候才發覺，畢竟那時的感覺，純粹是當下，是「發生了」而已361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGjB0k05eQ
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「喲，島見，聽媽媽說，媽媽今天——」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBCZDyPDYDA
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「媽媽⋯」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0bkXuAD3Us
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「⋯⋯是的？」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQK1Xile3jB
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回想起來，自己啊，真是不會珍惜，不知足呢361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhaxrV4mMv
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「明天也是⋯便當不用弄我的份了」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl2YBi2TBuF
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語畢，我跑到樓上去，嘗試把微笑藏著，但有些情緒是不能隱藏起來，例如自小的抑鬱與自卑，還有這刻極為奇特的轉變，媽媽知道，爸爸也是，一直以來也知道，這點我也知道361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdYfBDvZVkL
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我可不是小孩子了⋯⋯呢361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEedKVYdt08
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呢361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhvn7HT39V
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開始了不知多久，三個月？至少一個學期吧，事情就如此突然，事情就如此戲劇性，能和她一起，彷彿為一個幻想，不同世界的人，居然可以坐在這裏，我居然會被人照顧，世上接納自己的外人居然存在361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdA1OPAtOOd
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幸福曾經存在，我經歷過，品嚐過，居然能有如此的一刻361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvInJSYSne
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來得太突然了
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「那個，水無月，怎說呢⋯本來還以為你是個⋯怎說呢⋯⋯難親近的人呢」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWhqvTZOwyx
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「欸？」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcsmotje9IJ
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「哈哈～不過看起來只是氣息而已」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38DWzKGWEy
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「這樣嗎⋯？」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQzHPprncD
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也太順利了
也才得意忘形
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「赤⋯賀羽醬可真是個好朋友呢！」
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「生日快樂！」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8UoVCcXYU
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「這個是你弄的嗎？謝謝♡～」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8J2lsLXHNm
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太過成功才使人後悔啊361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyAkssqmaAw
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「⋯賀羽⋯⋯」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLno6UdDax5
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「⋯」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡigoutG65T0
「所以說⋯你的⋯你的答覆是—— 啊⋯」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0kJEWJcBqa
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—— 噗 ——361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWACbqTciJv
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「喜歡」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlbPi50liC
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「賀羽？」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbfV38oH4Ev
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如果時間能稍微走慢點就好呢⋯361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHSipyTaKMA
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如果⋯361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rvAPlOQG6
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持續這樣順利就好了呢⋯⋯361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuyskZB2cge
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來得太突然了，去得太突然361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8lU9KSN87
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「什麼？」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Gr9VFuL2x
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「⋯對不起⋯⋯賀羽，我也不想的——」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyxozFQm5t8
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消息是事實，將會發生，不久之後，即使伸出雙手，也抓不住多少，留不下什麼，什麼也沒有，改變不了什麼361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuv6cgO4IvH
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「你和人家道歉有什麼用啊⋯」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTBQ6hfBWhZ
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「⋯對不起⋯」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvfuaZ9PFLi
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對不起有什麼用？361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QeXXGSIMb
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道歉又有什麼用？361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakYby0s7OY
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卻361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjZqkGyxjyh
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如何裝飾過的精麗動人的言詞，終究改變不了361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6gC9J2G1VT
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要説再見了嗎？361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqEvVVrFL3Q
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我不想361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZxz0zwF2F
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我不想笑著，和若無其事一樣，說再見，回到那個「正常」的日子，回歸那樣的生活中361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbUM5Cq6nZI
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這下子不只是離別，是失去，奪走361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHtirfiPsE2
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我不想那樣子361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAUsdmMZcWF
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但如同自己所提及，我做不了什麼，不，其實可能是有，或許有這麼個機會，我找不到而已，我不肯去找而已361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1EFI518Ob
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對，我經不起失敗，我承受不了錯誤了361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrIp1YtIAU3
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不在這般的前半生之後361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJU51Fr1dQh
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⋯⋯361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYt9aNiGSet
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無論如何，日子倒是來了361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQgG1Kr9eB5
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最後的笑容，就在當刻361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ1JnXSgv4c
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無人知曉的山林，看不到任何建築物，唯見山林和草木拼起的大地，背著式微的陽光，黃昏的太陽到此刻亦為燃燒自己的存在而已，靠在她的懷中，帽外套吸收的陽光、溫暖叫我熱得出汗，但不行，我不可以放手，放不了手，我才不要這樣子結束361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjZvXEk8qDG
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvq4H4ivEjR我不接受361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEjH5H3HBYG
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIx0K5fwoXi我不接受361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXyxxQe00zo
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—— 啾 ——361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCk1TuVdmnz
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我不接受361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8ckgAGJZp
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「賀羽⋯？」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkui19V21uO
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—— 啾 ——361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhBqumD8GNY
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「賀⋯⋯羽⋯這樣⋯⋯」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIF1SXEqu7N
「啾⋯咕⋯⋯不⋯唔⋯」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvuBfn5saTS
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我不接受這樣的結果361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsCQxHuzuH1
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「嗚哇啊？！！賀羽！住、住手！拜託了！」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx5jrwsH9H0
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當時的我，只是任憑感覺去而已361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRNJ4GFEJp4
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「不、不行啊！！嗚哇！賀羽！」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdSa1mdxyAQ
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我的本性361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSRrooGdCVW
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「救命呀！嗚 —— 救我 ——」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG86Y4GChhn
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—— 啪 ——361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvfCJIIRY2
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「給我閉嘴」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6cOyen5X5T
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「—— 嗚⋯⋯！」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ48OyUcga1r
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我終究只是野獸而已呢361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGIYl881Uw0
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「⋯怎麼？！呀⋯？！嗚！停下來！求你了！！」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkrQjQ7yjwb
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「沒用的⋯你自己看呀⋯哈哈⋯⋯」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFs65azIYy2
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而作為人形野獸真的該死361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBmyrkQicNQ
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如此痛苦也是活該361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjeE771E84w
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忘記不能也是361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghvRZ12Vu5
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「我可把晶片挖出來了！」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXZ0FKPpqG
「現在靜靜的認命吧！」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNhB4RIc0tl
「張開口！」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRQGW0cndc
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「嗚咳啊⋯嗯？！咳 —— 咕唔？！」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdXKdrGTqWb
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發現了嗎？361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw588YH3eke
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「好痛啊！不、不要！！咿嗚哇啊！」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ378zUuvuAI
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這可是我的「正常」呀
自討苦吃的日常
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這道、那道疤痕也是，見證著361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbtAlIfRejm
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE8RgxKyyxO
我的「正常」，純粹自欺欺人而已
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「嗚⋯嗚⋯⋯嗚⋯咽⋯⋯」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1cjbyz0T2Z
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「為什麼⋯⋯」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNJf0Dqyh9
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我所嚮往的361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2zWfwflIaB
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所謂的361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNW4rSoqYO
361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡic0ggz8UN4
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「正常」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpNTyrgXo0D
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純粹是個謊言361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnatB6wnCMW
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「嗚⋯嗚⋯⋯」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtS5PJUA7Ua
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「⋯你要是說出去，我可真的把你殺了」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEjIGrEMQNb
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⋯⋯361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5BY9XyrJF
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所以說，我是異類嗎？361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ52vRtMMFHf
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「⋯⋯再見了」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdT7wkJskCG
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當然361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWhviNQhU0C
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那麼這份「不正常」是自出生而有的嗎？
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「切」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAn2k1iBhWn
「等了這麼久⋯嗯？」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXftTTib3l
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氣息在小巷傳來，張開眼睛，長髮的，走過了我的狩獵範圍361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡILPYaLD8W2
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「嘿⋯」361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPuPSpGME7P
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自討而已361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeXn4QzdUW5
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正常，從來只是一個藉口
快樂便是生活著而活得有意義
大概吧？
ns216.73.216.146da2
