|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJBrIUtOBV
To: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE70NvcExdN
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHQMQvut79
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolNhStrVCR
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1JX7LB5GDJ
From: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvq2pgoQiu5
To: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡltSGfn7g8w
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtGSE8lxxIc
You’ve got the wrong Eli.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29B810WyGz
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnMDpkrWE6T
aka Eli Martin
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6iaMR1LF2s
From: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsOELYlSghy
To: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkwpyTFujU4
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxe24K9vOv
definitely wrong eli.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjxidaalX7t
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR0RW1zUksK
sincerely,67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRjavJoMmES
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxriFvz6LH8
From: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCDHme5Mir
To: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwhXYhmw06Q
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTDhlzWXBQ6
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZnjxvyMRpV
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtITIw2HkFA
From: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU2hgeagr0X
To: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIWvUoq4W6C
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOMvsDMy06e
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvfmCzTA4ge
From: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ9iOwJI14i
To: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgisx1UzqVT
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZea2o0c9k
is this our meet-cute?67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZhOmGb1hEj
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcadMF2ks9
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsaUFKEIRvT
but i might be a decent one
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuAupmG6VO0
From: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ly0uwqFMI
To: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoYCHGNqraN
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfFg3Pyku88
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV743LrSO0c
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2Tj1VM12h
professional emailer of strangers
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPIWn0OuRM
From: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj9SHqMoRUp
To: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0QQRbFtpVC
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtyR9bzc3YT
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4fkD75xCO0
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWynX1sVq8D
To: [email protected]67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLcd8HG65G
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKbYn8UTlM
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDYUDVYhdD0
