|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAbooyngL1x3
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAnyVD8MxC12
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,43Please respect copyright.PENANA3r8ELT12rp
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.43Please respect copyright.PENANADYeJZOuOyl
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
43Please respect copyright.PENANAvIaFpfUKyo
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAmqxQ4WwHwX
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAbdnyvpKZGx
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,43Please respect copyright.PENANAFkfpG64HbB
You’ve got the wrong Eli.43Please respect copyright.PENANAsmLQw2j0eB
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli43Please respect copyright.PENANA9ekEOv1u7X
aka Eli Martin
43Please respect copyright.PENANAPfAilBxoa0
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAPyKROQojA5
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANA5K65GRaAKl
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.43Please respect copyright.PENANA8DVGA4qDyH
definitely wrong eli.43Please respect copyright.PENANAkCS35rvsYA
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.43Please respect copyright.PENANAuSGiI8opkB
sincerely,43Please respect copyright.PENANAXJzZfGGFN6
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
43Please respect copyright.PENANAQGlAKoxotS
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAvM0M8QYNnY
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAJjzhbToj0y
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.43Please respect copyright.PENANAbSX8xpvcuK
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”43Please respect copyright.PENANAjtACjDZryu
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
43Please respect copyright.PENANAVMSEkE6cQe
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANA5KhI5IuMSP
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAw71owHiXlb
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.43Please respect copyright.PENANAAgAL7OOeUi
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
43Please respect copyright.PENANA6RsZAvFkGK
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAqWRB2hgoH2
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAwlNdm9d0Ju
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,43Please respect copyright.PENANAvf3t465Bbt
is this our meet-cute?43Please respect copyright.PENANA3twpCGXXzu
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.43Please respect copyright.PENANAGzH0gLwPVT
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli43Please respect copyright.PENANAVpUXqNsr4E
but i might be a decent one
43Please respect copyright.PENANAgFSejZz0nB
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANANzk1iCJWgS
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANA3qcjC2RBMK
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.43Please respect copyright.PENANAPknLInlizv
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)43Please respect copyright.PENANAoNvCUJ0ZbR
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya43Please respect copyright.PENANA9NQmOHpkPT
professional emailer of strangers
43Please respect copyright.PENANACkKOPK6NiY
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAqDPZtpdyFk
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAQE4zBxBWg3
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.43Please respect copyright.PENANA0ia4q5gD5s
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.43Please respect copyright.PENANAgduKwlNZLI
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANAi1Ixv6R0Lw
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.PENANArSXLr8JFIz
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya43Please respect copyright.PENANAt8B6gtsU0u
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.43Please respect copyright.PENANAVAfdwl4Ud2