|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTbhBFDjoJ
To: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzHnK3bvj6J
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYimQYUR3M8
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3TBiJHHbkq
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡggrGKmYKrX
From: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8EthWbsXE9
To: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd3LscmLqZH
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8buUvqCPY
You’ve got the wrong Eli.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQJVSO6DXT
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekTw4N2FrR
aka Eli Martin
27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3I2aBub2sL
From: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdCucJOim97
To: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHkIVH5p3Zp
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYGM8MsA9VK
definitely wrong eli.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXyG6iW3jbE
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWzSPFaA0sg
sincerely,27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqONcv6MhQr
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2NNWpnOnE0
From: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUAyLfRnwQF
To: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnaUJlmorCn
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCokNhPDJSw
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBrHepZm1mS
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuzhrBn1fQX
From: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZTi0j20Jq
To: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYZEvHV0F1O
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUoDDJKAdgJ
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBMlOOHMmhO
From: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1bomf8QsxE
To: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNOOMgnaG8
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZClsABmIya
is this our meet-cute?27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxmnO2P9s7R
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSmecrsyfLc
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9R5gxYS6vG
but i might be a decent one
27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡanmnonAhNw
From: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRqoIgKBdoD
To: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5OxyBdIuSB
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd51UfBzfoI
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQw4BjYCFsP
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYB3cqFP9fJ
professional emailer of strangers
27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbD7Fleo4Iw
From: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQYsRvgiEn
To: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSeiyHhvnXc
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2wdYU3AUs
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGfMY7Z216w
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIUk3hrJjJ
To: [email protected]27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKkG3oonuUW
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoNFBS4fg9O
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.27Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIuqNXAe67
