|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.PENANAcY12mm00rt
To: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.PENANA8X9PUW6yK1
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,52Please respect copyright.PENANAbSeRwon0l0
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.52Please respect copyright.PENANAvWRiw71i3q
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
52Please respect copyright.PENANAzeMSzHAIRt
From: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.PENANAHE3najAjQL
To: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.PENANAxpahnWupqu
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,52Please respect copyright.PENANAuh6VB5veUH
You’ve got the wrong Eli.52Please respect copyright.PENANAwTwXnZ6Jrc
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli52Please respect copyright.PENANA4qbzUN4ulU
aka Eli Martin
52Please respect copyright.PENANAI04D18dXJf
From: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.PENANAHsWNswhz9r
To: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.PENANANZ1QkPQsB9
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.52Please respect copyright.PENANAnbfMAEKJ2y
definitely wrong eli.52Please respect copyright.PENANAlGQt9dqfC7
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.52Please respect copyright.PENANAx8KdRpXRRh
sincerely,52Please respect copyright.PENANAz3HZgWZdK9
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
52Please respect copyright.PENANAOG0zFfCbp6
From: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.PENANA3mZknCTYUE
To: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.PENANAluAGH7fHnJ
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.52Please respect copyright.PENANAcmP1ld8xUh
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”52Please respect copyright.PENANA4f0Mo5hztl
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
52Please respect copyright.PENANAQkFGuw79EU
From: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.PENANAUm6UmERtvd
To: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.PENANAqTFPUniVv5
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.52Please respect copyright.PENANA7Z6MisYsft
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
52Please respect copyright.PENANAkOANJqG5cB
From: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.PENANAZ5CyUxA7qB
To: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.PENANAN4vbomcto2
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,52Please respect copyright.PENANAsO2Kk8FJ5P
is this our meet-cute?52Please respect copyright.PENANAybZB6fP2qs
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.52Please respect copyright.PENANAjwYPFmALsl
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli52Please respect copyright.PENANArQrWepdi2t
but i might be a decent one
52Please respect copyright.PENANAkDdm2gywvh
From: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.PENANAs986l9dAfy
To: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.PENANAiDajgLdYuC
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.52Please respect copyright.PENANA0vSUygJrNe
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)52Please respect copyright.PENANAK138S7xO4O
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya52Please respect copyright.PENANAn54zERGnVC
professional emailer of strangers
52Please respect copyright.PENANAiOC6l9niiH
From: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.PENANAYzYwX0kN7I
To: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.PENANABput7Dpb7S
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.52Please respect copyright.PENANAlemMZkm86D
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.52Please respect copyright.PENANAyaCJRKYNOi
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.PENANAFBNFjf4fNl
To: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.PENANAQJJ02ZBt3m
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya52Please respect copyright.PENANAlKxQ09nF7U
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.52Please respect copyright.PENANALfFOXlVdDM