|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcY12mm00rt
To: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8X9PUW6yK1
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbSeRwon0l0
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvWRiw71i3q
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzeMSzHAIRt
From: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHE3najAjQL
To: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpahnWupqu
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuh6VB5veUH
You’ve got the wrong Eli.52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwTwXnZ6Jrc
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4qbzUN4ulU
aka Eli Martin
52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI04D18dXJf
From: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsWNswhz9r
To: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNZ1QkPQsB9
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnbfMAEKJ2y
definitely wrong eli.52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlGQt9dqfC7
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8KdRpXRRh
sincerely,52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz3HZgWZdK9
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOG0zFfCbp6
From: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3mZknCTYUE
To: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡluAGH7fHnJ
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmP1ld8xUh
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4f0Mo5hztl
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkFGuw79EU
From: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUm6UmERtvd
To: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqTFPUniVv5
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Z6MisYsft
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkOANJqG5cB
From: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ5CyUxA7qB
To: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4vbomcto2
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsO2Kk8FJ5P
is this our meet-cute?52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡybZB6fP2qs
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwYPFmALsl
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQrWepdi2t
but i might be a decent one
52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDdm2gywvh
From: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs986l9dAfy
To: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDajgLdYuC
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0vSUygJrNe
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK138S7xO4O
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn54zERGnVC
professional emailer of strangers
52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOC6l9niiH
From: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzYwX0kN7I
To: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBput7Dpb7S
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlemMZkm86D
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyaCJRKYNOi
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBNFjf4fNl
To: [email protected]52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJJ02ZBt3m
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKxQ09nF7U
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.52Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfFOXlVdDM
