|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.PENANADnBJlHt1b1
To: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.PENANAQU3OLU5XBY
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,39Please respect copyright.PENANA5ezROknEF8
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.39Please respect copyright.PENANA42dOkVgOKX
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
39Please respect copyright.PENANAsGn5Iyot0g
From: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.PENANAba2vaYQH82
To: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.PENANAcFmwmI8eaw
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,39Please respect copyright.PENANAlvZvqX9gvf
You’ve got the wrong Eli.39Please respect copyright.PENANAIuoWCIfGkm
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli39Please respect copyright.PENANApOjO4NpVA2
aka Eli Martin
39Please respect copyright.PENANA8DJy8qPD9M
From: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.PENANAFOT8juZtIG
To: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.PENANAWYrhgRtq0w
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.39Please respect copyright.PENANAUMQLlioCia
definitely wrong eli.39Please respect copyright.PENANABBioCQoO5Y
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.39Please respect copyright.PENANAHG4o2NYHkb
sincerely,39Please respect copyright.PENANAubl1geQ4SK
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
39Please respect copyright.PENANAV9nVpdEedQ
From: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.PENANAzgCuCTtZ5p
To: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.PENANAjsakwmbvMP
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.39Please respect copyright.PENANA48qEGZYDeZ
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”39Please respect copyright.PENANAG5rJpWYbca
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
39Please respect copyright.PENANAuH9rMfmK8N
From: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.PENANA0KHSlLIZnD
To: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.PENANA0BlsKg7Elh
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.39Please respect copyright.PENANAqzXc9E2tbp
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
39Please respect copyright.PENANAgBrJmemRU1
From: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.PENANAJdHPsPVjXR
To: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.PENANAEc4vbTjMVD
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,39Please respect copyright.PENANAQ3tKKOWgcc
is this our meet-cute?39Please respect copyright.PENANAQMzOYM11Hn
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.39Please respect copyright.PENANA9uvRlaZpMV
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli39Please respect copyright.PENANAJIbrOOHtvz
but i might be a decent one
39Please respect copyright.PENANA2mbKKhrQtn
From: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.PENANAK5shgwxtWX
To: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.PENANA2lF78zI0lJ
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.39Please respect copyright.PENANACRFWfq2YyL
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)39Please respect copyright.PENANAPJ810qssrm
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya39Please respect copyright.PENANA62zXhDn4mv
professional emailer of strangers
39Please respect copyright.PENANAIb9g2aUTib
From: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.PENANAtoPRXH9HRn
To: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.PENANAm1A4QHPoXk
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.39Please respect copyright.PENANAwL1RDyXwAX
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.39Please respect copyright.PENANAN6DxrKjkjd
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.PENANAYQ0YTYFlJG
To: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.PENANAsCYoZUu4Pp
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya39Please respect copyright.PENANA7gzX1gamyc
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.39Please respect copyright.PENANA4qAeOrCZcG