惡名之下
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致不想回想起的記憶
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我不是那種「一般」的孩子372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcy7T455sCy
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAUHdwQbHR3
但特殊得來，又不叫人驕傲的特別372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ53UdIQtq9j
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童年、成長、至今，我深知自己和其他人的不同，正因如此，我也因為這份特殊與我該在的地方、該有的身分道出分離宣言
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不是我害怕372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2P0i372Eu
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuDuD2GsZ6o
是害怕自身
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世界很奇怪，只是不一樣的，所謂之「特別」，往往引人恐懼，危險的出現372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhaWPBbAg13
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因為不同，意味改變372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3uqTB59Zw3
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縱然沒人希望遇上困難，但又想克服，就只能待困難自己解決、或是自身忽然學懂如何去使吹灰之力的程度372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGJuMETnbV
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqnxZ9dmqQe
卻現實中，是沒有可能發生此種事，萬物不由己生，正如沒有不勞而獲，其之獲的勞，純粹不是由自己付出而已372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNBbZvmOIRv
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這道理372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ZR0FBpLF1
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDGSuQZsAnH
我是明白的372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNYafZo7Ud
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdEBD57J8u2
但又現實中，我做不了什麼，我無法展現自己在這方面的認知372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡztf9OytsqF
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKksLggR2Zn
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnEH60kh1Uq
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNQfA5rAux
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvunp1U9E0k
—— 啪喇 ——372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQn5GABbHga
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB747BNXFof
「廢物！」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwRwC4evBrr
「您是吃撐沒事幹嗎？！」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡErh1TD22eW
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZwaVBntg0
見玻璃零碎散落，深紅沾在純黑的地毯，清脆響亮的聲響堪比硫磺一發，暗中的深紅滿滲若如蚊餐一地，儘管而言並非直對此方，隱約可見利片刺中了自己372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwB6yFn8lHs
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3eMYjhE6cC
「現在有毛有翼曉升天了，作反了哦？！」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEB1z15v6ak
「您究竟是不是真的弱智哦？！」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuSBCJq0uka
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNehSAZYXib
「麻煩製造者⋯您可真是⋯⋯可不可以有點自知之名？」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmJeazZEbXR
「該死⋯」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuXiF9IG6ZD
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使力擦著額，短棕髮的她伸手到黑木桌子，「咻」一聲扯開櫃門，反手便伸入其中，撥開文具，翻走書本，往當中內最深處伸去372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPBYVpiRBjc
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數聲粗魯的物品碰撞，還有其後那響亮至耳窒的拍門，女性在視野外掏出一白中漂黃的東西
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372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNIjNzcsrzb
象牙製煙斗
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勾在嘴裏，同時從胸前口袋中拿出小圓盒，像口紅的造型，倒是金屬製，畢竟說到底才非打份用372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ4lBc4zYab
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡewCuJPJD79
熟練地扭開蓋鎖，拇指彈上開蓋，倒轉在煙斗的填裝位，一滴372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFnMDbJSfKA
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「⋯呼⋯⋯」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtx9O0h9i65
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雜草味，燒靑草的氣味，少許攻鼻，但並不濃，再者也未到刺激的程度，單純是蠻有葉綠味而已，連漂出來的白煙也幾乎不存在，室內散佈最強烈的，唯有植物的味道
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背對自己，她抽著煙斗，看往窗外
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372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM5wJucrAOY
不是特別高樓層，當然整座大廈也是己業前提，地方必是自己選址選樓層
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372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzg3hAxUjeD
若是較高的位置，是可以看到海景，朝向東邊的海藍天，以及遠方一帶沿海的密集，高樓大廈又有，不起眼的小方塊亦有，熊本縣的各沿海城市，整個一起，掃望而入眼內372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4LkWRKPh4u
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQnvuHcRTp
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAo3Z8hxWCK
但她不同，她的選擇往往比任何⋯一般人，自己所想的奇怪，然而又有其論點，要說的話，就是她擁有著不同自己，過於複雜而與別不同的想法372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4VTcbDeiwe
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372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZkQCVmNzWN
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZMyNcWck5Z
作風不一，思考的模式不一樣
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372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdcC5uimmyn
就好比她不打算把辦公室置於上面，而是這兒，這層，剛好不高於窗戶所面向，商店街的頂蓋，的一層
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdtNFuOscHi
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVwzE3D5a24
看到車站、酒吧街街頭、商場門口，各種
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372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNCKqwinXL
因為她要真正的「全景」
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372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZahFA9oERf
我真的搞不清楚，嘛，無法理解
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好比她究竟是怎樣看待自己一樣
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372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ35RGrk2kPn
我知道，我也明白自己現在可是搞出大麻煩了，不但引起了刑警的注意，還有引致本地一眾不良、暴走族的騷動，現在回望，嘛，還真是想也想不到自己有這麼的能力372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPoE35jFxA
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xWa4BX3Ri
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOFNgWVICoe
抑或說，是我一直以來，低估了老姐她的聲譽及影響力372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡag5zhZipQs
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6mBPpVLCP5
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山松組的力量372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLlPYXi6CB
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「您到底⋯什麼時候才會學乖呀？混帳⋯」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF4ZBRMhqRP
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaC6PLtTypg
回神過來，她已經坐了在那辦工椅上，左腳放右腳膝頭，口中濃吐淡煙，即使口氣稍安定，放大的瞳孔凶剎不爾372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmi7AapCmbi
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她是我的姐姐372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8HaI4kRojt
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BAAOA2w5W
山松組的老大372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqVFlABhmdQ
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSYUJn3DiCB
大和英加372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6tGvYheYQ
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJCp23wYw0
「說話啊」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfruwweZQGq
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJdrW5M0Bib
央百花372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3wfGDiUd36
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXxwt1Pceac
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhcmNJSpwIf
我努力地站在原處，就這樣一聲不吭，但是視線一交上，就看不了更多，看不到，尋找不到視線可聚落之處，可是呢，她可還生氣著，直對自己372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLxFZsHdoL
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8XOqAbKGXJ
「⋯我可不會當你啞的」
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「⋯⋯你要是不說話⋯那好⋯⋯好⋯」
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF3iCnCreKS
「就讓我倆在這，一直⋯一直在這」
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「在這一起浪費時間，反正⋯ 我 · 很 · 閒 」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLFo5rm6C4P
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUgfruDYDm
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB5BCPDz47R
「⋯⋯」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsULEMR6apk
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8li2EK857
呼吸聲由緊縫的唇瓣洩出，曾有再多的話，希望反駁、說理，又說不出，不在她面前372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvnYG8JWNR
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl2e6nyqwwj
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZuApZtKU1
我不只是害怕，畢竟目前為止，一生中最敬重，亦最不喜歡的，也是她，我的姐姐372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZlfOXBEbc
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoYOE4uDMZY
她為我做了很多，太多，甚至我了解，自己所認知的，只是整幅拼圖的一小塊372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUhaL7JfANB
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdnW57zPxjp
理應我該做好自己就好了，對她來說是最好了372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnQ0VnpwNh
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlaieaSPSC
所以說，我到底做了什麼？372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTTXdtFhggY
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我在反叛嗎？可能372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3rMCbhIYg
為了什麼？
為了什麼⋯？
成為些什麼的身分？
為了她的認同？
⋯⋯
我不知道
我自己也搞不清楚
回去一開始談到的地方
我選擇了前者
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvz3foq50eV
讓困難自己解決372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJXuRS7MfJ9
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但困難就是自己372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzi7212yGO
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所以才裝模作樣，卻又成了反效果，或是說，我從來也沒有想清楚任何事情，而衝進去做372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2RZzQfojw
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jEDf8fy3l
我做事沒腦根、理性，是後來的事情，日益嚴重，動不動就動氣，感性行事，這樣子便不用想了，不用想太多了372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8fbUH4Xibi
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不用去想更多平時的負面了372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIFqQPWDJ0W
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單憑感覺行事372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIOd8B6ebm0
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這樣子便不用去研究他人的目光、想法，自己的得失，將來的後果，麻煩的各種372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECX9hkoKfc
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1dhTuQZfP
反正本身裏頭已經積累了太多372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRzo8WJUKx
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確實地問我，是不是很想孤立自己？372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzq7L29KDhp
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別開玩笑372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxxaBSl1gu
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但我有選擇嗎？372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ89ZUpkKcTP
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注定無法「正常」地生活的我，注定混混噩噩過日子的自己，大概⋯本身已經叫姐姐她傷心了吧？372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbnm2w60aOm
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不過單是自己也是372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjEz7Y1dW2B
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我不想這樣子372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAr3VnJPujG
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我不希望這樣子的「特別」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGRjiV97S8c
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但對自己來說，所謂的「未來」已是注定的
不能做到什麼
不能實現什麼
那怕是已經放棄得崩潰、討厭自己
也不能有什麼改變
我看不到明天，也看不到昨天
但⋯有分別嗎？
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYSFjVCegv
當初的命運已經被注定，因為自己是大和氏，因為和那混帳有關係，因為⋯因為372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNCBclPKVxp
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我根本沒有能力去保護自己372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFlY3mWThZ6
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沒有能力372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr4WrIpG93N
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一直以來也是372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6pD3niVmYP
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我⋯⋯372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuOaZudzJYt
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我372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQRwqqlyO1s
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我根本沒有選擇372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ72nEdXGIh0
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現在的話，選不選擇也沒差別吧⋯372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEcq41ILGKV
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算啦⋯372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡntNztroYt8
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuJ81YfvHUH
就讓我自暴自棄吧
將我棄之不理吧
但一定，一定
一定會被反對為結果吧
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「⋯」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpTfgcTzfa7
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怎也沒所謂了372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡda06NjGlZE
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「⋯算了」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsF9jbFcBx2
「我要出去食晚飯了」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsnxdX79A0I
「你打算怎樣子呢」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvDseiS035o
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「⋯⋯嗯」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxbSiLCPcPu
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沒所謂了372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnY7HvbVb9L
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJThjvlpowt
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「⋯⋯」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrD4FaLmnwQ
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372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrqWTw5ej1
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反正我就是生下來那刻開始被詛咒了372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqIlhmlvUX4
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反正是我自己弄到自己得如此下場372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoEfjN5rRLe
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反正372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiGsgWrU6s7
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「⋯」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQU4aIfoPID
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「笨蛋」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMcJXP43LCv
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