致美好正常的過去
如何才能再次像一個正常人地存在生活
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其實作為宿主，並不是唯一死刑315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvuuZt8K2I1
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前提，是特殊情況之下315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvjUEtzDnM8
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這也是大概為什麼KDUL能趕到此地的原因吧315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZB99ughLx2
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大概315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqiIRbuGPI
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這也是為什麼我一開始如此被幼稚騎劫理性的原因315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeZYHQ2ecD4
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這也是為什麼我的人生如此「不正常」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3PVDg8feF
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「⋯」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtXlrDyWSnZ
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突然間吹來的陣風，由兩腿直上，大腿、大腿內側，臉到眼皮上，睜眼315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQd1xz6ikFE
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「⋯⋯啊？呀？！啊？！」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYl1E1i9m6i
「不、不要！拜、拜托！別捉弄人家了！」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6etkJrbvsA
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想直接鑽入桶內，雖叫不可行，若把裙子扯至能遮蔽的地方，可是會遭流水沾到，在極致羞恥的時候315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItRR7DVEZm
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不良日常性時候315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2stJmLlrUk
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身體總是遲遲未能反應，倒是淚會第一時間衝出，明明是不會有對手和其比得到反應速度，再說，不要論這般只是叫他們變本加厲315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKGVvtZ0A2
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「還『人家人家』，女生又不是，男生又不是，人妖就人妖啦！」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU06KfJdjf1
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「哇～來看看娘娘腔！噁～」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTaWvp47jHX
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「不要這樣啦！是半個女生⋯半個怪物啦！」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZv37l5wFQn
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「你們不要這樣說水無月啦！」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9QvFk7Lj9B
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「對、對呀！好壞哦！」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFpyHFLyUG2
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「嗯～可是呢，要不是待下他變怪物咬人啦！」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejUJHA2Oh0
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「看呀！有尾巴和耳朵了！」
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崎品宿主是有後天性以外的可能，先天性，我就是其一，跨代遺傳，親父母經過詳細驗證後，結果仍為陰性，但舅父⋯
『不要！不要！求你了！』
『好痛喔！停下來嘛！！』
『嗚咽啊！！唔咳咿呀！』
『嗚咽⋯』
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⋯⋯簡單來說，是剛巧地，遺傳了基因缺陷315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6g1swaegmx
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由誕生的那瞬間，身體患輕微白化病，更是出現了雙性徵⋯先天缺陷*，而原因？是因為崎品的激素，影響的不直接是我，而是母家的基因，對崎品的感染不抗拒性，先天傳了下來，我便在母體內感染，便這樣⋯來到了世上315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQOTT2TJlm
*(5-alpha-reductase deficiency)
被當成異類般315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9chtwGoId
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「呀！來了、來了！」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICyAtfRAff
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「走啊～」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZLZSqHcRs
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而怪物、猛獸，若是想與人共聚，必須有所牽制，有能防止其「暴亂」的存在，有一個「主人」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxHFGNhk1iM
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構成「異類」的形象，是分別要有兩種因素 —— 「怪異」 和 「不親和性」，我的存在主要是前者，而有後者特性的，是⋯315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIUdtLdSC6E
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他315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNqq9ej7MKi
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「又被欺負了嗎？」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAC2bKX5SbY
MUC- 311602，3月11日16時02分，是我誕生的那刻
以自己出生時間為名的他，是我人生第一個遇見的人形，也是伴隨我成長的唯一，不是「朋友」，也絕不可能是，但我承認他存在，使我真正成為「怪物」的存在315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRawltDMr0o
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並非和現在，即此刻，普遍所見的人形設計明顯地不一，應該是和現在日本廳長同一型號，我才不知道，只是認得同樣的白色，如水晶一樣反光的皮膚，還有如膠管一樣的頭髮315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSX6wJKWkM
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可能是那不平常的外表，也可能是仔細觀察，便能得見腰間的鋁合金盒子，還有那冰冷的氣場315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTj4AGXdcF7
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老實說，當唯一照顧、保護自己也是帶來傷害的，就特別顯得自己孤獨，因為沒有其他人去依賴，不得不望向唯一，守望同時傷害自己的他，這也是為什麼他從來並不是我的朋友，我恨他，但也無可奈何地，他不在身邊自己則是會被傷害，恨不下，愛不上，若是重來不有他的存在的話，反是好315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkgM9LJN6eU
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先天性宿主，除了有人形監視外還有晶片，頸部植入一塊追蹤及有抑制系統之晶片，喲，不就放生的標準動作無誤嘛？315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQbJafxxuC
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⋯⋯315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡirgq5fR0kg
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怎也好呢315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQH95DIJ0bG
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「⋯⋯」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZj8HwtQQt
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「為什麼不鎖門呢？」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcTpSnJvNfD
「去廁所也好歹開個燈呢⋯不阻你了」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TMeQkTJzo
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—— 咔 ——315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0SFMFaHWLQ
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⋯315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRy5qop7xAl
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⋯⋯315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfyczVD202w
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「⋯⋯就是不想讓人知道我在這呀⋯啊⋯」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRtItPx4Df
「嗚⋯」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNuBnaKjhlh
本來以為到中學便會情況有所好轉，但不見得
關上位於男廁和女廁之間的大門，位於午膳時間的走廊不算多人，但任憑一對好奇、厭惡，有眼色的視線落在身上，便如同把自己摳打著315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNcuzhaS5jP
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最好便把自己弄到和標誌上的人同一個模樣315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZ2En2cUGi
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傷殘
「同學，請問——」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEKxkVkIrx9
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「啊？！」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgifESlAcp2
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—— 啪噹 ——315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFeL7XJ0CvW
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害怕視線交流，也害怕交流本身315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYMoBaV3fpN
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但儘管這樣，自己也希望「正常」起來，和那孩子一樣，和這孩子一樣，和⋯315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYktQYzYqHc
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她一樣315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9EvufaMrH
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乖巧、友善、親人，她是我的相反315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaX5OeYb2cC
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在我的眼中，她根本是另一個世界的人315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLXYlfE2hZ
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「對不起！」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvRLDJPKIKg
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拾起地上的餐具，裏面為紅色，外面則是黑色的便當盒，低著頭，跪在地上，不行，不能，我討厭這樣，拜托離開我吧，請——315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFLXEkJT33
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「來」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBDezVeGBVh
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「⋯謝謝」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOSe6FRdxP
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我討厭這樣的自己，特別是在她面前，在襯衫胸袋上有紅字黃底襟章的她前，作為風紀股長的她前315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6VluRvAqhq
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怎麼説呢，或許在初中的我，存在只會被她確定315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8D4iRVIJlt
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雖然實際上的欺凌少了，但取而代之，是絕對的冷漠，情況不可以叫好轉，說到底，我並不是那種凡事沒問題，可接受的人，嘛，好歹是個頑固的，自己不相信自己是，好歹⋯315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4ljBNpLn9
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我並不是沒遇過更壞的事315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlNT6yLbTd4
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「那個，水無月？」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvOgRPmasyH
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「怎麼了？」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNGxmA3pg5z
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正因這樣，我不希望在唯一前，做出會被否定的行為，例如表現得像個孩子，表現失禮⋯被發現是「廁所飯」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBifnDsXF9t
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各種315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2dMgPboVJZ
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所以說，活得正常，對於自己來說的話，難道是奢侈的嗎？315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbSAuK17NpC
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「⋯我回來了」
快樂是一種⋯只能回顧的味道，因為太容易習慣，就好像不到零下一度就總是以為暑假一定是三十度，熱時寧願凍，冷時寧願天氣熱，會習慣、忘記、太輕易被其他情緒蓋過、混於一起，是説在開心的時候不會察覺自己在笑的道理315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOCbRvOqTtZ
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且只能回味315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0OaJZigOkP
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「回來了嗎，島見？」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk7DeFUXk9l
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「嗯，回來了，媽媽⋯」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRmjgF063L4
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放下背包是確實地放下了負累，仍然是前所未有的感覺，當然，回味的時候才發覺，畢竟那時的感覺，純粹是當下，是「發生了」而已315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfY8zdyUuWV
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「喲，島見，聽媽媽說，媽媽今天——」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYwlvtvPHq
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「媽媽⋯」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXgAJiQMKNM
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「⋯⋯是的？」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02G7Rsk0wL
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回想起來，自己啊，真是不會珍惜，不知足呢315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04QnDWWBLK
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「明天也是⋯便當不用弄我的份了」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGKMD9ajY91
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語畢，我跑到樓上去，嘗試把微笑藏著，但有些情緒是不能隱藏起來，例如自小的抑鬱與自卑，還有這刻極為奇特的轉變，媽媽知道，爸爸也是，一直以來也知道，這點我也知道315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmqbtdwIxlR
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我可不是小孩子了⋯⋯呢315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡELacDBuGmi
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呢315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNXRPsVMouH
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開始了不知多久，三個月？至少一個學期吧，事情就如此突然，事情就如此戲劇性，能和她一起，彷彿為一個幻想，不同世界的人，居然可以坐在這裏，我居然會被人照顧，世上接納自己的外人居然存在315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCwWPVCm9hq
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幸福曾經存在，我經歷過，品嚐過，居然能有如此的一刻315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWwm7mDxUYN
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來得太突然了
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「那個，水無月，怎說呢⋯本來還以為你是個⋯怎說呢⋯⋯難親近的人呢」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbB5lLnubcb
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「欸？」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4oMcQ30bS
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「哈哈～不過看起來只是氣息而已」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkADSTs4SuC
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「這樣嗎⋯？」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtzSqjPvouy
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也太順利了
也才得意忘形
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「赤⋯賀羽醬可真是個好朋友呢！」
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逐漸自滿起來315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1QOQqhU0Az
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「生日快樂！」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZv2az1WjKC
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「這個是你弄的嗎？謝謝♡～」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD445brLcPw
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太過成功才使人後悔啊315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7WtjS45x6t
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「⋯賀羽⋯⋯」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7JH6OaWd0O
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「⋯」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvnbJJD6lp
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—— 噗 ——315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSBY3qBh78l
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「喜歡」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Hl0D6PV1P
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「嗚⋯咽⋯⋯」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUz0mEFWu5Q
「太好了⋯」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLntsbGu8SB
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如果時間能稍微走慢點就好呢⋯315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4pYzNDkS9l
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如果⋯315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa1gcFu59uV
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持續這樣順利就好了呢⋯⋯315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX5uzu0F5XA
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來得太突然了，去得太突然315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0lzcQHKDZ
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「什麼？」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuzRksP0PTn
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「⋯對不起⋯⋯賀羽，我也不想的——」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLShYWg06bv
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消息是事實，將會發生，不久之後，即使伸出雙手，也抓不住多少，留不下什麼，什麼也沒有，改變不了什麼315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQFUgB8fcz0
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「你和人家道歉有什麼用啊⋯」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgopMQxtOY
「我⋯我已經一無所有了⋯嗚⋯⋯」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9b8r1kmB5
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「⋯對不起⋯」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsunx88FqvI
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對不起有什麼用？315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkK1x7A8ijn
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道歉又有什麼用？315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHkojrsSj9
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卻315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm9xS3BsaGH
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如何裝飾過的精麗動人的言詞，終究改變不了315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9oht2YbRL
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要説再見了嗎？315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg177l4dybd
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我不想315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaR1hmHrhnm
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我不想笑著，和若無其事一樣，說再見，回到那個「正常」的日子，回歸那樣的生活中315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO77XKLFq40
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這下子不只是離別，是失去，奪走315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9IsayyQ3dn
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我不想那樣子315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZjbkmSxASO
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但如同自己所提及，我做不了什麼，不，其實可能是有，或許有這麼個機會，我找不到而已，我不肯去找而已315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPGdBFa8cbG
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對，我經不起失敗，我承受不了錯誤了315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuTb2aTWqNo
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不在這般的前半生之後315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SARbEF88n
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⋯⋯315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtpkrnfdt0e
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無論如何，日子倒是來了315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH6L2VvJxiM
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最後的笑容，就在當刻315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6NERXGINeR
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無人知曉的山林，看不到任何建築物，唯見山林和草木拼起的大地，背著式微的陽光，黃昏的太陽到此刻亦為燃燒自己的存在而已，靠在她的懷中，帽外套吸收的陽光、溫暖叫我熱得出汗，但不行，我不可以放手，放不了手，我才不要這樣子結束315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡryJG28LdHG
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlzJ1KhdxA我不接受315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7RL1S441wL
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMAvPSQzkeZ我不接受315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYXboKHANN
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—— 啾 ——315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw7R0k7NgEq
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我不接受315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7fGgqQ6rEJ
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「賀羽⋯？」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdbr8RHTbrH
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—— 啾 ——315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtjilKiWn3
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「賀⋯⋯羽⋯這樣⋯⋯」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9PvCa39Xb2
「啾⋯咕⋯⋯不⋯唔⋯」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytTbjX9PME
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我不接受這樣的結果315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5nmR7d50W
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「嗚哇啊？！！賀羽！住、住手！拜託了！」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfJ2FFPxtpm
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當時的我，只是任憑感覺去而已315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM0XkTplYgP
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「不、不行啊！！嗚哇！賀羽！」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx6KlJTnntD
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我的本性315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuQUeq62moS
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「救命呀！嗚 —— 救我 ——」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAZzYM1vR8
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—— 啪 ——315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYuMEEzBThG
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「給我閉嘴」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmMqo9IxRW4
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「—— 嗚⋯⋯！」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHRiGItlw4
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我終究只是野獸而已呢315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDf5FRyEof
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「⋯怎麼？！呀⋯？！嗚！停下來！求你了！！」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWyo4jHrkq8
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「沒用的⋯你自己看呀⋯哈哈⋯⋯」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEzFyFRZ4O
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而作為人形野獸真的該死315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ98SalVu3SQ
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如此痛苦也是活該315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPatvGFUkk
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忘記不能也是315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqE3fdOO0d7
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「我可把晶片挖出來了！」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsaxGbdyXN2
「現在靜靜的認命吧！」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtnnNMdM2pX
「張開口！」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5pJWyo9hJd
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「嗚咳啊⋯嗯？！咳 —— 咕唔？！」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWUug2WDWI
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發現了嗎？315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6NFF4wpIrR
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「好痛啊！不、不要！！咿嗚哇啊！」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1K6qzSmhR
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這可是我的「正常」呀
自討苦吃的日常
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這道、那道疤痕也是，見證著315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPmlae6abe
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5uzEPVWHAK
我的「正常」，純粹自欺欺人而已
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「嗚⋯嗚⋯⋯嗚⋯咽⋯⋯」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmFpqZJRl5M
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「為什麼⋯⋯」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT3UGSGDM3F
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我所嚮往的315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfoNKfK9enx
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所謂的315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBvYG8UHfpP
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「正常」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIH2XxAXBcd
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純粹是個謊言315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZJedy4HJn
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「嗚⋯嗚⋯⋯」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6B2anKxz7
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「⋯你要是說出去，我可真的把你殺了」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0erXXEa1x5
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⋯⋯315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITjGVBrqAH
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所以說，我是異類嗎？315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6FrGhmD5f
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「⋯⋯再見了」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4G0gMuzfbh
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當然315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHdCzZgIIHy
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那麼這份「不正常」是自出生而有的嗎？
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「切」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtdEcWL66t
「等了這麼久⋯嗯？」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUfP0MgrGk5
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氣息在小巷傳來，張開眼睛，長髮的，走過了我的狩獵範圍315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUcxrVOFc4
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「嘿⋯」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3tOkw7FRe
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自討而已315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9RQr5EynDz
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正常，從來只是一個藉口
快樂便是生活著而活得有意義
大概吧？
ns3.143.17.164da2
