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The first time I saw him was when I was seven years old. He was a grade above me. The reason why I started following him is that he looked like Harry Potter without glasses on. I like his eyes, especially that small mole in the left side corner of his eyes. Overall, it's very cute. And since I was dreaming of going to Hogwarts, I decided to follow him everywhere. Who knows, he was just masking his true identity. Not long after that, curiosity turned into a habit. And then habit became a crush and then it turned into first love.
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Yes, he is my first love. It was in fourth grade when I realized that I like him, the kind of like that makes me jealous if another girl is talking to him. I want all his attention on me, and me alone. I was pretty sure that no one was well-matched with him other than me. And so I stand on guard. No one can take my prince charming from me! I started to notice some habits of his. I memorized all of his favorites, like the back of my hand, his moods, and his dreams. He likes basketball, so it's no surprise if he gained lots of admirers. I hate it, but what can I do? He's good at playing, plus, he has a handsome face. Sometimes, it's such a pain that my Zeke is handsome. There are times I wish he was not that handsome. I don't care that much about physical looks.
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If you asked me how I rate myself, well, I have fanboys as well. I have been blessed with good looks thanks to my beautiful parents. So, pretty much all of my male classmates and some of my seniors gave me love letters, however, there was a mystery why after someone confesses to me, he won't go near me the next day like he was scared of something... or someone. They always looked around whenever we collided in the hallway. It's still a mystery to me up until now.
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Then, in my fifth grade, I heard that his parents decided for him to change schools. And that it was a boarding school, away from me. I was anxious, so I made a desperate move to ask my parents to transfer me to the same school where he was going. But I didn’t tell them it was because of him. My parents were not aware that the boy who once came to our house was my first love. I know I could wait another year before my parents let me change schools, but anything can happen for one whole year. Who knows, someone will trick him into being her boyfriend! The thought nearly made me burst into tears. And so, that afternoon, I asked him out in the park. He was holding manga comics and was quietly reading when I came. I made a roundabout talk with him because I don't think I'm ready to confess yet. But then, I told myself that if I didn't say it then when would be the right time? I decided it was now or never. After I confessed, all of my built-up anxieties over the past days were gone and I felt relieved. Finally, it was out in the open. I no longer have to send him signals that I like him.
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But he just looked at me. His expression was a bit uncertain like he wanted to say something, but he didn't know how to express himself. I was waiting for what he would say. Will he acknowledge and accept my confession or-
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"I'm sorry, but I can't. We can't." It was what he said to me then, without anything that followed, he stood up and left. I was left alone, still not able to speak. I was aware that he was a cold person, but he never left me just like that before. It was the first time he left without explaining. That day was the last time I saw him. Because I never had the guts to face him after his rejection. Maybe he was suddenly disgusted by me because it turned out I was like those girls who are head over heels in love with him. I feel so embarrassed.
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It was late when I heard the news that he will no longer go to the boarding school. Rather, his family decided to move to another country. After he left for Australia, I forced myself to forget the embarrassing past in my life. He was already gone. He might not even come back, so shouldn't I move on?
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