致美好正常的過去
如何才能再次像一個正常人地存在生活
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其實作為宿主，並不是唯一死刑317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwRE0IuUGcE
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前提，是特殊情況之下317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWTloqZ7vu6
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這也是大概為什麼KDUL能趕到此地的原因吧317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFzhGtaRiu9
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大概317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvkLkt8QlX3
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這也是為什麼我一開始如此被幼稚騎劫理性的原因317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqTecOpIfSU
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這也是為什麼我的人生如此「不正常」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi7xXzCjrCo
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「⋯」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIuWhsQ3iP
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突然間吹來的陣風，由兩腿直上，大腿、大腿內側，臉到眼皮上，睜眼317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG0KWkZx5yW
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「⋯⋯啊？呀？！啊？！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuDT8ceo1dQ
「不、不要！拜、拜托！別捉弄人家了！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcDSeYlnrP
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想直接鑽入桶內，雖叫不可行，若把裙子扯至能遮蔽的地方，可是會遭流水沾到，在極致羞恥的時候317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6koI32GR5
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不良日常性時候317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJI47Oeo9Z1
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身體總是遲遲未能反應，倒是淚會第一時間衝出，明明是不會有對手和其比得到反應速度，再說，不要論這般只是叫他們變本加厲317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8VlD8IHls
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「還『人家人家』，女生又不是，男生又不是，人妖就人妖啦！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡksFh4M6zBd
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「哇～來看看娘娘腔！噁～」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQ7Jiod2XG
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「不要這樣啦！是半個女生⋯半個怪物啦！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ITgl2e69e
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「你們不要這樣說水無月啦！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtCpCF5snn
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「對、對呀！好壞哦！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVUGm5tmrN6
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「嗯～可是呢，要不是待下他變怪物咬人啦！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBjJQxFnaYY
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「看呀！有尾巴和耳朵了！」
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崎品宿主是有後天性以外的可能，先天性，我就是其一，跨代遺傳，親父母經過詳細驗證後，結果仍為陰性，但舅父⋯
『不要！不要！求你了！』
『好痛喔！停下來嘛！！』
『嗚咽啊！！唔咳咿呀！』
『嗚咽⋯』
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⋯⋯簡單來說，是剛巧地，遺傳了基因缺陷317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuwDFBQb2fD
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由誕生的那瞬間，身體患輕微白化病，更是出現了雙性徵⋯先天缺陷*，而原因？是因為崎品的激素，影響的不直接是我，而是母家的基因，對崎品的感染不抗拒性，先天傳了下來，我便在母體內感染，便這樣⋯來到了世上317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWiqok6ciB
*(5-alpha-reductase deficiency)
被當成異類般317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIIS0AJSsXv
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「呀！來了、來了！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Z4i3ftaR5
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「走啊～」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡenQyuwzkhE
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而怪物、猛獸，若是想與人共聚，必須有所牽制，有能防止其「暴亂」的存在，有一個「主人」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtzWv4LGqxi
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構成「異類」的形象，是分別要有兩種因素 —— 「怪異」 和 「不親和性」，我的存在主要是前者，而有後者特性的，是⋯317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIRscyo2AC
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他317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhllpXEPe0Z
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「又被欺負了嗎？」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEzbubW7QFS
MUC- 311602，3月11日16時02分，是我誕生的那刻
以自己出生時間為名的他，是我人生第一個遇見的人形，也是伴隨我成長的唯一，不是「朋友」，也絕不可能是，但我承認他存在，使我真正成為「怪物」的存在317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5Xeh6ktLW
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並非和現在，即此刻，普遍所見的人形設計明顯地不一，應該是和現在日本廳長同一型號，我才不知道，只是認得同樣的白色，如水晶一樣反光的皮膚，還有如膠管一樣的頭髮317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrLbs7cG0H
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可能是那不平常的外表，也可能是仔細觀察，便能得見腰間的鋁合金盒子，還有那冰冷的氣場317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVFvGlh0stJ
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老實說，當唯一照顧、保護自己也是帶來傷害的，就特別顯得自己孤獨，因為沒有其他人去依賴，不得不望向唯一，守望同時傷害自己的他，這也是為什麼他從來並不是我的朋友，我恨他，但也無可奈何地，他不在身邊自己則是會被傷害，恨不下，愛不上，若是重來不有他的存在的話，反是好317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPUQc0ztsYb
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先天性宿主，除了有人形監視外還有晶片，頸部植入一塊追蹤及有抑制系統之晶片，喲，不就放生的標準動作無誤嘛？317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDMAOAecW6V
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⋯⋯317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPPS1DjFBp
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怎也好呢317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BHohIIQXl
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「⋯⋯」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡROCCf5rI8j
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「為什麼不鎖門呢？」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmgGWPzQc3M
「去廁所也好歹開個燈呢⋯不阻你了」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6ECu46BXu
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—— 咔 ——317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9yEmPNx4c
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⋯317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡufFdxZkVNF
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⋯⋯317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwwSBIxstyl
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「⋯⋯就是不想讓人知道我在這呀⋯啊⋯」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEGcMTdx3AA
「嗚⋯」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVfmXQ0Mbi
本來以為到中學便會情況有所好轉，但不見得
關上位於男廁和女廁之間的大門，位於午膳時間的走廊不算多人，但任憑一對好奇、厭惡，有眼色的視線落在身上，便如同把自己摳打著317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXS1fJRP7nB
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最好便把自己弄到和標誌上的人同一個模樣317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPUmIHeFy4
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傷殘
「同學，請問——」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPEhSXRMkC
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「啊？！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEs3iNkuqXj
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—— 啪噹 ——317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWDQ8XdbFLq
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害怕視線交流，也害怕交流本身317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMc2F9mdNrc
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但儘管這樣，自己也希望「正常」起來，和那孩子一樣，和這孩子一樣，和⋯317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDzDkKpNGbJ
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她一樣317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxD31KAnmN
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乖巧、友善、親人，她是我的相反317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LVyfngalc
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在我的眼中，她根本是另一個世界的人317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTS5GTHq5We
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「對不起！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9OzBLjvAn
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拾起地上的餐具，裏面為紅色，外面則是黑色的便當盒，低著頭，跪在地上，不行，不能，我討厭這樣，拜托離開我吧，請——317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡamJ7hCJqnE
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「來」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLZI6tVs3E
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「⋯謝謝」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdPnd1IkeW6
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我討厭這樣的自己，特別是在她面前，在襯衫胸袋上有紅字黃底襟章的她前，作為風紀股長的她前317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8IwuB88WE
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怎麼説呢，或許在初中的我，存在只會被她確定317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSNpc7fTdd3
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雖然實際上的欺凌少了，但取而代之，是絕對的冷漠，情況不可以叫好轉，說到底，我並不是那種凡事沒問題，可接受的人，嘛，好歹是個頑固的，自己不相信自己是，好歹⋯317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtizJ2rKVPX
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我並不是沒遇過更壞的事317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4y2EpgtcOx
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「那個，水無月？」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7rte8VeHVW
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「怎麼了？」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjNacBfVPo
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正因這樣，我不希望在唯一前，做出會被否定的行為，例如表現得像個孩子，表現失禮⋯被發現是「廁所飯」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3NgryuXvFO
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各種317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpIKXS803T
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所以說，活得正常，對於自己來說的話，難道是奢侈的嗎？317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7TMfNHtmko
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「⋯我回來了」
快樂是一種⋯只能回顧的味道，因為太容易習慣，就好像不到零下一度就總是以為暑假一定是三十度，熱時寧願凍，冷時寧願天氣熱，會習慣、忘記、太輕易被其他情緒蓋過、混於一起，是説在開心的時候不會察覺自己在笑的道理317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡelGIfuiLXv
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且只能回味317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECctx6RWsX
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「回來了嗎，島見？」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQzU7nggNk
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「嗯，回來了，媽媽⋯」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwAx21JodJ3
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放下背包是確實地放下了負累，仍然是前所未有的感覺，當然，回味的時候才發覺，畢竟那時的感覺，純粹是當下，是「發生了」而已317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgViwDQ6jub
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「喲，島見，聽媽媽說，媽媽今天——」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGKqjFuVcx
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「媽媽⋯」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFim7nQF8Jc
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「⋯⋯是的？」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1ISrMrHJf
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回想起來，自己啊，真是不會珍惜，不知足呢317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcx0MFoaeEo
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「明天也是⋯便當不用弄我的份了」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCtHbgvp9aY
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語畢，我跑到樓上去，嘗試把微笑藏著，但有些情緒是不能隱藏起來，例如自小的抑鬱與自卑，還有這刻極為奇特的轉變，媽媽知道，爸爸也是，一直以來也知道，這點我也知道317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡil93jsU4Vz
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我可不是小孩子了⋯⋯呢317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT4G0Qn6QaT
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呢317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhdg9DrnfPS
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開始了不知多久，三個月？至少一個學期吧，事情就如此突然，事情就如此戲劇性，能和她一起，彷彿為一個幻想，不同世界的人，居然可以坐在這裏，我居然會被人照顧，世上接納自己的外人居然存在317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTeosA3l9bv
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幸福曾經存在，我經歷過，品嚐過，居然能有如此的一刻317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEGqWxpInap
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來得太突然了
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「那個，水無月，怎說呢⋯本來還以為你是個⋯怎說呢⋯⋯難親近的人呢」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeP3k2zTkte
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也太順利了
也才得意忘形
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「赤⋯賀羽醬可真是個好朋友呢！」
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太過成功才使人後悔啊317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrIe2fw9tk8
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如果時間能稍微走慢點就好呢⋯317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡybPDMrLBQN
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如果⋯317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkND17w9PsZ
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持續這樣順利就好了呢⋯⋯317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQW0y3EhtKt
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消息是事實，將會發生，不久之後，即使伸出雙手，也抓不住多少，留不下什麼，什麼也沒有，改變不了什麼317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvaXVPnfS4
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卻317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF0YJoiW957
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如何裝飾過的精麗動人的言詞，終究改變不了317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKvulcM19Vi
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要説再見了嗎？317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdkDcylBVJ
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我不想317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrqVSPTmDTo
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我不想笑著，和若無其事一樣，說再見，回到那個「正常」的日子，回歸那樣的生活中317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMgC8XSNdsk
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這下子不只是離別，是失去，奪走317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDo3bwJcHr
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我不想那樣子317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5qVqIoJjc
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但如同自己所提及，我做不了什麼，不，其實可能是有，或許有這麼個機會，我找不到而已，我不肯去找而已317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzcrLnYBrW
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對，我經不起失敗，我承受不了錯誤了317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJc2x3KqSou
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不在這般的前半生之後317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ12rf6fJ0FD
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⋯⋯317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYMdtn43YMb
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無論如何，日子倒是來了317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdG4JeDI4f0
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最後的笑容，就在當刻317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKFP36aXeM
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無人知曉的山林，看不到任何建築物，唯見山林和草木拼起的大地，背著式微的陽光，黃昏的太陽到此刻亦為燃燒自己的存在而已，靠在她的懷中，帽外套吸收的陽光、溫暖叫我熱得出汗，但不行，我不可以放手，放不了手，我才不要這樣子結束317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7teq13pJQn
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—— 啾 ——317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5qe7VIHtne
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我不接受317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw29MeJSWvx
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「賀羽⋯？」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlC8m9dW3uG
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—— 啾 ——317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgHWNFHk5ww
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「啾⋯咕⋯⋯不⋯唔⋯」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgD0tIZdwA
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我不接受這樣的結果317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Gr5H1Fvwy
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「嗚哇啊？！！賀羽！住、住手！拜託了！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzppTxxtNUf
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當時的我，只是任憑感覺去而已317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2tRXVQlEu
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「不、不行啊！！嗚哇！賀羽！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2qo8Ixzu3
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我的本性317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9tlZ7xvwwc
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「救命呀！嗚 —— 救我 ——」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW314M2HNbM
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—— 啪 ——317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn9FH8lH7AX
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我終究只是野獸而已呢317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8zHzYUjRI
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「⋯怎麼？！呀⋯？！嗚！停下來！求你了！！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvy4wUZWZjJ
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「沒用的⋯你自己看呀⋯哈哈⋯⋯」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUyWHEk7BJB
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而作為人形野獸真的該死317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSNczZrvZTr
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如此痛苦也是活該317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3qsZUTw2jB
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忘記不能也是317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgsSYTGiaZ5
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「我可把晶片挖出來了！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLuvKruCxz5
「現在靜靜的認命吧！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG6nmsY9flL
「張開口！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRy0BbaujW
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「嗚咳啊⋯嗯？！咳 —— 咕唔？！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxBcymQ296
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發現了嗎？317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSv8fk2wqxn
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「好痛啊！不、不要！！咿嗚哇啊！」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUuXSNuVOQ6
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這可是我的「正常」呀
自討苦吃的日常
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這道、那道疤痕也是，見證著317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaoWMEt1wCn
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我的「正常」，純粹自欺欺人而已
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「嗚⋯嗚⋯⋯嗚⋯咽⋯⋯」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwj8PX7Z9wM
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「為什麼⋯⋯」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8jzntblDh
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我所嚮往的317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyS6oaO6ByM
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所謂的317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZ7f7TdXJY
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「正常」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kqMMeUuki
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純粹是個謊言317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9vTHwxfs1P
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「嗚⋯嗚⋯⋯」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjm2DdsDRd
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「⋯你要是說出去，我可真的把你殺了」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpImiGa3Jjx
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⋯⋯317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdr1EBOf4VV
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所以說，我是異類嗎？317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfWVBCnOFs
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「⋯⋯再見了」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUoy1d70tGf
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當然317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVG4jdsKCEM
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那麼這份「不正常」是自出生而有的嗎？
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「切」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcyMVcmbQnW
「等了這麼久⋯嗯？」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LY75yl0JU
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氣息在小巷傳來，張開眼睛，長髮的，走過了我的狩獵範圍317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdofiRYppq
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「嘿⋯」317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlukNM7HC5T
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自討而已317Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2NBsxDO7Ti
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正常，從來只是一個藉口
快樂便是生活著而活得有意義
大概吧？
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