|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbooyngL1x3
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnyVD8MxC12
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3r8ELT12rp
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDYeJZOuOyl
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvIaFpfUKyo
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmqxQ4WwHwX
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdnyvpKZGx
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFkfpG64HbB
You’ve got the wrong Eli.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsmLQw2j0eB
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ekEOv1u7X
aka Eli Martin
43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfAilBxoa0
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPyKROQojA5
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5K65GRaAKl
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DVGA4qDyH
definitely wrong eli.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkCS35rvsYA
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuSGiI8opkB
sincerely,43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJzZfGGFN6
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQGlAKoxotS
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvM0M8QYNnY
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJjzhbToj0y
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbSX8xpvcuK
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjtACjDZryu
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMSEkE6cQe
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5KhI5IuMSP
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw71owHiXlb
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAgAL7OOeUi
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RsZAvFkGK
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqWRB2hgoH2
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwlNdm9d0Ju
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvf3t465Bbt
is this our meet-cute?43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3twpCGXXzu
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzH0gLwPVT
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVpUXqNsr4E
but i might be a decent one
43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgFSejZz0nB
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNzk1iCJWgS
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3qcjC2RBMK
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPknLInlizv
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoNvCUJ0ZbR
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9NQmOHpkPT
professional emailer of strangers
43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkKOPK6NiY
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqDPZtpdyFk
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQE4zBxBWg3
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ia4q5gD5s
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgduKwlNZLI
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi1Ixv6R0Lw
To: [email protected]43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSXLr8JFIz
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8B6gtsU0u
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.43Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVAfdwl4Ud2
