致美好正常的過去
如何才能再次像一個正常人地存在生活
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其實作為宿主，並不是唯一死刑318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtFEof5CgJh
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前提，是特殊情況之下318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbTt95UlMxB
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這也是大概為什麼KDUL能趕到此地的原因吧318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8fxM44ETml
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大概318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVwLlCJ4Yxa
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這也是為什麼我一開始如此被幼稚騎劫理性的原因318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFIcrCqKdFl
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這也是為什麼我的人生如此「不正常」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcwUqordK5c
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「⋯」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQubX3kY5s
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突然間吹來的陣風，由兩腿直上，大腿、大腿內側，臉到眼皮上，睜眼318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFyActz7OR4
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「⋯⋯啊？呀？！啊？！」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZPT8Zn4wO4
「不、不要！拜、拜托！別捉弄人家了！」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8iaym1z79
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想直接鑽入桶內，雖叫不可行，若把裙子扯至能遮蔽的地方，可是會遭流水沾到，在極致羞恥的時候318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGcGK6edlfl
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不良日常性時候318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFTzAYu9ht
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身體總是遲遲未能反應，倒是淚會第一時間衝出，明明是不會有對手和其比得到反應速度，再說，不要論這般只是叫他們變本加厲318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRaizBMlP05
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「還『人家人家』，女生又不是，男生又不是，人妖就人妖啦！」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7sMA3t0vK
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「哇～來看看娘娘腔！噁～」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIysrz7Kf5x
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「不要這樣啦！是半個女生⋯半個怪物啦！」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdDgGxwZSKr
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「你們不要這樣說水無月啦！」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNyoW16F5d
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「對、對呀！好壞哦！」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQIVZxMUyd4
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「嗯～可是呢，要不是待下他變怪物咬人啦！」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSgXQrH3P4j
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「看呀！有尾巴和耳朵了！」
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崎品宿主是有後天性以外的可能，先天性，我就是其一，跨代遺傳，親父母經過詳細驗證後，結果仍為陰性，但舅父⋯
『不要！不要！求你了！』
『好痛喔！停下來嘛！！』
『嗚咽啊！！唔咳咿呀！』
『嗚咽⋯』
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⋯⋯簡單來說，是剛巧地，遺傳了基因缺陷318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiXvgFKKlRi
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由誕生的那瞬間，身體患輕微白化病，更是出現了雙性徵⋯先天缺陷*，而原因？是因為崎品的激素，影響的不直接是我，而是母家的基因，對崎品的感染不抗拒性，先天傳了下來，我便在母體內感染，便這樣⋯來到了世上318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcqQdPAshKc
*(5-alpha-reductase deficiency)
被當成異類般318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvNg5I5gkw5
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「呀！來了、來了！」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu0Rbr9lpCZ
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「走啊～」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGplykZHCJ2
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而怪物、猛獸，若是想與人共聚，必須有所牽制，有能防止其「暴亂」的存在，有一個「主人」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3JyjCGKIlO
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構成「異類」的形象，是分別要有兩種因素 —— 「怪異」 和 「不親和性」，我的存在主要是前者，而有後者特性的，是⋯318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJjxQwYuAxU
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他318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqGJvr862Hq
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「又被欺負了嗎？」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQpYYoP03W
MUC- 311602，3月11日16時02分，是我誕生的那刻
以自己出生時間為名的他，是我人生第一個遇見的人形，也是伴隨我成長的唯一，不是「朋友」，也絕不可能是，但我承認他存在，使我真正成為「怪物」的存在318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhJDgrpIhg
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並非和現在，即此刻，普遍所見的人形設計明顯地不一，應該是和現在日本廳長同一型號，我才不知道，只是認得同樣的白色，如水晶一樣反光的皮膚，還有如膠管一樣的頭髮318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObKhJqSQhL
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可能是那不平常的外表，也可能是仔細觀察，便能得見腰間的鋁合金盒子，還有那冰冷的氣場318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiqT6u7SQqZ
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老實說，當唯一照顧、保護自己也是帶來傷害的，就特別顯得自己孤獨，因為沒有其他人去依賴，不得不望向唯一，守望同時傷害自己的他，這也是為什麼他從來並不是我的朋友，我恨他，但也無可奈何地，他不在身邊自己則是會被傷害，恨不下，愛不上，若是重來不有他的存在的話，反是好318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqJNF5bBG9h
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先天性宿主，除了有人形監視外還有晶片，頸部植入一塊追蹤及有抑制系統之晶片，喲，不就放生的標準動作無誤嘛？318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrIIgsdC1Uv
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⋯⋯318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcUT5mYxcoc
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怎也好呢318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0Dg58E0Wr
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「⋯⋯」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpfA999edqD
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「為什麼不鎖門呢？」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTDTcXi2Sd
「去廁所也好歹開個燈呢⋯不阻你了」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCrxb0QTyHw
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—— 咔 ——318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkGDcfvnsys
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⋯318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftwVbV8miT
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⋯⋯318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYsl3UJeaQy
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「⋯⋯就是不想讓人知道我在這呀⋯啊⋯」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP28kSmg29i
「嗚⋯」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSIjEC8hJlZ
本來以為到中學便會情況有所好轉，但不見得
關上位於男廁和女廁之間的大門，位於午膳時間的走廊不算多人，但任憑一對好奇、厭惡，有眼色的視線落在身上，便如同把自己摳打著318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjqwwpt1HDJ
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最好便把自己弄到和標誌上的人同一個模樣318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ48n52Ep0Kr
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傷殘
「同學，請問——」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl7p17Am0tK
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「啊？！」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUFQjYGJ6Bt
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—— 啪噹 ——318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUNtVps29Kz
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害怕視線交流，也害怕交流本身318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm9Ubc89eEY
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但儘管這樣，自己也希望「正常」起來，和那孩子一樣，和這孩子一樣，和⋯318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3AGPPfPe7
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她一樣318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIS5wfGLA81
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乖巧、友善、親人，她是我的相反318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbi3qBplfd2
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在我的眼中，她根本是另一個世界的人318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLujud7he1k
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「對不起！」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJHZev51Mm
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拾起地上的餐具，裏面為紅色，外面則是黑色的便當盒，低著頭，跪在地上，不行，不能，我討厭這樣，拜托離開我吧，請——318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWG8Vel7TuH
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「來」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCyRvyc1eGc
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「⋯謝謝」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgDTN5LWG8
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我討厭這樣的自己，特別是在她面前，在襯衫胸袋上有紅字黃底襟章的她前，作為風紀股長的她前318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3qRF2pSfS
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怎麼説呢，或許在初中的我，存在只會被她確定318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4h0rdNFMXL
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雖然實際上的欺凌少了，但取而代之，是絕對的冷漠，情況不可以叫好轉，說到底，我並不是那種凡事沒問題，可接受的人，嘛，好歹是個頑固的，自己不相信自己是，好歹⋯318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoF7F2TloFo
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我並不是沒遇過更壞的事318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxHoElErS9r
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「那個，水無月？」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWIFtIfzZnr
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「怎麼了？」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkN8wmKhaMG
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正因這樣，我不希望在唯一前，做出會被否定的行為，例如表現得像個孩子，表現失禮⋯被發現是「廁所飯」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjM5Gwtmoxr
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各種318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR9LvH2AN0N
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所以說，活得正常，對於自己來說的話，難道是奢侈的嗎？318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDaiztLXutj
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「⋯我回來了」
快樂是一種⋯只能回顧的味道，因為太容易習慣，就好像不到零下一度就總是以為暑假一定是三十度，熱時寧願凍，冷時寧願天氣熱，會習慣、忘記、太輕易被其他情緒蓋過、混於一起，是説在開心的時候不會察覺自己在笑的道理318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKCVuArPHH
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且只能回味318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFmbB4OXzsU
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「回來了嗎，島見？」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Zlka2G1NU
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「嗯，回來了，媽媽⋯」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6qsIliEPhg
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放下背包是確實地放下了負累，仍然是前所未有的感覺，當然，回味的時候才發覺，畢竟那時的感覺，純粹是當下，是「發生了」而已318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSvPuzbYqhh
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「喲，島見，聽媽媽說，媽媽今天——」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyr6LHVgWLR
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「媽媽⋯」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2tCHDeIb6s
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「⋯⋯是的？」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPewR39TS56
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回想起來，自己啊，真是不會珍惜，不知足呢318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkAt7mYoBLr
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「明天也是⋯便當不用弄我的份了」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5rMoDNUzGT
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語畢，我跑到樓上去，嘗試把微笑藏著，但有些情緒是不能隱藏起來，例如自小的抑鬱與自卑，還有這刻極為奇特的轉變，媽媽知道，爸爸也是，一直以來也知道，這點我也知道318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ477qFJIj5V
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我可不是小孩子了⋯⋯呢318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGceT8AI8GW
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呢318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQP5e1nuzhb
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開始了不知多久，三個月？至少一個學期吧，事情就如此突然，事情就如此戲劇性，能和她一起，彷彿為一個幻想，不同世界的人，居然可以坐在這裏，我居然會被人照顧，世上接納自己的外人居然存在318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1E5tekIExo
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幸福曾經存在，我經歷過，品嚐過，居然能有如此的一刻318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFD6274EPuT
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來得太突然了
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「那個，水無月，怎說呢⋯本來還以為你是個⋯怎說呢⋯⋯難親近的人呢」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrEJZEvLRyd
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「哈哈～不過看起來只是氣息而已」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6pVQcmEVE
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「這樣嗎⋯？」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWU6qoI2FRv
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也太順利了
也才得意忘形
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「赤⋯賀羽醬可真是個好朋友呢！」
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逐漸自滿起來318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhIIIl5aGEl
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「生日快樂！」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZLtaE0FtN
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「這個是你弄的嗎？謝謝♡～」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6NbiQHuuh1
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太過成功才使人後悔啊318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxrtRQymL91
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「⋯賀羽⋯⋯」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDIeat5Q6n7
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「⋯」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyMnZ1ZBCyu
「所以說⋯你的⋯你的答覆是—— 啊⋯」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoEQKEIp0kE
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—— 噗 ——318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8cqxIjhsAE
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「喜歡」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjoteFljng
「⋯⋯嗯⋯」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9v6iLiIXf
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「嗚⋯咽⋯⋯」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH2Yom2Nffk
「太好了⋯」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0PBlAP9K7s
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如果時間能稍微走慢點就好呢⋯318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG3xJvBEoxA
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如果⋯318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoD6sFGzMKh
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持續這樣順利就好了呢⋯⋯318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiXHLa5Qnhf
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來得太突然了，去得太突然318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcILoKijO8g
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「什麼？」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrenS1Gokp
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「⋯對不起⋯⋯賀羽，我也不想的——」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH27p7eKscx
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消息是事實，將會發生，不久之後，即使伸出雙手，也抓不住多少，留不下什麼，什麼也沒有，改變不了什麼318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKEXzQv9MF
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「你和人家道歉有什麼用啊⋯」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUqIDgPBBw6
「我⋯我已經一無所有了⋯嗚⋯⋯」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4ohRyptaM
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「⋯對不起⋯」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDRExGr7YP
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對不起有什麼用？318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBSnfqtRfTG
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道歉又有什麼用？318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAORC9nJIZY
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卻318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcvVWCvljmU
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如何裝飾過的精麗動人的言詞，終究改變不了318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGC8n5Vq9L
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要説再見了嗎？318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2xpjkVUKWS
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我不想318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSKy3ORKcQM
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我不想笑著，和若無其事一樣，說再見，回到那個「正常」的日子，回歸那樣的生活中318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYVEkJwi1Y
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這下子不只是離別，是失去，奪走318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡri8OvNAYK1
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我不想那樣子318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMsmbon0sw6
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但如同自己所提及，我做不了什麼，不，其實可能是有，或許有這麼個機會，我找不到而已，我不肯去找而已318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf3WyagLKpR
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對，我經不起失敗，我承受不了錯誤了318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIFjrQt4mYE
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不在這般的前半生之後318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWn9WMJZiZ
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⋯⋯318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡltmWiJriiz
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無論如何，日子倒是來了318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZq3ePccA5X
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最後的笑容，就在當刻318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmCUVKt1WUO
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無人知曉的山林，看不到任何建築物，唯見山林和草木拼起的大地，背著式微的陽光，黃昏的太陽到此刻亦為燃燒自己的存在而已，靠在她的懷中，帽外套吸收的陽光、溫暖叫我熱得出汗，但不行，我不可以放手，放不了手，我才不要這樣子結束318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjS09QerJo9
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS8gh06ygdh我不接受318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡybKlhGVHnS
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrOukLcqkR我不接受318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPjWOK9rHx
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—— 啾 ——318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJtrZVUaTH
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我不接受318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREDVEaqvF8
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「賀羽⋯？」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKAaHvkChe1
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—— 啾 ——318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknxTcn3HjP
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「賀⋯⋯羽⋯這樣⋯⋯」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJpkO5Du7YJ
「啾⋯咕⋯⋯不⋯唔⋯」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8jWGlaIoq
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我不接受這樣的結果318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQToCwVJagF
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「嗚哇啊？！！賀羽！住、住手！拜託了！」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdCfhxDaNR
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當時的我，只是任憑感覺去而已318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡis0SNkF3nP
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「不、不行啊！！嗚哇！賀羽！」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5W8FjTHjm5
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我的本性318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNAHgyNgsfJ
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「救命呀！嗚 —— 救我 ——」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkppuZO2CyN
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—— 啪 ——318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAjc7qZJSWf
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「給我閉嘴」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6qSuzbrklo
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「—— 嗚⋯⋯！」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdgglX0FWGa
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我終究只是野獸而已呢318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5t1Uv1efPJ
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「⋯怎麼？！呀⋯？！嗚！停下來！求你了！！」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2hHfZheuML
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「沒用的⋯你自己看呀⋯哈哈⋯⋯」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2KkzgfSCvg
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而作為人形野獸真的該死318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4f8wm5n1BI
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如此痛苦也是活該318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCsYowINa5E
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忘記不能也是318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOLW2KR3xdg
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「我可把晶片挖出來了！」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJc6eIAnDHX
「現在靜靜的認命吧！」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHV8EWRJwy
「張開口！」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7R3Fh5iPX
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「嗚咳啊⋯嗯？！咳 —— 咕唔？！」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJ86atEUkK
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發現了嗎？318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡloAvENjqp5
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「好痛啊！不、不要！！咿嗚哇啊！」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5KwcWJ8Cfy
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這可是我的「正常」呀
自討苦吃的日常
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這道、那道疤痕也是，見證著318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpsTTAh3z7p
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我的「正常」，純粹自欺欺人而已
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「嗚⋯嗚⋯⋯嗚⋯咽⋯⋯」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKzb08jrNb7
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「為什麼⋯⋯」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpfT2dhDnuz
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我所嚮往的318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrEuQL98EIG
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所謂的318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFfpTdNJa5n
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「正常」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgd43gLwPGB
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純粹是個謊言318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwdl6HdUIo
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「嗚⋯嗚⋯⋯」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡak2XucQuTU
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「⋯你要是說出去，我可真的把你殺了」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0tfkymKm8r
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⋯⋯318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaXit1E6voQ
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所以說，我是異類嗎？318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL8Ka1TGlXi
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「⋯⋯再見了」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVlGuh8gEt3
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當然318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGfOgvcL37
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那麼這份「不正常」是自出生而有的嗎？
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「切」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAlAZ5vef7p
「等了這麼久⋯嗯？」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpF5pM2eSpZ
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氣息在小巷傳來，張開眼睛，長髮的，走過了我的狩獵範圍318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaI3AUsivMk
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「嘿⋯」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxgecroVHPe
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自討而已318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrzY6jMSHM8
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正常，從來只是一個藉口
快樂便是生活著而活得有意義
大概吧？
ns18.218.232.140da2
