許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBBk5F9JYe
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡenw0mDuFug
「急事。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAaIyP3sPlb
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENXnVkjqU1
「你不吃晚餐？」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3mSO92c4n
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpH2qbkAagi
我沒應答，逕自出門。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9JCKMjJabp
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQjAScSoWTb
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbdXEllkBn
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpT65A1gGbn
難以言喻的鬱悶。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRUw0exPut
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoereO0mPBm
長嘆。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRseg4lErd3
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvo34khSnr
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTIUUs7P5h1
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGSo3CBd2x
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9kQo2Tut6
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAqaDfiVIq
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmMkLgetTG
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUyeh0eXSvn
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmW1RwH7Z6j
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS96rcyecw0
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡub2qpR87bk
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ424OcJLPwJ
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsmBT2jVwh4
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBxM78auoSx
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjXwDGl9Xp
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9YP5cbV5sz
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp4BUFYS5h3
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWkmx8ZkMk
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKhY74JMuJN
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOw8Midplqz
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZi3A6Gy2wB
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv68bR5YAnm
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡijzMRVNTu4
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmLdQQM3Vj2
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtszKRHyhpk
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ1aJGTEzfn
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpbhYY0Tiw0
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqiJ68fCVKG
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6zctrrN0T
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn3xkXbMu5I
註定的。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJvReh4XKW
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBCYap6IUz5
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyyX0MqcNmO
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxabFkHCVU
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9grlfdYbVD
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhYIsUL9xdd
停步。猶疑。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYAFXqmuKg
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp2H0NkSaqK
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxL0JMpGepw
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvoElZxczZC
轉身。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiWrCvlvYvo
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB3e3t7lVT9
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ550k4bJqGy
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXrLHXizsZ
我回身走去。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFojlUpmmbJ
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ3DFefRWA1
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxej2Och3c8
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYulikLJtAO
把小狗抱入懷內。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAhZR2JU2M
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0SdZq2kReG
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMcaQx9InEp
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkTHSUXyxXB
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP70pwzuiEE
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw4KFoTHBLo
海風？海濱公園步道？258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgnab27pf6W
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06mWnU33mP
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2O1yyEudE7
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDeqYl73aSh
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2aaocn5lZ
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCffxY7yYhJ
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9WYINubUqa
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRGZftAHki
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlFWygztjz
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLLFYm7sFKp
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ihO41SLG2
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5WvW53YGa
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNF2YloPi76
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLLinLb4Ew9
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq5iUwqVmiD
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡond3gXdkZk
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡySLho5rEzs
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSgkmclrtB3
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD28wiQGAcX
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZtitHaLNRF
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1ZUcIEbbL
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUiNBtAytH
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡer6kkNJi9w
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeFnTd1VKe0
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ5pNfE2yAn
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjRh8ttqYxw
鬱悶何來？258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGnl9UOt5F
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCJLVtcKTr
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRlCBf5XUpP
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvcp8fHsT7x
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWuOmQWxpT
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxhEkXEyci
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNddbPqjFYX
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIdKD6Y2WxR
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh47L7OufM4
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECSJiHMhIN
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcqznnuxOeb
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ514MrVV1xe
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0JUTXWqkA
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1TVpDipwUB
然後呢？根本沒有然後。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMrHDH5l9Xk
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqUztPu2A6C
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ89YzZHen5E
258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlh9bIkTbz8
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.192da2
