惡名之下
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致不想回想起的記憶
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我不是那種「一般」的孩子371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBhSEAkqNVc
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp819TVsN59
但特殊得來，又不叫人驕傲的特別371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1cfveCZXRH
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童年、成長、至今，我深知自己和其他人的不同，正因如此，我也因為這份特殊與我該在的地方、該有的身分道出分離宣言
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不是我害怕371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrV6YDxqWE2
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQCzlbvu99k
是害怕自身
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世界很奇怪，只是不一樣的，所謂之「特別」，往往引人恐懼，危險的出現371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgqMETQ0kUx
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因為不同，意味改變371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmgSPvZJ5Hm
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縱然沒人希望遇上困難，但又想克服，就只能待困難自己解決、或是自身忽然學懂如何去使吹灰之力的程度371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLrRETP4tt7
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卻現實中，是沒有可能發生此種事，萬物不由己生，正如沒有不勞而獲，其之獲的勞，純粹不是由自己付出而已371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8PgXMULgm
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這道理371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREWRjcdezd
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我是明白的371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj1M6sEDl8o
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但又現實中，我做不了什麼，我無法展現自己在這方面的認知371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujv916PWTc
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZkR0uhlZF
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcoPQUDDI31
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—— 啪喇 ——371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6jRRRVLY4p
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「廢物！」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM7MWdOj8SQ
「您是吃撐沒事幹嗎？！」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgQZKmHECD
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhR5Tcftzw
見玻璃零碎散落，深紅沾在純黑的地毯，清脆響亮的聲響堪比硫磺一發，暗中的深紅滿滲若如蚊餐一地，儘管而言並非直對此方，隱約可見利片刺中了自己371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ203j74lMBu
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDwKw8RWQu
「現在有毛有翼曉升天了，作反了哦？！」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr5X0LkZDpX
「您究竟是不是真的弱智哦？！」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQ9ztLn6FZ
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLaEwTJ097
「麻煩製造者⋯您可真是⋯⋯可不可以有點自知之名？」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNtohS2Ahn
「該死⋯」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmMIEh4voNf
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使力擦著額，短棕髮的她伸手到黑木桌子，「咻」一聲扯開櫃門，反手便伸入其中，撥開文具，翻走書本，往當中內最深處伸去371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SGAyl1w1B
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數聲粗魯的物品碰撞，還有其後那響亮至耳窒的拍門，女性在視野外掏出一白中漂黃的東西
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象牙製煙斗
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勾在嘴裏，同時從胸前口袋中拿出小圓盒，像口紅的造型，倒是金屬製，畢竟說到底才非打份用371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv0kkHGutwl
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96vv6zEimJ
熟練地扭開蓋鎖，拇指彈上開蓋，倒轉在煙斗的填裝位，一滴371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP7kVHz9DU4
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「⋯呼⋯⋯」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqBM37yJryf
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雜草味，燒靑草的氣味，少許攻鼻，但並不濃，再者也未到刺激的程度，單純是蠻有葉綠味而已，連漂出來的白煙也幾乎不存在，室內散佈最強烈的，唯有植物的味道
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背對自己，她抽著煙斗，看往窗外
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不是特別高樓層，當然整座大廈也是己業前提，地方必是自己選址選樓層
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若是較高的位置，是可以看到海景，朝向東邊的海藍天，以及遠方一帶沿海的密集，高樓大廈又有，不起眼的小方塊亦有，熊本縣的各沿海城市，整個一起，掃望而入眼內371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzzrNv7bT1E
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡId4r5qkJYX
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKKCoS48LmN
但她不同，她的選擇往往比任何⋯一般人，自己所想的奇怪，然而又有其論點，要說的話，就是她擁有著不同自己，過於複雜而與別不同的想法371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTmVHcneaCt
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作風不一，思考的模式不一樣
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就好比她不打算把辦公室置於上面，而是這兒，這層，剛好不高於窗戶所面向，商店街的頂蓋，的一層
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371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIkl2DcXoZB
看到車站、酒吧街街頭、商場門口，各種
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因為她要真正的「全景」
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我真的搞不清楚，嘛，無法理解
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好比她究竟是怎樣看待自己一樣
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我知道，我也明白自己現在可是搞出大麻煩了，不但引起了刑警的注意，還有引致本地一眾不良、暴走族的騷動，現在回望，嘛，還真是想也想不到自己有這麼的能力371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3EteeoCOkc
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371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfsfYzvP20G
抑或說，是我一直以來，低估了老姐她的聲譽及影響力371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe4hKRXJi59
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山松組的力量371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOVPZWUW75c
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「您到底⋯什麼時候才會學乖呀？混帳⋯」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwYL9MJaGRO
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaW2wVNz7EA
回神過來，她已經坐了在那辦工椅上，左腳放右腳膝頭，口中濃吐淡煙，即使口氣稍安定，放大的瞳孔凶剎不爾371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ16CEFUHFSg
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她是我的姐姐371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCn7Mu5leT
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山松組的老大371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ILTHFzEb1
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大和英加371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu0l5zjNeaW
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「說話啊」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzC5DFvccex
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央百花371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8G4EiwY5J
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我努力地站在原處，就這樣一聲不吭，但是視線一交上，就看不了更多，看不到，尋找不到視線可聚落之處，可是呢，她可還生氣著，直對自己371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsoeA42jkP
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「⋯我可不會當你啞的」
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「⋯⋯你要是不說話⋯那好⋯⋯好⋯」
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「就讓我倆在這，一直⋯一直在這」
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「在這一起浪費時間，反正⋯ 我 · 很 · 閒 」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdpDa7JCnqT
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「⋯⋯」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgz9gCs8MHt
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呼吸聲由緊縫的唇瓣洩出，曾有再多的話，希望反駁、說理，又說不出，不在她面前371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4xLwwTVZX
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6GQEBvhzA
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我不只是害怕，畢竟目前為止，一生中最敬重，亦最不喜歡的，也是她，我的姐姐371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbac4VgfUgT
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她為我做了很多，太多，甚至我了解，自己所認知的，只是整幅拼圖的一小塊371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRcaMRTp1Pa
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理應我該做好自己就好了，對她來說是最好了371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeiM2wzEZh8
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所以說，我到底做了什麼？371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVafDcAIuQZ
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我在反叛嗎？可能371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xEhzRNlIB
為了什麼？
為了什麼⋯？
成為些什麼的身分？
為了她的認同？
⋯⋯
我不知道
我自己也搞不清楚
回去一開始談到的地方
我選擇了前者
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讓困難自己解決371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4uJSEtRqVd
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但困難就是自己371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlXkr4Fyzg
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所以才裝模作樣，卻又成了反效果，或是說，我從來也沒有想清楚任何事情，而衝進去做371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrx2iWOo88q
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9SjN4igJgb
我做事沒腦根、理性，是後來的事情，日益嚴重，動不動就動氣，感性行事，這樣子便不用想了，不用想太多了371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkdQtDhuoXl
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不用去想更多平時的負面了371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3L0YXLOxb
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單憑感覺行事371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEpND63BBEh
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這樣子便不用去研究他人的目光、想法，自己的得失，將來的後果，麻煩的各種371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGBuVxRz3z
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反正本身裏頭已經積累了太多371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmLnNp0aOl
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確實地問我，是不是很想孤立自己？371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCAmz3dQ87U
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別開玩笑371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtDc7OImb91
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但我有選擇嗎？371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvRXzzcTnxY
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注定無法「正常」地生活的我，注定混混噩噩過日子的自己，大概⋯本身已經叫姐姐她傷心了吧？371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjVZ8X0qq1A
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不過單是自己也是371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFTCAn6MdtF
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我不想這樣子371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡydP7u5jTyx
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我不希望這樣子的「特別」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPZO6hWt11
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但對自己來說，所謂的「未來」已是注定的
不能做到什麼
不能實現什麼
那怕是已經放棄得崩潰、討厭自己
也不能有什麼改變
我看不到明天，也看不到昨天
但⋯有分別嗎？
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當初的命運已經被注定，因為自己是大和氏，因為和那混帳有關係，因為⋯因為371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM10VtQDjh1
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我根本沒有能力去保護自己371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS8Vql6mVB7
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沒有能力371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0f9aCtbVIH
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一直以來也是371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxnrndtyzlg
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我⋯⋯371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxk5iQBbdaK
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我371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx35FobCUjS
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我根本沒有選擇371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt2lbqqevVY
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現在的話，選不選擇也沒差別吧⋯371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfUn9NWRaud
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算啦⋯371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZ19MSghFl
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就讓我自暴自棄吧
將我棄之不理吧
但一定，一定
一定會被反對為結果吧
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「⋯」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYYj7Ge1zKN
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怎也沒所謂了371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7ji6cjGpY
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7yUtg65p8Z
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「⋯算了」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSMV9yYdu69
「我要出去食晚飯了」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeZfQKcvCVi
「你打算怎樣子呢」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkiI389ITc
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ1TABWLJ2k
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「⋯⋯嗯」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUM1Kz8CQx
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371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡefV0AhVr1f
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沒所謂了371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgHqFnUbb39
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「⋯⋯」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9Mxtcp2GO
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反正我就是生下來那刻開始被詛咒了371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjnrWOA9AF
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反正是我自己弄到自己得如此下場371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGsgsyJjx8W
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反正371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqqATIBT7AN
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「⋯」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4CLIZlP8r
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「笨蛋」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXiBEoOv1f
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp54WVCBiNd
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