致美好正常的過去
如何才能再次像一個正常人地存在生活
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其實作為宿主，並不是唯一死刑363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfMqTsVHOpL
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前提，是特殊情況之下363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvcVgAtdVK
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這也是大概為什麼KDUL能趕到此地的原因吧363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPLTkwKMS58
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大概363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlZg9HI83zz
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這也是為什麼我一開始如此被幼稚騎劫理性的原因363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5WOb0ccV47
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這也是為什麼我的人生如此「不正常」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL5Jk1MRUYv
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「⋯」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGalkbEyiLa
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突然間吹來的陣風，由兩腿直上，大腿、大腿內側，臉到眼皮上，睜眼363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNrZi6GxbSY
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「⋯⋯啊？呀？！啊？！」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTehP4ejIUP
「不、不要！拜、拜托！別捉弄人家了！」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP05vG824oU
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想直接鑽入桶內，雖叫不可行，若把裙子扯至能遮蔽的地方，可是會遭流水沾到，在極致羞恥的時候363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJN3hCWukjP
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不良日常性時候363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2KLluEDLXO
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身體總是遲遲未能反應，倒是淚會第一時間衝出，明明是不會有對手和其比得到反應速度，再說，不要論這般只是叫他們變本加厲363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzAJVNPOBHS
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「還『人家人家』，女生又不是，男生又不是，人妖就人妖啦！」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1OXjgs9wzA
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「哇～來看看娘娘腔！噁～」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXgWR2c7oxU
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「不要這樣啦！是半個女生⋯半個怪物啦！」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFRmFdGiLbM
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「你們不要這樣說水無月啦！」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3FZfKobHpb
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「對、對呀！好壞哦！」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvhVSMr9BT4
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「嗯～可是呢，要不是待下他變怪物咬人啦！」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxVZ1bgS3Gn
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「看呀！有尾巴和耳朵了！」
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崎品宿主是有後天性以外的可能，先天性，我就是其一，跨代遺傳，親父母經過詳細驗證後，結果仍為陰性，但舅父⋯
『不要！不要！求你了！』
『好痛喔！停下來嘛！！』
『嗚咽啊！！唔咳咿呀！』
『嗚咽⋯』
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⋯⋯簡單來說，是剛巧地，遺傳了基因缺陷363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUtCcDOoF1U
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由誕生的那瞬間，身體患輕微白化病，更是出現了雙性徵⋯先天缺陷*，而原因？是因為崎品的激素，影響的不直接是我，而是母家的基因，對崎品的感染不抗拒性，先天傳了下來，我便在母體內感染，便這樣⋯來到了世上363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4FVLBjUUtY
*(5-alpha-reductase deficiency)
被當成異類般363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeL1Ii6HBWp
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「呀！來了、來了！」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEGNmzuwraY
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「走啊～」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO70fTNWWCf
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而怪物、猛獸，若是想與人共聚，必須有所牽制，有能防止其「暴亂」的存在，有一個「主人」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9wSJVwHJa
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構成「異類」的形象，是分別要有兩種因素 —— 「怪異」 和 「不親和性」，我的存在主要是前者，而有後者特性的，是⋯363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSkTYMDdDcC
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他363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZrQde8odhJ
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「又被欺負了嗎？」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpNdIQiWfGn
MUC- 311602，3月11日16時02分，是我誕生的那刻
以自己出生時間為名的他，是我人生第一個遇見的人形，也是伴隨我成長的唯一，不是「朋友」，也絕不可能是，但我承認他存在，使我真正成為「怪物」的存在363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88ymWwpKpu
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並非和現在，即此刻，普遍所見的人形設計明顯地不一，應該是和現在日本廳長同一型號，我才不知道，只是認得同樣的白色，如水晶一樣反光的皮膚，還有如膠管一樣的頭髮363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlNSajVB4Is
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可能是那不平常的外表，也可能是仔細觀察，便能得見腰間的鋁合金盒子，還有那冰冷的氣場363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXJGQChNj3
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老實說，當唯一照顧、保護自己也是帶來傷害的，就特別顯得自己孤獨，因為沒有其他人去依賴，不得不望向唯一，守望同時傷害自己的他，這也是為什麼他從來並不是我的朋友，我恨他，但也無可奈何地，他不在身邊自己則是會被傷害，恨不下，愛不上，若是重來不有他的存在的話，反是好363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEY2oPCtccX
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先天性宿主，除了有人形監視外還有晶片，頸部植入一塊追蹤及有抑制系統之晶片，喲，不就放生的標準動作無誤嘛？363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACZyzDF4XS
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⋯⋯363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM0jt6OBYiz
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怎也好呢363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhtfqK3Q5r
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「⋯⋯」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuK6WobqcTW
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「為什麼不鎖門呢？」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZdK9vzdtb
「去廁所也好歹開個燈呢⋯不阻你了」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDeGTjLai6I
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—— 咔 ——363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIpBiLcRHm
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⋯363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCsRrPXBz6
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⋯⋯363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5WvZJo26FY
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「⋯⋯就是不想讓人知道我在這呀⋯啊⋯」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGTNDERmER
「嗚⋯」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaofgTaNnqG
本來以為到中學便會情況有所好轉，但不見得
關上位於男廁和女廁之間的大門，位於午膳時間的走廊不算多人，但任憑一對好奇、厭惡，有眼色的視線落在身上，便如同把自己摳打著363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1DuoWTDxD
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最好便把自己弄到和標誌上的人同一個模樣363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQuSO1KuUAm
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傷殘
「同學，請問——」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFW7A1AWNWY
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「啊？！」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFinVkW9c7d
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—— 啪噹 ——363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpSejPcCvoW
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害怕視線交流，也害怕交流本身363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Roa4CvreW
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但儘管這樣，自己也希望「正常」起來，和那孩子一樣，和這孩子一樣，和⋯363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7qyIuGXLlz
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她一樣363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBfNRBbXT5q
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乖巧、友善、親人，她是我的相反363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy5rdboJDn5
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在我的眼中，她根本是另一個世界的人363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1JmcQ8kUF
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「對不起！」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1aPgDzRe5
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拾起地上的餐具，裏面為紅色，外面則是黑色的便當盒，低著頭，跪在地上，不行，不能，我討厭這樣，拜托離開我吧，請——363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJTVgOQR76z
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「來」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz91CcJ80zU
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「⋯謝謝」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡofCcg34qmC
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我討厭這樣的自己，特別是在她面前，在襯衫胸袋上有紅字黃底襟章的她前，作為風紀股長的她前363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZJF4zfwPR
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怎麼説呢，或許在初中的我，存在只會被她確定363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNt6BAOfmE2
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雖然實際上的欺凌少了，但取而代之，是絕對的冷漠，情況不可以叫好轉，說到底，我並不是那種凡事沒問題，可接受的人，嘛，好歹是個頑固的，自己不相信自己是，好歹⋯363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQez8CEFDR
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我並不是沒遇過更壞的事363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBEINsCG0HP
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「那個，水無月？」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3TwgmI0gb
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「怎麼了？」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg9QvbgYODc
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正因這樣，我不希望在唯一前，做出會被否定的行為，例如表現得像個孩子，表現失禮⋯被發現是「廁所飯」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4gpREPR2B1
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各種363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS8gjZ442yP
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所以說，活得正常，對於自己來說的話，難道是奢侈的嗎？363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjqKhnpcW9k
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「⋯我回來了」
快樂是一種⋯只能回顧的味道，因為太容易習慣，就好像不到零下一度就總是以為暑假一定是三十度，熱時寧願凍，冷時寧願天氣熱，會習慣、忘記、太輕易被其他情緒蓋過、混於一起，是説在開心的時候不會察覺自己在笑的道理363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRLqAebKSAq
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且只能回味363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQe3WokAhug
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「回來了嗎，島見？」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ZC9zdg82R
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「嗯，回來了，媽媽⋯」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1FqusGmDy
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放下背包是確實地放下了負累，仍然是前所未有的感覺，當然，回味的時候才發覺，畢竟那時的感覺，純粹是當下，是「發生了」而已363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRshuKSaA4d
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「喲，島見，聽媽媽說，媽媽今天——」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm8JLfUDGs6
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「媽媽⋯」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSvGtsHDmSM
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「⋯⋯是的？」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt7vrH2WTGh
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回想起來，自己啊，真是不會珍惜，不知足呢363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFd1J8YRzR
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「明天也是⋯便當不用弄我的份了」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ5AY1m4kXf
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語畢，我跑到樓上去，嘗試把微笑藏著，但有些情緒是不能隱藏起來，例如自小的抑鬱與自卑，還有這刻極為奇特的轉變，媽媽知道，爸爸也是，一直以來也知道，這點我也知道363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWx2ZORPRz
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我可不是小孩子了⋯⋯呢363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzmvKHR4ZTO
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呢363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlIpsb9NV3r
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開始了不知多久，三個月？至少一個學期吧，事情就如此突然，事情就如此戲劇性，能和她一起，彷彿為一個幻想，不同世界的人，居然可以坐在這裏，我居然會被人照顧，世上接納自己的外人居然存在363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtSAlyviAoZ
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幸福曾經存在，我經歷過，品嚐過，居然能有如此的一刻363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHJMLg14zU
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來得太突然了
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「那個，水無月，怎說呢⋯本來還以為你是個⋯怎說呢⋯⋯難親近的人呢」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbA1llC91y1
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「哈哈～不過看起來只是氣息而已」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJ8RehsVpX
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也太順利了
也才得意忘形
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「赤⋯賀羽醬可真是個好朋友呢！」
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逐漸自滿起來363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRODUBzbK5
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「生日快樂！」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyzyHPHiXye
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「這個是你弄的嗎？謝謝♡～」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLj761N9WdC
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太過成功才使人後悔啊363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhRj77CBzKI
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「⋯賀羽⋯⋯」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvRQZWKBmAZ
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「⋯」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9EursxMJyQ
「所以說⋯你的⋯你的答覆是—— 啊⋯」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5GLrMHnza
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—— 噗 ——363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJYu6b7UoH
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「喜歡」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnXpFxaJteQ
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「太好了⋯」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLcssXPt7FQ
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如果時間能稍微走慢點就好呢⋯363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLdOWUBLuN
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如果⋯363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvmRuhuXWLV
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持續這樣順利就好了呢⋯⋯363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcc3EiALGXC
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來得太突然了，去得太突然363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Ppw26iZlf
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「什麼？」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIEPlqFNlwP
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「⋯對不起⋯⋯賀羽，我也不想的——」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEO8mtbsVKl
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消息是事實，將會發生，不久之後，即使伸出雙手，也抓不住多少，留不下什麼，什麼也沒有，改變不了什麼363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmL6cBUMNHv
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「你和人家道歉有什麼用啊⋯」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP0lcFwH8gR
「我⋯我已經一無所有了⋯嗚⋯⋯」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5Nns7XRF7
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「⋯對不起⋯」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDstTeBw2vk
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對不起有什麼用？363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCl8c42Q8F6
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道歉又有什麼用？363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡygYN7tL3H8
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卻363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfP1FxmKZEA
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如何裝飾過的精麗動人的言詞，終究改變不了363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjwiARQ7lo
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要説再見了嗎？363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡniwGfoAxly
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我不想363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3LtGFUWNO2
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我不想笑著，和若無其事一樣，說再見，回到那個「正常」的日子，回歸那樣的生活中363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASJxGmYHyV
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這下子不只是離別，是失去，奪走363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbssn19oPBf
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我不想那樣子363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfz2a0foXcx
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但如同自己所提及，我做不了什麼，不，其實可能是有，或許有這麼個機會，我找不到而已，我不肯去找而已363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbot0K1jwmT
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對，我經不起失敗，我承受不了錯誤了363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwVSKwU3Tp2
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不在這般的前半生之後363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0N2E3O89Jq
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⋯⋯363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo5AsONWRnS
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無論如何，日子倒是來了363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPCfSOGLtYZ
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最後的笑容，就在當刻363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfCZPoWZZKO
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無人知曉的山林，看不到任何建築物，唯見山林和草木拼起的大地，背著式微的陽光，黃昏的太陽到此刻亦為燃燒自己的存在而已，靠在她的懷中，帽外套吸收的陽光、溫暖叫我熱得出汗，但不行，我不可以放手，放不了手，我才不要這樣子結束363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkCIHKBYDVx
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMoBbkdSaFc我不接受363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaW4ZmN7AL7
363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiRiZN1JOiJ我不接受363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2hr2uXPLIi
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—— 啾 ——363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7TJdf9UJUO
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我不接受363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi7IAqER9Pu
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「賀羽⋯？」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPaRbNh3QDx
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—— 啾 ——363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw65lYlIG19
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「賀⋯⋯羽⋯這樣⋯⋯」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXSD3V3w23Z
「啾⋯咕⋯⋯不⋯唔⋯」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWldN6Rf1If
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我不接受這樣的結果363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc96vJ2Fwfu
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「嗚哇啊？！！賀羽！住、住手！拜託了！」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9ufSun52C
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當時的我，只是任憑感覺去而已363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRChUG0zNfx
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「不、不行啊！！嗚哇！賀羽！」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqXYY8cRfSO
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我的本性363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqIqUVzEYlb
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「救命呀！嗚 —— 救我 ——」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKF7ADeOrNc
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—— 啪 ——363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVC7dAfNvX
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「給我閉嘴」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqfwZro9tM
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「—— 嗚⋯⋯！」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO291I2QMG0
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我終究只是野獸而已呢363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKEzXdi4bxT
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「⋯怎麼？！呀⋯？！嗚！停下來！求你了！！」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwM2UlIXFG0
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「沒用的⋯你自己看呀⋯哈哈⋯⋯」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt0yateooF6
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而作為人形野獸真的該死363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR0io6eJDNv
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如此痛苦也是活該363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXc5VcNyRX
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忘記不能也是363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUX5yOPFP6l
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「我可把晶片挖出來了！」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfAz1DoFX8k
「現在靜靜的認命吧！」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyLiwxMfGvn
「張開口！」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASIhgAbxa5
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「嗚咳啊⋯嗯？！咳 —— 咕唔？！」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCT9miIMihI
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發現了嗎？363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOAeyiYMdjt
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「好痛啊！不、不要！！咿嗚哇啊！」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWU7BLQxko
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這可是我的「正常」呀
自討苦吃的日常
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這道、那道疤痕也是，見證著363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7j5LzpS1tp
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我的「正常」，純粹自欺欺人而已
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「嗚⋯嗚⋯⋯嗚⋯咽⋯⋯」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXhADjkVf8q
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「為什麼⋯⋯」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdnihDMFQk
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我所嚮往的363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGbQTXMRRU
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所謂的363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgp80VIjwL9
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「正常」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2FvfYg90RT
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純粹是個謊言363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmGi1Ft0gYJ
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「嗚⋯嗚⋯⋯」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfXviLKjnIE
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「⋯你要是說出去，我可真的把你殺了」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpCmWPEJlnA
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⋯⋯363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡthU4olentI
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所以說，我是異類嗎？363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRqkhCvGhY
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「⋯⋯再見了」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMTfK1By56l
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當然363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8uAu0gBIy2
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那麼這份「不正常」是自出生而有的嗎？
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「切」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJPaTtEMWl8
「等了這麼久⋯嗯？」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL6eS42pmov
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氣息在小巷傳來，張開眼睛，長髮的，走過了我的狩獵範圍363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡarUCyDe2RI
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「嘿⋯」363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ3FdTztq0M
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自討而已363Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYV8Z0cN1O
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正常，從來只是一個藉口
快樂便是生活著而活得有意義
大概吧？
ns216.73.216.176da2
