‘Don’t go.’ She held me tightly and lifted her head up slightly. Hot tears filled the brim of her eyes.
‘Don’t be like this.’ I rejected her, yet deep down I was still clinging onto her.
‘Is this place not good enough? The idyllic scene around us, the huge mansion we’re in, the gourmet food and fine wine… Siu Si and I are here too!’ She called Siu Si, our beloved daughter, to come over here by gently waving at her.
Only five years old, Siu Si was already chubby, all dewy-eyed and whose hair was tied up into two thin small ponytails. She puffed up her little pink cheeks and hugged my leg, just like her Mum did.
Every word and gesture of theirs touched my heart, tearing my rational and emotional thoughts apart.
I had no choice.
Their appearances, words, and actions were from my memories. With the help of advanced technology, their voices, their scents, their touch… All of which made it look like they were right in front of me! They were right in my arms!
‘I’m sorry…’ Without waiting for them to respond, I abruptly took off my helmet and left the virtual world.
The dark, narrow space and the mellow sunshine in the cyber world created a stark contrast. My mind and eyes kept spinning since they hadn’t adapted to the current surroundings, and I rolled off the bed to the ground.
Seconds later, a middle-aged male staff burst into the room. He let out a sigh of relief only after noticing I was fairly conscious.
‘Sir, I have explained the whole process to you. You should know that there will be consequences if you forcefully take off the helmet on your own. You may fall into a coma for days. Worse still, your nervous system may be permanently damaged and you’ll end up being in a vegetative state.’ The tough-looking man had a surprisingly mincing voice.
I propped myself up and leaned against the backrest. Just right after I had merely calmed myself down and my breathing became slightly more stable, I apologised to the man. ‘I’m sorry I scared you.’
I didn’t know why the man froze after my apology.
‘If the machine is damaged because of my actions, I will pay up for it.’ I was a responsible man under any circumstances, and I was proud of that.
‘No, I didn’t mean that… ’ The man finally recovered, and came forward to help me up and walked me to the lounge. He got hold of a hot towel and placed it on my forehead.
The heat made me feel much more awake, yet an immense headache followed.
‘Just bear the pain for a while.’ The man blew out clouds of smoke beside me. ‘You shouldn’t have gone against my instructions.’
‘I couldn’t not go.’ My heart dropped. ‘I was afraid that I would wallow in the virtual world forever.’
‘Did your family die?’ His two fingers casually held onto the cigarette he was smoking.
‘You can tell?’ I tried to ignore the pain and examined him with squinted eyes. He was a big man who had seen many things.
‘Most of my customers are willing to spend fortunes at my shop, because they can’t stand the pain of their loved ones’ deaths.’ Conveying a deeper message, he added, ‘You're not the only one.’
‘So that’s why I should not feel sad about it?’ There was subtext in his words.
‘That’s why you’re capable of making it through. Everyone’s been through it.’ Was he looking down on my misery?
‘I’m not them! And they’re not me!’ I was a bit mad.
‘I know. People spend fortunes reminiscing about the past. Their wake-up call finally hits them until they don't have a penny left. They have no choice but to get back into the swing of things, by finding a job to earn a living, and then gradually they forget about the pain. You’re the only one who has the ability to stop yourself from letting your mind set on the past and quickly returning to a normal life. You took the initiative to give me an apology, instead of throwing a tantrum to let out your pent-up grief.’ The man handed me a cigarette.
I took it and toyed with it between my fingers.
The whiteness and roughness of the cigarette. The strong scent of tobacco. The faint crunching sounds created from fingers pressing the tobacco together. The artificial taste given off from the filter put between my lips. All of them were real, yet void of anything. Soulless.
Like the virtual world.
‘As for this…’ I put the cigarette down, and took out every bill from my wallet. ‘Thank you.’
The man happily accepted the bill, and jokingly said, ‘See you never!’
‘Hopefully so’ The pain in my head was still there, though the pain in my heart slowly faded away.
Night fell as I stepped out of the shop.
I turned around to look at the shop’s neon sign. Flashes of purple, white, blue, and green flared rhythmically. The sparks they gave off were eye-catching.
But when I opened my eyes, I realised that they were only a glint out of a thousand blazes. How trivial.616Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TIsR6unix
