|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkShcjHlFOT
To: [email protected]10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSRZbRfx0sQ
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUZTnQ0pzDT
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHcIAO1zSPS
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIWg1jzKnh
From: [email protected]10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0TsvgiqJuP
To: [email protected]10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw4RuI8PUhG
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJ1F7dbsK0
You’ve got the wrong Eli.10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgnCs4OPdkb
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiu9P3sOUTQ
aka Eli Martin
10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSVhoRydURH
From: [email protected]10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQmyWVAh5k
To: [email protected]10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMe3vVL652
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmp1AAqJCPR
definitely wrong eli.10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDNOE4fZ5qc
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDoMNAFc03w
sincerely,10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLyqaOLDM4
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJuMLGr3UdL
From: [email protected]10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZvxzHF1i1e
To: [email protected]10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcIFULg0X7n
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9j44edc8v0
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2iyDf4duYN
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT4Ifvw0TIB
From: [email protected]10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDyFxIMtHn
To: [email protected]10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7XtwW5sNW
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHS8YN7Bifk
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrxzm7Wa6rC
From: [email protected]10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwLnUsh815u
To: [email protected]10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzuW45utCfT
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1R7NVdsv1
is this our meet-cute?10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXb7PN5qV0Z
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmZtjdwCO6
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPeUPvp74ee
but i might be a decent one
10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx115rS5JUL
From: [email protected]10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEU2HvWNfI0
To: [email protected]10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGM8qE9P5hH
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh2U1SVryRf
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVypEZQIRbO
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcL3y7ReWiJ
professional emailer of strangers
10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjAQEcmAilU
From: [email protected]10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbENSNRQ2gA
To: [email protected]10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3bUZyRFHW
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9RhPN6Yyb
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFL0Jc6Anwu
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4JRcrnGor
To: [email protected]10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNNG4r4guF
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhrbnSDOZl8
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.10Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDcBmZg9NT
