|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaTsnk4ml0m
To: [email protected]112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3uobSyPpDV
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡorCGFVRD1a
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVEAKrgXDlP
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWP9IkVneZ
From: [email protected]112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkTKZh2mBQk
To: [email protected]112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfB9KikSRap
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzANZCmMKJg
You’ve got the wrong Eli.112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLa4iXkXfSQ
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUNa27uBZFX
aka Eli Martin
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCq5NI3AleQ
From: [email protected]112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsGZSLyiJCs
To: [email protected]112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBEqusH8z3
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9LvWGTzHJo
definitely wrong eli.112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUFb7G9jZbM
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhVwzY5G1BK
sincerely,112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxzdS7Zt4Iv
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOalp3LB35
From: [email protected]112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrqkIPvmOZm
To: [email protected]112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zG7enF1Ro
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ18ufMPuddG
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrkJFHjgjsq
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcErnF33B01
From: [email protected]112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPPj2HgDNW
To: [email protected]112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3VH61bIry
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMY7SIQ0GOG
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdJ9rZ4AHg
From: [email protected]112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD3F3xexI6H
To: [email protected]112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8FaSy2JDrQ
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡosPsbfqu2v
is this our meet-cute?112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVISLrQSx2K
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ31hjgrr88H
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaKFGvMmh7S
but i might be a decent one
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8jCGPLPWe
From: [email protected]112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgYerOFDtm
To: [email protected]112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIj2vbV14lA
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtgDmp3fBw
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP33ImMfm9i
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWXM5sswVlV
professional emailer of strangers
112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWlb4krByG
From: [email protected]112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡryhy8XU8Hf
To: [email protected]112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29pDStJORC
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlMW0O5F4t
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdtdfC1UMP
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNaTwoexClq
To: [email protected]112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsDE1hJRLoR
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1KbvPC8kN
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.112Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsfCaVYpxO1
