|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj99pryP8Yp
To: [email protected]119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcDtUeMR9R5
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSeNMHOuSv1
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVIp8SC8djc
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rr09bdpUr
From: [email protected]119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvyeEFGQdjR
To: [email protected]119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIM7sZypF2s
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6s0BWuVxl
You’ve got the wrong Eli.119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdzDmw74c4A
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡstmBFlpDY4
aka Eli Martin
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpuxx6BdT5L
From: [email protected]119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKf7Z7JFgq
To: [email protected]119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡemyiAe7upw
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22OUpHNoGj
definitely wrong eli.119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡir8TLRWDIJ
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhEtVpyWXoC
sincerely,119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt0yz8QrIFp
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwoBkI6jRV7
From: [email protected]119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBAq9s1lDOu
To: [email protected]119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeaNIBbBSju
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGdNbpwJvw
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPe2dxO7JUs
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8RXvsk20WV
From: [email protected]119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbwsbcbZxZv
To: [email protected]119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzrUI9jJyJY
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKiE5vMkjm
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qTf8mLgur
From: [email protected]119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2Hv1Z0KSX
To: [email protected]119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdAR4DlO8yj
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡarhLKy9XKP
is this our meet-cute?119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGSENbqu5rW
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEkevmC7J7G
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6DZdEmr6R5
but i might be a decent one
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUZZz7wrFY
From: [email protected]119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TJCXwtG4c
To: [email protected]119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYfJUbvtYI
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI66AqFSRnF
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJSD7vv4UOI
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGJPvZAorb
professional emailer of strangers
119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBDpiPhuHTx
From: [email protected]119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUMN1VQh8V
To: [email protected]119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4nq73uVLgy
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNnTEj45Gbf
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzILdMpw9yK
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvTWjSIo24
To: [email protected]119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMgZkX9gYFS
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUm9O52EG6
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.119Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU97VqHZKdh
