許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFfw47qOy0k
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ppunYYXBK
「急事。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTvuvfH8zdz
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw7ahkgvxrM
「你不吃晚餐？」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiGU061FG3N
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡatUV2Dq04Z
我沒應答，逕自出門。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFOfvLYZZqa
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZ6OWXDkvX
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5LU1xGwLKv
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTznX7e9gt
難以言喻的鬱悶。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRo4SaD5CBJ
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTfVcONMhKS
長嘆。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7KkodzTOss
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTAPdufGSU
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOzSUB8Pt5h
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4r3iJqyDaf
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH7pcpAoP8P
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9KUVoZji6n
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbbqFygzFwO
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2gky8FLavg
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5HxCairKgx
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXYJRgMBxGg
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVuQHyb1ecA
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjgXQVuPwt
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9PzLqJXXdh
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMxB67viKL0
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpeWjxP1da4
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYpA0stsiy
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0gUATI879
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVXux9FksTB
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxhHv5LRw2
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUOWG7xRrki
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4rmfOHFu9N
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvOHdwww8f6
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvgZCa6Wqt7
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzBsml2To65
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftURqMTqvY
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJG7zLzpBee
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUy5Yknmw64
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0q7sQ1cZjt
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3LXvfdhaB5
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLrBoXgmSce
註定的。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡriUzTWGqQY
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFHedUINrJb
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpBlGgOSwW
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkTgsfMY17u
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3U1DYsxSPT
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04OC3BEhwo
停步。猶疑。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbaM0sHCBcs
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8mxyS6Kg95
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRwvj7QYeT
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUG0sM7Soun
轉身。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE23XiTiPxN
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVMoLRoEKG
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwp7Xu5umXC
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8Uzh44Lck
我回身走去。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡehmRjSperI
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUun63MHhMu
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJ7cRHXs1r
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsSXPOTHdcY
把小狗抱入懷內。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbqEf1O2Pb
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXdHcrYnyZ
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fsxOTutfk
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJsm3Kcr6YE
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ra2ZukjW9
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcMXW2UXrCW
海風？海濱公園步道？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ODl4Hu2ss
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvZJrg9ExI0
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJjohBYw4b
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjRWtwDbikY
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡycCX6v8hqF
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwZMUFVHy0
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBqu76QAKgn
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAMwWHsYxVe
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOCe8ZBy6Y8
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy2U3xF7YCH
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTqIKcAJA6U
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQEitRLQ5Rx
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcUoaIIGLD0
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnT9KWXpsf
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX7I8zPiqWz
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc4ZIBAiZBl
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTUeLYMRt27
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡelWedXm1gY
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmScNLKfpGA
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmmGnQLf5zY
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz76XQEsILd
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Uy3q0zycz
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsvqTFTI5Rp
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1uvN7l6jE2
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDva39r2zhL
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1MSENekC8
鬱悶何來？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9tlpwVps7W
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWrQ0uXsw2e
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4XXc5NUJu
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUiIY0W5Ptc
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkD17dfJNg0
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ75uqbwDqEh
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEVl9OkJCbp
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV47J9ukNKb
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD8BwB48x15
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJq2yzIk0S
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Jbxr30RaF
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaIQkTgoQQS
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3PQKTB795
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFpxKwhglIz
然後呢？根本沒有然後。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSnh4ODNmHS
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbXhzNkEfr5
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrU2IsvJgkK
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNnytKs0EuX
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.238da2
