|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDnBJlHt1b1
To: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQU3OLU5XBY
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ezROknEF8
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42dOkVgOKX
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsGn5Iyot0g
From: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡba2vaYQH82
To: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcFmwmI8eaw
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvZvqX9gvf
You’ve got the wrong Eli.39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIuoWCIfGkm
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpOjO4NpVA2
aka Eli Martin
39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DJy8qPD9M
From: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFOT8juZtIG
To: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYrhgRtq0w
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMQLlioCia
definitely wrong eli.39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBioCQoO5Y
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHG4o2NYHkb
sincerely,39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubl1geQ4SK
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9nVpdEedQ
From: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgCuCTtZ5p
To: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsakwmbvMP
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ48qEGZYDeZ
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5rJpWYbca
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuH9rMfmK8N
From: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0KHSlLIZnD
To: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0BlsKg7Elh
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqzXc9E2tbp
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgBrJmemRU1
From: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJdHPsPVjXR
To: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEc4vbTjMVD
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ3tKKOWgcc
is this our meet-cute?39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMzOYM11Hn
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9uvRlaZpMV
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJIbrOOHtvz
but i might be a decent one
39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2mbKKhrQtn
From: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK5shgwxtWX
To: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2lF78zI0lJ
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCRFWfq2YyL
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJ810qssrm
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ62zXhDn4mv
professional emailer of strangers
39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIb9g2aUTib
From: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtoPRXH9HRn
To: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm1A4QHPoXk
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwL1RDyXwAX
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN6DxrKjkjd
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQ0YTYFlJG
To: [email protected]39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsCYoZUu4Pp
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7gzX1gamyc
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.39Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4qAeOrCZcG
