Request: Hi love! Your writing is amazing and I was wondering if you could do a Dean x depressed! reader? Like dean finds the reader about to jump off the roof of the bunker after reading the note she left him and sam saying goodbye. He had never suspected anything cause she hid it so well. Dean saves her and tells her his feelings for her? You can also add any details you want or anything like that! There is no rush! Thank you!
Word Count: 1865
Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader
Warnings: Warnings: Suicide attempt, Thoughts of suicide, depression, angst, self-hate, body image issues (scares), descriptions of suicidal thoughts, this one is pretty dark guys if this type of thing triggers you please read with caution! Fluffy, Protective! Dean, Language, I think that’s it.8Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuOq7a2uv0R
You find yourself standing in front of the long mirror in your room in nothing but your sports bra, and sensible underwear. Your fingers trace the deep scare that blemishes the skin of your stomach from a werewolf attack not even a year ago.
It’s not the only scar that litters your skin, each a different size, shape, and hold a different story. A gunshot wound to your shoulder from that time you were hunting a witch down in Louisiana, and your young hunting partner, who didn’t make it back from that hunt alive, missed their shot, landing you with a witch killing bullet wound to the shoulder.
Then there were all the cuts and scratches from knife fights in bars as well as hunts. The hunting life has left its mark on you, more than one.
Those were just the marks that you could see. Deeper marks resided deep in the dark corners of your mind in the form of people you loved and lost, couldn’t save, and weren’t fast enough to save. They haunted you like a ghost that you couldn’t salt and burn to get rid of, and there was nothing you could do about it.
The voice that you could hear no matter how hard you tried to drown it out with heavy metal music playing from your speaker taunted you.
“Look at you, you will never be good enough for anyone to love. No one ever loved you anyway. You will die alone. Everyone you ever loved or come in contact with will eventually die, and there will be nothing you could do to save them, nothing you can do to stop it… Your position.
Pulling Dean’s old AC/DC shirt over your head, and a pair of leggings on you take one more look into the taunting mirror that hung in silent mockery of your depression that had been dragging you down for days.
You didn’t have long to pull off your plan, the boys would be home soon, and if they caught you, they would surely stop you, and you couldn’t have that.
You were nothing but another liability, someone else that Dean had to take care of when he already had so much on his plate. You proved that when you fucked up on that Vamp hunt down in Indiana last week, and Sam nearly got turned.
They would be better off with you gone. They would be better off with you not around to fuck up on hunts, and you would be one less person to have to watch out for when shit went sideways like it so often did. So with that in mind, you decided to take yourself out of the picture. You were tired of all the fighting anyway.
Grabbing your favorite gun that you had gifted to Dean in your goodbye letter because you knew he always liked it, and your journal for Sam, because he always had his nose in a book of some sort, and there was a lot of past hunts and encounters written down in there, you make your way towards the war room.
Taking one last look at the bunker you called home, you make your way towards the cast-iron stairs. Laying the things you left for the boys on the map table as you went, and never looking back.
Your plan was to climb up to the top of the bunker, then jump off. It would be a quick end. One final fall, one final disappointment, one final let down and this would all be over. Then maybe… Just maybe… You could finally get some peace. Whatever was waiting over there had to be better than what you had waiting for you here.
You had just finished your trip to the top of the bunker when you realized you were too late, a squeaky car door slamming, and the sound of Dean’s deep voice screaming your name broke through the blinding tears that were streaming down your face, and even cut through the voices that were screaming so loud you thought for sure they’d be the last thing you ever heard. You never thought Dean would find you still alive.
Before you even had time to react Dean had scrambled his way up to the top of the bunker and was pulling you away from the edge, his strong arms wrapped around you, and you were powerless to fight against him. You were just too tired.
“Dammit Sweetheart, what the fuck were you doing?” Dean said, and you didn’t have time to answer before Sam met the two of you at the top of the roof, your note in hand, and an ashen face in fear he was too late to catch you.
The realization hit Dean like a freight train. He didn’t say anything at that moment, just picked you up in his strong arms as if you weighed nothing at all, and carried you down, and back inside the bunker with little effort. Sam stayed quiet, and only opened the door to Dean’s room where he was taking you, but didn’t intrude.
That was Sam. He knew Dean better than anyone, and he knew Dean wanted to take care of this alone. He would be there if he was needed, and always in earshot if need be, but this is something Dean could fix, and he knew that.
Dean laid you down on the soft memory foam covered mattress of his bed, before stripping his jacket from his well-toned body, and laying down next to you, pulling you into his arms, the steady drum of his heartbeat steading your own as you buried your head into his chest. Letting his scent surround you, comfort you.
“Why?” Dean said, his voice thick as tears streamed down his perfect face.
This wasn’t what you wanted, you never wanted to hurt Dean, you wanted to take the hurt away from Dean, not add to it. You never knew he’d care if you were gone? Why was he so upset now?
“Why were you going to do it, Y/N?”
Your mind was reeling, and everything was overwhelming, but Dean deserved an answer, so you took a deep, shaky breath, and tried to swallow past the lump of nothing that seemed to be blocking your throat.
“Because I’m nothing but another problem for you Dean, another fuck up, another mouth to feed, and another person you have to take care of. You would be better off if I wasn’t here anymore.”
Dean lifted your chin so that you were looking up at him, his piercing green eyes wet, and sad as he stared down at you. Hurt set deep in his God-like features that hunted your dreams from the moment you laid eyes on him.
“No, no Y/N, you’re so fucking wrong, you are NOT a liability to me, your not just another mouth to feed, your not someone else I have to take care of, your everything thing to me. Do you not see that? I know I suck at words baby girl, but I’m crazy about you, and you leave me that way is not something I can live through. I’m in love with you, Y/N. I can’t live in a world where you don’t exist.”
You sat there with your jaw hanging open, staring back into his eye as if you blinked, you’d wake up from whatever dream this must be. Because Dean Winchester said he didn’t fall in love, Dean Winchester said that he didn’t do relationships because he was poison, Dean Winchester would never be able to love someone as broken and fucked up as you were. This had to be a mistake, a dream.
“Dean... I…”
Dean pressed his lips to yours with enough force to knock you breathless, throwing all the emotions he had in them, and it didn’t take you long to respond to him. Your lips move with his as he kissed you drunk, and when he finally pulled away your heart was pounding so hard you were sure he could hear it.
“How long have you been feeling this way?” he asked you, keeping his arms wrapped tightly around you.
“Since Sam’s almost accident, that was totally my fault,” you said, looking down at your hands that were now linked together. Your mind still reeling over his little confession that had slipped past his lips, and you were sure that he hadn’t even realized that he said them, which made you think he was just in the moment and didn’t mean them at all.
“Y/N, accidents happen, this line of work that we do, baby it comes with risk.” Reaching down and brushing his hands through your hair. “You can’t blame yourself for a mistake that any one of us could have made. That doesn’t make you a liability. Hell, I fucked that werewolf hunt, and you got hurt, and I walked and kicked my own ass for a day! I didn’t decide to check out early! Baby when you’re feeling this way you can’t shut us out, you have to tell me!”
You could see it in his eyes, the hurt that you almost caused him, the trembling that was in his hands as he held you close to him. Maybe he did mean it, maybe he did really love you.
“Promise me something, sweetheart, I know you probably don’t feel the way I feel about you, but please promise me that you will come to me next time you’re feeling this way! Don’t try and leave me!”
It clicked then. This wasn’t the way to fix things. To check out early may have removed the pain from you, but it placed it on someone else. Someone who already had too much on his shoulders, and someone who had lost so much. Someone that really did love you. Deep down that’s something you had always wanted, but thought you could never have. Someone to love you.
Your mind raced back with things that Dean had done since you moved into the bunker, and God if you didn’t feel like an idiot for not seeing it. He really did care, he was trying to tell you all along.
The late-night movie nights, bringing you food and coffee to your room every morning, taking care of you when you got sick, he never left your side when that werewolf almost gutted you, he set up all night long with you when you had a nightmare about the night your parents died. He was always there, putting you before himself or anyone else. He really did love you and was trying to show you the whole time.
In a fit of boldness, you had no idea where it came from, you brought your hand up to the side of his face, his stubble rough against your hand. You promised yourself then and there that no matter how bad it got in your head that you would never leave him again.
“Dean I promise you, I’ll never try and check out early again, I love you too much to leave you like this.”
And you did, and you always would, because now that you knew you weren’t alone, you had a reason to fight!
——————————————————————————————
ns216.73.216.94da2
